SPIRIT

I'm just sorry you had to spend 7 hours drawing all my stars 😭

This is seriously some ace reporting. Thanks for compiling this list of sets

Don't make me choose between Onua and Lhikan! 😭

11 hours ago, Nato G said:

Indeed. If this is true, then I do feel bad for Greg; it must really suck to be let go after so long with the company. But at the same time, it might finally spell an end to this clingy canonisation obsession so many people seem to have. 

That said, best of luck to Greg with whatever comes next. 

Yeah, I love Bionicle and all, but ten years of obscure canonizations after the end of the story has been frustrating to keep up with.

And yeah, I hope Greg lands on his feet. He has brought joy to many people and deserves some for himself.

It makes me happy that people are still making such amazing art for the series. Also if this is what fans can do 20 years after the original, imagine how great Gen 3 might look someday.

On 4/28/2021 at 11:19 PM, Lorentz said:

If it's not detachable, it's not a mask. 

Also please ignore Hydraxon and Maxilos because even though they are obviously wearing masks, sometimes it's hard to think up new powers for them

On 2/1/2020 at 6:11 AM, Harvali said:

Gosh I was literally thinking about this fanfic yesterday, awesome to know it’s still here. I am still impressed by the feat of running two parallel timelines in each chapter, coordinating and plotting that much detail, balancing all the characters, it’s incredible. I have to reread this one of these days. Though given later reveals in the Gen One canon…

  Hide contents

…I wonder if the “heaven” Jaller saw Hahli in was actually the Red Star. Huh, wonder if the Red Star was out of range when Takua “detonated reality.” Could the Matoran who died before the climax be up there still, bringing their war to the Red Star?

 

I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I really like your theory!

I once envisioned a bit of a sequel where Tridax steps in at the last minute and pulls Takua into the prime universe as part of his plan to create an army of Shadow Takanuva.  Takua then escapes and gets to examine a world without war and explore what it is to be a survivor.  Realistically this will never be written because I just don't have the free time I did in high school.

Fascinating read.  20 years later and I'm still learning stuff.  People inside the Mata Nui robot?  Kaita switching names?  The reason they stopped calling it "biodermis"?  Just wild.

Buzz saw boi

Lariska

I mean, the answer is obviously just "Greg forgot", but I'd like to point out that Greg's AU stories seem to diverge from the main timeline earlier than the events in the story would have you believe.  (Or at least this is how I personally reconcile the massive plot holes!)

For example, Takua couldn't become a Toa in the Toa Empire timeline.  But Takua was the first Matoran ever made!  Even though that timeline ostensibly diverged when Tuyet took over the world, it seems to have actually diverged at the creation of Takua.  Similarly here, the Kingdom timeline must've diverged when Velika didn't become a secret Great Being.

Or maybe he was a Great Being the whole time and didn't tell anyone because it'd be super awkward.

Chapter 14- Episode 4: The Dark Portal (Part 3)

(Meanwhile, the Toa, minus Gali, are all fighting Umarak.)
 
Umarak: You cannot win!
 
Onua: Look, now that we're in an area that blocks elemental powers, we are absolutely going to take full advantage of Lego's much more permissive violence policy.
 
Tahu: No stabbing the ground with fireswords?!
 
Lewa: No windfly sandtwister?!
 
Pohatu: No binding hands with my climbing claws?!
 
Onua: Dude, why were you even in Mask of Light?
 
Pohatu:
 
Ekimu: Umarak, you have not collected enough of the mask.  You cannot open the door to the Shadow Realm!
 
Umarak: So you say.  But you forget I have been bathed in your elemental light, Ancient One.
 
Ekimu: Whoa, buddy, you're one of the primordial forces of this island.  You are much older than me.
 
Umarak: Okay there, grandpa.
 
Ekimu:
 
Umarak: It was you who filled me with the power I needed.
 
(Umarak telekinetically lifts the Toa's weapons and flings them into the Shadow Realm.)
 
Umarak: And you did not know.
 
Ekimu: Didn't I?
 
Onua: Hey Pohatu, we finally found someone more useless than you.
 
Pohatu: But I killed all the Elemental Beasts with like a single attack!  If anything, pick on Tahu and Kopaka.  They're easily our weakest teammates.
 
Onua: Hey Tahu and Kopaka, we finally found someone more useless--
 
Kopaka: Finish that sentence and you're a popsicle.
 
Tahu: A POPSICLE ON FIRE!
 
Onua: How would that even--
 
Director: Hey maybe let's finish this Netflix original series so we can all move on with our lives?  How about that?
 
Kopaka: So what are we going to do?
 
Tahu: If we don't let him finish the ritual, he can't open the portal.
 
Lewa: Wow, it sure was nice of the writers to explain how this works from the get-go instead of wasting their time by telling Makuta's backstory twice.  Oh wait a minute!
 
Onua: So we keep fighting.
 
Pohatu: For how long?
 
Onua: Forever, if that's what it takes.
 
Pohatu: Sounds good to me!  Then Bionicle will last forever too!
 
Director: *Checks watch* You've got about six minutes of Bionicle left.  Make it count.
 
Lewa: Hey, Umarak!
 
Umarak: What?
 
Pohatu: Here we come!

(The Toa charge at Umarak.)
 
Umarak: Alright, I guess I'll fall for your obvious distraction.  It's not like people without any weapons or magic powers actually pose and legitimate threat to me, but sure.  I'll fight you instead of doing the one thing Makuta wants me to do.  Good thing I'm wearing the Mask of Control or who knows what crazy antics I'd be up to!

(Meanwhile in the Shadow Realm, Gali watches Makuta on a balcony giving a speech to his servants.)

Makuta: My minions... please stop appearing in terrible Facebook pictures.  No one under the age of 50 likes those.  And enough with the Despicable Me sequels!  No one over the age of five likes those.  Also... today I will take my rightful place among the gods.

Gali: Wow, we're polytheistic?  I have so many questions that I really hope get answered in the next six minutes.

Makuta: It is a victory for all that is dark and unforgiving.  Our ancient code demands we never reveal the prophecy recorded in the Temple of Light.  Ekimu will honour that vow even if that means the Toa will never know their true power and darkness will rule forever.

Gali: True power, hmm... I'd like to see that.  Also, kinda weird that Makuta took the time to explain all that to his minions.  Also weird that Ekimu has already revealed a lot of this forbidden prophecy to us already and that he would arbitrarily hold values that he invented himself even if it means the end of the world.  It's like several details regarding the end of this story were changed at the last minute...

