Takuta-Nui

I feel like fishers64's theory on Nijire's whereabouts is good, although perhaps only in a poetic sense. What I mean is that there are so many disparate elements right now, and fisher did a good job listing them all. They're all so seemingly random and yet surely connected somehow, and the word 'junk' comes to mind. And the lava worms could conceivably be another disposal method, eating and melting down stuff. Perhaps doubling as a guard system, since they gave Nijire a pretty hard time. But I don't know if it really is a junkyard type of place. My instinct tells me it's something more devious than that because the whole place is just disturbing in some way. There are several contrasts: the darkness with brilliant shining crystals and owl-shaped lanterns, and the flowing water with searing hot lava. It almost seems like a malicious prison meant to torture the prisoner by giving them constant hope of escape in such a big place, yet no safety or opportunity to rest due to the worm threats. Chapter 7: Not much to comment on within the chapter, but now we know Nijire is on Vaurukan's Island. That means things did go to "plan" - not good plans, but still predictable nonetheless. Here's hoping self-rescue is imminent!

Same apologies for my delay - getting back into the school schedule. =) Chapter 6: Maybe it is just the long break between this and last chapter, but I'm getting a slightly wandering feeling from the story now. That could be intentional, and it's not a bad thing. But especially with Nijire's somewhat unchanging situation of not knowing where she is, that feeling seems to be spilling over into Onua's story. He was just moving onto the next task and encountered yet another problem. Perhaps I'm just anti-problem and pro-progress right now. =P Nijire's adventure just keeps getting better, though. It's obvious that she is exploring the pieces and aspects of some large system, and I bet that its purpose is going to be totally unexpected.

Chapter 5: Ooooh. So that was Onua's 'time ghost' that Kopaka saw! Brilliant. Short and terrifying chapter. The immensity of the magma brain creature, as well as its sheer power (being able to reach over what is probably hundreds, if not thousands, of kilometres) really changes everything... it's like an unreachable god. And obviously it has less than good motives, or perhaps has good motives that simply can't be comprehended right now. One has to wonder what sort of interest it would take in the world if it's so alien and so intelligent as Onua judged it to be. Anyway, digging gloves and fog machines should help.

Got such an early start to studying today that I get to catch up now. Sweet. Chapter 4: Cool callback to the Awakening phenomenon. I'd briefly forgotten about that. This actually lends so much colour to the island now - a whole army of intelligent Gukko! Those could end up being really powerful allies. (I realize the army in this chapter was an illusion, though, just to be clear.) This was actually really confusing. How could his thumbs be on the back if he was holding it...? I tried to imagine doing it and couldn't figure it out without it being an unnecessarily awkward position... Very nice description! I could really see it. Also feels like a Wind Waker inspiration from the boss room of Gohdan... I figure if I was right last time, I might be this time too. Funny! But I wonder if this is going to help Onua eventually 'talk to himself.' Sometimes to understand yourself better, you have to start by talking to other things and people in unexpected ways... I also need to remark that this whole scene really feels like a video game puzzle. That isn't necessarily bad, but I remember reading an epic by an (IMO) novice writer and it was very obviously based on a typical video game challenge and puzzle structure, with progressively different and tougher enemies appearing and passageway choices like this. It's almost always engaging when actually playing a game, but when written as a story, not so much, for me at least. No impact felt here, so just take this as a word of caution. I see a clear theme of a particular type of cage now. Simply: yourself. Nijire's cramped body, and now Kopaka's new susceptibility to an element previously associated in the same breath with his name. Also Onua's own understanding of himself has clearly been set up as an obstacle to overcome in this story, although it hasn't reached crisis stage yet. I think what I take from here is that your writing is very clean and clear. The mystery is still there, but the characters themselves are readily understandable. Good job! Wow, intense slow-time experience. You conveyed that experience superbly. Can't wait to see what happens next!

Hey, I'm doing a pretty good job keeping up so far. I aim to catch up properly after the 18th when I write my last final! Chapter 3: Nijire's scenes are really heart-pounding now. She's close to getting somewhere, even if it's with a weird hanging staircase! Having read fishers64's reactions to the contrasting tones of Onua and Nijire's story threads, I agree that they are different. But I still remember Twisted Island, where it seemed like everybody was in the middle of action everywhere. Being on the same island (for the most part) made it even more disorienting. But here, the two are very distinctive (and Kopaka's has just picked up too). In that way, it is easier to keep track of what happens to who and where and when. I prefer that technique over "ACTION FOR ALL THE THINGS!" The Kuambu really seem interested in Onua. Or maybe only because he happens to be the only active Toa in the jungle. All the same - eyes, eyes, what do they see? I feel really bad for Nijire now. The most obvious route of escape snatched right out from under her (literally)... Later: I didn't realize it wasn't the entire staircase. Maybe that could have been written more clearly, but probably even Nijire couldn't tell at first what really happened at first, so I guess it still works for the sake of keeping the reader in her mind! I find it an interesting coincidence that when Nijire screamed, Kopaka also heard a female scream. No telling yet if they happened at the same time (and they're obviously not near each other), but I get the feeling it's more than coincidence... The eerie chime: a timer? A signal? A sound caused by something else like a door opening? Mysterious.

Chapter 2: Accidentally a word. So Kopaka discovers he's lost his elemental power of Ice. Somehow, I suspect it wasn't the Kal who stole the Nuva symbols this time (if that IS the cause of this event in the Paracosmos)... I think that, at least, Kopaka's was stolen by the same kidnappers of the Ko-Matoran. As I read Nijire's exploration of the river cavern, with the darkness and chasms and eerie chime and apparent circular structure, I felt like she (and I) were in a giant puzzle. So many disparate elements, and no telling what's significant and what's not. I'm not sure why, but it felt quite creepy! And then the orange-crystal-embedded-cylinder just made things creepy and confusing and dangerous, as if it wasn't already all of those things!

Chapter 1: Right off the bat, we have the perfect cage for Nijire. Except it's not just the room, it's her very own body. In that sense, things have already gotten pretty serious in the story!I think this is the first time reading such a building out of Onua's character. You've taken some very basic cues from canon and are already expanding beautifully. Anyway, I guess we'll get to see him in action soon enough.

