From SPIRIT's blog:

Alright, BZPower. I know I'm generally not a very serious guy, but there come times when the joking must stop. I come to you about a very serious issue that I believe everyone should be aware of.

 

A bonobo chimpanzee by the name of Kanzi has discovered many troubling things in the past few years. He can use sign language, recognize pictograms, make fire, cook food, make tools, use knives, and even play video games.

 

That's right, ladies and gentlemen. Throw out your zombie plans; the ape-ocalpse is coming! I've seen Planet of the Apes, unless we come up with plans to deal with this coming threat, we'll all be wild savages and zoo exhibits.

 

Now, assuming the apes don't figure out computers or written English, I should be safe posting my own Ape-ocalypse Plan here, but I will have a backup plan just in case. So here's my plan:

 

1) Forget bribing them with bananas. Scientists say that the banana will go extinct in ten years -- it'd be suicide to rely on them!

 

2) Apes are notorious for not being able to throw. The advantage we humans hold over the apes is that while apes are able to swing from tree to tree easier than us, we can throw much better than them. That being the case, we should destroy all our firearms and invest in throwing spears and atlatls. I, myself, will set up a private stockpile in the basement just in case.

 

3) Since apes are tropical creatures, our only hope may be to retreat to the north, where we'll be safe unless they figure out how to use animal pelts for warmth. With my quiver of throwing spears and winter coat, I should be safe. If not, I can still use snowballs as weapons because, once again, apes can't throw.

 

4) Humans have the most stamina for running out of any other creature -- as long as the apes don't figure out how to use our vehicles, I should be safe.

 

5) My eventual plan will be to retreat to a remote ice floe in the Canadian north where I'll be safe to run guerrilla (yes, I realize the irony) attacks on the simian uprising, doing my part to gradually whittle down their numbers so that we can reclaim civilization (as you know, humans breed more often than apes).

 

So what are your Ape-ocalypse Plans? Let me know in the comments or post it in your own blog and give me a link.

 

TOGETHER WE CAN SURVIVE!

They'll only get to take over if we blow ourselves up in WWIII, so right now I'm for species coexistence.

Yeah, discuss my plans here.