Lego:

(Gali infiltrates the Temple of Light and examines the writing within.)

Gali: It's all there... every bit of it.  When we got here... our masks... our creatures.  It's very convenient that now I can read this language when in previous episodes I nearly died due to my illiteracy.

Director: That's called character development!

Gali: Remember kids, if you want to learn how to read, just go into an ancient temple and almost die!

Director:

(Gali finds a picture of a warrior with the Nuva symbol of Water below it, surrounded by energy.)

Gali: Wait that's me... This was all meant to be.  But why?  Of course!  United but not One.  Duty... Unity... and now Destiny.

Director: I... you... IT'S UNITY, DUTY, DESTINY!  DIDN'T YOU EVER WATCH THE OTHER MOVIES?! WE ONLY SAID IT LIKE 37 MILLION TIMES!

Gali: Have I seen the Bionicle movies?  What do I look like, some kind of nerd?

Director:

Gali: We can do this... but only if I can find a way out of here.  What am I saying?  I know what's going to happen.  I just have to be there when it does.  Take that, logic and laws of causality!

(Back in the real world, Onua is slammed against a wall as Kopaka and Lewa help him up.)

Onua: I'm fine, come on.

Kopaka: It's too late. Look.

(The Toa look on exhausted as Umarak begins to glow with power.)

Tahu: Huh, weird, I totally thought we could beat the giant magic guy with our no weapons or powers.  What a twist!

Onua: The Destroyer is the last piece of the puzzle.

Lewa: His energy is going to make the difference.  It's kinda like... what was the point of collecting the pieces of the Forbidden Mask?  Like this whole second arc was a big waste of time...

Ekimu: The door will open... but the story will not end there.

Director: *checks watch again* Ehh, pretty much, though.

(Umarak glows purple and begins writhing and screaming in pain.  He shatters into a mask and green fragments, which all soar into the sky.  A bright light from the crystal envelops the area and then fades.)

Lewa: He's gone.

Pohatu: Makuta was using him the whole time.

Lewa: Um duh, didn't you see the end of episode 2 WHEN THEY ALREADY EXPLAINED THIS?!

Pohatu: What do I look like, some kind of nerd?

Kopaka: And there he is!  ... Makuta.  There is Makuta.  Look, there's a lot of shared dialogue in this show.  If we keep interrupting one another to complain about the story, it's really hard for some of us to get our lines in.

Pohatu: Oh shut up, Kopaka.  You've already had more than your fair share of the spotlight in this show.

Kopaka:

(A figure begins to emerge from the crystal.)

Ekimu: I have vowed not to share the prophecy... even though I've already mentioned it several times... but this was meant to be.

Tahu: What?  Makuta can't win!

Ekimu: He is not the only one banished to the Shadow Realm.

(A blue glow escapes the crystal.)

Pohatu: Look!

Tahu: What is that?

Lewa: Don't you know?  Like, seriously, it's blue.  Who else could it be?

Tahu: Oh my gosh... Krekka?!  You're alive!  I thought Greg said that you couldn't be revived by the Red Star, but it's true!  You're back!  My oldest friend!

Lewa: I... you... but... WHAT?!?!?  IT'S GALI!  OF COURSE IT'S GALI!  WHY WOULD IT BE KREKKA?!  HE DOESN'T EVEN EXIST!

Tahu: Oh...

(The blue light enters Gali's body and she is restored.  The other Toa all cheer.)

Ekimu: Gali, it is good to see you.

Gali: I was in the ancient city.  I've seen the prophecy.

Ekimu: Then you know what you must do.

Gali: I also know that you're absolutely insane for not having shared the rest of this with us.  Clearly there are no consequences for acting based on knowledge from the prophecy.  It's like we're some sort of constructible action toy for your amusement!

Ekimu: Uhhhhhh....

Gali: Don't sound so sad.  We're going to save Okoto.

Tahu: How?

Gali: Ekimu knows, but he can't say.

Ekimu: Even if it is your destiny, you still must find it for yourself.

Gali: Well I have found it.  Also, what difference does that make if it's set in stone anyway.  Wouldn't we have found it regardless?  ONCE AGAIN I AM VEXED BY THE PHILOSOPHY OF A PLASTIC TOY!

Director: Are you done?

Gali: Yes.  We don't pull our elemental power from the planet.

Lewa: Was that a thing previously?

Onua: There's an awful lot of canon being written right at the end of all this.

Gali: The planet pulls its elemental power from us.

Tahu: I knew it!  We were in Soviet Russia all along!  DUME, WE SHOULD'VE LISTENED TO YOU!!!!

Kopaka: But we've left the world of elements.

Gali: Guess what!  We are Toa!  We are the elements!

(She fires a blue beam from her chest at Makuta as he is still trying to emerge from the portal.)

Gali: This is our destiny.  We will merge our power and end this.

Kopaka: Do we have the power?

Gali: No, Kopaka.  I just installed a giant spotlight in my chest.

Lewa: You do, if you believe.

Pohatu: But if we merge our power...

Gali: It will be the last thing we do.

Pohatu: And it'll be worth it... especially since in Gen 1, we also merged our powers during the second year of the storyline and transformed into cooler versions of ourselves.  I'm sure the same thing will happen again.

Director: Oh no, please don't risk it.  You have so much to live for.  Such a long second generation of Bionicle to look forward to.

(Gali is surrounded by water and floats in the air.)

Tahu: Makuta!

Pohatu: This ends now!

(The other Toa are surrounded by their elements, float in the air, and blast beams of energy from their chests as well.  A dark beam of energy emanates from Makuta to try to counteract the Toa's beams.)

Gali: For duty!

Kopaka: For unity!

Tahu: For destiny!

Director: Come on, guys.  You're like the main three Unity, Duty, Destiny guys from Gen 1.  How could you possibly mix up what your virtue is?

Tahu: Well it doesn't really help that we only started referencing them in the last five minutes of the show.  Might've been helpful to bring that up sooner...

Director: WE BROUGHT IT UP IN 2003!

Tahu: Ehhhh, I still could've used more time to learn them.

Onua: We are Toa.

Pohatu: Uniters of the elements.

Onua: And in the name of those elements, we banish you to the Realm of Shadows!

Gali: As we return to the stars.

