Entry posted by Bfahome
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Customer: “Your pumps are a lot slower than they used to be. It never used to take this long to pump $20 of gas.”
Me: “The pump speed hasn’t decreased; it just takes longer to get to $20 now that the price of gas is half what it used to be.”
Customer: “Well, I wish it would go up again so I could fill up faster.”
Me: “All right sir, here’s your meal.”
Customer: “Thanks a lot!”
Me: “Have a nice day.”
Customer: *serious* “Don’t tell me what to do!”
Me: “Thank you for calling **** Realtors, this is ****, how may I help you?”
Customer: “Hi, I’m interested in 734 **** Street. Could you tell me more information about it?”
Me: “You must mean 732 **** Street?”
Customer: “No, 734.”
Me: “Does the house have a sign in the yard that says **** Realtors?”
Customer: “No, but the one next door does. I figured I’d just call you guys since you sell houses.”
Me: “Has it occurred to you that somebody probably lives in 734 **** Street?”
Customer: “Well, yeah, but can’t you just, like…give it to me?”
Me: “You want me to call the family and tell them that they have to leave their house because I’m selling it to you?”
Customer: “Yeah, that would be good. And can I move in by Thursday? I’m all packed.”
(It took a good 15 minutes to explain to him that I couldn’t just sell random peoples’ homes.)
Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”
Caller: “How far are you from Las Vegas?”
Me: “233 miles.”
Caller: “So that’s about what, an hour, hour and a half?”
Me: “Only if you drive about 230 miles an hour.”
(A coworker and I are sitting in a fairly small booth at the gates of the swimming pool. A sign that reads ‘We Do Not Accept $100 Bills’ is placed right under the sign reading ‘No Refunds Due to Inclement Weather.’)
Customer: “No refunds due to inclement weather, eh? What if it’s nice?”
Me: “Yes, sir, very droll.”
Customer: “Alright, it’s for me and my two kids.”
(The customer attempts to pay with a hundred dollar bill for something that amounts to about $5.50.)
Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t accept hundred dollar bills.”
Customer: “But it’s all I have!”
Me: “Well, I’m afraid we can’t accept hundred dollar bills. Do you have any debit or credit cards with you?”
Customer: “No, but I have this hundred!”
Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but we don’t accept hundred dollar bills.”
Customer: “But it’s all I have!”
(This repeats for about seven or eight times before I start varying it up a bit.)
Me: “Bills hundred dollars accept we do not.”
Customer: “But it’s all I have!”
Me: “Dollar bills, hundred accept not we do!”
Customer: “But it’s all I have!”
I'm not the "Me" (fortunately).
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