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Janus

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  1. Janus

    A Word From The Fascist

    By Janus,

    You wanna call BZP staff fascist, good for you.
     
    You actually want to talk to someone and show that you're above the age of five, feel free to talk to me.
     
    AIM - Janus262
    MSN - Prince_Janus@Hotmail.com [i made it when I was seven, deal with it >= ( ]
     
    Seriously folks, I suggest you stop demeaning the staff on this website until you do their work, we're not fascist, we're not dictators, and we're not mean-spirited. People who abuse their power are banned. Be they staff or otherwise.
     
    Seriously, talk to me about this, show you have a brain.
  2. Janus
    Again I die and break my schedule, I know, I know.
     
    Its been a crazy week, and I'm tired. In fact I should probably save this for the Monday update, but I wanna get it out of the way. Or something like that.
     
    Anyhow.

     

    On the current state of BIONICLE 
    I'm not happy.
     
    Strong words to start off with, I know, but it's true. I'm simply not happy with BIONICLE at this time.
     
    Now, before the accusations begin pouring in that I've grown out of it, or I'm a 2001-2003 fan, or something like that. Allow me to head that off--yes, In a way I've grown out of it, however I still purchase and enjoy the sets, and still read the comics and enjoy some of the media, as for being a 2001-2003 fan? I'll admit it, I love the Toa Olda--and I think the Toa Nuva were the most ugly things ever, I also highly enjoyed 2004 and others. This is not about not being on Mata-Nui, or anything like that. This is simply my opinion on the current state of BIONICLE, and the main problem points I've found.
     
    Problem point #1
    Accessability:
     
    Like many of you, I recall when BIONICLE first came out, and recalling the dissapointment that was Robo-riders and Throwbots/Slizers I warily stayed away--and then that accursed and beloved first comic appeared in mailbox and I was instantly hooked, the powerful story, the mysterious origin, everything was so very fascinating to me--and it continued to be throughout...until the first crash. Mask of Light.
     
    Now, don't misunderstand, I liked the movie well enough, heck, I still have it. My problem laid with the gaps in the comics, "CONTINUED IN MASK OF LIGHT" well, that bugged me, but it was minor enough that I could overlook it.
     
    2004 came with much fanfare, a return to the past and an interesting story of the Turaga we knew and loved as powerful (if somewhat unsure) Toa. It was an interesting story psychologically, going from the powerful and confident Toa Nuva to the unsure and frightened Toa Metru--and then that accursed thing appeared in the comics "CONTINUED IN LEGENDS OF METRU NUI"--or at least as far as I recall, as it was around this time that LEGO central seemingly forgot that I was to be sent comics as well as catalogues. Three catalogues, no comics. Frustrating.
     
    Likewise with 2005, but at least this time they were organized and didn't send me ANYTHING. No catalogues, no comics. 2005 passed without much fanfare from me (minus of course, my own stories) I also managed to snare every toy from this period minus some the Rahaga and the playsets.
     
    Ah, 2006 the return to comics and the return to the Nuva--or not. The Piraka were interesting, as was the new art style, but I couldn't help but feel that I wasn't getting the whole story, everything was being told in fragments, little tiny pieces of a greater whole. Where once I could pick up a comic and be quite up-to-date on the general going-ons in the mysterious world of BIONICLE, they started to become shallow, with little information and lots of fighting. (and this is a trend that's continued in my eyes.)
     
    And so to come to the crux of the issue, I find it wonderful that the BIONICLE books exist, it's a great way to give the story some depth--however now I find that the BOOKS are what contain most of the story, and the comics are really there to showcase all the nice toys you can buy, and show how 'cool' everyone is.
     
    A dissapointment, in my eyes.
     
    Problem Point #2
    Characters:
     
    A sensitive spot for many, I know. It is not that I dislike the characters, no, I quite enjoy many of them. It's more the fact that in my eyes in many ways they've ceased being just that, characters, rather they seem in many ways to be character-types.
     
    One of the reasons I fell so madly in love with the story of BIONICLE was the rich characters woven seamlessly with the story. The Turaga while all wise were also all distinctly different, the Toa while powerful had different opinions on how power should be used, they fought, they lost, they argued and they seemed to live. Around 2005 I began to notice this changing, with the advent of the books much of the life seemed to be leaving from the characters--even in said books (I've read quite a few of them, thank you very much) they simply weren't diverse, weren't interesting. It was as though one archetype was chosen and simply given different colours and slightly different views.
     
    I noticed this more than ever in 2006. Describe the defining characteristics of The Piraka, Vezon, and The Inika. Now describe the characteristics of the Toa Nuva--notice a difference?
     
    It was also around this time that characters truly began to suffer--gone were the brave and diverse Matoran of Mata-Nui, no, upon transforming into Toa it was as though they'd lost their old personalities completely--and still feel this. The Toa Mahri to me seem flat and uninteresting. Now I will admit that I have not read any of the books, but I going back to my first point, I don't think someone should have to read all the books simply to feel like there's a real character, rather than a generic hero.
     
    Problem Point #3
    Structure:
     
    This refers to two things, one, the construction of the sets, while having a definate shakeup in 2007, has been growing more and more generic. Two piece body, plus head, plus limbs. The Toa Mahri and Barraki were a welcome change, but even then the "Warriors" as they're now called, seem like more of the same--not in that they're all the same, as Gadunka is just about the most different thing I've ever seen from BIONICLE ever--but in construction. The pieces seem to be growing ever larger ESPECIALLY in larger sets--now I am not at all advocating for a return to the "Technic" style of the 2001 Rahi, nor the Bahrag. I'm asking for a between-ground.
     
    Back in 2003-2005 I could take any of my larger sets, and using only those pieces create something else, be it a Rahi or a Toa or another figure, I could create something.
     
    So I decided to do the same when I bought Vezon and Fenrakk--and was absolutely shocked that there was little I could do with the pieces, they were simply too large to do anything good looking with.
     
    Now I understand that that MOCers are not the primary market for BIONICLE--heck, we barely fit in at all, but as this is my opinion, I felt I should state it.
     
    The second structure?
     
    Toy/Story
     
    I believe that BIONICLE has a fascinating story, a story in many ways WEIGHED DOWN by the toys. While some of the toys are simply amazing, the fact that we have to constantly 'mutate' or otherwise change previously known Toa or 'create' them from somewhere is frustrating. Now I understand that LEGO is a play company, but I feel that the STORY should be at the forefront--Throwbots and Roboriders were good toys, but were utterly defeated by a lack of story. And now I feel that in many ways BIONICLE is fallling into the same trap, wherein Greg is forced to adapt sets into the story, rather than deciding
    "This is where we feel the story should go, could you create _____?" Which I feel would be a far superior structure.
     
    Problem Point #4
    Technology:
     
    BIONICLE, in my eyes always walked a fine line. Mysterious and fantastical, yet tempered with the obvious technology of the world (I mean, they're bio-mechanical)...yet with the advent of Metru Nui we began to move away from that and technology began to rise to the forefront, gone were the trials of seeking for the mystical Kanohi masks--here you could simply create them as you pleased, this problem has in many ways fluctuated, as we managed to go to a more primitive location on Voya Nui--unfortunately the Piraka and Inika felt that they needed technologically superior weapons in order to combat one another--even in 2007 we see this trait, Toa with high-tech gattling guns?
     
    It seems that in many ways BIONICLE has decided to stop walking that line and has sided unconditionally with Technology.
     
    I will also admit that much of my problems come from the "Kanohi" from 2004 onwards. While the interesting characters distracted me from it, I now find that what I had hoped wasn't true was indeed--gone are the simple and almost tribal mask shapes, masks that look ancient and powerful, now there are complicated and elaborate designs that obviously have a more technological and futuristic bend to them.
     
    For example, compare the Faxon of Hahli Mahri to the KauKau of Gali Olda, the difference is astonishing.
     
    Now while there is much more that I could nitpick, that's not the point of this entry. I still quite enjoy BIONICLE in many ways and am thankful it continues, and am thankful for all the hard work that LEGO puts into making it, these are just my thoughts on its current state.
     