The Perfect Cage. And Perfect Timing! I've been looking forward to this and it comes at a time when I'm better off reading a short chapter every few days between studying for exams, rather than playing a game and getting engrossed for hours! And of course, I'm very excited to see what's next for the Paracosmos.Prologue: Excellent swift setting of tone and situation. I thought that was Tahu at first in the caldera, but apparently it's malicious. (And later I see it's Vaurukan.) Was this also a convenient excuse to showcase your theory on how the whole Ta-Koro geography works? I remember reading that topic but not commenting. Lol. I guess they haven't quite embedded the concept of planets in their idioms yet. The dreaded yellow stone element! I remember that whole controversy. Good times; but your negative portrayal here doesn't help! :PWeird that I never theorized Sairiph might be a Makuta. It explains his terrifying skills and power from before. Guess you just kept us distracted so well! Cool to have such a reveal so early, and it also calls back to the early days of the MU, which is another favourite part of Bionicle for me.Awesome start!

I read this story and had to take a couple days to let it sink in. Wow.I feel like this had the same kind of impact that I've always striven for in my own Etymologies, where a scene is set that is very familiar, yet clearly far removed from the comfortable world of the present. Brief mentions of the new government and other ‘alien’ elements such as the nameless and description-less Board members that rejected Macku’s proposal contributed to that distinct sense of inexorable and almost tragic change in the way the world is. It became very emotive very quickly, and the theme of the island really worked well to reinforce this - feeling as though one is a small mass against a vast sea of change. Scary, yet reassuring. That’s what they longed for.Another thing I loved was how Makuta’s contingency revenge plan simply made so much sense. The way Tahu and Krakua explained it made me go, “Of course! It’s inconceivable that Makuta would do anything else.” That lent so much plausibility to the story and made it much more real. Then I was able to invest myself into the story even more, hoping for their success. It’s a skill to take what a reader will already know from the canon, and to drop just enough reminders and hints to allow them to figure out the chain of causality leading to these events, and I think you displayed that brilliantly here.Finally, I think that the only thing I can suggest for improvement would be to have used the word “yearn” at some point. That’s what this was all about - a yearning for something like home. It’s a powerful word. Perhaps it wasn’t necessary here after all, since you established that feeling so well in other ways. Just my thought.I enjoyed this very much, both as its own story and as a reminder of where we left BIONICLE. Hopefully that story will be resumed some day - I think that’s what we all yearn for.

It's true that this story was more massive than any previous Paracosmos epic. I lucked out in a way because I read everything within a few weeks due to catching up, and caught up right when it concluded. I do hope that the next epic is slightly more toned down in terms of number of threads and connections between them, though, since I'll likely be reading each chapter as it comes with a few days in between. :)If I can just offer a quick summary of how I remember the middle of the story: 8 Matoran get captured by Kuambu right away, stuck on prison island with new allies, Bhukasa sails to Kriitunga island first after evading Lone Ship, avoids cannon blasts, Mhondomva is "defeated," Mata Nui & Kriitunga island unite forces, Bhukasa sails to Memory Island, then to prison island, almost frees 8 Matoran but gets sunken by Lone Ship, 8 Matoran saved by Unknown and sent on CHECKing journey, Bhukasa discovers black metal tech, 8 Matoran encounter pirates, Hujo discovers BE and recovers himself, connects with Niaka, all rendezvous at Hole in the Ocean, chronoserum duel begins.About the chronoserum duel - that is another thing I wanted to mention. I feel like I missed something because it seemed as though Ito and others were suddenly talking about the duel as if it was standard knowledge... not to me. Did this happen before and I'm just forgetting it? What is the meaning of a chronoserum duel?

Chapter 49: Think that should be "had he."I can only say that it was immensely satisfying to read Bhukasa's past. I think this is probably the saddest story you've written in the BP, but all the same, it was absolutely worth the long reading of the epic.About the black metal - apparently this is what makes up the dome material in the BP? Since the Ukyabha are the only ones who can control it, I'm inferring that their species has some particular function in Mata Nui's BP body. And Bhukasa discovered the new extensions of the domes when he sailed out for the first time, so I get a feeling this has to do with Mata Nui's altered shape...Chapter 50: Ah, no Nuva-izing yet. And they don't even have the Unknown to guide them toward that... but did the tablet the pirates got detail the history of the Cosmos or Paracosmos? If the former, then if they recover it, they'd be able to follow it. Then again, that sort of knowledge spread throughout so many people has to be bad.Awesome breakthrough for Bhukasa. It always helps to think about how relative your situation is, and yet seeing how those other situations find ways of resolving themselves that seem impossible in yours. Hope is all you need sometimes.Epilogue: I feel bad for Krohlaba! After all this, Mhondomva's followers and the Kuambu may still take over the island. Dang. It is also very good foreshadowing of what is to come - the Perfect Cage.Now it makes more sense about the domes! They were already there on the planet. Through a massive contrivance of mathematics and physics and probability, it had been built to anticipate Mata Nui. Thus:The Great Beings are not alone.I loved reading this! PM me as soon as TPC starts and I'll subscribe, all right? (I actually tried to do that, but the new settings are different and I think I failed... Will try again once it's up.)Thanks for the story!Edit - went back and read all the reviews. Also had a day to reflect on the entire story, so I've dredged up some remaining questions/mysteries. No need to confirm or answer anything, but you know that already! This will also serve as a quick reminder list of what to keep an eye out for when reading future stories.1. In your post earlier, you said that flying is a clue to a secret in relation to the Kuambu. Well, a few characters have witnessed their shape and mentally commented on how unusual that is for a sea-faring race... Perhaps they have wings? It certainly would be a strange feature, and could serve as a gateway into understanding the Kuambu better if one could discover why they do not rely on their wings.2. We don't know yet what Ito was doing to himself with his gun-like contraption... That guy is so mysterious, I really am just content to let him run around in your stories and wait for the answers to come. =P3. Back to the grand reveal at the end. I think I may have been hasty about saying that the Great Beings are in competition with someone else. There WAS a schism that ignited the Core War (I assume that occurred in the Paracosmos too, since we have the shattered planet as Hujo saw), so it may be two factions of Great Beings. Or I may still be assuming too much. What I want to say next is sort of a roundabout response to fishers' last post...First, the Kuambu. We do not know where they are from, and since they dominate the Endless Sea, I would venture that they come from the Aqua Magna domes. The implication that the two universes are at war is both literal and metaphorical, I think. Literal - the Great Spirit may indeed be struggling mechanically to escape the domes and tunnels that have locked onto his body (even unconscious - we will struggle against our ill-fitting blankets or clothes while sleeping). Metaphorical - Hujo realizes that these two universes have been creates by two factions in competition, and so they would have been set up to eventually come in conflict.So I believe the Kuambu are like scouts on a massive scale - they went up, took over the oceans, and finally discovered a good base in the form of Mata Nui island from which they can begin invading the Matoran Universe. This may be entirely their own ambition, not aware they are carrying out a higher purpose.The Lone Captain did say that they refuse to go down through the sun-holes if possible, so I may be wrong about them planning an invasion. Guess it boils down to whether they are satisfied with an ocean empire or want more.I think this is partially such an astounding (and so, so cool) revelation for me because I didn't realize there were other domes before this. I thought they had been added to the robot's body during the Event, but it seems like this was known earlier? It also answers the mystery from Mindfire of how there can be Circles in the Zone of Darkness to the east and west of Metru Nui. There are Aqua Magna domes corresponding to them. I guess from an aerial POV, Mata Nui is rocking some headgear now. =P4. Oh yeah, and the acid attacks. We don't know yet what has caused that, but probably will find out more in this Saga. Can I ask - was Bhukasa's dome in the robot?5. Reading some comments earlier helped clarify the "time-shift" Hujo experienced as Blue Eyes. You planned this from so far back which is simply astounding. I'm also delighted that I'll be able to look for those references in earlier stories when I do eventually re-read them all.