Onua, Tahu, Kopaka, Pohatu, and Lewa: WAIT, WHAT?!

(The Toa disappear and a rainbow of energy soars up into the night sky, culminating in six stars.  Ekimu looks up at the sky pondering all that has happened.  The scene transitions as an unnamed Protector of Ice narrates these events around a campfire with various Okotans.)

Protector: Born of the elements, they returned to the stars where all life began.  But even now, in a time of peace and plenty, they watch us from above.  This is the legend of Bionicle!

Jungle Okotan: So wait, are you supposed to be Narmoto or a different guy?  Because you totally have Narmoto's voice.

Protector: I think you'll find that my voice sounds like a lot of people...  Anyway, should the day come when we are in need of heroes, the Toa will return.

Director: Okay, cut!  That's a wrap.  And let's never do this again.  Like ever.  Never ever ever ever never.

THE END...Until the next Bionicle reboot.

Director: NO, IT'S THE END FOREVER!

THE END... But seriously, they still own all the copyrights, it could still happen.

Director: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 13- Episode 4: The Dark Portal (Part 2)

(Umarak is using his powers to lift giant purple crystals out of the ground as the Toa confront him.)
 
Tahu: Umarak!
 
Umarak: It is too late.  It is over!
 
Gali: Are contractions and apostrophes also over?  Because that's a very annoying way to talk.
 
Umarak: I do not know what you are talking about.
 
Lewa: Ser'sly, y'can s'v' s'much tim' talkin' li' thi'
 
Gali: Okay, wow, that's actually 65 million times worse.
 
(Pohatu, disinterested by the finer points of grammar and writing, continues to taunt Umarak.)
 
Pohatu: Wanna bet?
 
(Pohatu attacks Umarak, only to be thrown head-first into a rocky outcropping.)
 
Umarak: Toa of Stone... I can feel your power.
 
Pohatu: Yeah?  Well I don't feel yours! ... Also that's a really creepy thing to say.  You're a weird dude.  I'm going to tell my parent/guardian about this.
 
Umarak: You will, Toa, in time.  You all will!
 
Pohatu: Like, what even is your power now?  Making crystals grow out of the ground?  Turning Shadow Traps into monsters that are actually pretty easily dealt with?  I think your shadow telekinesis-teleportation from before was much more intimidating.  If you have some time to chat to Makuta after all this, maybe present that as constructive criticism?
 
(Umarak charges at Tahu, shooting green fluid from his claws, which Tahu dodges.)
 
Kopaka: Whoa!
 
Tahu: Yeah, seriously, that was weird.  I mean, that stuff clearly isn't acid.  The ground doesn't get burnt or anything.  Did you just shoot boogers at me?  Pohatu, add that to the list of disappointing powers.
 
Pohatu: Way ahead of you.  Okay, now let's see.  Harmless green liquid, inability to use apostrophes...
 
Lewa: He's big, but he's slow. Watch.
 
(Lewa leaps in the air and lands a flying kick on Umarak's shoulder.)
 
Lewa: Gotcha!
 
(Umarak turns to confront him.)
 
Lewa: Uh oh!
 
Ekimu: Pohatu!
 
(Pohatu lifts several large boulders from the earth and smashes Umarak with them.  Lewa is knocked back in the crossfire.)
 
Lewa: Thanks... I think.
 
Kopaka: Ha!  That was easy.
 
Ekimu: I know, that's why I got Pohatu to do it.
 
Pohatu: Hey, no prob-- HEY!
 
Lewa: Easy?  Why does everyone keep saying that?
 
Kopaka: 'Cause it was.  It's over.
 
(It is, in fact, not over, as Umarak leaps out of the pile of boulders and escapes.)
 
Lewa: Wanna bet?
 
Kopaka: I bet you're going to get smacked if you keep sassing me like that.
 
Tahu: Where's Umarak?
 
Gali: Up there.
 
(Umarak leaps up the mountain of purple crystal.)
 
Tahu: That guy is tough.
 
Kopaka: So are we.
 
Tahu: ... are we, though? It literally took all of us to fight some giant spider, and then we only won due to shoddy Okotan bridge-building.
 
Kopaka: Hey, that was a tough fight.  He was like some sort of spider, man.  Who does whatever a spider can.
 
Tahu: Okay, well, the biggest threat he did pose was having a golden mask that let the wearer telepathically control the skull spiders except HE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A FACE TO WEAR THE MASK ON.  A FIKOU WOULD'VE POSED MORE OF A THREAT TO US, BECAUSE UNLIKE THE LORD OF SKULL SPIDERS, IT CAN ACTUALLY WEAR A MASK!
 
Kopaka: Are you saying he wasn't strong?  Because listen, bud.  He had radioactive blood!  Look out!  Here comes the spider, man!
 
Tahu: It feels like you're just asking to be set on fire at this point.
 
(Umarak approaches a floating purple crystal enshrouded in purple smoke.)
 
Umarak: Makuta!  I have brought the pieces of your forbidden mask!
 
Makuta: Hey, thanks for wasting the last few hours just stomping around making purple crystals grow from the ground even though you had the mask fragments this whole time.  Very helpful.
 
Umarak: But they're purple!  I was making the mountain look pretty!
 
Makuta: Pohatu was right, you are a weird dude.
 
Umarak: Look, I got you the mask pieces.  Let's just leave it at that.
 
Makuta: And now they will open a door to the Realm of Shadow.
 
Umarak: Isn't it the "Shadow Realm"?  Is it really that hard to keep these things consistent?  Heck, why not call it the "Region of Shadow" so it fits with the theme of everywhere else in the series?
 
Makuta: Look, Mr. Pretty Crystals, you're not exactly in a position to be lecturing me about things making sense!
 
Umarak: Well ya got me there... What must I do?
 
Makuta: Cast them out.
 
(Umarak opens his box and flings the pieces of the mask out.)
 
Makuta: Whoa, hey!  Gently, obviously!  Great, now we have to look for the pieces ALL OVER AGAIN!
 
(Umarak spends several hours picking up the pieces again, regretting that most of his blunders seem to be from doing things just for the sake of dramatic effect.  Meanwhile, the Toa clamber up a rock-face and confront the dark duo.)
 
Onua: Umarak!  You are of this world.  Do not help Makuta destroy it.  It's not too late!
 
Umarak: It is too late... for you!  Also, I was created from the shadows and my name means Shadow Hunter the Shadow Hunter.  I don't have nearly enough of a compelling backstory for you to try to appeal to my obviously nonexistent better nature.
 