    Finally, as many people will undoubtedly say "If you don't like it, why don't you do better", or even "LEGO is all about making your own stuff" To them I say, I can, I have, and will continue to do so.
     
    If you want to see my take (Which I understand in many ways would be impossible for Greg to do) then you'll get your chance in my upcoming entry. BIONICLE: Judgement
     
    Coming Soon: Ruby Gloom
    BIONICLE: Judgement 2003-2005
  3. Janus

    Signatures

    By Janus,

    Mainly yours.
     
     
    They're very tasty, you know?
     
     
     
    I suggest you follow THE RULES
     
     
     
    Or else I get to eat your sig. <3
     
     
     
    Love,
     
    -Janus
  4. Janus

    Getting To Know You

    By Janus,

    I am Janus, I am ancient, I am ageless, I am omnipotent.
     
    And I do not exist.
     
    I am a shell, a false face that someone masquerades as, I am nothing more than a mask that allows a living flesh and blood human to do his work online. I do not, have not, and will never exist except in his mind, and perhaps in yours as well.
     
    My name is Robert, a quaint name but the one that I am blessed with.
     
    Why am I writing this? Is it ego? An overinflated sense of self?...That may be part of it, but the primary reason is simply to connect.
     
    Each of us on this website lives a parallel life. We both do and do not exist.
     
    One part of us lives a normal life and is known by 'real' people, a flesh and blood human who is a member of our own society. The other however is a mental construct, our own 'persona' that we can wear whenever we want.
     
    However, Janus is not very connectable--not in his current position at least. Janus is simply one of my (Robert's) faces and while I try my best to help, neither I, or that aspect of me, has ever been too terribly outgoing.
     
    Thus this entry, sometimes I think it's a simple matter of remembering this duality that we lead online. Each and every member of this website both does and doesn't exist--but when you are speaking to the digital construct that information is being perceived and filtered through the eyes of the real human who's looking at their monitor.
     
    Each of us, blessed with this duality must also realize that we each have our own fractured view of the world--not to say that it's twisted, simply fractured, incomplete, missing portions. I can only see my own view of the world and not anyone elses--because I am me, I am Robert.
     
    Basically in the end I believe it comes down to this: The moderating staff of this website may at times appear ruthless and oppressive to some members, I will not deny this.
     
    But remember that sometimes members also seem alien and antagonistic to us.
     
    What is the best solution to this?
     
    Remember that our projection is not what we are, I am not Janus, you are not your screen name.
     
    You are you, and I am me.
     
    But together we can become We, and we're far stronger that way.
     
    -Robert
     
     
  6. Janus

    That's Just Your Opinion!

    By Janus,

    There is a scourge across our fair board, a scourge so devious and so malicious that it seems to infect every last member. It's a parasite that seems to grow stronger and stronger as leaps voraciously from one host to another...
     
    What is this deadly parasite? It's called an opinion.
     
    An opinion is a deadly and cruel thing, and anyone with an opinion should be openly mocked and ridiculed, for this is the only cure for such an infectious disease. Only with this cleansing fire can the parasite be killed and those who began to think all sorts of strange things (Such as the fact that they should be able to think what they want!) will be returned to normality.
     
    Should you see anyone with an opinion I implore you to attack them from a safe distance, barrage them insults and demean everything about them you can! Above all, however, do not engage them in intelligent conversation, that is how the virus spreads--and sooner than you think you'll find yourself infected with an opinion as well!
     
     
     
     
    ......For those of you cannot tell, the above is complete and utter sarcasm--but not really so far from what I've seen on the boards. EVERYONE is entitled to their opinion: Be it something you approve of or not, however lately I've seen the word "opinion" thrown around like it's the deadliest of insults.
     
    "That's just your opinion!"
     
    Understand that what you're really saying here is "Shut up and conform. Be just like me"
     
    Well I HAVE an opinion and I encourage all of you who do to stand up for yourself and your opinion.
     
    Oh yeah, and I greatly dislike the '08 sets and storyline.
     
    That's opinion for ya
     
     
  7. Janus

    Mass Defect 1

    By Janus,

    Okay guys, here's the deal. I've been wanting to play Mass Effect again anyhow (especially now that I know that MaleShep is from CAYNADA) but I've been kind of hemming and hawing about it. I mean I already beat ME1 and ME2 using a Femshep and playing a full paragon like I wanted to--but I know there's so much I'm missing.
     
    So here's where you come in!
     
    I will play Mass Effect (and maybe Mass Effect 2) according to your choices. I will leave each entry up for ONE DAY in which you can vote for the response I should take.
     
    The only rules here are:
    1. It will be Manshep, I already played Femshep and I love her dearly, I want to try something different.
    2. I will not romance Liara. I already did, we had numerous blue children and they are adorable.
    3. If there is no clear majority I will decide whatever I want so nyeh.
     
    THAT'S IT. So let's start off with the first round of Options:
     
    WHAT IS SHEPARD'S NAME:
    - Commander __________ Shepard
     
     
    WHAT IS SHEPARD'S BACKGROUND:
    - Spacer
    Both your parents were in the Alliance Military. Your childhood was spent on ships and stations as they transferred from posting to posting, never staying in one location for more than a few years. Following in your parent's footsteps, you enlisted at the age of eighteen.
     
    - Colonist
    You were born and raised on Mindoir, a small border colony in the Attican Traverse. When you were sixteen, slavers raided Mindoir, slaughtering your family and friends. You were saved by a passing Alliance patrol and you enlisted with the military a few years later.
     
    - Earth Born
    As an Earthborn, you had a rough childhood in the slums on Earth and have a gritty edge to your personality.
     
    WHAT IS SHEPHARD'S MILITARY HISTORY:
     
    - Sole Survivor
    During your service, a mission you were on went horribly wrong. Trapped in an extreme survival situation, you had to overcome physical torments and psychological stress that would have broken most people. You survived while those around you fell, and now you alone is left to tell the tale.
     
    - War Hero
    Early in your military career you found yourself facing an overwhelming enemy force. You risked your own life to save your fellow soldiers and defeat the enemy despite the impossible odds. Your bravery and heroism have earned you medals and recognition from the Alliance fleet.
     
    - Ruthless
    Throughout your military career, you have held fast to one basic rule: get the job done. You've been called cold, calculating, and brutal. Your reputation for ruthless efficiency makes your fellow soldiers wary of you. But when failure is not an option, the military always goes to you first.
     
    WHAT CLASS WILL SHEPARD BE:
    - Soldier
    The Soldier is your pure combat class, they are those who use guns to solveall their problems. They can use all 4 weapons without relative ease, the onlyclass that is able to use Heavy Armour and they have the ability to use FirstAid. This is the best option for first time players because its easy to use,point and shoot. The class of a default Shepard or a quick Shepard.
     
    - Engineer
    The Engineer is like the Soldier, a pure user, but of Tech this time. Theyare the masters of cracking locks and hacking into systems, and also hackingand disabling enemy units. Since the Geth are electronic, you can hack intothem to render them useless. They are going to be a support unit, since thisisn't Battlefield 2 and you don't get a Shotgun.
     
    - Adept
    The Adept is the last pure user, the user of Biotics, or Jedi. With this,you will be able to defend yourself with Barrier, or throw your enemiesto render them useless. However, they will lack the offensive power or thetech power that would be required for an all round unit.
     
    - Infiltrator
    The Infiltrator is a combination of Combat and Tech. They have the offensivehacking powers of the Engineer and the long range and close range stoppingpower of a Soldier. They are a very powerful class, the other being theVanguard. With Combat and Tech, they can easily go through the game withoutneed for a support squad.
     
    - Sentinel
    The Sentinel is the combination of Techs and Biotics. This can be quite usefulbut there lies a problems. You don't have the combat capabilities of bringingdown the enemy. This class is again a support class since you can't take theenemy down.
     
    - Vanguard
    The Pure Jedi class, the Vanguard is one of the most powerful classes, theycan combine Biotics and Combat together. They however, lack the Tech powers totake down locks and that will seriously undermine your support squad. Theycan easily knock down foes, throw them and fire.
     
     
    HOO BOY THAT WAS A LOT OF STUFF BUT WE'RE NOT DONE YET.
     
    TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN WE GET TO PICK WHAT SHEPARD LOOKS LIKE!
     
     
     
    "Wheel of Morality turn, turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn"
     
     
     
     
  8. Janus
    Rob: I'ma boot up Mass Effect for the first time ever, but all I'ma do is make a character.
    *Boots up Mass Effect and starts creating Commander Joan Shepard*
    AN HOUR LATER.
    Rob: I am satisfied with this thing I do.
    *Clicks on accept*
    Rob: WHOA GAME STARTS RIGHT AWAY? Kind of a boring cutscene, though.
    *First dialogue option comes up*
    Rob: WHOA THAT WASN'T A CUTSCENE WOW.
    *Answers first two dialogue options, begins walking down the hall of the Normandy*
    Rob: OMG BEST GAME EVAR.
  10. Janus

    Bionicle: Imagine

    By Janus,

    Well I must apologise for lack of living. Once again I was surfing along happily before the eldritch tentacle of real life clamped down and dragged me beneath the surface.
     
    But once again I've managed to escape that hideous unnameable thing, so with luck I will---do stuff?
     
    Really, my presence online is going to be decreasing because real life is consuming my very soul, however I felt it was time to put forth an initiative that I've been thinking about for a while.
     
    You see, one of the reasons I haven't been active online for such a long time is because I've been planning with my top secret group. Planning for what? Why, my own version of the BIONICLE storyline of course! Currently the plans are running from 2001 to 2012--but really that's just the beginning.
     
    However I figured that it's way too much fun to keep to myself, so with that said let's get to the main point of this entry...

    UPDATED: Addendum added
     
    Two armies faced each other across a trench, both resplendant in brilliant reds and firey oranges--on one side was the native people of the island of Mata-Nui; arrayed in front of the village-fortress of Ta-koro they nervously clutched their spears, perfectly aware that this day could very well be their last--and the end of Mata-Nui as they knew it.

    On the other was the fearsome invaders, covered in gleaming armor their numbers seemed to stretch on into infinity--while they had thus far made no attempt to harm the villagers, they sought the destruction of the very island.

    A Lone Tahnok-Va stepped forward, his crescent-shaped head aflame and his claws clutched tightly around a fire staff, rallying the rest of the Va around him he bravely charged forward...forward into the army of Toa that had them surrounded...

    A bad example maybe, but that's a small example of what BIONICLE:Imagine is all about.
     
    BIONICLE:Imagine is all about challenging yourself, about stepping beyond the creative boundries of the BIONICLE storyline as a whole and creating something new within it. It's about stretching your imagination to the very limit and enjoying BIONICLE to its fullest.
     
    BIONICLE:Imagine is a very simple concept, and with all simple concepts there are simple rules--there are only two here.
     
    Rule the First: BIONICLE:Imagine will accept only one-shot short stories. There will be no story threads permitted. There cannot be a sequal, prequal, or ongoing story--however you can re-use characters. Original characters are permitted, but keep in mind this is still BIONICLE, not a complete remake.
     
    Rule the Second: BIONICLE:Imagine is all about challenging ourselves to step beyond the creative boundries of the canon storyline--for that reason each short story written for BIONICLE:Imagine must be a "What If?" Story. This can be as large or as small as you want, for example the one above would be "What if the Bohrok were the original inhabitants of Mata-Nui and the Toa the invaders?"
    Some other "What If?" suggestions are:
    "What if Makuta didn't exist?"
    "What if Kapura never joined the Chronicler's company?"
    "What if Takanuva wasn't Takua?"
     
    ADDENDUM: What If's can be re-used and used multiple times, as nobody will write the exact same story. For example a "What if Kopaka got Krana'ed?" story is so generic and can go in so many different directions that it would be unfair to limit it to one person. However I reserve the right to reverse this if I find it's getting out of hand
     
    Some of these I've already used, but the idea is just to Re-imagine key (or not-so-key, it's up to you!) events in BIONICLE, to take a brief glimpse into another world.
     
    This will be an ongoing initiative with every story written for BIONICLE:Imagine going into a new content block in my blog--and later depending on the popularity we may introduce challenges and such.
     
    For those of who wish to show support for this, here's a banner.
     

     
    And the code...
     

    [url="http://www.bzpower.com/forum/index.php?automodule=blog&blogid=137&showentry=32905"][img=http://www.majhost.com/gallery/Janus/RandomJanusCorner/bionicleimagine_banner.jpg][/url]
     
    Have fun writing!
     
    Sincerely,
     
    Janus
  11. Janus

    The Adoption is official

    By Janus,

    I am taking the briefest of breaks from Mass Defect (plus there's gonna be some changes coming to it anyhow) to announce that my wife Rebecca (Hahli Husky) and I are very proud to announce the adoption of our second child...Micah! He will be joining us and his older brother Yannick in being officially Canadian and also eating delicious pancakes every day.
     
    THAT'S MY BOY.
  12. Janus
    FOR SCIENCE!
     
    "Like a vast Predatory bird…"
     
    H'lo all you gentlefolk. Some of you are no doubt believing that the world will end soon, given that I have updated not once—but TWICE! And in rapid succession (Well, rapid for me anyhow)
     
    However I'm here to assure that the world is indeed safe and secure—well at least I pose no threat. Or not much of one—only a code yellow at the most
     
    NEVERTHELESS, this entry does indeed serve a purpose—or rather, it serves a PROMISE.
     
    Y'see, many of you might not know this, but for quite a few years I had aspirations on becoming an author (Instead I find myself as a Martial Arts Instructor. Talk about KICK BUTT HA HA JOKE), however I cannot let go of my author aspirations—why?
     
    Quite simply it's a matter of efficiency. I spend at least 25% of my free time in a state of worldbuilding, this is a GROSSLY misappropriated time given what actually gets done. Thus I either figure out how to stop my brain from doing so* (Impossible, by the way) or I find a way to force myself into productivity!
     
    THUS THIS WAS BORN.
     
    It's a simple enough concept, really. My writing skills have dulled over time and I find myself struggling for words that once came effortlessly. This is uncool.
     
    And so I've come up with this solution "FOR SCIENCE!" will be an ongoing series—possibly until the day I die (HA). There will be no set requirements for the most part, but the basic layout is as follows.
    Every day I will write a minimum of 2,000 words. This can be about any subject. Throughout the week I will collect comments on what people are interested in me writing about. Any subject that is BZP appropriate will be considered. Any subject I am not familiar with must be presented with enough information that I can have at least a loose understanding of it. Every Friday I will randomly select one of the choices given and write 4,000 words on that given subject. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. I will accept additional challenges on an an occasional basis. This can include length, using certain words, using a certain style, or using a certain phrase--or anyything else you can think of! Since the point of this is to help improve not only my SKILL in writing, but also my FREQUENCY in writing. I will accept crits and ENCOURAGE people to bug me on AIM/MSN if I have not updated on a given day. I am frequently a lazy butt. 
     
    So without further adieu, I present to you my first 2,000 word monstrosity.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

    Why I can never be evil 
    I think I first realized my ineptitude for evil at the tender age of ten. You see it wasn't just my penchant for alliteration, or my love of prancing and dancing and romancing. It wasn't even the fact that I was a blond haired blue eyed baby faced tinychild.
     
     
    No, indeed it came about because of how I made and ate my food.
     
    Undoubtedly some of you are wondering if that mean that I didn't viciously stab my food and then leap upon the still stabbed remains and feast on them—well you're bloody right. That'd just be weird. What do you take me for?
     
    However I also didn't sit politely like a good little lad and smile eagerly waiting for the pot to boil (Protip: IT DOESN'T IF YOU WATCH), nor did I hum to myself as I gently poured in the spices. And I certainly didn't take even-measured mouthfuls and ensure that I chewed 21 times EXACTLY.
     
    No, it was nothing that dramatic. In fact it was something rather trivial.
     
    Now as I mentioned above I have a horrible penchant for worldbuilding at the worst times. Often enough this included when I was alone and making food, resulting in all sorts of strange voices and forced accents and epic battles before I sat down to eat…it was a good thing no one was ever home when I made food, huh?
     
