It is with the saddest heart I pass on the following:

Please join me in remembering a great icon - the veteran Pilsbury spokesman. The Pilsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough; plus, they had a bun in the oven. His elderly father, Pop Tart, also survives him.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects; including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, and The California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, as well as Captain Crunch.

The gravesite was piled high with flours as long-time friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. He rose quickly in show business, yet his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie; wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he was still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes, until done. Truly, a sad day.

...

...I didn't write this, mind you.