Onua: Well then why did you try to double-cross Makuta?  It's like your character in this show had nothing to do with your Bionicle.com bio!
 
Umarak: Yeah weird... anyway!  FEEL THE POWER OF MAKUTA!
 
(Umarak sprays Onua with the lime green fluid from before.  Onua leaps out of the way and instead of doing nothing, the green liquid slices a boulder into pieces.)
 
Onua: Oh cool, that actually does do something.  Too bad it makes less sense than Tahu's booger theory.
 
(The Toa jump into action to help Onua.)
 
Kopaka: Don't say we didn't warn ya!
 
Tahu: The ground beneath me, there's nothing.  No fire!
 
Onua: It's not earth!
 
Tahu: So we're on Mars???    ELON MUSK!  WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!
 
Umarak: You cannot summon the elements!  You have left your world of light.  Here there is only shadow, shadow I command!
 
(Umarak raises a wave of shadows to strike the Toa.)
 
Tahu: Oh shoot, he can still do the shadow thing!  Pohatu!  Why aren't you writing this down?!
 
Pohatu: Help!  I can't swim!  That was one of my defining character attributes in Gen 1 which made no sense because I had a mask of water breathing!
 
Kopaka: Help!
 
Gali: I can't move!
 
Pohatu: It's like mud!
 
Umarak: How easily you are defeated!  ... Like, seriously, why didn't I lead with this in episode one?
 
Ekimu: Umarak!
 
(Ekimu leaps from a high ledge down into the fray.)
 
Ekimu: If there is shadow, there must be light!
 
(He raises his hammer and nothing happens.)
 
Pohatu: Still can't move!
 
Umarak: See? You are not strong enough.
 
Ekimu: Look, obviously I haven't done my thing yet.  If all of you could give me like TWO SECONDS maybe I could actually contribute to this conflict beyond giving my usual unhelpful advice.
 
Gali: I'm getting bored!
 
Ekimu:
 
Gali: Sorry!
 
Ekimu: But I am not alone!  Agil!  Now's the time!
 
(Agil flies into Ekimu's body, which begins to glow and enshrouds the area in blinding light.  The light fades and Ekimu has returned to his villager form and everyone, including Umarak, is lying on the ground.  The Toa get up to check on Ekimu.)
 
Tahu: You alright?
 
Ekimu: I am... I am weak.
 
Kopaka: You also cost as much as the Elemental Beasts and they had like twice your screentime!  You didn't even last half an episode!  RIGHT NOW YOUR SET IS SELLING ON EBAY FOR LIKE A HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS!  WHAT IS THE POINT OF YOUR EXISTENCE?!
 
Ekimu: Well at least I lasted longer than the Ussanui.
 
Kopaka: Whoa, too soon!  He's only been dead for like fifteen years!  Not cool, man!
 
(Umarak slowly rises to his feet.)
 
Gali: But so is Umarak!  ... Weak, I mean.  Look, my line makes sense when people don't waste time complaining about set prices, okay?!
 
(Gali charges at Umarak.)
 
Tahu: Gali, no!  Let Kopaka or me do something useful for a change!
 
Ekimu: It is her choice.
 
Tahu: Why aren't we helping her?  She obviously expected us to charge in with her.  You are definitely a bad person, Ekimu.
 
(Gali leaps over Umarak and grabs a piece of Makuta's Forbidden Mask of Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny.)
 
Gali: I'll take these.  I got 'em!
 
Umarak: No!
 
(Umarak swipes at Gali, but she dodges.  A purple light shoots out from the Makuta crystal and envelops Gali.  Her spirit is drained from her body and absorbed into the crystal.  Gali is then thrown to the ground... somehow still screaming.  She hits the ground and the light fades from her eyes.)
 
Tahu: No!  Our token female character!  Now we're definitely going to fail the Bechdel Test!
 
Lewa: When have we ever passed it?
 
Umarak: It is over!  Makuta is coming!
 
(Umarak growls as he is surrounded by purple flames.  Everyone just decides to ignore him and checks on Gali's lifeless form.)
 
Ekimu: Gali's spirit is strong, but we have lost her to the Shadow Realm.
 
Tahu: What are we going to do?
 
Ekimu: What you came to do.
 
Kopaka: Collect the Seven Millennium Items and the Egyptian God Cards to defeat Marik Ishtar before he can use the powers of the Shadow Realm to--
 
Ekimu: Look, it's obviously not that.  Why don't you people stop him?
 
Makuta: Hey, I did my part by calling it the Realm of Shadow earlier.  This is on you, bud.
 
Lewa: Don't worry.  You know Gali, she'll find a way back.
 
Onua: Lewa's right, come on.
 
(Meanwhile, Gali's spirit wakes up in the Shadow Realm.)
 
Gali: What happened?  Where am I?
 
(Ahead of her is a glowing purple city.  Gali walks towards it.)
 
Gali: This is the city Ekimu told us about.  But it was destroyed... which means... I'm in the Shadow Realm... which also means I've spent the last minute explaining things the audience already knew.  Well, while I'm at it, I might as well re-establish the colours of grass and the sky.  You see the grass is --
 
(Gali is interrupted by some nearby growling.  She rushes off to hide and spots Makuta leading a group of Elemental Beasts, Shadow Traps, and Shadow Okotans.)
 
Gali: Makuta.  I wonder where he's going.  Man, it's a good thing that everyone here is completely deaf.  Otherwise my very loud self-monologue would definitely give away my presence here.  Now for me to go spy on him...
 
Makuta: Oh, I could hear you, but I was politely ignoring you because EAVESDROPPING IS SUPER RUDE!
 
Gali: Sorry!

So would Black Six's adopted son be Black Seven?

Chapter 12- Episode 4: The Dark Portal (Part 1)

(The Toa walk through a rainy valley of stones. Pohatu kneels to the ground to examine a set of footprints.)

Pohatu: There, I knew it. This is where Umarak entered the Region of Stone.

Ekimu: Good, we need to reach the crater before he can open the portal.

Pohatu: And we've got a long way to go.

Tahu: Wait, if we already know where Umarak is going, why are we wasting time tracking him? Surely we should just go to the GIANT, IMPOSSIBLE TO MISS CRATER INSTEAD OF WASTING TIME TALKING ABOUT WHAT THE AUDIENCE ALREADY KNOWS.

