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Jonestown Bartender

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  3. Jonestown Bartender
    Someone leads you to a closed door.
     
    The person says behind that door is your own personal paradise; what your heart desires the most.
     
    So, what's behind your door?
     
     
     
    Mine would be endless hills of wheat with no bugs, tons saucy brunettes and redheads who are madly in love with me, and endless fields full of crows for me to watch.
  5. Jonestown Bartender

    A Thought

    By Jonestown Bartender,

    In the dark corners of my mind thoughts have been growing ever since I learned about nuclear weapons, Bio missiles, and other things of the like.
     
     
     
    We've found ways to make ourselves stronger, faster, live longer, and more powerful. In doing such we've out grow all of or predators.
     
    We've found ways to make ourselves look better, smell nicer, talk around making anyone mad, and we made a grand hive-mind that we call the internet. in doing such we have out grow our instincts.
     
    We've found ways to make bombs that flatten everything around them for 40 miles, we've made guns that fire a bullet that will go into a mans head and explode, we've made weapons that can fly half way around the world and kill millions in seconds, and we've made a bomb, a finale solution of a bomb, that if it's ever used it will set the whole atmosphere on fire and will kill everything on the planet within an hour. In doing such and all the things for mentioned,
     
     
     
    We know have the power that only long forgotten gods once had, with a few numbers and letters, the turn of a key, and the press of a button we could bring about the end of the world.
     
     
    Now were trying to learn how to control reality it self...
     
     
     
    Now to get to the point; How long will it be before calling our self's humans and mortal creatures becomes an understatement?
  7. Jonestown Bartender
    THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE 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BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST- *Is shot*
  11. Jonestown Bartender
    Is in production the basic workings of the mechanism is like this;
     
    I'll have a modified lighter on the bottom of my wrist to create the flame, there will be a trigger in my hand that when I pull it will start the lighter. Now on my hip will be a few cans of pressurized propane with a tube running from the cans up to my wrist, at my wrist there will be a cut off valve when I open said valve will allow the propane to travel to my wrist, out a jet, and through the lighters flame.
     
     
    If everything works right I think I could get 5-10 feet of fire.
     
  12. Jonestown Bartender
    time to ruin some childhoods
     
     
    Ed, Edd and Eddy's entire cast of kids are all dead and living in a purgatory of an eternal childhood cycle (originally an eternal summer, but then they started going to school), thus the complete lack of any adult agents in the purgatory.
     
    The kids in the cul-de-sac are each from different time (Johnny and Rolf from the 40's, Naz from the 60's, Kevin from the 90's, and Jimmy from the 00's, and so on).
     
     
     
     
     
    Dexter was "discovered" by his parents (as in they noticed his high intelligence for his young age), and eventually came to exploit this. Forcing him to live away from home and attend private schools that would actually pay for him to attend, as well as constantly getting grant money and entering him into programs, all of this for an exploitation of money.
     
    Eventually Dexter finds him self as an adult who is extremely depressed, because of the fact that he never really had a true child hood. At that point he than decides to build a machine that would keep him in a "slumber" like state that simulates the perfect reality for him, which would be:
     
    He get's to go to normal school (is still in elementary school).
    His parents never find out about his intelligence, ie don't exploit him.
    He has his own giant (impossibly sized) laboratory where he can play and build what ever he wants all day long.
    and has a sibling that he never had growing up.
     
    As his fantasy world plays out in this simulated reality he eventually dies and withers away due to a lack of food/water.
     
     
     
     
    'Cars' is just a small boys imagination of a world of living cars.
     
    They lived down South and he always had a drunken dad who was never there and all he did was sit in front of the T.V. and watch Nascar and other car related show.
     
    He interpreted his dad as Mater the idiotic pick-up since that was what he drove and what his dad does.
     
    He is lightning the racecar. His dad would have to pay attention to him. And he was to busy for him.
     
     
     
    Get Fuzzy is actualy about a man with split personalities, the cat represents his pent up anger and frustration and the dog is the passive jovial side he wants to become.
     
     
     
    Rugrats is about a dozen adults in a asylum, their condition? They all think their toddlers, the asylum staff is their parents.
     
     
     
    Sleeping Beauty is about a child who was stabbed and went into a coma. The thorns signal how she grew older while still in a coma. When she died in real life, someone had her wake up from a kiss in the tale. In the story, they gave her everything she would never have in real life.
     
     
     
    Handy Many; Manny was a decent guy with a wife and some kids who had gotten a job as a handyman in Sheetrock Hills after he and his family moved there. Manny was good at his job, while he didn't make a whole lot of money he was able to save a lot by building most of his house himself and doing all of the upkeep and whatnot for free.
     
    One day while Manny was out working, there was an electrical fire in the house due to bad wiring and the house burned down, killing Manny's wife and children. Manny blamed himself and suffered a psychotic break.
     