    Now to take a brief sidetrack, my favourite food, and the one that most often resulted in this strange story was in fact ramen noodles. For those of you unaware of what ramen is—go to your cupboard. Good, now open it up. Very good. See those little packets of INSTA-SOUP? Yeah, that's ramen. Horribly unhealthy and my raison d'etre in the days of my youth.
     
    Now there was nothing particularly different about the way I made ramen vs. anyone else. I still filled the pot full of water, put the water on to boil, and then put in the noodles.
     
    And that's where the problem came in.
     
    All of a sudden it wasn't just noodles and water! No, it was either some sort of massive floating continent suddenly thrust into temperatures that were beyond their control! Or perhaps the water was fuel that had been contaminated by some strange substance! Regardless of the trimmings the result was always the same: OH NO SOMETHING HAS GONE WRONG!
     
    And so it began. I would narrate the entire situation, often taking the place of the person or force behind the wrongdoing. In one example I was a corrupt executive who had determined that the floating continent had incredibly useful minerals, and thus had devised a clever plan to superheat it, and thus smelt the material into its rawest form—the fact that the inhabitants would die was of no concern to me! In the other I was an elite espionage agent who was tampering with the fuel supply of a mass conglomerate so that I could hold power over their holdings and force them to comply with my demands.
     
    Sounds pretty evil, huh?
     
    I thought so too. I even had the perfect voice for each of them. For one it was slightly haughty and arrogant, a blend of class and brutality that made your skin crawl, with a tinge of cold detachment. For the other it was smooth and silky, quiet but powerful. Frightening in its silence.
     
    For a period of minutes I would have this dichotomy playing back and forth. Acting as both the cruel aggressor and the terrified inhabitants. Be they the peaceable folk of the floating continent or the highly intelligent scientists who had designed the efficient fuel. Clearly they just wanted to help people!
     
    And then it happened. Then something inside of me went "Dude, what are you doing? Stop being so mean." And it all came crashing down.
     
    Somehow the cold, detached, and cruel executive would have a change of heart and realize that there were PEOPLE down there! And while it was too late to stop the superheating plan, would send ships to rescue the poor people! And naturally the profits made from their continent's raw materials would go into purchasing a new, more elaborate continent that better suited them!
     
    Somehow the efficient and deadly covert operative would relent and realize that these scientists had designed the fuel with naught but the most noble of intentions, and what kind of monster would he be to stand in the way of such idealism and hope for the future? Instead he would sacrifice himself to remove the contaminant, wishing only to be remembered.
     
     
    Yeah. I know. What.
     
    Even when at last the time had come to eat my wonderful splendor the stories would not stop. In fact the incredible rapidity with which the tales would transform themselves, essentially performing massive retcon, was astounding.
     
    The most common story here was fairly simple. It was a mostly uninhabitable planet made of molten slag. However some settlers had managed to create basic shelters and had been living there for the past few years.
     
    AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN A GIGANTIC BEAST APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE.
     
    Not only was this thing cruel enough to eat the settlers, but it seemed to feast upon the planet itself! OH THE HUMANITY!
     
    And then that little "Dude, stop being evil" would kick in, and the massive beast would in fact become a giant harvesting machine. Something that the settlers had originally had on their expedition to help create a hospitable place to live, but had for whatever reason been lost in the depths of space (or perhaps it was the settlers had been lost).
     
    Regardless, the result was the same. While the harvesting machine would ingest both planet and inhabitant, the settlers were harmlessly placed in a comfortable holding area until the people in the machine's cockpit were informed that the planet was inhabited. While simultaneously, the molten slag would go into a storage pit to be used for raw materials at a later date.
     
    By the way, just to remind you. THIS IS ABOUT MAKING AND EATING SOUP.
     
    Yes, my imagination is incredibly overactive, of this I am aware. In fact this is likely a strong component of my inability to be evil—the tendency of my imagination to immediately go overboard would likely make it impossible for me to pull of any truly evil schemes. After all, it's hard to be the evil overlord when you're feeling bad about locking the hero in the cell—and oh jeese it could be cold in there! And when was the last time that poor person ate?
     
    All of a sudden the PRISON CELL has become a comfortable lounge area with blankets and cookies for all.
     
    Now this is not to say that I cannot create evil characters. In fact I pride myself on creating some heartless and cruel monsters—however I will say that almost inevitably they have a reason and are not ALL bad. In fact most of my "BIG BAD" characters aren't even characters—or bad. They're simply forces that do what they do regardless of outside influence or pressure. Perhaps this Is indicative of the way I view the world?
     
    But enough of that tangent, creating evil characters does not make ones quotient for evil go up, nor does creating heroic characters make one's courage increase. They're simply behaviours that are observed and transcribed into stories. That's not the argument here.
     
    The argument is the fact that left to my own devices, with no one around to judge me, playing in a world I created in two minutes. I was unable to be evil.
     
    Now this is not to say I can't be a bit cruel, or even mean. I'm still simply human and have committed many acts that were invariably cruel and malicious—I am justifiably ashamed of these acts and try not to allow them to occur—but hey, life.
     
    However evil and cruel/mean/butthead are two completely opposing things. To be mean is more of an act, likewise with cruel and buttheadedness. However to be evil can either be a single act of absolute depravity, or an existence of general buttheadedness. Evil is not what I do.
     
    Y'see, the main thing I'm getting at here is not that I am a MORAL AN UPSTANDING YOUNG MAN WHO SHUNS ALL THE BAD THINGS IN THE WORLD AND STRIVES BE A WHOLESOME AND CARING PILLAR OF LIGHT AND JUSTICE—not to say that's bad. Just saying that's not what I'm getting at.
     
    I'm saying the reason that I could never be evil (if it weren't apparent enough in the above stories) is GUILT. I have an incredibly overactive guilt complex—enough so that even those cruel characters acting on their own were forced to conform to the standards set out by my morality standard—why? Because they were acting in proxy to me and they were doing things that made me GUILTY.
     
    Not cool.
     
    So, really, I could never be evil simply because of that guilt complex. Remove that guilt and I have no idea what I'm capable of, but with it I'm pretty much harmless.
     
    I want to give you another example. Think back to the last time you were angry. And I mean Angry. I MEAN ANGRY. I MEAN REALLY, REALLY PEEVED. Got it? Good.
     
    Now obviously it varies from person to person, but when one tries to contain one's anger (Not suppress, mind you. Just contain until you can let it go) various reactions occur. As someone with a highly active imagination I tend to imagine things happening around me—and when I'm TICKED—and have nowhere in particular to vent my frustrations (You know what I mean, various things happen all after another and you have no idea WHAT you're supposed to be mad AT) I tend to imagine the world in a general state of panic—it really varies on multiple factors what the aggressors are, but the general rule is that the world is falling to pot and I'm THE EVIL MAN WHO WALKS THROUGH THE CHAOS WITH A SMILE MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
     
    For example in some it's Mecha and armor troops blowing up everything all around, while I stride through the war zone in my trench coat smiling at the madness all around.
     
    Sounds pretty evil, right?
     
    Again, after a period of about 30 seconds everything changes. The Mecha stop dropping bombs, the armor troops stop firing. Instead they start to help rebuild, because you see I was only attacking so I could unify the world against a common enemy!
     
    Yeah. I know.
     
    Please do keep in mind, though. This doesn't mean I'm sunshine and candy all day long. I can be quite the cruel lad (as mentioned above), but inevitably I'll do something to make it up to you—unless you're a real butthead.
     
    But I can hear some of you piping up
    "But what about a minion, couldn't you be a minion?"
     
    Ehn, that one's up in the air. I mean minions can be misled and believe that the Big Bad is in fact a beacon of hope and light and freedom—when in fact he's just kicked a puppy out a window and bombed an orphanage. So could I be a minion? Yeah, probably. So long as the guy was good in hiding he was evil. If he was openly evil then I'd have to say no. Unless I was a MiNO (Minion in name only) as in not really doing any work, just getting all the cool perks of working for an evil overlord—but even so I doubt I could do it. Some of you may not realize it was the GUILT complex that had me resign for Global Moderator…because I just didn't have the time to do the job I felt I needed to do.
     
