Surel-Nuva

 

On a separate note, does anyone have access to the guide where The Many Deaths of Toa Tuyet was first published? There are many occasions where it feels like some words in that story should be in italics, but the BS01 doesn’t italicize anything, so it would be nice to check from the original source (same applies for The Birth of a Dark Hunter).

 

I guess book 8 is next, then.

The Birth of a Dark Hunter was included in the first edition of the BIONICLE: Encyclopedia

And here's the original post where Greg revealed 'The Many Death of Toa Tuyet': http://web.archive.org/web/20070619073104/http://www.bzpower.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=252575

Okay, first of all: Book 4 has now been updated to address all issues listed by Toatapio Nuva! Fixes have been applied across all versions where necessary. EDIT: forgot to mention this when I made this post: the issues with "1" looking like "I" are entirely due to the font, not typos, so they've been left as-is. The only real possible fix for this would be to change every "1" to be in a different (but similar) font.

 

 

 

 

 

For transitioning between the past and present, what do you think of just putting "Now" whenever there's a transition to the present, and "1,000 years ago..." whenever there's a transition to the past? It's not exactly eloquent, but it's how I've established the time setting of pretty much everything else in the compilation.

Seems fine to me. I don't know if the "1000 years ago" is something we're supposed to know specifically at that point in the story, but I can't remember anything that would make it a problem.

 

Looking back at it, it seems like the references to the Whenua, Onewa, and Nuju waking up in their cell also doesn't fit what happened in the comics, so that needs to be dealt with as well. Which do you think is the better way of fixing those issues: 1) removing/editing all lines referring to them waking up and not having their tools, or 2) add a few words at the beginning of the book chapter where they wake up in their cell, suggesting that they tried to escape again (e.g. "After another attempt at escaping,")?

Agreeing with what you've said before, I would edit the original text as little as possible. I find the waking up in the cell thing less problematic than the tools thing, because they could've easily just spent a night in the cell they were trapped in and then wake up. The important thing there would be to make sure that the Toa don't show surprise at waking up there. You could also replace awakening with a different expression, like "captured in a cell", or "had found themselves in a cell", or something like that. The most minimalistic change I can think of would be to make the mention of "a cell" to "the cell", indicating that the cell is familiar.

Hm. I like your suggestion of changing it to "the cell" (or maybe "their cell"). Actually, if the idea is that they fell asleep in the cell, could their weapons have just been taken while they slept? I could just change "Their Toa tools were missing" to "Their Toa tools were now missing." Thoughts?

 

 

Page 16: “lab worker was doing his best” – This is Ga-Metru, so it probably should be “her” instead of “his”. “His” is used in the original text, and I think it’s just a mistake. It is possible that the lab worker is actually from another metru though, and there’s nothing contradicting that as such, so it’s possible also not to change it. Whatever you decide.

That's why it could be better to use the MNOG2 Matoran names from the Promo CDs.The Toa Metru Nokama Promo CD clearly states that the "instructor" is Amaya, who helps Nokama, the lab worker is Nireta (has a very similar text in the CD, exactly, the book version is just more detailed, but the CDs had some limitations), and the Ga-Matoran who told Nokama about Vhisola's whereabouts is Marka.

 

Another example: according to Nuju's CD, Talvi is the Ko-Matoran/chute station attendant/ who told Nuju which chute did Ehrye take, and Jaa was the scholar who was upset by Ehrye.

Fair points about the names. My main concern with them, though, is that adding all those names will overwhelm the reader with names. For a new reader, Bionicle names may not exactly be easy to keep track of, and the books were written to mostly only present names the reader should remember.

 

And I just noticed a little contradiction in the Book 2 while reading it:

Page 21: In the Wall of History entry, Onewa told Takua that Pohatu, Kopaka, Gali and Onua trying to trap the main Tahnok swarm. (which happens in the "To Trap a Tahnok comic)

Page: 24: Kopaka is on his way to check his other fellow Toa, after they trapped the Tehnok in the canyon (this takes place after the comics, mentioned above), according to his narration.

Page 27: Pohatu helps Hafu in the WoH entry, which takes place after the To Trap a Tahnok comic

Contradiction:

Actually, you put the "To Trap a Tahnok" comic's first page on the page 28, which indicates that the comic follows the events, mentioned above, which is impossible.

