What a title. But what the heck is this going to be about?

Well, I just want to give you guys a bit of insight into my own personal real life situation. No, I'm not going to give you my address and a list of my RL friends.

I'd like to talk about my current situation, and you'll see where that title came from. It's not as bad as it might sound, though, and if it comes off as if I'm still struggling with any of the below, rest assured that I don't.

You see, I'm still living at home. A recognizable situation for most of you guys, but I'm running behind on schedule, so to speak.

I'm well in my twenties by now, yet here I am, still at home and nowhere near moving out. This is mostly due to my studying career: during my last year of high school, I had no clue what to do afterwards. I had studied Latin-Sciences, so that diploma would do me no good on the job market. The school counselor offered little help, and neither did the teacher coaching our class, who incidentally happened to be my uncle and godfather as well. All they could tell me was what they though I wasn't capable of. Thanks a lot.

So, we all know I like to draw. Most of my course books can testify, even if they're just covered in doodles. So I figured: "Why not attend an art college?" So after school, I went to take a number of practical tests to see whether I could get admission there. As it turned out, they thought me sub par. Looking back on my art back then, I'm not too surprised, but I was still disappointed.

So there I was, the start of the season two months away, and no plans for the future. A hasty decision led me to enroll in the University of Ghent's IT course. They had told me prior to enrolling that the five hours of math a week I'd had were enough as basic knowledge to follow the courses. Boy, were they ever wrong. All kinds of algebra, physics, graph theory... and only two 'practical' computer-related courses: Operating Systems and Programming. The OS professor only told anecdotes during his classes, so we were left to study the course book without any kind of context or explanation. The programming language was Java - I missed one class and suddenly couldn't grasp anything that followed, even after catching up on my own. In addition, though on an unrelated note, my first relationship was severed on December 23rd of that year. The Ramones: Merry Christmas. Segue to Elvis: Lonely this Christmas. How emo. In any case, it didn't help. My highest grade that year: 8/20.

Of course, the low results didn't come as much of a surprise. I knew I'd never be able to finish this course, and my interest in IT had plummeted, whereas the job market's demand had skyrocketed. Once again, looking for a new educational venue. At the time, there was a shortage of teachers, and the government was promoting a job career in the educational system. (They also raised the required retirement age for teachers, and my mother, who used to give classes at a medical college, would've retired the year after.)

Bottom line: Schizo takes up teacher studies. This was possible because the Belgian goverment heavily subsidizes higher education.

Courses I would've been teaching: Dutch, English as a foreign language, and History. I had to do the first year twice. Not because of a lack in knowledge, but because of a lack in teaching skills. My traineeship killed my chances the first time around, so I started youth animation work at the local summer playground organization. New experiences, new friends... It was all for the best, both outside and inside of college.

During my second year (I've been studying for four years at this point), I encounter a breakdown. Upon reviewing my first traineeship lessons of that year, I noticed I wasn't cut out to be a teacher. Or at least, not the kind of teacher I wanted to be, which was someone who could motivate, entertain and inspire teenagers during classes. But I was a big old bore, more focused on course content than any of the above. I couldn't envision myself doing this for the rest of my life, at the cost of youthful minds being blunted.

It was a hard decision to make, both for myself and for my parents, who were suddenly faced with another failure on their son's part. Not to mention that after three attempts, I was very much starting to doubt myself and my options for the future. I ended up getting depressed, and not just about my educational career: old stuff started surfacing again, adding to the whirlpool of negative emotions. With some counseling, I was able to get back on my feet and able to look around again. I discovered another passion of mine: languages. I wanted to translate, and there were two options: another university course, with the main focus on two languages of choice, or college business translating. I ended up choosing for the latter, as it was a Bachelor course, which meant I would only add another three years to my studies instead of four or five, and I could recover some of my credit points from the teacher studies.

Now I find myself close to graduating, finally! I've currently got my Final exams, and I hope they'll go well. I've managed to get through my finals in the first round in the previous two years, both with honorable mention, and I see no reason why this year should be different. I had also been given a job offering at my first traineeship location at the end of '05, so I'll be contacting them soon to see whether the offer still stands. I truly hope so, because I enjoyed working at the translating bureau, and I enjoyed working with the people there.

So what's the snag? If you're happy, why are your emotions supposedly schizophrenic? Don't tell us you're really schizo.

No worries. It's just that at this point, I'm looking back on it all, and I've discovered there still is a bit of regret. I'm at an age where both my older sisters got married after three to four years of living together with their better halves. Looking at my age peers from back in the day, I see people in steady relationships, settled down or planning to, working steady jobs and looking forward to a nice and comfortable life. Security.

None of which I have at the moment. One tends to feel left behind in situations such as these, thinking about how it could've all gone differently, had I started this particular course from the moment I had left high school.

But playing the 'if' game doesn't do me any good. Sure, I regret being this old and having gotten nowhere in life yet. But I've met a lot more people than I would have, had things gone differently. I've formed new bonds, new friendships. I moved from youth animation over the summer to cooking at Scouting camps to joining the Scouting leader team. I've discovered new friends in my home town and beyond, and I enjoy that. I have friends ranging from 17 years old to 30 years old, all in different situations, jobs, studies... I may be behind schedule, but there's no doubt that my life is rich with experiences and encounters.

So far, so good.

Tomorrow's BioLog, on occasion of my 4th BZP anniversary, will deal with my time here at BZPower, which partly intersects with the short 'autobiography' above.

I'll catch you guys on the forums. (And if you're pulling tricks, I will catch you on the forums. )