Chapter 45: It's curious, though, that Korau is doing the same word play that Tyaagko did. Apparently that's another universal feature of the madness of the sea, because I thought it was just Tyaagko's way of dealing with the madness.Ito's power is almost exactly the same kind of phenomenon as something else from Cipher Chronicles... you should know what I'm talking about... interesting. ;)Now my comments will be sparse; I'm just racing to finish the story and then I'll read the comments that have been posted up to this point and see if anything new comes up for me.Chapter 46: Yup, stuff happens.Chapter 47: Ah... Awakening Caroha... who's already extremely intelligent... that is gonna have interesting consequences.The Kuambu - or at least the Lone Captain - have encyclopedias! And it seems like Poetraxiens is their version of the encyclopedia, since it has to do with being able to eventually remember everything, which is the same thing as gaining all knowledge. Cool.Chapter 48: A cold a day keeps the doctor away... huh? =PThe ego trust makes a lot of sense. Bhukasa's only ever been truly afraid of his own memories, so he could only face them if he agrees with himself to face it... then the fear would go away. I'll stop here since it's a good place, and finish reading tomorrow!

Ah, I won't make it in time to "live-review" the finale, but my goal is definitely to finish by the end of the week! Two chapters today at least. Also cool that Tyaagko's Undead state was inspired by the same thing I thought of! Chapter 42: Bio-sign language? And an interpreter that always follows you around and probably never gets tired, and is always consistently neutral? AWESOME. Thank you for making the distinction between identities clear. =) This is a really great addition to the mythos - something that I actually intend to do in my next series (with my own twists, of course). Would it be too egoistic to venture that I inspired you to incorporate this? It certainly is a clever way to add more mystery! No!! =OHorror aside, there obviously is a very strong theme of gaze in this story. I studied this in English last year so let me bring some of that here... Gaze is often used to convey power, as in a controller gazing upon a subject. But more realistically, it is used to cycle power, since there are always tensions between individuals and groups. Power does not reside in one single locus (and the many groups and factions in your stories make that obvious).With Blue Eyes, his gaze has always been passive, merely receiving information. You twisted this in a neat way by having Surkahi get information from BE by asking him to move his eyes around. Thus, motion of the gaze itself is a form of empowerment.Yet, this applies only when the gaze is consistent and unidirectional. This wasn't the case with Tyaagko, whose multidirectional gaze signifies a confusion of power - a loss of self-control. Although he certainly was still an active character who influenced and frightened others, it was unorganized, so not as great a threat as an unified gaze. And now the same is happening to Korau, unfortunately...I think I've figured out another clue to the Darkminds and Lightminds division. The Kuambu must be aware of the cause of this madness, and they are able to tell who will be susceptible to it and who isn't (or at least, who is more than half likely to fall victim, since the dark and light theme in BIONICLE has always been a balance, rarely a full shift toward either. So Tyaagko ad Korau both have some sort of aspect or destiny that makes them susceptible, and thus were sorted this way. Am I on the right track?Chapter 43: Maybe rewrite this. I thought it meant his hand was in shards, not his mask.I sort of see a growing cage theme here now that The Perfect Cage has almost begun, with both the Bahrag illusion and the apparently reality-shifted (or teleported via some other method) Kuambu prison roof.The boarding scenes were cool because I sort of felt my own style in this... it felt like something I would have written. Obviously I approve. ;PChapter 44: So Voya Nui is introduced early as well - neat.Awesome breakthrough for BE! I think it's clear that he is going to return in latter stories, although we don't know if he exists in other dimensions. If he means "all the time" literally (since he wasn't specific, and it seems like a convenient line to drop as foreshadowing) then dimensions shouldn't stop him. And when has that ever really stopped anyone in the Paracosmos? =P And my question gets answered - sweet. If BE can manipulate things like the messages on the parchment in the Paracosmos as well as the Shaking and Metru Alta dimensions, then we've got a very handy agent here. And another agent has burst onto the scene - the awakened Gukko, who's apparently sent friends to aid the Toa on Mata Nui! I feel like I am live-tweeting my impressions right now, heh, the reading is just too fun to not comment. Plus this probably gives you a great window into the impact of your writing as it happens. Plate tectonics at work, I assume. This makes me wonder what the impact of Mata Nui's body has on the planet's tectonic cycle. Was it ever clarified for canon how deep his body had sunk into the crust?

Chapter 39: Battle of minds, desire for existence and safety and return... this doesn't get easy for anyone! Well, that's the coolest thing ever.Wow, amazing plan being put into motion. Hujo clearly has learned an important lesson of a Mapmaker - when you have no more ink to draw your map, reuse the ink from what you already have drawn! Using the chronoserum to contain an Event in a Circle in order to create a new home is probably one of the most audacious things ever. Caroha will definitely have fits.Chapter 40: (Almost caught up, should be just in time for the finale!)Ohh. Should have foreseen that Caroha intended all of this. I even remarked on her apparent strategy of bringing Hujo under her (benevolent) control... should have occurred to me, especially since she handled those creatures so easily before. I feel silly. =PLove the controls for the Seahopper. Some of them are standard enough, but I'm curious how you came up with the underwater dome power. Reminds me of when I'd play with a cup in the bathtub as a kid and hold air underneath it while submerging it! Think that should be "rolling off of"?The final battle approaches...Chapter 41: I see the plan to sink the Lone Ship. We never did clarify how far those blasts can travel before losing their energy, though. Hopefully they are as powerful as they seemed to be last time! Although if the Kuambu worked with Mhondomva, we don't know that they haven't planted detectors at each of the horns that would alert them to whenever they're used. Or even using a dual system with one on their ships that alerts them when their ship has been targeted.Didn't expect that outcome, though. Brilliant.