The Correct order should be:

1st: WoH: Tahnok Surround Po-Koro, Matoran Lost in the Fray

Hafu hailed as hero

2nd: To Trap a Tahnok comic

3rd: WoH: Tahnok Surround Po-Koro, Matoran Lost in the Fray

Hafu hailed as hero

4th: Kopaka goes to check his other fellow Toa

 

There are another WoH chapter between them, but it could be where it is now. Only these events must be re-ordered to prevent the contradiction.

So, first of all, it's important to note that in the comic, Kopaka freezing the tunnel already happened - Kopaka is long gone when the comic actually occurs. This allows time for time for him to have found that Bohrok nest. I agree it might work slightly better if his chapter came after the comic, but that would create difficulties with the comic scene where he comes to Tahu with information about the nest: There's not an easy way to extract this scene from the rest of the comic, since it has transitions that lead into and out of the other events in the comic.

 

Second, everything with the attack on Po-Koro pretty much lines up with BS01's timeline. There were just multiple waves of Tahnok that attacked Po-Koro: the swarm that's stopped in the comic isn't the exact same Bohrok that were fought in the Wall of History entries.

The BS01's timeline may be incorrect, mainly because it was written how the BOA happened, not how the WoH narration. Turaga Onewa said that in WoH chapter on the Page 21:

“Pohatu, along with Gali and Kopaka, have been defending Po-Wahi against a particularly fierce group of Tahnok

– which is why we had a much smaller swarm to face today. I’m confident that once Pohatu returns, he

will find Hafu and bring him back to us safely.”

Which exactly what happens in the To Trap a Tahnok comic. I check the comic, it could be separated into 2 sections.

 

The Tahnok Trap events could be placed after each other, so the lone page where Kopaka and Tahu met could be separated from the whole Pohatu/Onua/Gali vs Tahnok in Po-Wahi, and moved after Kopaka's chapter. Only the next page has a "yellow box" on the top which could be removed in some way, so it won't be confusing. And maybe the infected/Krana-controlled Lewa chapters before the comic could be moved after this, because the last panel of it feature that Gali didn't know where's Lewa. Maybe, if the reader didn't see him before this panel, could be thinking about what happened him, instead of knowing that he had already been enslaved by the Bohrok.

Allthough the WoH chapter on the Page 27 could be moved after the comics without modifing it any way, if Onewa said in the previous chapter that Pohatu, Kopaka, and Gali had been defending Po-Wahi against the main Tahnok swarm (which happens in the To Trap a Tahnok), and the whole comic is placed between the 2 chapters, it's clear that Pohatu finished his task with the other toa (defeated the Tahnok in the canyon) and used his mask of speed to reach Po-Koro in time (which he did the Bohrok Online Animations)

I see what you're getting at with regarding the WoH entries (I didn't get what you were saying about them before, since you seem to have mistakenly listed the name of one of them twice in your suggested ordering). I still feel that the comic is better left as-is, but I will consider moving the second of those WoH entries to after the comic (since that does seem to line up better).

 

In book 8; should Takanuva blog entry 43 not be moved to page 230? It occurs just a little too early, spoiling the surprise of Makuta taking over Mata Nui's body.

I included it there as foreshadowing, since it doesn't actually say anything specific about what happened, just that something has gone horribly wrong. I feel like this doesn't really spoil anything, since the ending of Destiny War already suggests that victory may be an illusion. I'm open to moving it if other people agree it should be later, though.

First, thanks for the updates! And after all that mess with the WoH entries and comic issues, would you move the 2nd WoH entry about the Tahnok attack after the comics?

 

 

For transitioning between the past and present, what do you think of just putting "Now" whenever there's a transition to the present, and "1,000 years ago..." whenever there's a transition to the past? It's not exactly eloquent, but it's how I've established the time setting of pretty much everything else in the compilation.

Seems fine to me. I don't know if the "1000 years ago" is something we're supposed to know specifically at that point in the story, but I can't remember anything that would make it a problem.

 

Looking back at it, it seems like the references to the Whenua, Onewa, and Nuju waking up in their cell also doesn't fit what happened in the comics, so that needs to be dealt with as well. Which do you think is the better way of fixing those issues: 1) removing/editing all lines referring to them waking up and not having their tools, or 2) add a few words at the beginning of the book chapter where they wake up in their cell, suggesting that they tried to escape again (e.g. "After another attempt at escaping,")?

