Scene I

(It is a dark, dreary day. The sea toads quietly hum their toady tunes as they scuffle along the rough, barren coast of Iceland. A glorious mountain range runs along the right side of the sea-dwelling amphibians, while the sea occupies the right side.)

Toads, toads, toads, toads,
We prance along the sea coast like the Roman roads
Toads, toads, toads, toads,
We swagger ‘round the water while we wait for the server to load(s)

(As the toads continue to frolic on the icy soil, a sound is suddenly heard. What could this be? Mr. Henkhenblimp, leader of the rogue group of toads, turns. What he sees is a ship approaching from sea! His Adam’s apple drops so quickly that the average American couldn’t open a can of Chef Boyardee in a faster span of time. The leader of the toads realizes that this ship contains the supposed-ferocious tribe of Vikings known as the Flargenshmop! Mr. Henkhenblimp isn’t your ordinary Little Bo Peep, and gathers his hoppy creatures closely and quickly.)

Toad #1: Could it be?

Mr. Henkhenblimp: Yes, fellow friend, it appears after finally finding the Fountain of Endless Toaster Strudels the Flargenshmop have returned.

(Now, time for a little history lesson. Long before Kevin Bacon was born the Flargenshmop tribe had departed their home country of Iceland in hopes of brighter futures. However, there was a myth that drove them in their dangerous quest. The Flargenshmop people were once running very low on their rations of popular breakfast cereals. Seeking help, they consulted The Great Woolly Mammoth. Woolly instructed them that the only way more breakfast items could be obtained is if they rode on the backs of his mammoth counterparts across the Norwegian Sea until they found the Fountain of Endless Toaster Strudels. Woolly did point out that although this would not be cereal, but it would be endless and obviously last forever. Soon after, the Flargenshmop departed on their epic quest, departing with only garbage bags and two microwaves.)

Toad #2: I thought they left for Toaster Strudels!

Toad #1: Surely they didn’t grow tired of the ooey gooeyness only offered by Pilsbury!

Mr. Henkhenblimp: I’m not sure why they have returned…but…(as the ship maneuvers through the shoreline waves, getting closer faster than a submarine after eating twelve sugar packets)…it might be best if we asked them what in the name of over-sized bed bugs they want.

(The ship reaches land, and a single Viking appears on the bow, with a sousaphone pressed against his lips. He expels a breath of air, and a mighty bellow echoes throughout the coast, ricocheting off mountains, toads, and any community swimming pools in sight. Seconds after, a door opens on the side of the ship. Ten Vikings soon charge out of the hull like horses at The Kentucky Derby. Leading them out is their fearless leader, Fulifiluths! Riding his noble mammoth-steed Winkbottom, they cry out their song!)

We are the Viking tribe Flargenshmop
We fear absolutely no one!
Its hard to get a tan
Because there’s hardly any sun!
The Toaster Strudels were quite yummy
Their icing pleased the intestines and tummy!
Don’t hear us wrong the fountain was flowing
But the Pilsbury Doughboy was too annoying!

(Gasps are heard by the tiny amphibian creatures as the Vikings charge right at them, but then freeze in their tracks. Fulifiluths leaps off his steed, and positions himself directly in front of Mr. Henkhenblimp.)

Fulifiluths: Why hello there, my froggy friends! (The toads gasp)

Mr. Henkhenblimp: Fulifiluths, why have you returned? Did the toaster strudels grow bland? Did the batteries to the fountain die? Is this real life?

Fulifiluths: Uh…didn’t you listen to our song, silly eater of bugs? When we showed up, the Pilsbury Doughboy was there, and he was alright at first…but, oh…after a while, it just got too annoying!

Toad #2: What? Please explain, oh wearer of fuzzy tusky hats?

Fulifiluths: You see, he soon got this obsession with a genre of music known as “country”. And as you might have guessed, we Vikings don’t listen to such nonsense! We like music that talks about slaying and mammoths crushing stuff! Tell them more, Fretililiop!

(Fretililiop is Fulifiluths’ right hand man. A tall, husky figure, he quietly moves to the front of the Flargenshmop)

Fretililiop: It was terrible! Me ears have not had so much pain in my life!

Fulifiluths: Exactly. So we have returned to Iceland to ask The Great Wooly Mammoth for advice again! Surely he knows how this epidemic can be stopped!

Viking #1: And so we can enjoy the flaky goodness of toaster strudels again!

Fulifiluths: Precisely. Now, Mr. Toady McToad, please let us pass, for The Great Wooly Mammoth is not far! (points to a glowing beacon on top of Mt. Ficklyfoo, not far from were the very strange looking group of Vikings and toads are gathered) We must receive his advice immediately!

(As the toads disperse to allow the Flargenshmop tribe to pass through, a watchful eye observes the group departing to seek wisdom of The Great Woolly Mammoth. The figure stands on top of a nearby mountain, and he knows that the Flargenshmop are the only foes in his way from achieving… the secret recipe for Perfect Raisin Bran!)

Cue dramatic music…