    So, really, that sums it all up. I can a butthead, (Heck, my title is "The Buttest" for a reason!), a meanie, and a cruel and malicious person, but not evil.
     
    It's up to you to decide which is worse.
     
     
    TOTAL WORD COUNT: 2,023
     
    I'd like to take this moment to say that I have NO Idea what's going to come out my "FOR SCIENCE!" series. It could be short stories, it could be rambles, it could be essays, it could be...well, strange things. ENJOY =D
     
    Oh, and SOOPER BONUS POINTS to anyone who can name where the title of this entry came from.
     
     
     
    *Seriously, most of my MOCs came about by sheer fluke. Because I sat down, started fiddling with pieces and about an hour later had a fully operational world with various characters—AND NO FINISHED MOC. When I finished one it was a miracle.
  13. Janus

    Isn't It Funny?

    By Janus,

    Isn't it funny how in the midst of tragedy you're still expected to smile?
     
    How when all you truly desire is to curl into a ball and scream at the world. To hide, to dissapear.
     
    You're supposed to show a happy facade to the world.
     
    When darkness encroaches into your very being you're supposed to laugh and shrug it off. Pretend that nothing phases you.
     
    Isn't it funny?
     
    No.
     
    It never has been, it never will be. I'm not a machine and I'm not unfeeling. I appear standoffish and that's my curse.
     
    But I do not expect this. I may lose someone.
     
    Forever.
     
    Enough the smiling. Let me hurt.
  14. Janus
    Ladies and gentlemen--may I introduce you to....
     

     
    COMMANDER WENGLESTUMP SPARKLEPANTS SHEPARD (Or Wenglestum for short. Because character limits are no fun)
     

     
     
    ANYHOW our new found commander is on board the Normandy SR-1, the highest techest piece of space shippery this side of the galaxy. And he hears two PEONS I mean crew members talking about the Spectre aboard their ship. More specifically he hears the navigator talking about how only a fool believes the official story.
     
    HOW WILL WENGLESTUM RESPOND:
     
    1. I agree - Agree with the navigator that something doesn't feel right
    2. You're overreacting - maintain that cool demeanor that you might be well known for if you are known for that.
    3. Cut the Chatter! - SHOW HIM WHO IS BOSS.
     
    "Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn"
    "If you can't say something nice--you're probably at the icescapades."
     
     
  15. Janus

    Imagine

    By Janus,

    Two things right off the bat:
     
    One: The Imagine title does not refer to my defunct BIONICLE: Imagine project. It was a cool idea, but it was undone by my desire to not do any work.
     
    Two: FOR SCIENCE! Will be returning monday, I already have two seperate stories in mind for Monday and Tuesday. I will not be writing them until that day, however (Maybe I'll write Monday's on Sunday, as Monday is a busy day for me)
     
    No, Imagine refers to the fifth part of an absolutely amazing series that has evolved beyond my wildest imaginings.
     
    Allow me to explain.
     
    About five years (Or more) ago, I discovered this hilarious little flash animation made by a group called SamBakZa, the animation in question was "There she is!!" and told the tale of a bunny falling in love with a cat in a society that did not look kindly upon this. It was hilarious because the cat resisted until the end, only giving up reluctantly--and then started to love her himself.
     
    That was supposed to be it, various theories were thrown around the internet (Mainly that the cat and rabbit did indeed represent the Korean-Japanese relationships during the period of time when it was forbidden. I'm not really sure what period of time this was, but I would guess it was during the Japanese occupation of Korea and in the second world war) but aside from that there wasn't much to discuss, but is sure was funny to watch. I shortly after forgot about it (after watching Hot Fish Same but Different)
     
    Later on I discovered that it was supposed to be a three-parter, and I watched the second part "Cake Dance" and found it both amusing and adorable. Incredibly adorable--then I again completely forgot about it.
     
    Last night my gurlfren being the incredible person she is reminded me of this little comedic series, and in fact linked me to all the videos. Number three was just as adorable and funny. It was called "Doki and Nabi" (Doki is the bunny, and Nabi is the cat)
     
    But number four was...well, it shocked me. Let's go with that. I was seriously concerned about the direction the series was going in and was not expecting it at all. Especially not with the name "Paradise"
     
    But I gotta say.
     
    It's rare that I feel as inspired and touched as I did when I watched part 5 "Imagine" It really was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen, and the story it tells is amazing.
     
    I'd suggest everyone Check them out
     
    Sincerely,
     
    -Janus
  17. Janus

    Hullo Again

    By Janus,

    Hullo all,
     
    As the incredibly well-written and intelligent entry below tells, I was taken in by the twin vixens of Gundam, and Gurlfren.
     
    While Gundam held me only momentarily, Gurlfren held me quite entranced for the period of a week, and even now I am reeling from the lack of Gurlfren in my life. It is saddening.
     
    But worry not, FOR SCIENCE! Shall return, in fact it will return with a story on this very subject.
     
    Just not tonight, I need to make a one-minute speech and learn to sleep properly again.
     
    Ah, how I miss being able to sleep in until 2:30 PM, comfortable in someone's arms...
     
    Come back soon, Gurlfren.
  18. Janus

    Mistika I

    By Janus,

    The Toa Mistika, the latest hot-button issue amongst BIONICLE fans. If you like them you're considered a noob who knows nothing or at best a supporter of the dreaded focus groups, if you don't you're clearly a purist who worships the very ground 2001 stands on.
     
    So, what are my thoughts?
     
    Well, I'm going to be misleading and cruel =D. Y'see, this is Mistika I, the first part of the article which deals with the setup and background for the advent of the Mistika. This will be a multiple part series and worry not, it will eventually get to my thoughts on the Mistika.
     
    To understand my thoughts you need to go waaaay back into 2001 when BIONICLE was just beginning (please hang on before you yell OMG HE'S A PURIST GET HIM). The Strange and mythical Toa were first revealed and frankly...I was not impressed. In fact I was terribly underwhelmed and refused to have anything to do with it. The 'teaser' of Tahu and Vakama did nothing to whet my appetite and I just wanted this expected failure of a line to get on and die just like RoboRiders and Slizer/Throwbots.
     
    But it didn't, in fact it was a few weeks later when a comic book detailing the lush world that these warriors lived in debuted in my very own mailbox. I read it from cover to cover repeatedly and instantly knew that unfortunately, I was hooked.
     
    Gradually the story evolved, bringing in the mysterious Bohrok and even the ungainly BOXOR and EXO-TOA suits (They've always seemed like they should be in capitals. Deal with it) and with it came the promise of change--perhaps the Toa we knew and loved were destined for something greater.
     
    2003 appeared with mixed sentiments. Most of us here on BZP and across the fan spectrum had been eagerly studying the leaked images of the So-called Bohrok/Toa hybrids, with their strange and rather evil looking "Kranohi," could these things possibly be our much beloved Toa, or were they yet another fearsome enemy for them to face?
     
    Well as we all know now, the so-called "Kranohi" turned out to be the powerful Kanohi Nuva, powerful and mysterious artifacts and the transformation of the original Kanohi masks--but more than that, as was rather clear from looking at the new masks (Minus the Kaukau, but it was always kind of an odd duck out) they introduced something new to the BIONICLE mythos (Or at least the plastic) unlike the previous Kanohi they were organic.

    Again fan reactions were mixed, some still stand by the fact that Nuva-ization was the worst thing that could possibly happen, some eventually (and grudgingly) accepted that it was bound to happen, and others loved the changes almost immediately.
     
    I myself was between camps two and three. Upon the advent of the Nuva I proudly announced my disdain for them--minus Kopaka and Gali--and to this date I still regret not picking up a Tahu Nuva.
     
    Like what many perceive the conflict over the Mistika to be, the primary conflict about the Nuva was those masks (some of which I will not deny were godawful). Very few had issue with the characters or their presentation in the storyline--even the basic construction received props in most circles I frequented.
     
    It was just those masks.
     
