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Found 6 results

  1. Wenglestum has taken a long time to think about his response--about seven days honestly--which kind of begs the question of how/when he: went to the bathroom, ate, slept, showered, trained, brushed his teeth, styled his hair, shaved, and a multitude of other things. But pushing aside those logistical nightmares Wenglestum responds to Joker with such a well-crafted passive aggressive attack that if you hadn't been paying attention you almost would have taken it for genuine concern. Joker of course misses the entire thing and responds with "The captain always sounds that way when he talks to me" DRAT. Another passive aggressive zinger foiled by Joker's semi-awareness. It's at this time that Wenglestum (leaving the cockpit now) really starts to realize just how many people are on this ship--and thinking in broader terms, just how many people are in this entire galaxy. I mean, surely nobody would expect him to talk to all of them and want to sift through every element of his conversation like some sort of insane micromanager. WOULD THEY? These thoughts weigh heavily on Wenglestum as he moves closer to the captain's quarters. 1. Will Wenglestum only post questions dealing with Renegade/Paragon options 2. Will Wenglestum post questions dealing with Renegade/Paragon options and anything he thinks is funny or interesting? 3. Will Wenglestum talk to everyone in the entire Galaxy. NO. "Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn" "If at first you don't succeed, blame it on your parents."
  2. Our brave commander Wenglestump Sparklepants Shepard has come across two of his squad mates discussing the presence of a Spectre aboard their super shiny new spaceship. Wenglestum, having not had his coffee that morning and being in no mood to hear the ironically named "Joker" spout off conspiracy theories grouchily snapped "Cut the Chatter" and satisfyingly both Kaidan Alenko and Joker did so--until Joker decided to open his fat mouth again and try to talk to the captain to warn him about the Spectre heading back to talk to him... Only for the captain to respond "He's already here" as in "He's already here you dork, he heard you warn me about him. Way to make our ship look like it's full of super geniuses" Wenglestum has also been commanded to go discuss certain things with both the Spectre and Captain Anderson. Joker wants to make sure Wenglestum heard, but Wenglestum can't resist leaving one final comment 1. Is He Upset? - Wenglestum wants to make sure Joker understands that was a silly comment in the most passive aggressive way possible. 2. I Heard - Wenglestum is boring. So boring. 3. You made him mad - Wenglestum doesn't even bother being subtle. Joker you messed up. Dork. "Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn" "Elvis lives on in our hearts, in his music...and in a trailer park outside of Milwaukee."
  3. Ladies and gentlemen--may I introduce you to.... COMMANDER WENGLESTUMP SPARKLEPANTS SHEPARD (Or Wenglestum for short. Because character limits are no fun) ANYHOW our new found commander is on board the Normandy SR-1, the highest techest piece of space shippery this side of the galaxy. And he hears two PEONS I mean crew members talking about the Spectre aboard their ship. More specifically he hears the navigator talking about how only a fool believes the official story. HOW WILL WENGLESTUM RESPOND: 1. I agree - Agree with the navigator that something doesn't feel right 2. You're overreacting - maintain that cool demeanor that you might be well known for if you are known for that. 3. Cut the Chatter! - SHOW HIM WHO IS BOSS. "Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn" "If you can't say something nice--you're probably at the icescapades."
  4. What a completely unexpected amount of support on this completely silly idea! THANK YOU GUYS AND GALS. Anyhow, now that our Shepard is named (the best possible name) and assigned, it's time to decide what he looks like. I will do this in the simplest possible way: WHAT IS SHEPARD'S RACE: - Asian -Caucasian -African-Canadian (+10 points because my wife wants it) WHAT IS SHEPARD'S COMPLEXION: - Yes Wrinkles - No Wrinkles - Maybe Wrinkles DOES SHEPARD HAVE A SCAR: - Yes - No DOES SHEPARD HAVE SOME PUDGE ON HIS FACE: - LOTS - Maybe a little - He is a skeleton WHAT SIZE ARE SHEPARD'S EARS: - Bigguns - Littleuns - Middlesizeuns WHAT KIND OF EYES DOES SHEPARD HAVE: - Squinty - Popping out - Boring WHAT IS SHEPARD'S OVERALL MOOD: - Happy - Sad - Zoned out - Neutral - Angry WHAT IS SHEPARD'S EYE COLOUR: - Look just tell me a colour because I'm not going to list all of them okay. There's a lot of colours I have to scroll through and I've already been through this character creation screen like eight times. DOES SHEPARD HAVE LUSCIOUS HUSSIE LIPS: - Yes - Yes HOW HUGE IS SHEPARD'S NOSE: - So Huge - Maybe not so huge? DOES SHEPARD HAVE FACIAL HAIR: - Yes - No WHAT COLOUR IS SHEPARD'S HAIR: - Blonde - Reddish - Brownish - Black - Mix'n'match (One for hair colour, one for beard colour) AFTER THIS WE WILL BE DONE WITH LOTS OF CHOICES. ONCE THE GAME STARTS IT IS PRETTY MUCH BINARY. OKAY I LOVE YOU ALL BYE. "Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn" "Brush your teeth after every meal!"
  5. Janus

