Imagine, if you will, a really big city. That'd be the island system of BZ-Metru. Now imagine a city within that city. Well, a few cities, anyways. In this instance, we're talking about one of the bigger ones. It's big, it's old, and it's beautiful. And I'm not biased, I swear. It's the BBC Empire. And it's mine.

Alright, technically it isn't just mine, but still.

Those that I do share it with, well... There's a few things I could say about 'em. Love 'em all, though. Don't get me wrong. I'd be hard-pressed to come up with a bunch of people I'd rather have with me. And, though in some cases I'm reluctant to admit it, I owe 'em all in one way or another. Then again, the reverse holds true.

Then there are those who sometimes make me wonder as to why I keep them alive, and by 'those', I mean Kex. Personally, he's been trouble since day one. Add that to the fact his 'day one' is earlier than just about all the others, and you've got a fantastic way to sell more migraine meds.

Oh, that's a bit too cruel. He's improved vastly since the days when it was Tok and Redeemer he served alongside. I'm inclined to peg it on the tiara. Ever since I gave him a tiara crafted from nothing less than the infamous Clikits, I've seen progress. Heck, he's even stayed on the List of Heredity for a couple weeks at a time. Remarkable, I must say.

Of course, he never gets to be at the front of the line. That's where Shannara comes in. Well, he doesn't get to be first, either, but he does go one spot in front of wherever his fellow prince is. A very effective strategy; keeps things interesting. Seeing them fight for a position neither will ever have... it passes the time when the contests hit the slow stretch.

Shan's never been nearly as much trouble. He always shows the proper respect, does what's asked of him, has never made a try at the title of Empress of BBC... Which, of course, is why I'm wary of that boy. There's no way he can work with the whole lot of us and not have the same traits (evil, twisted, desire to be Empress). With the rest, it's all obvious to varying degrees. I can tell with some certainty what they're up to. Shan. however... There's no telling with that guy.

Mark my words, it will be his hand I see holding the dagger that does me in one of these days.

And these are just the FAs. I squak, they fall in line behind me. It's mostly just a matter of how hard I have to squak. Sometimes the squaking involves glaive-swinging. Regardless, they eventually make a line like good little minions. Disregarding what I just said in the paragraphs above, they're the harmless ones, at least in relation to the rest of us. No, the ones who could either possibly take me if I'm feeling really sick that day or could devastate me within the span of a cough... those are the dangerous ones.

In terms of the sick-day one... Schizo. Ah, Schizo. His insanity is well-known and well-documented. He rules over Comedies. In terms of the Empire, though, he holds the rank of Viceroy. Except for his Katia personality. She's technically a Princess (and the only one in the Empire), but I've never had the heart to tell the 'default' Schizo about this. As far as he knows, I talked him into wearing the Clikits Immunity Necklace for nostalgic reasons. All those times, yes. I get very nostalgic.

Does he wanna be Empress, too? Not so sure. Katia prolly does, since she's the only one who could technically inherit the title, but Schizo seems to have different plans. I have heard murmurings of 'pirate' and 'king'. I may have heard them spoken together, as if one thing. Even with these rumours of such drastic changes to the Empire (namely, the fact it wouldn't technically be an Empire anymore), he's still at the head of the line. My reasoning lies in the paragraphs above.

And as for the utter devastation... That'd be Ninjo. The only one who outranks me, and the only one I can't strike back against. It is purely disheartening when one's scimitar bounces off harmlessly without leaving so much as a bent fibre, and the recoil-spun fall to the ground is punctuation to the issue. Don't worry, though. He knew I was gonna do it. It's totally cool.

In the scheme of things, he's Emperor, but I'll have you know right now there's nothing to read into that. During times when staffing systems are being changed around and you have a chance to set up a proper Empire with titles and everything, you don't give the second-best title to an FA who just got transferred to BBC. You give it to the guy you've been slogging through the place with for years prior. Also the guy with the powers to just take it anyway. With any luck, they're the same person.

As for any interest he may have in being Empress... Prolly not. I say 'prolly' as I have a reason, however slight, to question this... but that's for another day.

And myself... I'm the Empress. That's all I need to say, really.

So that's the BBC Empire for you. I won't tell you we're a beacon of sanity and normalcy. I can't lie to that pretty little face. I will, however, say that things look better on paper and worse on monitor, so you shouldn't be kept up at night by what I've just told you. We're fine, really. We could be somewhere more damaging to the mind, such as Comedies.

Oh wait.

Now, if you don't mind, there are stories about this mad crew I need to get off my chest once and for all.

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Thought I'd forgotten, possibly? No, I assure you, the project is alive and well. I've been working on this in bits and pieces over the past week or so, actually. Never had the time to bash it all out in one go. Here it is now, though.

Well?