Gali: Hey now, this is a serial Netflix series. What if the audience forgot what happened?

Tahu: Both these episodes were released on the same day. WHAT WAS THERE TO FORGET?!

Gali: Well, Tahu, unlike you some people have better things to do than watch Netflix all day long.

Tahu: ........ I'll just shut up now.

Lewa: If Makuta had to open a door to another world, why couldn't he do it someplace nice, like the jungle?

Ekimu: Oh, I'm sorry you don't think the former site of the greatest city in our culture is "someplace nice".

Lewa: I'll just shut up now.

Ekimu: Makuta doesn't have the power to open the door to the Shadow Realm.

Kopaka: Right, because first he needs to get the Seven Millennium--

Ekimu: It was the Forbidden Mask.

Pohatu: Hold on, are we giving up on calling it the "Mask of Ultimate Power"? Because "the Forbidden Mask" is only slightly better.

Ekimu: Actually, its full name is the Forbidden Mask of Ultimate Power.

Pohatu: HOW DID YOU FIND A WAY TO MAKE ITS NAME WORSE?!

Kopaka: So you destroyed the mask.

Ekimu: It destroyed itself. The merged elements cannot remain as one, and when they split apart...

Onua: It tears a hole between our worlds.

Gali: So Umarak can't release Makuta.

Ekimu: Unless he's found pieces of the Forbidden Mask.

Lewa: Which you know he has.

Tahu: So, what do you say we pick up the pace?

(The Toa run off through the rain.)

Tahu: By the way, thanks for wasting a whole two minutes of my life recapping everything we already knew... and then acknowledging that we already knew the stuff we already knew. I think the audience's hands are getting sweaty for how much we've been holding them through this story.

Director: Look, everyone was always complaining that the movies didn't make sense. Now you're complaining that they're too easy to follow? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!

Tahu: I DON'T KNOW! THIS IS THE INTERNET! PEOPLE JUST COMPLAIN ABOUT STUFF!

(Agil perches atop a stone spire and Pohatu stops the group in front of him.)

Pohatu: Whoa!

Tahu: Why are you stopping?

Pohatu: I think he wanted me to wait.

Ekimu: Agil!

(Agil flies down to Ekimu and lands on his arm.)

Ekimu: He wanted to make sure we were together.

Pohatu: But... we've been together this entire episode... WHAT'S THE POINT OF THIS SCENE?! It's almost like they're padding things out in this episode for some strange reason... Well, I'm sure that just means Bionicle Generation 2 will have a long and healthy lifespan.

Director: Okay, you just keep believing that.

Lewa: So are we there?

Pohatu: We are. Look.

(He points at a giant mountain of purple crystal with a purple beam of energy at its peak.)

Lewa: Wow, how did I miss that? Does Gen 2 Lewa have incredibly poor eyesight? Is this a new depth to my character?

Pohatu: No, I think you're just stupid.

Lewa:

(The Toa all gaze at the mountain.)

Tahu: That looks bad.

Lewa: You can say that again!

Tahu: Oh great, now Lewa's going deaf too!

Ekimu: It is sad how evil my brother has become.

Gali: I thought Makuta was always evil.

Ekimu: No, he was jealous and ambitious. But I suppose that is where evil begins... with ambition.

Kopaka: Remember kids, don't have any ambitions! It means you're evil!

Ekimu: Hey, how about you let me tell my story first? How about that?

Tahu: Oh good, the story that we already had at the beginning of the show... and a million times in 2015. This is such a great use of the final episode of this series.

Gali: Hey guys, did you know that I'm actually the star of this episode?

Ekimu: Hey cram it, Gali, and let me tell Makuta's origin story for the billionth time.

(The scene fades to Ekimu as a Protector, gazing out over a vibrant city. Present day Ekimu narrates the tale.)

Ekimu: The masks we made shaped the lives of those who wore them, but I never realized how badly my brother longed to outshine me. So Makuta broke our most fundamental laws--

Kopaka: And didn't file his taxes on time!

Ekimu: No. Why would that possibly be what I'm talking about?

Kopaka: Hey man, taxes are an important part of any civilized society. With taxes you can--

Ekimu: Okay, anyway. He merged the elements into masks.

(In the flashback, Ekimu walks in on Makuta forging and red and green mask.)

Makuta: I call it... the Mask of Christmas!

Ekimu: What does it do?

Makuta: It encourages people to spend more on gifts, allowing us to use the sales tax we collect to revitalize infrastructure!

Kopaka: I told you taxes were important!

Ekimu: Okay stop, we already didn't like you before. Making "likes taxes" your defining character trait really doesn't help you here.

Kopaka: But they help redistribute the wealth.

Ekimu: ANYWAY. Makuta hoped by making miracles, Okoto would see that he was more than just a simple mask maker.

(Makuta gives a purple and blue mask to a villager who is canonically known as "the groundskeeper".)

Bingzak: Haha! You don't get a real name!

Groundskeeper: Well at least my name isn't Bingzak!

Bingzak:

(Using the power of the combined mask, the groundskeeper causes those weird giant raspberries from an earlier episode to grow on some bushes.)

Ekimu: But combining even two elements in a single mask brought disaster.

(The groundskeeper puts on the red and green mask, but the bush catches on fire. He quickly takes off the mask and gives it back to Makuta.)

Gali: Hmm, kinda seems like just using the mask that grows more food would've been fine. What was evil about that?

Ekimu: And wreck the economy by having affordable food for all? Are you nuts?!

Gali: But wouldn't that solve world hunger?

Ekimu: Exactly! See? Makuta was totally evil!

(Makuta returns to his forge and pours molten metal into the cast for a new mask.)

Ekimu: So hungry was my brother for power that he merged all the elements into one forbidden mask. He took his new mask to the capital. Makuta hoped the power of his new mask would allow him to rule the planet like a god.

Tahu: Whoa, whoa, whoa.  Bionicle has gods now?  The internet is not going to like this one.
 
Ekimu: I said he would be like a god, which may or may not indicate that there are gods in our system of beliefs.  I think that's ambiguous enough to keep the internet happy.
 
Tahu: You clearly don't know the internet.
 
(Makuta stands in front of a massive crowd holding the Forbidden Mask of Ultimate Power.)
 
Ekimu: But I knew it would not be so.  Prophecy had foretold it all.
 
Pohatu: So there was a prophecy that Makuta would make a dangerous mask and cause a rift in space-time that would transport the capital city to a parallel universe?
 