On Azh'yuuros' secret job - if the event from before Mata Nui's crash/sleep is a part of official canon, I won't be able to remember it. Hasn't been that long since I was immersed in the storyline, but I have learned and lived a lot in a short time, so it may as well have been years! Perhaps I'll clue in later if I re-read the timelines and some articles on BS01.Thanks for the pronunciations. Makes sense for the Kuambu to make prisons this way; I didn't think of that. On Mata Nui's Paracosmos Form, I remember the history-producing effect of the Event, yes. In a way this makes it more difficult to figure out, since it would be a 'natural' consequence of history, which is often hidden as an ordinary fact of life so it's overlooked. I don't know if this means anything, but I keep thinking that Mata Nui's form must not be humanoid in the Paracosmos. But what else could it be?Chapter 37: Still more great storytelling. Good emotion with Hujo - which was still in character - and reminded me of The Poseidon Adventure with the sense of vast loss. Also, I think I notice here that you've eased back on the mystery-dropping, and focusing on building action toward the climax. It feels like a much more definite phase shift where the reader can simply enjoy reading while continuing to work on the established mysteries. Hope that was your intention with the format of EB.Chapter 38: Good to get back in touch with all the groups. That was a clever plot ruse to get Niaka away from the group so that Tahu could finally contact them. Also, your portrayal of Tyaagko is really spot-on. His reaction to Udmijok speaking reminded me of the Redead from Wind Waker (Zelda game) - if Link walked nearby, it'd turn its face with black eyes toward him but not move otherwise. Very creepy. Ooh. I don't think the Avohkii is recognized by anyone on Mata Nui (besides Unknown) yet, so that's a neat thing to throw out there early on.Oh my goodness. Blue Eyes is Hujo. I didn't see this coming, and yet it makes sense. I could have figured this out a couple of chapters back, but I wasn't focused on that mystery anymore. Oh well - the reveal shall come next chapter!

Thanks for the explanation of your intention in revealing the Cosmos Mata Nui. I know you always have the best ambitions, but questioning at least keeps you on your toes and pushes you to improve wherever possible. ;)Here begins my attempt to review one chapter per day while school is light, so I just have to "worry" about one chapter per weekish.Chapter 31: Hmm. Obvious correlation with Mata Nui's crash/sleep... I can't help but think of the sapphire hard drive that was announced recently - Google will tell you everything if you don't know of it, but if you don't know it, that sort of disproves my theory. But I wonder if Mata Nui's brain is the same sort of hard drive that can last for very long and is very durable. Why not call the chamber beneath Metru Nui a Sapphire Vault if that's the case? And there was a dead Glatorian there in the Cosmos, so Azh'yuuros may be your equivalent.Dang, intense scene between Tahu and Kanoka.Chapter 32: I think you need to update your Pronunciation Guide (it's only till Chapter 6!) for Shvontuk. I'm curious how to say that one in my head while reading. (Yeah, I do translate to phonics while reading sometimes, despite being Deaf. )Revelation of the Seahopper and its power was awesome. Sort of a distant cousin of the Soulsong Sphere in how it performed, though I imagine they aren't related. Could be a surprise there. But we have an interesting crossover here... the same yellow energy converting water to air and back is also used by the Kuambu? Perhaps a common technology like so many other things. Or did the Kuambu steal it from Bhukasa's people? Perhaps that's a part of how they went extinct? I also doubt the Kuambu really wanted to kill them - remember my lasting impression of them as classy villains - but they merely knew of the technology and were somehow completely certain Bhukasa would use it. (Then again, they might have taken a gamble without knowing it, not realizing that Bhukasa has lost his memory.)Seven hundred years in prison... shudder. A human would probably go "Mad," but this shows how different biomechanical minds are. If you know of the Infinity Blade game series on iOS, the main villains are the Deathless, who are practically immortal. One part described how one Deathless passes through time when there is nothing to do: they merely sink back into their mind and go into a sort of daydream. Completely aware of everything, and can think consciously, but time passes very quickly for them. Would you think something like that is possible for biomechanical beings here, or would it have happened to Bhukasa? So nice when a story takes this direction.Now we know about Toggler then... the Toggler of now remains to be seen.Chapter 33: Thrilling vivid description of the power of the Level 3 Btou Staff!The shape of the Paracosmos Matoran Universe? Oh man. Oh man oh man oh man. Putting us right in Hujo's mind and saying that it's completely sensible, just shocking that he never thought of it before, is the worst tease ever! Grabbing onto this for reference... seems important because it's actually so ambiguous. Does he mean what it took to cause such a modification during the Event? Or does Hujo realize that this was something that occurred AFTER the Event - a consequence of something altered within the Event? Some kind of mutation? Yet even that seems too complicated when this revelation emphasized the simple. Hmm. I'll probably be coming back to this section for many epics to come!Ahh, one more Twisted Island loose end tied up. How long have they been waiting there? Where are we in the timeline since the end of TI?Ah, another Rockswimmer Squid. I quite liked that creation of yours!Chapter 34: A sort of secondary ability of the Oru-Vortixx is that their accuracy doesn't only apply to their projectiles, but also to their own bodies if they are travelling through the air like that. Cool.The Shvontuk have evolved a neat survival ability thanks to their destiny Kuamor power. Knife-Tail's decision to run afterward reminds me of the Puppeteers from Larry Niven's science fiction; they evolved to be the most cowardly race in the galaxy since that ensured the greatest number would survive.Absolutely epic convergeance for Lewa's freedom from the Krana. Clearly the Oru-Vortixx misjudged how much of the hivemind they needed to keep the Toa half under control. And Lewa's advice to the Le-Matoran was powerful because it shows his growing wisdom. He thought of their long-term interest rather than rashly saving everything right away. Surkahi should be pleased.Bhukasa's returning memories are really enjoyable to read. A good reward for making it this far in the story! There's always been an obvious possibility that Bhukasa's people aren't extinct. (How do we know they didn't just flee in those ships to the other side of the planet?) We don't know the details yet, so... that's still on the table.Chapter 35: I think that this chapter of sweeping back the memories really gives some meaning to Bhukasa's uncontrollable sadness. The memories themselves are just simply sad, and there's so much still unresolved. Very good indirect pathos.Chapter 36: My comments are getting shorter, I think because more answers are coming now. Tyaagko's story is incomplete, but what is there is very compelling. And Rathoa's loss of certainty is also a major change in his character story. Just having a good time reading right now!

