I've been meaning to do this for awhile, but I keep forgetting. Anyway, this is a very different semester for me, so I thought it was time to update on my life a little bit.

So, for the past four and a half years, I've been a college student living in a college town, away from home, and sometimes not sucking at the whole college experience. Last semester, I even became the head of a House Church on campus with twenty or so members. Being a college student has been one of my defining characteristics. I've had three different majors (hence the more-than-four-years), English, Secondary Education, and most recent, Psychology. I have enjoyed the latter more than the former, but I have learned so much through all of them. College has allowed me to grow and mature and change and become me more than any other time in my life has.

But, the thing is, I kind of suck at college. I did above fantastic in high school, graduating in the top three percent (in a graduating class of 1000), scored a 33 on my ACT (the only time I took it), was in charge of some Christian clubs on campus, etc. I had good grades, and I never had to try. It was awesome.

Not so much in college. I have average or below grades, and I was kicked out of the only club I tried to join. Which is cool, I'm not upset. But the point is, I suck at college.

Anyway, even through sucking at college, and not really knowing what it is I want to do with my life (formally, of course. Informally I know exactly what I want to do: help people.) I have only two semesters left until I finally have a degree.

Or, had only two semesters. Or have. Whatever.

The point is, college is also expensive. And financing this education is not easy. I have survived on loans and grants for these four years, but something different happened this last semester. Due to new restrictions from lenders, because of this economy or whatnot, I found myself turned down for five different student loans. I had no way to pay for last semester, and no way to pay for more semesters.

So, for now, college life is over. I am living at home, working for Target, trying to find a higher-paying job so I can pay off Oklahoma State University before my four years worth of loans come due, so I can re-enroll, and continue to defer until some time in the future when I can receive a degree and find a career and pay for those things. Even though, for me, career means something like 'working in another country educating others'. But still, I need a degree for that.

Living at home during this part of the year is weird, and I'm trying to make Tulsa based friends so I can do more than sit at home or hang out with my best friend Joe all day, every day, outside of work. This is actually not working out too badly, as I've made a few friends, enough to still have a decent social life. But living with your parents stifles a lot of potential hang outs and whatnot that were easily made, even last minute, in college.

It's different. But I'm surviving, and I'm doing so in high spirits. Life is what you make of it, and even though I'm frustrated with my managers, got turned down for a promotion that would have allowed me the salary I need to pay off my immediate debts, and have a social pool with members I can count on one hand, it's not a bad life. There is a time where this would have driven me into a sad and sorry state. But that time is in the past [hopefully]. Hope springs eternal, and I have hope, love, friendship, and my belief in God to get me through it.

But it's still odd. I'm worried that this prolonged departure from college means that like so many other well-intentioned people, might turn into a permanent departure. I don't want to have wasted $50k (actual amount I owe on student loans!)

Anyway. You'll see me around a lot more often, and maybe I'll even have more time to build things.

So here's to a new life experience, and making the best of it. May it be, like all of life, a time of personal growth and maturation. And one of joy and one of love, always.