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Insight (working Title)


Crimson Jester

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Stand on the abyss, the blackening clouds obsuring the view

Of a million sorrow-drenched faces, their illusions construed

The hollowed worn hands of society, clawing at mind’s outer wall

Through gritted teeth, echoed howls engulfing the skull

 

The simplest design brought not to fruition in the sea of pain

Oh, when will it end?

Rapture is in plain sight

 

There past your empty lies

There beyond the twisted truths

Presented to you in plain view

Look beyond the empty lies

Look through the hollow illusion

To see I’m standing alone

Beyond this nightmare

 

From here remains nothing but death of self

Harrowing screams go unheard, ne’er will you get help

I’m done with all the foolish games, no matter what you say

Watch yourself be broken now, embrace the decay

 

Through the storm of death, spirit adrift

Will you hold on, to the ultimate gift?

Throughout the struggle, wear the grin

Strength, perseverance, we can win

 

(It's still in the works, but I figured I'd show it now. Be sure to post tips/ideas/criticism)

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I really like the a-b-a-b rhyme scheme on some of it, but in others it gets kinda skewy.

 

My suggestion on the middle paragraph, simply for flowing purposes, would be to find a synonym for beyond, because it stands out as slightly repetitive overall.

 

Other than that, I would say that it is very well done and does a very good job of capturing a feeling and mood that is then relayed to the reader.

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