    Sentiments on the Nuva remain mixed, but the fact remains it was a key part of the BIONICLE franchise, the first transformation of our primary heroes. And I think that's something that's forgotten fairly often--especially here on BZP. Back in those days (Man do I sound old) the Toa Nuva were the only heroes we knew about. The Metru, the Inika, the Mahri, the Hordika. These were concepts we couldn't even begin to grasp because we knew in those days that the Toa Nuva were destined to wake up Mata Nui--how could the story be about anybody else? It would be like Spider-Man comics suddenly passing off a new Spider-Man and telling us to love him instead (Funny story about that...)
     
    Naturally the move away from the 'main Toa' ruffled a lot of feathers, but most were content until it became apparent that the Nuva were to be shunted to the back of the story while more, newer, edgier, cooler heroes were pushed to the forefront (Jeese, am I writing this on Marvel Comics or LEGO?). And then there came that first hint of something wonderful. The word that the Toa Nuva were not only going to return to their place in the story--but that they were to be redesigned and re-released.
     
    Try and imagine the joy that old fogies such as myself felt. Our heroes were not only taking back what we always felt was their rightful place--but additionally they were coming back in plastic! Of course many of us (including myself) were also rather hesitant at accepting this at face level--not only because people can say just about anything on the Internet (By the way, I'm really Bill Gates. Don't tell anyone) but also because we had seen how few similarities were shared by the Matoran > Inika > Mahri transformations.
     
    but hey, a little hope couldn't hurt, right?
  19. Janus

    I AM ROB

    By Janus,

    HELLO YES I AM ROB
     

     
    ROBROBROBROBROBROBROB
     
    OTHER WORDS YOU CAN MAKE WITH MY NAME ROB
     
    ORB
    BRO
     
    I AM ORB BRO
     
    OK YES THAT WAS FUN
     

     
    CANADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    CANADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    CANADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    CANADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    CANADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    CANADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    CANADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    CANADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    CANADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    CANADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    CANADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    CANADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    CANADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    CANADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    CANADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
     

     
    i am rob i am so loud
    SO LUOD
     
    HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE,,,,,,,,,,
     
    NOW I WILL TYPE MY NAME WITH MY NOSE
     
    NO WAIT NEVERMIND THAT IS TOO HARD TO DO.
     
    OK I WII TYPE IT WITH A GUNDAM
     
    TR4ONB
     
    yes that looks aboot right
     
    ok
    BYE
     

     
    heheheheheehehjajajajajajajajajjajajajajjahehehehhehehehehjajjajahjejehehaejjeahjehjehajheajhaejheajahejahejhaejhaehehehehehehheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,,,,,
     

  20. Janus

    Let's Guruguru~

    By Janus,

    Okay guys, so I've been dead, I've been really, really, really dead.
     
    Like, zombified even.
     
    But I'm back now, I'm unsure who cares, but I'm kindasortamaybeprobablynot back.
     
    And now that my preamble is out of the way, let's head into the main entry.
     

     

    GURUMIN: A MONSTROUS ADVENTURE 
    Now, no doubt somebody will accuse me of not using the proper title, as the subtitle of "A monstrous adventure" wasn't on the original PC version of Gurumin--but I don't care, I played the PSP version first, and I ADORE IT.
     
    So here's the basic story. You play as a young girl, a young adorable girl (with a good voice actor!), who is smart and sarcastic and funny. You go into the world of MONSTERS where everything, EVERYTHING is cute. I'm serious, I couldn't bring myself to attack my enemies at first because they're so friggin' adorable.
     
    Over time you discover more monsters, as well as fight the 'big four' villains. I'll take some time to describe them now.
     

    Puku: He has leaves on his head. LEAVES. ON HIS HEAD. He also has a good voice actor and I love him.
     

    Pino: She has a flower on her head. So last month. Also, annoying voice actor at times, still can't help but love her, though.
     

    Pierre: He's a french monster, okay? He's awesome, so very awesome. He's purple, and has a hat, and a dove underneath his hat, and he's so very awesome. <3 Gentlemonster <3
     

    Poco: Blueboy can't dance. At all. Fairly good Voice actor, but nothing to write home about.
     

    Motoro: Big cat monster who runs away so much, he's adorable as heck--and his deep voice just makes him hilarious.
     

    Rocko: He's got a bad case of erosion, it makes me laugh. His voice is fairly okay, and very funny at times.
     

    Chucky: He's the youngest, and wants to be a grown up. He usually fails in his regard, he's adorable, though.
     

    Doug & Digby: The mole brothers. One's a miner, the other's a rockstar--a half-blind directionally impaired rockstar. Oh man, I love these moles.
     

    Pecky: He's creepy and weird. Look at him. LOOK AT HIM. We never hear him talk, I'm thankful.
     

    Doc: He's awesome, he really, really is. He's also bubblegum pink <3
     

    Parin: The girl you play as, she has all sorts of different headgear and outfits. She rocks so much.
     
    And now for the VILLAINS (Sidenote: I was able to procure far better pictures of the big four than I was of anyone else. Oh the irony)
     
    Now the villains in this game are known as Phantoms, another breed of monster that's been invading for some unknown reason, these are the four servants (Technically five) who serve their mysterious leader.
     

    Bob: He's a musclehouse boxer who's not really that smart, I mean, really, not that smart. He speaks slowly in general aside from the word "Armor!"
     

    Mosby: Mosby owns one third of my soul, Mosby is incredibly awesome, ONE: Because he's a moth, TWO: Because he's adorable, THREE: Because nobody can understand a word that comes out of his mouth. NOT ONE.
     

    Roger: He's purple, he's a fish, he likes diamond rings and is rather...effeminate at times. He also seems to like the Prince more than he should. Put it together and you'll understand why Roger owns the second third of my soul.
     

    Cream: She's so cute. SO CUTE. She talks with a valley girl accent, but nevertheless you can't help but fall in love with her. She also competes with Roger for the prince's affections, and seems geniunely worried about what's going on. She's also pink, and owns the third third of my soul.
     

    Giga & The Prince: Giga is the big one, he doesn't say anything except his own name, and is apparently just a big scary floating monster killing thing. The prince on the otherhand is downright awesome, he uses weapons from hypodermic needles to fans to butcher knives. He's just plain cool, and his voice is fairly good too.
     
    Nowwww that the characters are all out of the way. Setting:
     
    Monster world: All of the levels have funny names, such as "Spinach Caverns", "Eggplant Caves", "Mile Palace", etc. They're fun.
     
    Finally, the objective of the game? Well, obviously stop the phantoms--but what else?
     
    Break stuff.
     
    I'm so serious, LehvakLah and I played this game so much that we started looking at trees, walls, and columns in the real world and going "I'd love to drill through that."
     
    Overall, the game just plain rocks. I'm going to say this, if you own a PSP and DO NOT own Gurumin, you're missing out.
     
    Especially at only $19.99 USD.
     
    Next up: Lego Star Wars II
    Then: The Claidi Journals
  21. Janus
    Blah blab blah Mistika-debate-hate. It's gettin' old, people. CHILL.

    I have no problem with meaningful discussion, but that is HARDLY MEANINGFUL DISCUSSION.
    Listen to some Creed and CHILL.



    I can't find the rhyme in all my reason
    Lost sense of time and all seasons

    I feel I've been beaten down
    By the words of men who have no grounds

    I can't sleep beneath the trees of wisdom
    When your ax has cut the roots that feed them

    Forked tongues in bitter mouths
    Can drive a man to bleed from inside out

    What if you did?
    What if you lied?
    What if I avenge?
    What if eye for an eye?

    I've seen the wicked fruit of your vine
    Destroy the man who lacks a strong mind

    Human pride sings a vengeful song
    Inspired by the times you've been walked on

    My stage is shared by many millions
    Who lift their hands up high because they feel this

    We are one We are strong
    The more you hold us down the more we press on

    What if you did?
    What if you lied?
    What if I avenge?
    What if eye for an eye?

    I know I can't hold the hate inside my mind
    'Cause what consumes your thoughts controls your life

    So I'll just ask a question
    A Lonely Simple Question
    I'll just ask one question

    What if? What if? What if? What if I?
    What if? What if? What if? What if I?
    What if? What if? What if? What if I?
    What if? What if? What if? What if I?