Well, considering all the deeper deviations from the official Bionicle universe Bonesiii has been hinting at (most notably, the revelation of Teridax's "True Plan" not being the canon Teridax's ultimate Plan), I think it's safe to say he has something much different and potentially bigger in store for the Paracosmos finale. Depending on who you ask, you might merely assume that he is using male pronouns by default because BE has no confirmed gender yet. I realize there's a lot of disagreement and controversy about this, but considering that there are very few gender-neutral pronouns in the english language (and none that can be used as easily as "he" or "she" without sounding awkward), some writers chose to use male pronouns when writing about such characters.Good point with Paracosmos Mata Nui. Thanks for reminding me that the Great Spirit is probably different in some ways there. I remember the Zone of Darkness Circles suggesting that his shape or such was different or at least not in the way we would expect. So there's definitely some surprises still to come!On the pronouns, I would argue that such gender-neutral pronouns certainly will never become easy to use in the English language until we actually start using them. It might be especially strange in Bionicle where gender has never actually mattered that much, but then it actually makes more sense to say xe and hir, or zie, or per, since he and she could arguably be the stranger pronouns to use in a Bionicle universe. But you're right that it's ultimately author discretion. Not sure how familiar bonesiii is with gender neutral pronouns or gender theory in general.Chapter 30: Very telling. I believe this is the first time it has been implied that BE has a real, objective past, not simply natural knowledge. Accidentally a word. The description of the black wheel interior is strikingly reminiscent of the technic axle rods and ball joints. Brings back some memories! I also wonder if the resemblance was intentional. Being responsive only to Bhukasa's species' touch (or presence, since he didn't have to touch it to steer) reminds me of the sci-fi concept of an alien species developing technology that can only be used with their DNA, or biometric signature or what have you. Most recently seen in District 9 (film), but I think it made an early appearance in the Heechee Saga book series by Pohl. If you haven't read that one, borrow or buy it immediately! Classic sci-fi on the brink of modernism.I did expect that the Kuambu would have a way to prevent flooding. After all, rain would eventually accumulate otherwise (or especially high waves) and fill it up.Ok, not Gadunka. Krulak. I'm assuming these are from your contest. Gotta look that up again to remember what I can expect!What a good chapter, and what an ending! I'll be slower reviewing now that school is back in session, but trying to stick to one chapter a day until I catch up.

Certainly a "great" bit of news that's done wonders for yanking me back here! I've been absent for so long, but this is an awesome stepping stone for me to return to the forums. Many thanks to Greg for maintaining a continued interest in Bionicle and in the community.Now, what else... [goes off to roam the forums]

Thanks for the response to my theories, bones. I'm keeping it all in mind. Biggest one for me is that you intended for that contradiction between BE's desire to gulp and its apparent impossibility to desire such a thing... It strengthens my theory that BE is Bhukasa's memories. And Surkahi told BE to follow the ship Bhukasa is on until the right moment... Not explicitly, but implied, which is just his style.Only Matoran can cause Events - thanks for reminding me of that fact! Changes that scene a bit, but still, I'm willing to believe that BE somehow was created as a lingering aftereffect of the Event that created Twisted Island... Yet that doesn't make sense since Bhukasa lost his memories well before the Event. Nowhere to go but forward.One last thing - were the blue creatures on the sea bottom Gadunka? I can't recall if they were amphibious.Chapter 25: Hold on, are they (Bhukasa and Taureko) speaking in English? If they can rhyme xiens and science, that has to be English, not Matoran, right? Or is this just a "translation" for us readers like Greg said he did in his writing?It's delightful to read through the decoding of the poem! I'm curious, did you write it first with just a general idea of your intent, and then actually decode it yourself through the story, or did you built it piece by piece from bottom up?The revelation that protodermic beings can recover all their memories (being constructed as machines with better functionality than evolved beings, although nobody here knows that yet, I think) is pretty cool. I think this might be related to your winning theory on the nature of protodermis. You made a whole diagram of the atomic structure and everything, and argued that there could essentially be only one type of protodermis that has a mechanism allowing it to "become" different substances. Almost a Bionicle equivalent of stem cells. Am I remembering that correctly? I'd love it if you could link me to that topic so I can re-read it, even if it's not relevant to this.Ah, should have seen that coming. Of course the Kuambu would support any movement that wants to confront the Toa! Great dramatic meeting full of power plays. You know that's how I like it. Chapter 26: Crazy happenings on Kriitunga Island! The fact that there are eight of these horns (hey, eight...) suggests Kriitunga Island was built as a sort of defense base. For the Kuambu, ages ago, perhaps? Or Kriitunga ancestors? It seems designed as a long range defense because small ships can slip under it rather quickly, so I wonder if it was designed originally to ward off the Kuambu's larger ships. Krohlaba obviously nearly hits upon this possibility. Of course, I'm more interested in how Mhondoka met the Kuambu and gained this knowledge. That's the missing link that, once known, will reveal more about what the overarching plan is - and whether the Kuambu truly are on their side. Props to Krohlaba. His inner conflict is more or less finally resolved. And a suiting end for the giant mutant (although I doubt we have seen the last of him). Powerful ending to that little thread! I enjoyed it very much.Chapter 27: Oh dear, BE really has lost it. But I don't know why I didn't see this before - BE is experiencing the Poetraxiens senses! And like before, slowly bringing them together into a single stream of consciousness. This time it's different because BE has previous experience - memory - and if it can recover all of its memory, this is strong implication that BE is fundamentally a protodermic being even if it does not have a body. Again, points toward a relationship with Bhukasa.And Mukana also is struggling to utilize the sense of truth here. Now I'm beginning to see how deeply interwoven the Poetraxiens's philosophy (science?) is in this story! It'll be interesting to see how the spread of the tablet's words and meaning affects everyone - because I'm pretty sure it will spread despite Bhukasa's efforts to keep it secret. Or at least at some point he will let it become public knowledge. Could even be damaging to the Kuambu since they have a monopoly on memory.Memory, and the sea. Two things the Kuambu seemingly know everything about. Hmm. Does the sea itself hold memory? Is Blue Eyes the embodiment of the memory of the sea? Hmm.Chapter 28: First section makes me think that we need a Mask of Video Calling or something of the like. A more appropriate name may be Mask of Remote Vision or something like that. It'd essentially create a visible window through space that can only focus on a specific person who also has that Kanohi, just like Telecommunication can only focus on the voice of another user. The space portal itself would only allow light and sound to pass through, no other kind of matter or energy so it can't serve as an improbably convenient teleportation or item transfer method. And to keep Telecommunication relevant, this would naturally take more energy to maintain the connection, so that's the tradeoff. Think that's plausible in your universe? (Or has someone thought of this already?)Chapter 29: Ah, I don't know how to feel about the big reveal to Hujo of Mata Nui's true nature. Perhaps I cherish it so much as the grand finale of Bionicle (2009/10 notwithstanding) that I want it to come later. But it also makes sense to reveal it now for Hujo, and it still remains a great secret. You did the scene justice, at any rate!BE's story is getting really compelling now that it's starting to feel. And just now I noticed that you're using male pronouns, so I assume BE is indeed male?

