Currently Listening To: Chicago (acoustic version) by Sufjan Stevens

Anyway. Let's prove that I really do know a heckuvalot of people that you don't! Yes indeed!

I'm homeschooled. I hope you understand that when I'm on at both 7 in the morning and 2 in the . . . morning.

I'm mysteriously on here a lot in the morning, and I don't know why, since I am an insane uber-night owl. Mornings are part of the Curse That Is Upon This World. Mornings, war, hunger, death, stupidity, misunderstanding, reality TV, the New World Order, those are all part of the Curse That Is Upon This World.

Why is there a Curse? Because otherwise the world will be too wonderful and beautiful, and Satan doesn't want the world to be amazing. Which is why he made the New World Order. Curse thee Satan.

Yeah, I'm homeschooled, which means that instead of having "no friends" (I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!!!), I have an incredibly large number of eccentric and strange people with whom I congregate and confide. The fact that most of these people are from my church and from theater means quite a bit with this. And the fact that my brother and sister are my best friends because they are. One of the reasons why I love and dig being homeschooled is because if I weren't, I wouldn't've been as close to my siblings as I am. If I didn't have my brother and sister, who else would I have to kick out of my room?

Most of my closest friends are from my theater troupe. I'm one of the more regular and somewhat more talented regulars at my local children's theater, and even though I got into it a bit later than many of the people did (I've just been here for a bit over a year), I managed to become one of the more elite people there, pretty much because I happen to be one of the better people in crew, and everyone knows that the techies are always superior.

So within their main plays, they have a group of homeschooled actors who get together every Tuesday (though we're changing to Thursday next semester) and reherse a god-awful play to preform eight hundred million times in front of rabid elementry school children in gymnasiums designed to absorb and destroy all sound, thus giving us all the lungs of demons.

The theater goes from about 6 to 18 years old, so you get the very amusing combonation of hyperactive children and sullen teenagers. And most of the best sullen teenagers (of which I am a member of) happen to be in this troupe.

The troupe is called the A.C.T.O.R.S, which as you can see is not an acronym that arose naturally.

And with that information you can probably stalk me, since they do have a website. I'm not telling you what it stands for, since it has the name of the theater in it and the theater has a website and you can find me and kill me there, since it's in a fairly shady side of town. (Cheap/free rent.) And we are the best. EVER.

As I said, we meet every Tuesday at the rehersal space on the shady side of town to reherse a horribly written play that gets worse and worse every semester. The first play we did was "Tales Of Hans Christian Anderson", and that was actually a well writen play, but since it was new, we didn't know any better. It was the one where my sister found her Dream Role (even though she wasn't as good as she is now), where I got to scream a lot, and where my brother got to wear a dress, and where the Ugly Duckling continued to be incredibly dubious. It was fun, but we didn't have our grant then, so we didn't have as many preformances.

Come the grant. Come the insanity. They had us write our own plays.

Now, I'm a pretty good playwright, and I have written some incredibly swell plays. However, I had to work with a GROUP. And in this group of people was someone who was even more anal than I am. And when I came in they had a plot already. A plot that was of the kind that I would rather not work with. And this anal person and I fought fairly constantly.

Obviously when push came to shove I had to write the entire thing myself anyway, and she left the troupe for some reason that I cannot for the life of me recall. Ah well.

So yeah. That was the worst thing that I had ever written and shown to people, and one of my major motivations for becoming a published/preformed writer is to show off my good stuff to the world to make up for all the hundreds and hundreds of small children who saw the worst thing I ever made. AUGH.

At least one of the other ones had me wearing something incredibly frilly and burning things down, and had me being thrown to the rats for disliking gaspacho. I denied all relation to that play. We just do what needs to be done.

Unfortunately, last semester's play made my own look like Shakespeare. Let's see here.

AESOP'S FAVORITE FABLES!

These are actual lines from the script. BY GOD.

Aesop was a slave you know!

A long long long long time ago!

He told stories that were fun!

Stories all for everyone!

We brought stories here for you!

To cheer your day if you are blue!

Stories Aesop told and then!

Someone wrote them with a pen!

In this book the stories are! [There was no book. After the debacle of the destroyed dictionary last year.]

