EDIT: Why didn't any of you tell me I wrote 'mentally' as 'metally'? I knew I wrote something wrong...

NOTE: I hate my keyboards. They miss every other letter whenItype. Including thesace button. If grammar andspellng go wrongin this entry, I'll have to re-readitall when ts done.This statement isn't currently being looed at, bu Im slaming o the keys as we seak.

For those of you that have read my blog, you know the emotion I put into it. The thoughts, the humor, the expericences. I've shared with you how I had a descent life at one point and how it all came crashing down starting in between the hours of 1 and 2 AM of January 2nd, 2007. If you just started reading this because of the title, then thats okay. My life story goes with this entry entirely.

On that night, things were rocky. Dad wasn't home. We just came back from a late night showing of 'Night in the Museum' starring the funny Ben Stiller. In my head, I thought things would eventually fall into place where everything would be alrght in a few days. My dad wouldn't be with that woman, my mom wouldn't be sad, there wouldn't be another Christmas without him.

That night would prove to me that I was wrong.

My father came through the door, full head of steam. My sister parked her car in the position so that he couldn't get in the driveway. Again.

He's had enough.

He goes up the stairs, bangs on my sister's door with his angry fists, ready to unleash a storm. He felt disrepected. He was being kept away from his home. The house that he has worked had to get, worked hard to keep.

My sister had a very good arguement to back up her actions against him. He spent Christmas and New Years with this woman and her two kids. He stayed with her after work. He came back home regularly at midnight since the middle of November. He indirectly dropped us.

My mind set wasn't the best. I thought that God would bring this to rest. That He would show my pastor of a father the wrong of his ways. What was doing, what he was losing. I thought of this as short-term drama. I knew little of long-term drama.

I was about to expericence a crash course lesson on the subjects of "Long-Term Drama" and "Unpleasant Life altering expericences".

This entry covers it all.

That was the day I was kicked off my mental placement of life.

I believe that inside, we all have an idea of our placement in life. What we are used to. Who we are with. When life gives you lemon and all. But when your whole thought process is offically punted off the Empire State Building you orginally were on, you fall faster and faster and hits the ground with a heck of an impact. The things you were used to, gone. The day-by-day rountine, changed. Your eyes have opened. Congrats, life has opened your blinded eyes and you offically know what emotional pain looked like.

Now, think of this. When you tell of your expericence and receive the comment, "Well think of the people that have it worse than you. The homeless, the starving children in Africa, etc.'

Has that made you feel better?

It didn't make me.

'Why not?' you might ask yourself, 'Why does that not help whatsoever in making feel better? The people who have the worse life could give?'

Because thats not the case.

The homeless have found ground. They might have been homeless for years. The starving kids in Africa might have been born into this lifestyle, its been their ground, its been their lives.

You have lost the ground beneath your feet. You have lost what you had. In my case, I have never known the emotion surrounded by a divorce.

Now I do.

You see, its not what we expericenced, but how far down the pit we fell.

'Isn't that the same thing?'

No.

I know this girl. A Model Prep. The kind of girl that has had little to no turmoil in her life to change the way see looks at things. Her parents might have been divorced at her young age, but she didn't have the mind-set to care. Her life has ran smooth so far. Wealthy family, expensive clothes, friends just like her, and laughs and proudly makes fun of everyone 'beneath' her. And enough vodka mixed with orange juice in between. Right now, Tom told me that she is getting drunk at a girl's house who has probably bought half the tequila in Mexico. Probably near a toilet bowl right now vomitting. Maybe she's out cold. Who knows? Her way of having fun. Its her placement.

Now.

What if that same girl were to lose everything she has? She has to move into an apartment complex, be in a school with no one like her (doubt it), lose someone as close to her as a sister/brother? No more wealth. No more close contact to friends. No more ground.

Well, then life would've opened her blinded eyes, and offically knows what emotional pain looks like.

Now many of you know exactly what I mean. Some of you have yet to reach this point in life, like that girl.

Now comes the part where you grow.

Finding ground in such a mess in like trying to find a piece of hay in a stack of needles.

The first step is the step back. Look at everything. Review every single memory. The memories of your time when you were fine, before that dreaded day came. Look at that dreaded day. LOOK AT IT. The emotions, the pain, the sorrow, the agony.

Now let it out.

Cry. Sob. Mourn. Pray.

You shouldn't keep it in. Countless will tell you not to hold in the emotions for good reason. Religious content removed. - Nukora

If you have to cry, sob, mourn, or anything, then do it. Let it all out. Shout to the skys, shout to the world. But never keep anything in.

When you do this, you'll know your placement. Its your rock bottom, and you must rise from it.

Find ground.

~AA