I agree with you on CoT being more of a true Rahunga finale. No issues with TI becoming an interim episode.. that's just organization, and sometimes it's better to organize after you've written because things can change so much by the end. Planning out sagas and episodes years ahead of time can end up seriously constraining your imagination and willingness to try new things, so I would not concern myself too much. It's experimental after all.Thanks for the reminder of what the game was about. I'll keep this in mind because there's obviously something I don't know yet - I had to resist clicking on that spoiler tag!Almost missed the Dharma Initiative allusion - octagons, am I correct?Chapter 17: Can't help but wonder if it is coincidental timing that Hujo and Caroha pass through The Shaking at the same time that Memory Island starts shaking itself to bits... need more clues for this, I think.More excitingly, however, is the apparent vial of chronoserum Bhukasa just found. Coming so close to touching it probably caused a near-Event - not actually, but just the very beginnings, ready to take off as soon as he actually touched it. But the also apparent fact that Bhukasa and Blue Eyes briefly connected must mean BE is connected to the chronoserum somehow. The substance acted like some sort of conductor. And, of course, Bhukasa is blue! The theme of blue is just... endless... :PEyes a theme of Memory Island - another connection to Blue Eyes. "camerati" - camera, with some grammatical twist to give it more of an active meaning, as in eyes that constantly see and perceive? If this is not a direct implication of Blue Eyes' importance, I don't know what is! Now here is my theory: BE is Bhukasa's memories, somehow manifested. Something happened, perhaps because of the Kuambu, that caused Bhukasa's memories to separate from his body/spirit. There is the question of why BE didn't appear until now, though. Perhaps simple time delay. And the chronoserum has something to do with this... perhaps some kind of secondary function. Or perhaps it is merely reacting to this separation because it has something in kin with the separation and offshooting of new dimensions. After all, BE is exploring and learning on its own, so that's almost like creating a dimensional offshoot from Bhukasa. See where this theory takes us...I don't think Bhukasa realizes what he just did by throwing away that vial! The question is why the vial is there in the first place, and who knows about it... If Torkax doesn't know what it is either, then he may cause something very bad. Then again, I feel like another Event would be overdoing it, so I suspect it won't happen. Something else equally bad might, though.Chapter 18: It is pretty cool to see Rathoa and an Unknown working together. Such powerful entities joining together is a force even the Brotherhood has to reckon with. And good keeping in character with Rathoa thinking about stealing their technology... it's been a while since I read about him so that's a good little reminder of his constant treacherous nature.Now we know the Kuambu are on Mata Nui, and have made it so far as Ko-Wahi and into a hidden room, to boot! And... a Rathoa Kuamor Sphere? I don't want to be the person - or anywhere near the person - who gets hit with that. :PSounds like Lewa is becoming more of a decisive leader by being indecisive and leaderless. A contradiction suiting both his character and the situation.Well, didn't see that coming with the stone. Gulp!Chapter 19: Really weird stuff with the Memory Stone - what IS the point of it all? I guess that Bhukasa will figure out the poem or riddle, and hopefully now that Torkax the Peddler has seen the Stone, the cycle of the Price will be broken. This is rather akin to the need for a person to stay in the hatch and press the button every 160 minutes (think I remembered the time correctly)... similarly, someone has to stay behind to guard the Memory Stone. And there is a total taboo on viewing the Stone itself, like there is in allowing the time limit to end without entering the numbers.Good stuff in this chapter otherwise; not much for me to actually comment on yet.Chapter 20: Good technical segue from Bhukasa to Hujo. Can just see the seamless scene switch as if it were a movie (or TV show; wouldn't it be neat if these stories got turned into CGI episodes?). Diction seems off at the comma. Not sure if I'm reading it wrong.But that scene seems to be a good explanation for how video game characters return to the surface from caves and the like, especially in Zelda games. I'm replaying Wind Waker so that may be why I'm thinking of this. :PCan't ever get used to the creepiness of the Krana'd Le-Matoran scene!Brilliant way to reveal Makuta's secret. It is Ito who has the deathsense, correct? I can't remember but I'm pretty sure it is him. I recall the part when he lost his second-last life, and I think it was around then that his deathsense was discussed.Also brilliant move to trace the tablet. Clearly Bhukasa was paying attention in kindergarten! Although this raises an interesting question: how would a person think of such an unusual trick when they have no memories beyond the past week or so? Did he think of it through sheer creativity? Seems unlikely given the little time he had to even think of the tablet bomb plan. The same question applies to Matoran and other beings who are created over time... Do they come with a basic knowledge store that they begin applying as they begin living? I'd be interested in your perspective on this, bones.Chapter 21: So Lewa did fall after all. He is going to seriously beat himself up after he gets rescued! That is, if he does get rescued in the Paracosmos. Would be cool if he stayed Lewa-Krana for much longer than in the Cosmos. Also enjoyed the allusions to Mata Nui's true nature.Certainly, if you're going to be the Rulers of the Sea, you have to be able to control the very sea itself. I found the discovery of the sinkhole's attraction power to be well-written with the especially vivid and easy to relate to in understanding the implications of the scenario.Twayzivl's musings were rather provoking to me - in a good way. Studying intersectionality recently has me interpreting his thoughts in that context. He's torn between a desire for change in society to match and accept his mutation, and another desire for the traditional ways in order to preserve his soul after death... And that indecision leads to him being frozen, literally and metaphorically.I think this is my favorite chapter because of Aethion's cameo appearance! Great job with the description reveal of the universe... It's reawakened my awe. :)How does BE know he wants to gulp? Heh, the mysteries of disembodied minds.Chapter 22: The ultimate working weapon of the Kuambu, it seems, is mystery. Bhukasa goes over everything they "know" about the Kuambu, which really is just what they definitely know they don't know (are we channelling Rumsfeld here?) and yet he fears them. So it's not exactly fear of the unknown. It's just that, when you do try to understand them, it becomes apparent that there is some deeper and vaster mystery.Creepy Toa is creepy. This comment segues into...Chapter 23: Clearly the tablet is more than a random scribbling. Now we have two sources of Poetraxiens in two different locations. That's when we can start extrapolating based on facts... 1) Both are located within the domain of the Kuambu. 2) Both are located specifically within territories consciously controlled by the Kuambu (a prison island and a trap island). 3) It seems to have something to do with elements or powers, the mystery of which bears a great similarity to the mystery of the Kuamor spheres. This is less a fact than an apparent correlation. I'm basing this on the actual fact that the Poetraxiens comes up right after Bhukasa and others have returned to the Kuamor sphere question, so the proximity in the writing suggest to me the author is indicating a relationship. Now I'm gonna go further. Bhukasa got to the point where it seemed like a pointless cycle of catching people, copying soulsong spheres, and using those to catch more people. What if they are doing this because most of those soulsongs are unimportant, but they are indeed searching for very particular soulsongs? And if Mad Toa grabbed onto the idea of ingredients for the best pie, does this mean he knows of the Kuambu's strategy (if only subconsciously now), which is to track down very particular soulsongs and use them to recreate something, or some things - perhaps the Poetraxiens Elements? That's where I am in my thoughts now.Also, I laughed quite loudly at Mad Toa's unexpected escape. Chapter 24: Awesome cameo of the Totems! It looks like this is becoming quite the extended Aethion adventu which I won't complain about.Cool decoding of the Poetraxiens. It's not going in the direction I expected based on my theory above, but we'll see.