Agreeing with what you've said before, I would edit the original text as little as possible. I find the waking up in the cell thing less problematic than the tools thing, because they could've easily just spent a night in the cell they were trapped in and then wake up. The important thing there would be to make sure that the Toa don't show surprise at waking up there. You could also replace awakening with a different expression, like "captured in a cell", or "had found themselves in a cell", or something like that. The most minimalistic change I can think of would be to make the mention of "a cell" to "the cell", indicating that the cell is familiar.

 

Hm. I like your suggestion of changing it to "the cell" (or maybe "their cell"). Actually, if the idea is that they fell asleep in the cell, could their weapons have just been taken while they slept? I could just change "Their Toa tools were missing" to "Their Toa tools were now missing." Thoughts?

 

 

Page 16: “lab worker was doing his best” – This is Ga-Metru, so it probably should be “her” instead of “his”. “His” is used in the original text, and I think it’s just a mistake. It is possible that the lab worker is actually from another metru though, and there’s nothing contradicting that as such, so it’s possible also not to change it. Whatever you decide.

 

That's why it could be better to use the MNOG2 Matoran names from the Promo CDs.The Toa Metru Nokama Promo CD clearly states that the "instructor" is Amaya, who helps Nokama, the lab worker is Nireta (has a very similar text in the CD, exactly, the book version is just more detailed,  but the CDs had some limitations), and the Ga-Matoran who told Nokama about Vhisola's whereabouts is Marka. 

 

Another example: according to Nuju's CD, Talvi is the Ko-Matoran/chute station attendant/ who told Nuju which chute did Ehrye take, and Jaa was the scholar who was upset by Ehrye.

 

Fair points about the names. My main concern with them, though, is that adding all those names will overwhelm the reader with names. For a new reader, Bionicle names may not exactly be easy to keep track of, and the books were written to mostly only present names the reader should remember.

 

And I just noticed a little contradiction in the Book 2 while reading it:

Page 21: In the Wall of History entry, Onewa told Takua that Pohatu, Kopaka, Gali and Onua trying to trap the main Tahnok swarm. (which happens in the "To Trap a Tahnok comic)

Page: 24: Kopaka is on his way to check his other fellow Toa, after they trapped the Tehnok in the canyon (this takes place after the comics, mentioned above), according to his narration.

Page 27: Pohatu helps Hafu in the WoH entry, which takes place after the To Trap a Tahnok comic

Contradiction:

Actually, you put the "To Trap a Tahnok" comic's first page on the page 28, which indicates that the comic follows the events, mentioned above, which is impossible.

The Correct order should be:

1st: WoH: Tahnok Surround Po-Koro, Matoran Lost in the Fray

Hafu hailed as hero 

2nd: To Trap a Tahnok comic

3rd: WoH: Tahnok Surround Po-Koro, Matoran Lost in the Fray

Hafu hailed as hero

4th: Kopaka goes to check his other fellow Toa

 

There are another WoH chapter between them, but it could be where it is now. Only these events must be re-ordered to prevent the contradiction.

So, first of all, it's important to note that in the comic, Kopaka freezing the tunnel already happened - Kopaka is long gone when the comic actually occurs. This allows time for time for him to have found that Bohrok nest. I agree it might work slightly better if his chapter came after the comic, but that would create difficulties with the comic scene where he comes to Tahu with information about the nest: There's not an easy way to extract this scene from the rest of the comic, since it has transitions that lead into and out of the other events in the comic.

 

Second, everything with the attack on Po-Koro pretty much lines up with BS01's timeline. There were just multiple waves of Tahnok that attacked Po-Koro: the swarm that's stopped in the comic isn't the exact same Bohrok that were fought in the Wall of History entries.

 

The BS01's timeline may be incorrect, mainly because it was written how the BOA happened, not how the WoH narration. Turaga Onewa said that in WoH chapter on the Page 21: 

“Pohatu, along with Gali and Kopaka, have been defending Po-Wahi against a particularly fierce group of Tahnok

– which is why we had a much smaller swarm to face today. I’m confident that once Pohatu returns, he

will find Hafu and bring him back to us safely.”

Which exactly what happens in the To Trap a Tahnok comic. I check the comic, it could be separated into 2 sections. 

 

Page 16: “lab worker was doing his best” – This is Ga-Metru, so it probably should be “her” instead of “his”. “His” is used in the original text, and I think it’s just a mistake. It is possible that the lab worker is actually from another metru though, and there’s nothing contradicting that as such, so it’s possible also not to change it. Whatever you decide.