    Mass Defect 1

    Okay guys, here's the deal. I've been wanting to play Mass Effect again anyhow (especially now that I know that MaleShep is from CAYNADA) but I've been kind of hemming and hawing about it. I mean I already beat ME1 and ME2 using a Femshep and playing a full paragon like I wanted to--but I know there's so much I'm missing. So here's where you come in! I will play Mass Effect (and maybe Mass Effect 2) according to your choices. I will leave each entry up for ONE DAY in which you can vote for the response I should take. The only rules here are: 1. It will be Manshep, I already played Femshep and I love her dearly, I want to try something different. 2. I will not romance Liara. I already did, we had numerous blue children and they are adorable. 3. If there is no clear majority I will decide whatever I want so nyeh. THAT'S IT. So let's start off with the first round of Options: WHAT IS SHEPARD'S NAME: - Commander __________ Shepard WHAT IS SHEPARD'S BACKGROUND: - Spacer Both your parents were in the Alliance Military. Your childhood was spent on ships and stations as they transferred from posting to posting, never staying in one location for more than a few years. Following in your parent's footsteps, you enlisted at the age of eighteen. - Colonist You were born and raised on Mindoir, a small border colony in the Attican Traverse. When you were sixteen, slavers raided Mindoir, slaughtering your family and friends. You were saved by a passing Alliance patrol and you enlisted with the military a few years later. - Earth Born As an Earthborn, you had a rough childhood in the slums on Earth and have a gritty edge to your personality. WHAT IS SHEPHARD'S MILITARY HISTORY: - Sole Survivor During your service, a mission you were on went horribly wrong. Trapped in an extreme survival situation, you had to overcome physical torments and psychological stress that would have broken most people. You survived while those around you fell, and now you alone is left to tell the tale. - War Hero Early in your military career you found yourself facing an overwhelming enemy force. You risked your own life to save your fellow soldiers and defeat the enemy despite the impossible odds. Your bravery and heroism have earned you medals and recognition from the Alliance fleet. - Ruthless Throughout your military career, you have held fast to one basic rule: get the job done. You've been called cold, calculating, and brutal. Your reputation for ruthless efficiency makes your fellow soldiers wary of you. But when failure is not an option, the military always goes to you first. WHAT CLASS WILL SHEPARD BE: - Soldier The Soldier is your pure combat class, they are those who use guns to solveall their problems. They can use all 4 weapons without relative ease, the onlyclass that is able to use Heavy Armour and they have the ability to use FirstAid. This is the best option for first time players because its easy to use,point and shoot. The class of a default Shepard or a quick Shepard. - Engineer The Engineer is like the Soldier, a pure user, but of Tech this time. Theyare the masters of cracking locks and hacking into systems, and also hackingand disabling enemy units. Since the Geth are electronic, you can hack intothem to render them useless. They are going to be a support unit, since thisisn't Battlefield 2 and you don't get a Shotgun. - Adept The Adept is the last pure user, the user of Biotics, or Jedi. With this,you will be able to defend yourself with Barrier, or throw your enemiesto render them useless. However, they will lack the offensive power or thetech power that would be required for an all round unit. - Infiltrator The Infiltrator is a combination of Combat and Tech. They have the offensivehacking powers of the Engineer and the long range and close range stoppingpower of a Soldier. They are a very powerful class, the other being theVanguard. With Combat and Tech, they can easily go through the game withoutneed for a support squad. - Sentinel The Sentinel is the combination of Techs and Biotics. This can be quite usefulbut there lies a problems. You don't have the combat capabilities of bringingdown the enemy. This class is again a support class since you can't take theenemy down. - Vanguard The Pure Jedi class, the Vanguard is one of the most powerful classes, theycan combine Biotics and Combat together. They however, lack the Tech powers totake down locks and that will seriously undermine your support squad. Theycan easily knock down foes, throw them and fire. HOO BOY THAT WAS A LOT OF STUFF BUT WE'RE NOT DONE YET. TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN WE GET TO PICK WHAT SHEPARD LOOKS LIKE! "Wheel of Morality turn, turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn"
  6. INTERRUPT THE IMPOSSIBLE AND PUNCH REASON TO THE CURB PIERCE THE HEAVENS WITH YOUR OMNI BLADE. WHO THE HECK DO YOU THINK I AM? etc. etc. etc. (image from a webcomic that is NSFBZP due to language.)
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