I'm back. Now that I've arrived at the 12-month point where it's less than a year until I finish my degree, I'm winding down a lot of things and allowing myself to relax more so I can study better during the coming year. Let's not dally any longer! I last reviewed Chapter 8 and re-read the story up to that point. Here are my thoughts on Chapter 9. :)Reaction to Ito using Niaka's mask's Rahudermis: a single word inappropriate for this site. But it was also a brilliant timing of plot threads since you could immediately return to Niaka's group and fully reveal that secret without being away from that thread too long. Nicely done.I approve of Caroha's strategy with getting Hujo to obey her every command without thinking. It's probably necessary in such circumstances. Yet, in this epic there has been some questioning of the Unknown. Niaka, Lewa, and Hujo. The theme is similar - the Unknown are good, but contradictory in their apparent actions and words. The redeeming assumption is that those contradictions resolve themselves into good plans on deeper levels. But we can't know that. So Caroha forcing Hujo into this position is still questionable, especially if it physically exhausts him. (Then again, that could be a way to get him used to the heavy suit!)Even at the end of the chapter, I believe in Caroha... A good sign of the convincing job the Unknown have done to appear good!Will keep editing this post until you reply, or until I hit my max. There's a lot more to read, and I've got two weeks till school starts. Chapter 10: Reading this in the bath, so I can't help but wonder if Blue Eyes is in here with me! :PI had to laugh in sheer amazement at that revelation about the suits. My faith paid off, and I'm sure glad it did! And even though it's a simple example of the Unknown's multilayered intentions and actions, it's a great way to establish this for a new reader for the rest of the epic. Well done.Very cool narrow divergence of that scene with Hafu! Brought back the intense memory of watching that episode. I like how fast the Bohrok Saga is passing, too. It's clear you've sped up a bit per your revised plans, but I don't feel like its -too- fast. Just so you know. ;)Great ending to Part 1! Toggler seems pretty cool, and one couldn't ask for a handier ally when on an ocean. Turning water to solid and shapeswitching (neat concept BTW) should prove helpful, as well as his recollections for Bhukaka.The Memory Stone giving Bhukasa a definite mission allows me to identify an issue with Twisted Island's plot. Being as convoluted as it was, it may have worsened due to the lack of a clear objective. "Escape" simply isn't reliable enough. But finding a object that in turn will grant knowledge, which in turn will assist with the broader mission of combatting the Kuambu - that helps keep things grounded. Although it may be a bit cliche - journeying for some exalted artifact - it's a proven strategy. Here's to its success.Chapter 11: Wow, it seems like BE ended up in some kind of video game realm? I know you created a game with the Labyrinth in it, but I haven't played it so I don't know if it matches the story description. Definitely one of the most unsettling parts of this story thus far!Rathoa finally makes his EB appearance. It's nice to see him in less than a position of power for once! I taste the traces of the original Plan by the Brotherhood due to Icarax's claims. Can't remember - does Rathoa know about the Great Spirit's true nature? I don't think so, since we readers don't even know what Mata Nui is like in the Paracosmos yet. Anyway, it'll be a good chance of pace seeing our favorite Captain of Treason on the run!The Shaking makes me wonder if this dimension has the Great Spirit in a perpetual awakening state... Since everything is shaking and Bohrok are apparently trying to clean the entire place up, I wonder if he's stuck somehow. But the Bohrok didn't have Krana, so perhaps they've been hijacked and modified by someone for a different purpose that doesn't quite permit Mata Nui to rise. I feel like the shaking is the real mystery here, not the Bohrok, due to Caroha's naming. Then again, that could be a decoy.Chapter 12: Okay, so the Third Faction may have taken over in The Shaking, since the Kal think they are modifying the Bohrok. They may have succeeded more in that dimension than in the Paracosmos - hopefully! And now we have reason to believe they are working with the Kuambu - gulp.More clues about the maze. Definitely a video game of some sort, or a virtual simulation since living beings can exist in it. Perhaps the fish is still in the tank. It's all so bizarre - and you do a great job maintaining that feeling - and I get the impression that this is some sort of minor and incomplete experiment. After all, a fish is like a lab rat in this kind of context. Why put one in your simulation? Obviously BE has discovered that fish have feelings and thoughts, which the experimenter may have been closed minded to.However, not all is as it appears. I refuse to trust my first theory because it's rather too obvious. What if everything BE has been experiencing has, in fact, been a simulation designed to encourage BE's development? The simulation is modeled to imitate real-life events - in fact, it does imitate them very accurately. This would imply a being or group of beings with vast knowledge, and since BE has mostly brushed past good characters, I believe it's the Unknown doing this. Makes sense if the maze says it's their Labyrinth. The maze itself, then, is symbolic of BE's developing consciousness and sense of self. There are levels or progression, and a theme of searching for freedom that BE and the fish share. In fact, BE may have required the fish to understand freedom more clearly, since prior to this BE has been totally free to explore except when the tug happens. Forcing BE into a puzzle world would be another way of developing its consciousness and intelligence.After all, BE is navigating this with a fish, using the fish and communicating with it. That's just a step away from having its own body. Sort of clever, to give BE the ability to share a body but not fully control it, like a test pilot to make sure it's ready for the real thing. In this way, the maze would be closer to reality than BE thinks. It's an obvious in-between place; BE has figured that out. But while BE thinks it's further away from reality, it's actually closer.Now THAT is the theory I'll stick with and develop. It feels like something you would concoct! Well now, think of all the fleas that may have lost their lives in the battles between the Rahunga, Toa, and others! These people may need to rethink their priorities. Chapter 13: Nothing more terrifying than a giant that can move fast through a normally slow substance like sand. It's a contradiction of scale and speed that just adds to the "wrongness" of it. I suspect they're all merely trapped, though, since they all were caught so quickly. Doubt the monster had time to eat or kill them. (And this isn't the sort of story where people die, I hope.)This is where the story gets fast, though. Not much else to say, just good writing. I can't stop reading!Chapter 14: Wait, took a few minutes to click! This is inspired by the LOST monster, isn't it? Rustling noise, terrifying speed and near-impossible to sight. ;)All right, so we know it is definitely the Labyrinth of the Unknown, and probably not a virtual dimension. Just the Unknown's general weirdness lol. I think my theory still stands in that those tugs may be premeditated by someone who is guiding BE along his development. Someone with this kind of knowledge of the Unknown is frightening, though.Clever use of powers by Mukana here. I enjoyed that kind of writing when doing my own epics... Creating a predicament and then getting creative with what the characters have at their disposal.Chapter 15: Short action and dialogue chapter. The quaking island sure smacked of LOST too. I'm guessing you took this opportunity to create a little Bionicle-ified version! Perhaps the Memory Stone is like that keystone at the centre of the island, and taking it means the island will go beyond quaking to actually breaking apart. It's interesting how Torkax referred to the Stone; with the "terrible cost," I wonder if the name is literal: would the user of the Stone somehow become lost to the Now? Perhaps it is a mental time travel device - you don't physically return to the time when you remembered everything, but your mind does, trapping you in the past and forgetting everything in the present. Definitely seems terrible enough.Chapter 16: Interesting new predicament with Kanoka that Tahu considers. Sort of reverse Stockholm Syndrome. Should we call it Protocage Syndrome in this universe? Regardless, I remember the musings earlier in the story about Kanoka's incredible battle prowess. That would involve prisoners - and as Rahunga, Kanoka certainly is familiar with that. I don't think he would switch sides so easily just because he's being imprisoned. I believe Kanoka is more patient and understanding than that. Then again a Rahunga. That's all some of the Toa and Turaga can think about, I'm sure.Hujo's choice of obedience is poignant. As Jahurungi, he often needs to break from expectations and norms in order to illuminate secrets. So when he chooses to obey someone unquestioningly on such a visceral level, it almost challenges the essence of who he is. Is it better that he obeys Caroha in particular? I think that remains to be seen.Mysterious caves are the best.