But it's too big to carry far!

Instead of reading you can look!

We'll act the stories in this book!

So sit and listen laugh and cheer!

To the actors that are here!

Fun and games and turning tables!

All in Aesops Favorite Fables!

Three work hard all summer long!

One plays and thinks that work is wrong!

You'll soon find out which one is proper!

In the Ants and the Grasshopper!

"Ah! That's a big one!" became a rallying cry of the pervert. They just had to do that to us.

Worst one by far was "The Belly And Its Members"

It seems as though one does not work!

He sits and sits just like a twerp!

But Belly and its Members find!

That all do work of their own kind!

BELLY: [Played by our resident semi-Goth D&D nerd with a glare that can MUDER PEOPLE. She obviously despises this role with an incredible passion. She is laughing hysterically in hopes of making this more bearable.] What a wonderful life I have! All I have to do all day is eat eat eat! But don't get the wrong idea though. It's not all sunshine and roses. Sometimes I get heartburn and acid indigestion. But all in all, I have a great job. I LOVE MY LIFE!

MOUTH: [Played by myself. I actually requested this role, since it appealed to my sense of rediculousness, and I get to play it up all gangsta. You'll see why it's so stupid in a moment.] Hand! Hey hand! C'mere!

HAND: [Played by a twelve-ish year old kid who has a bright and wonderful future in b-movies. If he's not the next Bruce Campbell, then the world is missing so much. He's an amazing ham.] HI GUYS!

MOUTH: Would you stop that!

HAND: Awww! [ACTUAL STAGE INSTRUCTIONS: HAND stops waving, but continues to look hand-like]

TOOTH 1: [Played by a rather new member of the troupe who hasn't been as disillusioned as the rest of us have been. This doesn't mean she takes it seriously. By the end of it, no one was. But she was the last to go.] Yeah! We called you this meeting for a reason!

TOOTH 2: [Played by someone who has BETRAYED THE FAMILY and is going to public school next year. She's a great comic actor, but none of her skills were shown in this part.] Yeah. We think that belly isn't doing his share of the work! Just look at him!

MOUTH: Boy, when he sits around, he REALLY sits around. What a slob.

TOOTH 1: I'm sick of this!

HAND: Me too!

MOUTH: Me three!

TOOTH 2: But how are we going to get Belly to do his share of the work?

HAND: I know! We can strike! Form a picket line! Show him who's boss!

TOOTH 1: We can't walk fool.

TOOTH 2: Striking is a good idea though.

MOUTH: But how?

TOOTH 1: I know! If all a Belly does all day is eat, what would he do if there wasn't anything TO eat?

HAND: Yeah, I get it! I won't bring anything up to Mouth to eat!

TOOTH 1 AND 2: We won't chew!

MOUTH: And I won't swallow anything down!

HAND: Okay guys! Let's go! We won't work! It's not fair! Come on Belly do your share! [Rest of group joins in, starts marching around chanting. They get slower and slower and sicker and sicker as it goes on until TOOTH 2 falls out]

TOOTH 1: Whoa I'm getting loose!

MOUTH: Hand! Fooood!

HAND: If I could just reach it . . . [grabs oversized carrot and brings it over to Mouth, who gives it to Teeth to chew, and then gives it to Belly]

BELLY: Ahh, thanks guys!

TOOTH 1: We thought the Belly was a fool!

MOUTH: FOOL!

TOOTH 1: We shoulda been to school!

MOUTH: SCHOOL!

TOOTH 1: He did our body good!

MOUTH: GOOD!

TOOTH 1: By processing our food!

MOUTH: FOOD!

EVERYONE: Go Belly! Go Belly! Go Belly! [continues until everyone gets sick of this farce and leaves stage in disgust for next story]

And now I have inflicted The Belly And Its Members upon the population of BZPower. You know I love you guys just that much.

I have no idea whether or not it's copyrighted. I don't know who wrote it, otherwise I'd be at their house right now with a few choice knives. However it's for REVIEW PURPOSES which is FAIR USE right?

EXACTLY. I don't claim to make money off this kinda shilk! The theater's the one that gets the money, even though we do all the work!

Go Belly! Go Belly! Go Belly!