    What if you did?
    What if you lied?
    What if I avenge
    What if eye for an eye?
    What if your words could be judged like a crime?

    -Creed: Human Clay
  22. Janus

    Please don't be

    By Janus,

    Okay guys and gals, it's time for something that's near and dear to my heart. Especially with all this acceptance stuff goin' on right now. (which I love, trust me)
     
    So I'ma just lay all this out here. Please don't be a Nice Guy.
     
    Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying don't be nice. But a Nice guy is someone who wants to date someone, but is too afraid of asking them out, so they just be friends--all the while secretly wanting said person, and worse yet expecting said person to reciprocate. But worse yet when the person says "no" they don't want to date, a Nice Guy flies into a rage and badmouths their "friend" all the while moaning about how "nice guys finish last" and "girls only want bad boys"
     
    I hate to tell you this, ladies and gents, but being someone's friend isn't like a vidya game. You don't "level up" friend points that you can then cash in for a romantic relationship, and thinking that it does work that way is just kind of offensive to the object of your affections.
     
    This is why things like the "Friendzone" make blood shoot from my eyesockets.
     
    So please don't. Just don't.
  23. Janus
    FOR SCIENCE! 
    A Night in the Chapel (AKA: Toronto how we hate thee pt 2)
     
     
    That's right. Three nights in a row, go me!
     
    However now's the time to introduce a little something new.
     
    You may recall the original rules of FOR SCIENCE! but for those of you who do not, I shall repost them for your viewing pleasure--and add in the final piece (For now)

    Every day I will write a minimum of 2,000 words. This can be about any subject. Throughout the week I will collect comments on what people are interested in me writing about. Any subject that is BZP appropriate will be considered. Any subject I am not familiar with must be presented with enough information that I can have at least a loose understanding of it. Every Friday I will randomly select one of the choices given and write 4,000 words on that given subject. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. I will accept additional challenges on an an occasional basis. This can include length, using certain words, using a certain style, or using a certain phrase--or anyything else you can think of! However as an addition on to the last one. I will allow you to vote for the story I write on Friday! That's right, as soon as this entry goes up the voting willl begin. The two choices we have for this Friday are: 
    Makaru - Furmanisms. A candy store full. 5000 words or less, just to be nice.
    Bossman - write about being raised by moosen in the Yukon Territories
     
    So vote away, and the winning choice will be my 4,000 word story tomorrow!
     
     
     
     
    I suppose the first thing I could say about the Toronto Airport (Pearson International, for those of you playing along at home!) is that.
     
    Dude. Big.
     
    I mean wow, talk about compensating.
     
    But in all seriousness it's pretty enormous—and not particularly well staffed. Makes it fun for when you are trying to find out where to go. As a general rule of thumb, follow the SIGNS.
     
    Ah yes, the signs. A rather prevalent feature in airports, signs advertising services, boards with flight delays and arrivals, signs that direct you where to go. Ah, Signs.
     
    So I followed the myriad of signs to my eventual destination. Let's see…International Baggage, Departures, Baggage Claim, and International Transfers.
     
    Ah! The last one, that's the ticket.
     
    And so I went: Down the hallway, through the security guarded doors (Remember this, it'll be important), up a staircase, up another staircase, and finally over a bridge…like…thing.
     
    Ah, at International Transfers I get to stop in at International baggage check. Okay!
     
    Now I am a naturally observant person, so I see the people in line pulling out their boarding passes and their passports—and being the astute man I am I garner I am to do the same. No problem!
     
    And so I reached into my pocket and pulled out my boarding passes and my…wait…wait….wait.
     
    Passport.
     
    Where?
     
    In a frantic scramble that was likely akin to someone with flesh eating ants on their skin I tore into every pocket I had on my person. No passport.
     
    Oh man.
     
    Well, first we gotta find out about the status of the flight anyhow, right? And when I check on that it's sure to turn up, right?
     
    Yeah, not so much. Oh, and the flight's cancelled.
     
    GLEE.
     
    And thus began a desperate flight to my point of origin (in the airport, thanks. I have no intention of returning to the womb). I raced down the hallway, down the stairs and
     
    HOLD UP THERE SIR. THIS DOOR IS SECURITY GUARDED, WHY DO YOU WANT THROUGH?
     
    Wait, what? I just needed to get through to get my passport. And so I attempted to explain this clearly and concisely, transmitting my urgent need and panic—after all, I could still catch another flight!
     
    Instead it ended up more like verbal vomit, as I sprayed out "Ithinkmypassport'sontheplanecanIgetthrough?"
     
    She looked at me with something resembling pity, and something resembling an eye-quirk. Like an odd mixture of sympathy and what-did-you-just-say-you-strange-strange-man.
     
    However in the end I was strongly DENIED entry back in there. After all I might be a terrorist or something like that!
     
    However, she did politely inform me whereabouts I could find the lost and found and report my passport as missing. Lovely.
     
    So I strolled down another set of stairs, desperately trying not to hyperventilate (AND FAILING HORRIBLY) and walked through another set of security doors. Ah, the main foyer, crowded with bazillions of people—likely there to pick others up. Avoiding this throng of people I found the little hole-in-the-wall that was the Lost and Found.
     
    It was quiet in there, which was nice—but of course it also allowed me to focus on my incredibly rapid heartbeat and utter PANIC. (For those of you wondering about my terror, International travel via air ==IMPOSSIBLE without a passport. To put it in mathematical terms Plane + America-Passport=NO). And I reported it to the man behind the desk. He had the people cleaning the plane check aaaaaand.
     
    No.
     
    CRUD.
     
    He then said gave me a number I could phone and told me to check Canada Customs which was just down the hall. HOKAYS.
     
    And down the hallway I go to Canada Customs (Another hole-in-the-wall office WHICH HIDES A SECRET), and to make a long story short: There ain't no passport there for me. I get another number I can phone and the best words of 'comfort' I have ever heard.
     
    "It really depends when they're handed in. It usually takes about two-three hours to clean the plane, but passports can come in as late as FIVE DAYS after that." (Emphasis mine)
     
    Don't you feel so secure now?
     
    Well, with that problem being solved (supposedly) I needed to fix the second one, mainly being stranded in an airport like a bazillion miles from home.
     
    So just to complete my (first) circuit around the airport I dashed upwards towards the international baggage check, and went to one of the many "Help Phones" that were scattered around the airport.
     
    Or rather I should say I joined the line for one of the many "Help" phones that were scattered around the airport. Because there were lines, oh were there lines.
     
    Twenty miuntes ticked by, followed by forty, followed by fifty, and I engaged in conversation with my fellow stranded passengers, oh what a merry time was had by all!
     
    And then glory of glories it was my turn to hold the phone, can you believe it? I dialed the requisite three digit number to call up my airline and glory be….I got to be on hold for another FORTY MINUTES.
     
    (Protip: If you cancel a million flights, have your switchboard ready to receive A HUNDRED THOUSAND CALLS. Otherwise your customer service does indeed suck)
     
    At last I got through, and was met with a REAL HUMAN VOICE. Truly an amazing thing. They informed me that they're very sorry but all the flights to New York were cancelled, however they could get me the earliest booking coming up very soon. The first flight left at 6:00 PM Sunday, what luck!
     
    Well, I hung up the phone happy that my little situation was resolved, now all I had to do was relax, wait for my passport to be found, and wait a single night. I could wait a single night, right?
     
    Cell phone rings, pick it up. Ah, it's my girlfriend. Lovely to hear from her, we chat, I let her know when the earliest flight is. She pauses.
     
    "Sunday?"
     
    "Yep"
     
    "That's two days!"
     
    "No it's not, that's only….wait. Today's Friday, isn't it?"
     
    "Yep."
     
    "…..I'm going to need to call them again"
     
    And thus my wonderful call ended and the panic returned. However I felt that (having had a few hours pass) surely there would be some response from Canada Customs about my passport, right?
     
    And so I bolted downstairs once more, one by one my mental strings beginning to detach.
     
    To make a long story short: No.
     
    And for those of you who are thinking of the lost and found: No.
     
    Well, I guess it's time to wait in line at the phone again. But wait! The phone rings once more! Ah, it's my girlfriend again, informing me that if I BUS through the border I do not in fact need a passport. BRILLIANCE.
     