    Eventually Manny was released from the mental hospital and went to his workshop to find his toolbox and tools, a gift from his family when he became a handyman and the only memento he had of them. To Manny's surprise, his tools begin speaking to him and moving around the workshop. Manny realizes he doesn't have to be alone anymore because his tools are his friends. Manny forgets he ever had a family, replacing them with his beloved tools.
     
    The other people in the town play along with Manny's madness because he was a decent guy and they feel bad for him, when he starts waving his tools around and speaking in different voices they react to the tools as if they were alive because they don't want to remind Manny of his loss.
     
    This is why Manny is only ever called for very easy jobs like fixing one wooden stair or replacing a bar on a baby crib; the people don't trust Manny to do anything more difficult. It is also why Kelly gives Manny whatever supplies he needs without asking him for any money. Mr. Lowpart pretends to be a bumbling moron, but he actually makes sure Manny has enough to eat and that all of his bills are paid on time, since Manny is too busy playing with his tools to take care of things like this.
     
     
     
    The Super mario Bros. A story about a woman too bored with life until she breaks down and creates a wonder land, not just one but two heroes and a kingdom always willing to come to her aid, strange alien beings bring excitement even on a mundane day, and a tyrant wanting nothing more then her capture.
     
     
     
     
  15. Jonestown Bartender

    Wondering

    By Jonestown Bartender,

    Does pollution drive evolution?
     
    I think it might.
     
    I'm not saying dumping ###### into rivers is okay but there may be a brighter side to it.
     
     
     
     
    What do you guys think?
     
     
    Please don't flame, if you don't believe in evolution say so politely or please don't post.
  16. Jonestown Bartender
    Political parties are a joke.
     
     
     
    The reason they're so popular is that they appeal to four very comforting human thought process;
     
     
    1. Tribe/clan/order/family/some kind of small close knit society.
    2. Black and white prospective ( if you make this legal the world will end!)
    3. The us and them mentality. (A tribe only last as long as it is opposed)
    4. And the infamous "I only want to be with people that are just like me"
     
     
     
     
    And (at least in the US) you picking whether you want spiked Coke or spiked Pepsi.
  18. Jonestown Bartender
    This is an old eastern European ghost story.
     
     
     
     
     
    *********************************************
     
     
     
    Once upon a time there were twin girls, Stela and Sorina. They were brave little girls, and had no fear of the dark, nor of spiders and other crawling things. Where other young ladies and even young boys would cower, Stela and Sorina would walk with their heads held high. They were good girls, obedient to their mother and father and to the word of God. They were the best children a mother could ask for, and this was their undoing.
     
    One day, Stela and Sorina were out with their mother gathering berries from the forest. Their mother bid them stay close to her, and they listened, as they were good children. The day was bright and clear, and even as they walked closer to the center of the forest the light barely dimmed. It was nearly bright as noon when they found the tall man.
     
    The tall man stood in a clearing, dressed as a nobleman, all in black. Shadows lay over him, dark as a cloudy midnight. He had many arms, all long and boneless as snakes, all sharp as swords, and they writhed like worms on nails. He did not speak, but made his intentions known.
     
    Their mother tried not to listen, but she could no more disobey the tall man than she could forget how to breathe. She walked into the clearing, her daughters shortly behind her. "Stela," she said, "take my knife, and cut a circle on the ground big enough to lie in." Stela, who was not afraid of the tall man, nor afraid of the quiver in her mother's voice, obeyed what her mother said. "Sorina," the mother said, "take the berries and spread them in the circle, and crush them underfoot until the juice stains the earth." Though Sorina wondered why her mother asked her to do such a thing, she obeyed, because she was a good girl.
     
    "Stela," the mother said, "lie in the circle."
     
    Stela, though she worried she might stain her clothes, did as her mother asked.
     
    "Sorina," the mother said, and bid Sorina cut her sister open with the knife.
     
    Sorina could not; would not.
     
    "Please," her mother said. "If you don't, it will be worse. So much worse."
     
    But Sorina could not, and she threw the knife away and ran home, crying. She hid under her bed, afraid for the first time in her life. She waited until her father came home from the fields, and told him of the terrible thing she had found in the woods. Her father comforted her, and told her she would be safe. He went to the woods, his axe in hand, and as he commanded, she stayed by the hearth, waiting for his return.
     
    After some time she fell asleep. When she woke, it was to the sound of knocking on her door at the darkest hour of the night. "Who is there?" she said.
     
    "It is your father," the knocker said.
     
    "I don't believe you!" said Sorina.
     
    "It is your sister," the knocker said.
     
    "It cannot be!" said Sorina.
     
    "I am your mother," said the knocker, "and I told you it would be worse." And the door, locked tight before her father left, fell open as if it had been left ajar. And her mother stepped in, her sister's head clutched in one bloody hand, her father's in the other.
     
    "Why?" wept Sorina.
     
    "Because," said her mother, "there is no reward for goodness; there is no respite for faith; there is nothing but cold steel teeth and scourging fire for all of us. And it's coming for you now."
     
    And the tall man slid from the fire, and clenched Sorina in his burning embrace. And that was the end of her.
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