Ekimu: Yeah, for obvious reasons we usually ignored those prophecies...
 
Pohatu: Fair point.  What other sorts of unbelievable prophecies were out there?
 
Ekimu: Well, they also foretold the plot of The Last Jedi.  That was pretty unbelievable.
 
Pohatu: This is a weird island.
 
(Ekimu runs towards Makuta as he puts on the mask.)
 
Ekimu: If my brother had been pure of heart, the power might have affected him differently.
 
Onua: What does the mask do if a good person wears it?
 
Ekimu: Cures heartburn.
 
Onua: Honestly, given the direction mask powers have been going since 2007, that doesn't really surprise me in the slightest.
 
(The mask transforms Makuta into a giant.)
 
Ekimu: But the mask's powerful alchemy turned my brother's envy and bitterness into pure evil.  I did what I had to do.
 
(Using his hammer, Ekimu smashes the mask off of Makuta's face.)
 
Ekimu: The power of the mask tore a hole between our world and the Shadow Realm.
 
(The mask explodes, sending shockwaves across the city.)
 
Ekimu: The city was drawn into that world and so was my brother.
 
(The city disappears, leaving behind the Black Crater.)
 
Ekimu: Then it was gone and our world was as you found it, as it is now.
 
Lewa: So wait, how did you just end up in a coma?  And why didn't you die after all that time?  You've just retold the same story we already knew with no real explanations of anything.
 
Ekimu: That, Lewa, is the power of eating your vegetables.
 
Lewa: ... I'm beginning to think your story is made up.
 
(The flashback ends and the Toa stand around Ekimu in the train.)
 
Ekimu: What is saddest of all is that it was all foretold in prophecy, from my brother's beginnings to our standing here.
 
Pohatu: You know how this is going to end?  ... Also, the prophecy specifically talks about you standing around and explaining your backstory to us?  What a lame prophecy!
 
Ekimu: I know what is written.  Whether it will come to pass depends on you.
 
Pohatu: So wait, someone wrote down the whole story of Bionicle Generation 2 and it exists in-universe?  WHY WERE WE TRYING TO SOLVE MYSTERIES ALL THIS TIME IF YOU ALREADY KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS?
 
Ekimu: I uh... Oh boy, we'd better go stop Umarak!
 
(Ekimu runs off and the Toa follow him.  The group stops as they see Umarak.)
 
Kopaka: There he is!
 
Tahu: Yeah, no duh!  He's neon yellow on a purple background.  How could we possibly miss him?
 
Kopaka: I just wanted to be useful for a change.
 
Tahu: Yeah, me too.
 
(Umarak holds out his clawed hands and purple spires of crystal emerge from the ground.)
 
Lewa: He's huge.  Are those...?
 
Ekimu: Pieces of the Forbidden Mask, yes.
 
Onua: Then why hasn't he opened the portal yet?
 
Pohatu: The mask has been dormant for a thousand years.  The pieces will need time.
 
Onua: Hey, you can't just make up lore like that!  Also hasn't the mask been dormant for thousands of years?
 
Pohatu: What do I know?  I'm just making it up!
 
Onua: I guess I walked into that one.
 
Tahu: If we can sneak up on him, this should be easy.
 
Lewa: It's never easy!  Why does anyone even say that?
 
Tahu: We have the element of surprise on our side.  All we have to do --
 
(Umarak jumps out next to them.)
 
Umarak: Toa!
 
Lewa: Surprise.
 
Tahu: Very funny.
 
(The Toa run off.)
 
Tahu: How did he sneak up on us?  He's like ten feet tall.  Do we all just have really poor eyesight?
 
Pohatu: Guys, I think we're ALL just really stupid.
 
Director: Ding ding ding!  Tell him what's he's won, Johnny!
 
(Umarak raises his claws, drawing up pillars of elements from the ground.)

Umarak: Beasts of all the elements, rise!
 
(Elemental Beasts appear around Umarak and begin to march towards the Toa.)
 
Onua: Okay, we've done this before.
 
Gali: We've fought creatures with elemental powers that are defeated by destroying their masks?  I don't know, that sounds like a pretty original concept...
 
Onua: THAT IS LITERALLY THE ONLY THING WE DO!
 
(Ekimu attacks a Storm Beast only to be knocked down and rescued by Agil and Kopaka.)
 
Onua: Kopaka!  Help!
 
Kopaka: At last!  I finally get my chance to shine in this series!  I'm sure no one else will show me up in the next 30 seconds.
 
(The Toa work together to fight the Beasts as Umarak makes his escape.  Gali notices him running away.)
 
Gali: We gotta go!
 
Onua: Easy for you to say.
 
(The Toa continue struggle against the Elemental Beasts.)
 
Pohatu: ENOUGH!
 
(Pohatu leaps up to a rocky outcropping overlooking the battle.)
 
Pohatu: I am Toa Pohatu, Uniter of Stone!  Look around you!  This is my house!
 
(A cyclone surrounds Pohatu as he starts to petrify.  Then he punches the ground and destroys all the Beasts in one single strike.)
 
Tahu: Why didn't you do that right away?
 
Pohatu: I wasn't mad enough.
 
Tahu: I thought you were always mad.
 
Director: ... did we just do a canon meme... IN BIONICLE?!??
 
Tahu: I didn't meme to!
 
Director: YOU ARE LITERALLY THE WORST!
 
(Lewa points to a gap in the cliffs.)
 
Lewa: Ah, look.  Pohatu made us a path.  How thoughtful.
 
Pohatu: Yeah, right.
 
Tahu: As long as we can call on the elements, we can beat this guy.
 
Lewa: Just don't tell me it'll be easy.
 
Tahu: What if I told you it'll be a piece of cake?  Or easy as pie?
 
Director: PIE?!??!
 
Tahu: Uh oh.

The sacred texts!

Chapter 11- Episode 3: Destroyer's Game (Part 3)

(Tahu rescues Kopaka from a group of Lava Beasts.)
 
Kopaka: Thanks!  Wait, is that all of them?
 
Tahu: You sound disappointed.
 
Kopaka: These things are like $15 each.  I was kind of hoping they'd have a bigger role in all this...
 
Perditus: Could be worse... could be so much worse...
 
(Melum and Ikir jump off their backs and rush back to the city.)
 
Kopaka: Hey!
 
Tahu: Where are they going?
 