    Well, I check customs, they say I'm good to go with the I.D. I do have on me. Awesome!
     
    The phone rings.
     
    I'm informed that someone's done some checking and that my I.D. might not be valid to get through the US Border (And Canada Customs may be wrong on this, after all, they're not immigration). Well, damper on the enthusiasm, but I may as well try, right?
     
    All I need to do now I cancel that flight on Sunday, like heck I'm staying in the airport for TWO days. Ick.
     
    Long story short again: Wait in line = 35 minutes.
     
    Wait on hold = 1 hour.
     
    Flight cancelled, money refunded. Delightful.
     
    Awright, now all I need to do is get my luggage and I can catch that bus!
     
    Problem: Luggage isn't in International Baggage claim. I wait for a good HOUR looking/checking at the front desk before any real help is offered to me. By this time it is dark outside and I have received several calls from various people.
     
    Solution: Check domestic baggage claim!
     
    Problem: Luggage isn't in domestic baggage claim
     
    Solution: Crud. I got nothing.
     
    Well, this is fun. I may as well check Canada Customs again, right? Still no passport. Oh what fun this trip has become!
     
    Phone rings (By the way, this became a common occurrence), more checking has turned up the fact that I almost definitely cannot get into the states with the I.D. I have on me. Time to re-book that flight.
     
    So I stand in line at the ticket counter (You really think I wanted to go back to that dang phone?) for a good…oh, two hours. Receiving phone calls and getting to know my fellow passengers. Why am I stuck in line so long? Well because there's a line of about 50 people and there are…2 service agents.
     
    Wait, scratch that. One just left.
     
    We now have one service agent and…oh, 60 people. The line's getting bigger and the people are getting smaller. Is this fun yet?
     
    Someone complains, police are called, manager arrives and tells us that she absolutely WILL NOT put more staff on this desk, and instead invites us all to go to the ticket counter on the ground floor. There are complaints, grumbling (Who wants to lose their place in line?) but eventually compliance.
     
    After a period of getting completely lost we finally find our way to the ticket counter, and surprise, surprise: we've all lost our places in line.
     
    Ah, but there is good news! A young gentleman approaches from the counter and asks "Who is traveling to the states?" Many hands go up and he basically states the following: (Note this is not verbatim and may be tinged with bitterness)
     
    "Sucks to be you, all flights are cancelled. Have a voucher with a phone number for how to get a discounted hotel room and a number for the booking phone number. Now get out of line"
     
    Yaaaaaaaaay.
     
    There are several more check-ins at Canada Customs, none of which give off any result. Glee.
     
    Finally I cave in and call the number, after all, who wants to sleep in the Airport?
    Ring, ring, ring. Ah, there's a young man at the other end. He asks where I am, and I let him know.
     
    "The discount tonight is at the Holiday in, the per-night cost is $99 dollars"
     
    Excuse me, what? That sound you heard? That was my jaw dropping. This is a discount?
     
    "Oh, and the last shuttle left ten minutes ago, I'm afraid you'll have to take a taxi. Will you be booking a room?"
     
    Yeah, No.
     
    Phone hung up. Begin operation: Wander Airport looking for good place to sleep!
     
    Hours pass, finally a suitable location is found. The Airport Chapel's waiting room, in fact this is such a grand sleeping spot that someone is already sleeping there. Good thing there's enough room.
     
    By now I'm exhausted and paranoid (After all it's almost certain my passport has been stolen rather than simply lost. Either that or the people looking are…incompetent to say the least.) so I pull out my heavy jacket and drape it over myself. Hiding my carry-on bag, and myself from view. I'm also keeping all my valuables as close to my person as possible.
     
    I likely slept for about…oh, two hours. It's still dark, but I need something to drink.
     
    Tim Hortons is open, there's a line…a massive line, but a line nonetheless. I secure myself a spot and wait…and wait…and wait. Ah, almost at the end now, only about 20 people left in front of me!
     
    The manager comes out, they're closing.
     
    What.
     
    Well, with nothing else to do I decide I should go back to sleep. But this time I'll sleep more comfortably—my back hurts from sitting up while sleeping.
     
    I find an outlet to charge my cellphone (it's dying by this time), lay on the ground with it in my hand, and again drape my heavy coat over myself and all my possessions.
     
    I wake up about two hours later (Total hours of sleep thus far: 7, and that's being generous)
     
    I'm exhausted, it's not comfortable sleeping here and the feeling of utter terror of being completely isolated far from home is one that I do not look forward to experiencing again. I need to get out.
     
    I call my parents and my girlfriend and inform them. They understand.
     
    For sake of brevity let me simply say that after another hour on the phone I have tickets back to Vancouver, and an hour later I have established that the airport has indeed misplaced my luggage. My joy is boundless.
     
    Needless to say my boarding pass doesn't print off, I get to wait in line for another hour (around 200 people, maybe 5 people on duty out of 10-12), but finally I'm confirmed to be going home.
     
    And then my flight is delayed.
     
    By an hour.
     
    Wheeeeee.
     
    And that's about the end of it, now as I said, for sake of brevity I have not included everything (For example a report to the police, and said police acting rudely), however that's the jist of it.
     
    My luggage was found, my passport was not.
     
    I arrived safely in Vancouver, if somewhat exhausted.
     
    Total hours slept over three days: 9
     
    I have no desire to ever fly with that company again, and no desire to visit Pearson Airport ever again.
     
    Hope you enjoyed my suffering.
     
    Total Word Count: 2,211

     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
  24. Janus

    It wrecked me

    By Janus,

    If you're one of the few people who hasn't seen Wreck-it Ralph yet--I really can't encourage you enough. I went into it expecting an okay movie filled to the brim with geeky game references that I would enjoy.
     
    What I got was one of the few movies that can make me genuinely tear up. Multiple times.
     
    This movie has so much heart in it, you guys really need to go watch it.
  25. Janus
    What a completely unexpected amount of support on this completely silly idea! THANK YOU GUYS AND GALS.
     
    Anyhow, now that our Shepard is named (the best possible name) and assigned, it's time to decide what he looks like. I will do this in the simplest possible way:
     
    WHAT IS SHEPARD'S RACE:
    - Asian
    -Caucasian
    -African-Canadian (+10 points because my wife wants it)
     
    WHAT IS SHEPARD'S COMPLEXION:
    - Yes Wrinkles
    - No Wrinkles
    - Maybe Wrinkles
     
    DOES SHEPARD HAVE A SCAR:
    - Yes
    - No
     
    DOES SHEPARD HAVE SOME PUDGE ON HIS FACE:
    - LOTS
    - Maybe a little
    - He is a skeleton
     
    WHAT SIZE ARE SHEPARD'S EARS:
    - Bigguns
    - Littleuns
    - Middlesizeuns
     
    WHAT KIND OF EYES DOES SHEPARD HAVE:
    - Squinty
    - Popping out
    - Boring
     
    WHAT IS SHEPARD'S OVERALL MOOD:
    - Happy
    - Sad
    - Zoned out
    - Neutral
    - Angry
     
    WHAT IS SHEPARD'S EYE COLOUR:
    - Look just tell me a colour because I'm not going to list all of them okay. There's a lot of colours I have to scroll through and I've already been through this character creation screen like eight times.
     
    DOES SHEPARD HAVE LUSCIOUS HUSSIE LIPS:
    - Yes
    - Yes
     
    HOW HUGE IS SHEPARD'S NOSE:
    - So Huge
    - Maybe not so huge?
     
    DOES SHEPARD HAVE FACIAL HAIR:
    - Yes
    - No
     
    WHAT COLOUR IS SHEPARD'S HAIR:
    - Blonde
    - Reddish
    - Brownish
    - Black
    - Mix'n'match (One for hair colour, one for beard colour)
     
     
    AFTER THIS WE WILL BE DONE WITH LOTS OF CHOICES. ONCE THE GAME STARTS IT IS PRETTY MUCH BINARY.
     
    OKAY I LOVE YOU ALL BYE.
     
    "Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn"
    "Brush your teeth after every meal!"
     
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