Hey, just got to reading this. The first chapter was a great introduction. The plot started right away, so I was pulled in. I admit it took me a little time to get into the story because it's been so long since I've read Bionicle fan fiction. It'll be good getting into this again.The enormous calamity was described effectively and without wasted description... with things of those scale, it feels like the writer is pandering to the reader when they try to grasp every aspect of the disaster. I didn't feel that here. Of course, having read Stephen King's Under the Dome, I would suggest reading that too if you have plans for writing more mass-scale catastrophes in painstaking detail without boring the reader... dear me, he did it well!So that was a great beginning leading us away from the Kingdom universe to your own timeline.In chapter 2, I noticed one error: I think that should be "led back to our."I can't be wrong when I feel traces of LOST in this... but that's fine! It's a great story and the similarity makes this feel just as epic. I have lots of questions, though, but I'm sure they'll be answered in time.I like the pace right now. You aren't wasting any words on unnecessary fluff, which makes the story feel solid and confident. I'll be back when more is posted.

Chapter 8: I think you missed a word or two before the first hyphen. Succinctly put. =PNow we've come across the first big twist of the story, I think. Which Toa created that protocage? Very unlikely it was the Mata, even before Mata Nui fell asleep, since they wouldn't have been on the water planet then. Unless I'm forgetting something from the alternate timeline of the Paracosmos? Of course, we don't know for sure that it was created by Toa, or that it even is a protocage.Good chapter. I have this week of school, and then during Reading Week I hope to read one chapter per day. If that goes as planned, I should be all caught up by the end of February!

Re: replies above. Thanks for pointing out that chronoserum is blue - I had forgotten that. That does change my theory and makes it probably a small part of a greater truth. I'll keep it in mind.Chapter 7: This has the title of Cutest Line Thus Far In The Episode. =PI think the protodermic glass bowl is a great idea... never thought about that kind of scenario in Bionicle.Good god, I think Blue Eyes has already surged past Descartes' "I think therefore I am" threshold with its BE shtick! I'm gonna throw this out here - at its rate of evolution, it'll become capable of action outside of the water, or at least be able to manipulate water so well it can interact fully with the world, just when it is most needed.So Bionicle has its own Midas Touch legend as well, except it's real!My reviews probably won't be much deeper than this. I'm more focused on enjoying the story than analyzing every section, if that's all right. =)

Chapter 5: Good descriptions with the armour suits and sub-pod. I may have said this before, but your characteristic way of describing new things with precise detail is easy to follow only if the reader is totally focused and can mentally hold onto everything described up to that point. It can be overwhelming sometimes. Within the chapter, a good comparison might be the odd flow of the water around the hull of Bhukasa's ship. That was easy enough to comprehend - perhaps because we all are familiar with how water acts - so I think that when it comes to alien things like technological boots that grow into armour, it is best to write the description as an impression. Focus more on the general patterns of the transformation, than on what the actual transformation consists of. If a reader can't immediately grasp the full picture, which they feel obliged to because you clearly put such emphasis on it with your detail, then they get frustrated.My two critical cents for this chapter. Otherwise, very enjoyable! I'm guessing the single-sense-being has rapidly evolved into something more like a bodiless being. The senses seem to not matter much anymore because it has become aware of the distinct senses. That means it just had such a simple consciousness at first that it couldn't cognate more than one sense at a time, or even be aware that there were other senses. Very very basic intelligence! But now it's evolving, looks like... very cool.Chapter 6: Well, nobody expects the chef to be evil!This chapter is when I really noticed the blue theme because we spent so much time with the strange being. I noticed that in addition to the repeating blueness of things, there is water. And this being can't survive outside of water without being teleported away, it seems. I suspect it is some kind of elemental spirit.And I remember that this Episode is intended to explain why so many beings, objects, and even phenomena are blue (like Blue Fire, which even in the face of BIONICLE physics is an arbitrary colour). Knowing now that Caroha's mind subconsciously designed the Paracosmos, I wonder if this was something as simple as blue being her favourite colour. Or perhaps as the Event occurred and she was teleported to the Paracosmos, the last thing she saw was something blue. Unsubstantiated theories, but they're based on Caroha being central to the underlying design of the Paracosmos, so who knows.