Yeah, the high today was about 97, made it feel like 100, and I had to mow a lawn for 3 hours....

But that's not why I'm here right now. I wish I could tell you that all I was worrying about today was when I'd finish the lawn so I could get into some air conditioning. Instead, allow me to put my thoughts and worries into text to help me and maybe you can help me.

Like Bunda (you should read his blog if you don't), I haven't been my usual optimistic, random, fun self lately. In fact, I even told myself I'm depressed, so I guess that's it. I don't usually feel this way for long.

To start, it goes into me missing my friends from school, because now it's summer and we're going to college. You know about Heather, but I've accepted that staying friends will be alright. Also, I think it goes deeper into my thoughts that I don't want to leave any of my friends. Some friends I won't see for a while, and that makes me sad. Don't say I can just "hang out in groups," because I'm not a group kind of guy and I don't know how to gather my friends to do who-knows-what. I don't exactly go out with a group of friends every Friday night or whatever. Interesting idea though. So I'm sad that I won't see them again for a long time, until the August yearbook signing, and then who-knows-when? Well, some close friends I'll see at some anime cons, (if I get to them, more on that), others maybe not. And I don't want to hear that I'll make new friends in college; I just can't let go of my current friends that easily, that'd be cruel, and it's not like I'll make any close friends the first day of school either. One friend said I should join F******* to keep in touch. Not a bad idea, maybe I'll do that eventually.

Also what's worrying me is a summer job. I filled out some applications one to two months ago to some stores. Barnes and Noble "don't hire for the summer" and REI doesn't want me I guess because they've already contacted those they do want. (I've called the stores and talked with managers.) I also called Borders, but they said they would have called me already, but would look into my application again. (My guess is the test I took online told them I'm an introvert who doesn't like being around people. Not entirely true; I'll do my job and put on a smile from 9-5 if they want me to.) So about two weeks ago I applied to a few other stores I know and don't hate, like Michael's Crafts and ACMoore. Not that I ever shop there, but my mom does so I'm comfortable there. Michael's called and had me go in to take a personality test not unlike Borders', but at least this asked about my views on the workplace as well and I think I came out with honest employee markings. But sheesh, can't they just interview me to see that I'm a great kid who needs money for college? I also applied to Target a few weeks ago; I should call them and see if they want me, because I want to work for them. (Lego discount!) Speaking of Lego, don't suggest I go work at one of the two local Lego stores, the commute wouldn't be good so I didn't try. Plus, I would have had to turn in an application months ago. It'd be fine for a winter job, but not a whole summer. So now I turn to places like Staples and Best Buy. Both say go online to fill out applications. The guy at Office Depot said no, and that most retail places don't do just summer stuff anymore. (OK, so what do the poor college kids to when they get off school? Personally, I need money for books and a laptop, and right now I'll be lucky to be able to afford books.) The Staples website once again has a personality test. Ung. I also heard Panera needed work, so I talked to the manager who told me to go online (ung). But I don't think I want to work there after all, because the position would be from 11-3 every day. I first thought I'd be giving people their food, like what happens at La Madeline (I compare the two), but then I remembered that at my only trip to a Panera they don't do that. But do I want to be preparing sandwiches? I doubt it. La Madeline is out of the question, as I no longer speak French. (Not that it would help if I could, with the little I did know.) I'd love to work at Borders, but that seems moot. I should call Target, that wouldn't be a bad place to work. I also submitted a resume for an internship at the Arlington Catholic Herald, because I know the editor and my mom works on the same floor (for my Diocese), so I had connections. I've even gotten a tour of the newsroom. Then I called him later and he said they didn't want interns this year. Darn.

So my worries are where can I get a job? Why aren't people hiring? What will I do next year??? How can I buy books for college? (By now I'm preparing plans on how I'll write term papers in college, like the computer rooms, or mooching off friend's laptops. My friend might give me his old one if he gets a new one. All I really need is word processing, but it would be really nice to get online, y'know?) I need at least $1500 for books and a laptop, if I get books cheap and a cheap laptop. I know books can get expensive, but Omi said he got his once for under $200, so I'll look around. And I want a good laptop, something I can play music on and surf the web and (finally) play Portal and SW: Battlefront 2 and maybe snag a copy of American McGee's: Alice.

Yeah, there's my problems right now. Keeping (close) friends and getting a decent summer job so I can use the money for stuff I need. And for stuff I don't "need," like some sweet new Lego and my anime cons. At this rate it doesn't look like I'll be getting Takanuva or Bridge Walker Vs. White Lightening, much less The Wizard impulse set. And maybe I won't be able to get to Anime USA in October (in which case I won't see some friends).

*big sigh*

Thanks for reading all of that. Serious replies please? Prayers for my job? Ideas of where I could apply?

-CF

Quote of the Day: On average people fear spiders more than they do death.