I'm not alright

I'm broken inside

Broken inside

And all I go through

Leads me to you

It leads me to you...

I see you have a 5th dove now.

. . .

I won't presume to "know how you feel," but I'm not a complete stranger to loss -- or to sleep deprivation born of the inner struggle to come to terms with life. We all pass through the shadows. Though your situation is private and personal and you alone bear the burden, you are not alone in your condition of suffering! It is part of being human, sometimes even the main part. But that is also a matter of perspective. As soon as you are ready, you will rise again. In the meantime, it may even be therapeutic to let out a few swears. Boy, when I was mad at the universe, I was really mad: I swore at the cosmos for four hours straight, like a mantra. Then it just felt stupid, and it took days afterward for the negativity to clear out. But it's a process. There's ultimately no "wrong" way to go through it -- but some ways can be more constructive, easier, and/or quicker than others. If there's anyone you can possibly talk to who's willing to listen, seize the chance at an opportune moment and just let the words flow. That's my two bits' worth of advice.

Hang in there. The night's always darkest before the dawn.

<o> <o>