Kopaka: I don't know, but I bet it's important.  Come on!
 
Tahu: If this show has taught me anything, now that you and I are involved, it's definitely not important.
 
(The Toa and their Creatures meet up in the city.)
 
Tahu: You know there are more of those things coming.
 
Onua: And they are growing more powerful.
 
Tahu: Shut up, Onua.  There's been nothing shown to suggest that.  You're just saying stupid clichés for dramatic effect!
 
Onua: Uh oh, we've got company!  There's a storm coming!  This time, it's personal!
 
Tahu:
 
Kopaka: So what are we doing?
 
Onua: It is not our job to stay and fight them.
 
Kopaka: Yes it is!  Uh... isn't it?
 
Pohatu: I thought we were pest exterminators who also fought spooky skeletons?
 
Ekimu: Onua is right.  We are needed elsewhere.
 
Lewa: We're going to the Khajiit homeland of Elsweyr in the land of Tamriel?
 
Ekimu: Why would you assume I meant the obscure video game location instead of the normal English word?

Lewa: I might have a slight video game addiction... Oh hey, there's a Swinub nearby on Pokémon Go.  Gimme a sec....  Gimme a sec...

Ekimu:
 
(The group notices Ekimu's new appearance.)
 
Tahu: Whoa!
 
Pohatu: For once we agree!  Whoa!
 
Tahu: You mean you usually don't agree with me?
 
Lewa: You've been busy!
 
(Agil flies down and lands on Ekimu's arm.)
 
Onua: I have.
 
Ekimu: Wha-- shut up, Onua!  That's obviously my line!
 
Onua: Sorry, it was the Netflix subtitles!  I can't believe they got us mixed up!  Our voices are completely different!
 
Director: Uh...
 
Ekimu: The time for mask making is over.  Now I join the fight.
 
Tahu: When did it begin?  I mean, you made our Unity masks, but we had to go out and find new ones because yours were so terrible.  Not to mention the armour modifications that took away Lewa's ability to fly.  You're kinda really awful at your job, you know?

Ekimu: Yeah, well, at least I didn't have to turn fighting spiders into an epic quest.

Tahu:
 
Gali: The hawk is beautiful!
 
Ekimu: And powerful.  He is Agil, the Creature of Light.  Our forge was built on the foundations of his ancient temple.
 
Tahu: And not by chance, I bet.
 
Ekimu: Not by chance.
 
Agil: YOU BUILT A FORGE ON TOP OF MY HOME ON PURPOSE?!  ALL THESE YEARS I ASSUMED IT WAS A MISTAKE!  WHEN THIS IS OVER I'M GONNA--
 
Gali: So you are the Toa of Light.
 
Ekimu: No, just an old Mask Maker who'd like to help.  Also I think the Director would have an aneurysm if we brought Takanuva back.
 
Pohatu: Yeah, right.
 
Kopaka: What a weird thing to say.
 
Pohatu: The writers wanted to make sure I had enough lines in the show.
 
Kopaka: WELL GOOD, IT SURE WOULD BE A SHAME IF THE WRITERS NEGLECTED SOME OF US.
 
Ekimu: Now, we must leave.
 
Tahu: What about the city?
 
Onua: This whole attack was designed to keep us from our real task.
 
Gali: Umarak...
 
Lewa: And all the time we've been here, the Hunter has been on the move.
 
Gali: He must know a way to release Makuta.
 
Pohatu: I've faced Umarak before and so has Lewa.  You guys stay here and protect the city.  We'll take care of him.
 
Lewa: Wow, a Lewa-Pohatu team up?  We haven't done that since 2008.  This is going to be so --
 
Ekimu: Umarak wears Makuta's mask.  There's no telling how powerful he will be.
 
Lewa: You mean the mask that controls your mind if you wear it?  Oh no, how awful.
 
Onua: We must face him together.

Lewa: But what about the never-before-seen team up?

Onua: Oh I'm sure we'll have looooooooads of time for that.  A whole decade of Gen 2 Bionicle to do it in.

Director: Uhh......

Tahu: But what will become of the city?

Ekimu: The city is in good hands.  The Creatures will stay.

Kopaka: Ah yes, we'll leave the city in the hands of the things that specifically do not have hands.  A cunning ploy.

Tahu: And the Creatures will fight without us?

Lewa: Sure they will!

(A group of Storm Beasts appears over the ridge.  Terak knocks them down and a group of villagers rushes up and starts punching them.  Their masks fall off and another villager smashes them.)

Storm Beast: Ow, stop punching us!  We're already dead!

Water Okotan: 

Storm Beast: Well at least he isn't using that creepy spanking emoticon...

Tahu: Look at Ikir!

(Ikir breathes fire at some Storm Beasts, vaporizing their water while Akida shatters them with twin water jets.)

Akida: Okay, for the record, I definitely contributed a lot more than Ikir did.  Where's my recognition?

Ikir: Oh can it, you stupid flying fish.

Akida: Wow, that is insensitive on multiple levels.

(Ketar knocks another group of Storm Beasts off the ridge to the waiting fists of the villagers below.)

Ice Okotan:

Storm Beast: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Lewa: Haha, they do just fine without us!

Tahu: I guess they do...

Onua: Don't sound so disappointed.  We still love you, Tahu.

Tahu: Okay, well I was disappointed.  Now I'm just creeped out.

Ekimu: We must go.

(The Toa, Ekimu, and Agil assemble outside the city.)

Gali: Where to?

Ekimu: I don't know, but Agil does.  He has seen Umarak.

Onua: So he told you that he saw Umarak, but not where he saw him?  That bird has some sass.

Ekimu: Tell me about it!

Agil:

Ekimu: The element of light brings vision.  Look into Agil's eyes and he will share what he has seen.

(Agil spreads his wings and the Toa are shown a vision of Umarak the Destroyer reaching into a pit of lava.  He grabs a golden shard of metal and examines it.)

Umarak: That is the last.

(Umarak puts the piece into a purple and black box.  Agil briefly attacks Umarak but flies off when Umarak resists him.  The vision fades away...)

Tahu: What was that thing?

Ekimu: That is what Umarak has become.  He belongs to my brother now.

Pohatu: Oh, okay.  In complete contrast to when he was an ancient evil born from the shadows at the dawn of time.  This is somehow drastically worse.

Gali: What what was that he found?