That's why it could be better to use the MNOG2 Matoran names from the Promo CDs.The Toa Metru Nokama Promo CD clearly states that the "instructor" is Amaya, who helps Nokama, the lab worker is Nireta (has a very similar text in the CD, exactly, the book version is just more detailed,  but the CDs had some limitations), and the Ga-Matoran who told Nokama about Vhisola's whereabouts is Marka. 

Another example: according to Nuju's CD, Talvi is the Ko-Matoran/chute station attendant/ who told Nuju which chute did Ehrye take, and Jaa was the scholar who was upset by Ehrye.

And I just noticed a little contradiction in the Book 2 while reading it:

Page 21: In the Wall of History entry, Onewa told Takua that Pohatu, Kopaka, Gali and Onua trying to trap the main Tahnok swarm. (which happens in the "To Trap a Tahnok comic)

Page: 24: Kopaka is on his way to check his other fellow Toa, after they trapped the Tehnok in the canyon (this takes place after the comics, mentioned above), according to his narration.

Page 27: Pohatu helps Hafu in the WoH entry, which takes place after the To Trap a Tahnok comic

Contradiction:

Actually, you put the "To Trap a Tahnok" comic's first page on the page 28, which indicates that the comic follows the events, mentioned above, which is impossible.

The Correct order should be:

1st: WoH: Tahnok Surround Po-Koro, Matoran Lost in the Fray

Hafu hailed as hero 

2nd: To Trap a Tahnok comic

3rd: WoH: Tahnok Surround Po-Koro, Matoran Lost in the Fray

Little bit of a trivia: The released MNOG walktrough is wrong for accpording to it, Ga-Koro is the 'st chapter, and Ta-Koro is the 2nd. But according to the original release order, found on the BS01, and the original "released" version (which included the chapters and can be downloaded here, from the official bionicle.com's archived page - I tried it, and it works) Ta-Koro is the first chapter (Takua goes there at first), and Ga-Koro is the second (what Takua visits after talking with Turaga Vakama). And for the walktrough was written by a fan, it can be rearranged/rewritten to mach with the actual story, isn't it?

This is fantasatic,Great Job!

 

Couldn't you include the additional information (like the names of the Matoran who talked with the Toa Metru) from the Toa Metru Mini Promo CDs to the BA1: MoMN' content? That would be nice to see the names of the Matoran there. As long as I'm right the promo CDs' materials are canon (so it was Kiwi sho told Ahkmou that the Dark Hunters were looking for him at the Chute Station... okay,the only non-canon part from Nokama's CD is where she rescuses Vhisola from her "trap," but otherwise the CDs' contents don't contradict with the BA1) 

I meant that the dialogues with these Matoran could be inserted into the book's content via flashbacks, or replacing the book's content to from "matoran" "teacher" etc with the correct names of them. (Amaya, Talvi, Kalama, etc) I've done this for the BS01, it wasn't a problem (only had to mach the book's sentences with the Matoran's sentences from the CDs)

 

Am I the only one who miss the Glatorian Comic 4 from the 2009 story? Where Gelu battles with Skrall and some character mistaken the Ignika as a dead star?

Comic 3, actually. No, I noticed that too, but I forgot to add it to my earlier post. Good thing you pointed it out. It should go between the current chapters 27 and 28.

 

I also noticed that some of the Comic 4 lines are not in the books, such as a full page, where Ackar informs Mata Nui  about the Bone Hunters, and what they want. Okay, in the Bone Hunters attack first, and after appears the Skopio, but that's just a little detail about how the movie's script changed. 

Also, in the Journey's End comics there's a line where Makuta states that the "Bara Magna is mine" which as I remember not in the book. 

Is there a way to find lines from the comics which were left from the books and include them in this collection? That would be nice.

Am I the only one who miss the Glatorian Comic 4 from the 2009 story? Where Gelu battles with Skrall and some character mistaken the Ignika as a dead star? 

This is fantasatic,Great Job!

Couldn't you include the additional information (like the names of the Matoran who talked with the Toa Metru) from the Toa Metru Mini Promo CDs to the BA1: MoMN' content? That would be nice to see the names of the Matoran there. As long as I'm right the promo CDs' materials are canon (so it was Kiwi sho told Ahkmou that the Dark Hunters were looking for him at the Chute Station... okay,the only non-canon part from Nokama's CD is where she rescuses Vhisola from her "trap," but otherwise the CDs' contents don't contradict with the BA1)