Since I'm not feeling well, I won't entertain you with my own thoughts, but will do so by merely posting somebody else's thoughts that I found funny, in which those thoughts have been turned into a sketch and posted on various internet sites and the such after having first aired on television probably half a century ago. Yes, I am talking about Monty Python's Flying Circus. Since most of my favorite sketches have few one-liners that aren't already commonly used around here, I will post a full dialogue of one of my favorite sketches, particularly one I downloaded as an iTunes music file and listen to regularly. It may be confusing, but so is the show in general, so if you are really losing your head over this, why not search the web and find the original footage anyway.

BTW, I made no attempt to bypass the word filter in any way, so anything that comes up just shows that old comedy shows are not suitable for BZP children. (And if nothing shows up, it means that you can still find creative ways of insulting people in your comedies on BZP! I dunno... I have yet to see how badly this is filter when I post it.)

Ah. I'd like to have an argument, please.

Certainly sir. Have you been here before?

No, this is my first time.

I see. Well, do you want to have the full argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?

Well, what would be the cost?

Well, It's one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten.

Well, I think it's probably best if I start with the one and then see how it goes from there, okay?

Fine. I'll see who's free at the moment.

Mr. DeBakey's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory.

Ahh yes, Try Mr. Barnard; room 12.

Thank you.

WHADDAYOU WANT?

Well, Well, I was told outside that...

Don’t give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!

What?

Shut your festering gob, you tit. Your type makes me puke. You vacuous toffee-nosed malodorous pervert.

Yes, but I came here for an argument!!

OH! Oh! I'm sorry! This is abuse!

Oh! Oh I see!

Aha! No, you want room 12A, next door.

Oh...Sorry...

Not at all! Stupid git.

Is this the right room for an argument?

I've told you once.

No you haven't!

Yes I have.

When?

Just now.

No you didn't!

Yes I did!

You didn't!

I did!

You didn't!

I'm telling you, I did!

You did not!

Oh I'm sorry, is this a five minute argument, or the full half hour?

Ah! Just the five minutes.

Just the five minutes. Thank you. Anyway, I did.

You most certainly did not!

Now let's get one thing quite clear: I most definitely told you!

Oh no you didn't!

Oh yes I did!

Oh no you didn't!

Oh yes I did!

Oh no you didn't!

Oh yes I did!

Oh look, this isn't an argument!

Yes it is!

No it isn't! It's just contradiction!

No it isn't!

It IS!

It is NOT!

You just contradicted me!

No I didn't!

You DID!

No no no!

You did just then!

Nonsense!

Oh, this is futile!!

No it isn't!

Yes it is! I came here for a good argument!

AH, no you didn't, you came here for an argument!

An argument isn't just contradiction.

Well! It CAN be!

No it can't! An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.

No it isn't!

Yes it is! It isn't just contradiction.

Look, if I "argue" with you, I must take up a contrary position!

Yes but it isn't just saying 'no it isn't'.

Yes it is!

No it ISN'T! Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says.

It is NOT!

It is!

Not at all!

It is!

Thank you, that's it.

What?

That's it. Good morning.

But I was just getting interested!

I'm sorry, the five minutes is up.

That was never five minutes just now!!

I'm afraid it was.

No it wasn't.....

I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more.

WHAT??

If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.

But that was never five minutes just now! Oh Come on! Oh this is... This is ridiculous!

I told you... I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you PAY!

Oh all right. There you are.

Thank you.

Well...

Well WHAT?

That was never five minutes just now.

I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!

Well I just paid!

No you didn't!

I DID!!!

YOU didn't!

I don't want to argue about it!

Well I'm very sorry but you didn't pay!

Ah hah! Well if I didn't pay, why are you arguing??? AHA! Gotcha!

No you haven't!

Yes I have! If you're arguing, I must have paid.

Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.

I've had enough of this!

No you haven't.

Oh shut up!

I want to complain.

You want to complain! Look at these shoes. I've only had them three weeks and the heels are worn right through.

No, I want to complain about...

If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother.

Oh!

Oh my back hurts, it's not a very fine day and I'm sick and tired of this office.

Hello, I want to... *BANG!* Ooooh!

No, no, no. Hold your head like this, then go Waaah. Try it again.

*BANG!* Uuuwwhh!!

Better, Better, but Waah, Waah! Hold your hands here.

No.

Now..

*BANG!* Waaaaah!!!

Good, Good! That's it.

Stop hitting me!!

What?

Stop hitting me!!

Stop hitting you?

Yes!

What did you come in here for?

I came here to complain.

Oh no, that's next door. It's being-hit-on-the-head lessons in here.

What a stupid concept.

Right. Hold it there.

What?

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Inspector Fox of the Light Entertainment Police, Comedy Division, Special Flying Squad.

Flying Fox of the Yard?

Shut up! *BANG!*

Ooooh?

No, no, no - Waagh!

And you. *BANG!*

Waagh!

He's good! You could learn a thing or two from him. Right now you two me old beauties, you are nicked.

What for?

I'm charging you under Section 21 of the Strange Sketch Act.

The what?

You are hereby charged that you did willfully take part in a strange sketch. That is, a skit, spoof or humorous vignette of an unconventional nature with intent to cause grievous mental confusion to the Great British Public. Evening all.

It's a fair cop.

And you tosh. *BANG!*

WAAAGH!

That's excellent! Right, come on down to the Yard.

Hold it. Hold it. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Inspector Thompson's Gazelle of the Program Planning Police, Light Entertainment Division, Special Flying Squad.

Flying Thompson's Gazelle of the Yard!

Shut up!

*BANG!* Waaaagh!

He's good.

Shut up!

*BANG!* WAAGH!

Rotten. *BANG!* WAAAGH!

Good. Now I'm arresting this entire disc on three counts: one, acts of self-conscious behavior contrary to the "Not in front of the children" Act; two, always saying "It's so and so of the Yard" every time the fuzz arrives and; three, and this is the cruncher, offenses against the "Getting out of sketches without using a proper punch line." Namely, ending every bleedin' sketch by just having a policeman come in and... wait a minute.

Hold it.

It's a fair cop.