Indiana Jones 4 No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
THE FOLLOWING ENTRY AND LIKELY ALL IT'S POSTS ARE GOING TO BE SPOILERS ON INDIANA JONES 4, IF YOU HAVEN' T SEEN IT YET.
Under the bright sunlight, the kids are hooting and hollering like morons... well, they must have been doing it an awful long time as the caravan only breaks off from them once twilight hits... and they're STILL flipping out like kids who just broke out of recess.
Such stamina.
The trucks that JUST broke off from the kids at twilight are now entering a security checkpoint... and it's sunny again.
Magnetic box was SO magnetic that it could suck gunpowder through the air like a cloud towards it, as well as suck up bullet casings from many feet away... but rifles of soldiers were unaffected. Worse yet, they lifted it up onto a truck and it didn't stick to it.
Morning, with a bright morning sun... ...there they are with their headlights on again.
Ridiculous CGI prairie dog just sitting there a handful of feet away from a refrigerator that JUST came slamming down right in front of it.
Why. Why. WHY are there little monkey boys wearing skull masks jumping around a long-forgotten cemetery as it's guardians?
what the I don't even
Why. WHY are the (blatantly CGI) scorpions making a chattering sound? Why are they swarming a person's body?!?
Monkey scene. I just saw the monkey scene. And now, for the first time in my life, my eyes have seen something SO moronic that I'm contemplating suicide.
What do I have to live for? To think back to this moment every day of my life?
... ... ...OH GOD and now the monkeys are fighting the bad guys for the good guys. What... just... what.
Ants. BIG dang ants. Fair enough, for such things do exist. In real life, their bottoms are full of a sugary water that they use I think to grow yeast in the colony to eat. At that point though, they can barely walk. These ones are running.
Fast.
But enough of this. See, just like the skull-masked monkey boys, just like the scorpions, these ants... yes, these ants are chattering too. Oh, and I've decided how I'm going to end it all. I'm going to finish out this movie. When the forensics guys come, they'll look at my computer monitor and have to report that the cause of death was "Indiana Jones 4". If it saves just one life, this won't have been in vain.
Ok... those ants. They like, just picked up a large Russian man. Then carried him away. Into an ant mound that had a human-sized hole on top.
I feel like I've been kicked in the lower regions... except it's my brain.
On a good note, I think I want to live now. I'll be eternally tormented, but I'll be eternally tormented while sitting on a beach in Malibu, being served hard drinks by chicks who can't possibly find me interesting.
That's right. LAWSUIT. With this one clip in hand, I CAN NOT lose.
Still broad daylight, still headlights on for no apparent reason. >__<
Aaaand now so apparently are the headlights and spotlights on the aquacar.
Oh freaking no. More monkey people. And they're breaking out of stone walls, like they were cocooned there awhile, just waiting for people to happen upon a secret cave behind a waterfall. You know, the kind of junk that happens every day of the week.
Beyond that, the usual awfulness was in this movie... every time one finds a treasure, they MUST exit a chamber to find armed soldiers who apprehend them.
There MUST be a villain who gets the power they wanted and can't handle it. There MUST be a villain who tries to snag as much loot as an ancient place is crumbling around them right before they die.
And, of course, the enemies, though armed to the teeth, can NOT hit a target for beans, even at close range... all through the movie.
I'm not sure why I watched this. South Park already gave me the relevant spoilers. I guess I just had to verify their data for myself.
19 Comments
Recommended Comments