Ekimu: I-- YOU-- WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU THINK IT WAS?!  WE'VE DONE LIKE 3 EPISODES ABOUT HOW HE'S TRYING TO FIND THE PIECES OF MAKUTA'S MASK!  WHAT DID YOU THINK IT WAS?  A RANDOM ROCK FOR HIS ROCK COLLECTION OR A RANDOM PIECE OF TRASH THAT HE'S PICKING UP FOR THE JOY OF IMPROVING THE ENVIRONMENT?! YOU MIGHT BE THE STUPIDEST PERSON TO EVER EXIST IN ALL OF BIONICLE, AND I'M INCLUDING BOTH VEZON AND GAARDUS!

Gali:

(The Director applauds gently before wiping a small tear from his eye.)

Ekimu: Okay, SO for anyone else who's not following this series of events -- It was a piece of Makuta's forbidden mask.  We must hurry.

Tahu: You know where he's going?

Ekimu: The Black Crater.

Pohatu: I know that place.  There's nothing there.

Ekimu: It was once the site of the greatest city on the island.

Gali: Is that where you knocked the mask off Makuta?

Ekimu: And created an opening between our world and the Shadow Realm.

Tahu: Alright everybody, grab your Duel Disks.  This is going to be one heck of a crossover series.

Gali: So the city was destroyed.

Ekimu: Destroyed in our world, but trapped forever in the Shadow Realm.

Gali: Okay so why didn't you just say it got sent to the Shadow Realm?  Who's teh stupidest Barnicle now?

Ekimu: ...

Onua: And all that's left is the Black Crater...

(Meanwhile, as the Toa stand around discussing lore while the fate of the world is very much at stake, Umarak approaches a pool of purple liquid.  He raises a clawed hand and the pool begins to bubble and rise up.  Dark clouds circle overhead and a vertical beam of light rises in the eye of the storm.)

Tahu: What is that?

Ekimu: That is the door to the Shadow Realm.  We have run out of time.

Tahu: Well cool, I guess we'll just continue to stand here and talk.  That'll be our contribution to all this.

Elemental creatures?  Now where have we seen those before...

Chapter 10- Episode 3: Destroyer's Game (Part 2)

(Onua smashes a pair of Quake Beasts with his hammer, shattering them into purple crystal.)

Onua: Well, what do you know?

(With a mighty battle cry, he causes purple crystals to creep along the ground and shatter another group of Quake Beasts. He then destroys one of the Beasts' masks with his Blazing Crystal Hammer.)

Pohatu: Now see THAT is a cool weapon name!

Lego: It's a tool.

Pohatu: You're a tool.

Onua: *panting heavily* Destroy the masks. That's the key.

Gali: Are you seriously out of breath from that? In the last scene you jumped like 300 feet in the air and didn't even gasp!

Onua: Maybe I skipped arm day?

Gali: Have you seen yourself? Your entire body is arm.

Onua: Oh well uh, I wonder what Kopaka and Tahu are up to? Everyone loves those guys!

Gali: Hey, don't you dare change the scene without explaining this lack of--

(Meanwhile, Kopaka freezes a Storm Beast and shatters it before crushing its mask under his foot.)

Kopaka: Nice.

Tahu: Don't you mean ice?

Kopaka: No.

Tahu:

(Back on the bridge, Pohatu smashes another Storm Beast, but before he can break its mask, he is tackled by two more Storm Beasts.)

Pohatu: Hey!

Gali: We're going to need more than just our weapons.

Lego: For the last time, they're Toa Tools!

Gali: Um, actually that was directly from the script.

Lego: Oh... well never mind then.

(Gali sends a wave at Pohatu and his assailants, knocking them all to the ground. Gali quickly smashes the Beasts' masks.)

Pohatu: You know, I just dried out.

Gali: Yeah, sorry. #SorryNotSorry

(She gives Pohatu a hand to help him back up.)

Kopaka: Forget that! They're coming!

Pohatu: Forget saying sorry and picking me up? Wow. Rude!

(Two Lava Beasts grab Tahu and encircle him in a bubble of fire.)

Tahu: Whoa! Hold on there!

(One of the Lava Beasts takes Tahu's mask.)

Lewa: They've taken his mask! Finally I'm not the worst Toa!

Tahu: I'm outclassed by Pohatu and Lewa?! WHAT'S HAPPENING TO BIONICLE?!

(The other Lava Beast rips off Ikir and throws him away.)

Gali: He's lost his connection to Ikir!

Lewa: So it's up to us?

Gali: That's right!

(Gali and Akida shoot water at the bubble of fire, but it has no effect.)

Lewa: Silly Gali, you don't fight fire with water. You fight fire with plants!

Kopaka: And with ice!

Gali: Well good luck with that. Let me know if you want to place bets on a Pokémon battle later.

(Lewa wraps Tahu and the Lava Beasts in vines while Kopaka freezes them to the ground.)

Kopaka: It's working.

Lewa: Oh yeah, keep it up!

Gali: You defeated the fire monsters with plants and ice? WHAT'S HAPPENING TO BIONICLE?!

(As Tahu claws for his mask, the Lava Beast throws it away.)

Lewa: I got it!

(Lewa leaps into the air and kicks the mask into Tahu's face. Filled with power, he blasts the Lava Beasts away.)

Tahu: Did you just kick my mask?

Lewa: Seemed like a good idea.

Tahu: It was. Thanks guys! But seriously Lewa, if you touch my mask again, I will light you on fire and drop your ashes in a volcano.

Kopaka: Hey, if they can work together, so can we, right?

Pohatu: Did Kopaka just suggest we work together? WHAT'S HAPPENING TO BIONICLE?!

(Ikir flies over to the group.)

Tahu: There you are!

Ikir: Hey, I almost died. You can't just throw birds off cliffs and expect them to fly. That's not how --

Tahu: Now, let's do this.

Ikir: My undying love for piggyback rides is the only thing holding this friendship together.

(Tahu and Ikir unite and the group charges at the Beasts, who run away from the Toa up a nearby hill.)

Kopaka: I think we've done it. Look!

Onua: You sure they're retreating?

Lewa: I'm thinking they've got themselves a plan.

Uxar: Oh... are we doing the weird talking thing again or what? Like... you speak just weirdly enough for it to be noticeable, but not weirdly enough for it to be iconic. You're like the uncanny valley of weird talking.

Pohatu: These guys? They don't plan.

Gali: Oh yeah? Look!

(A group of Storm Beasts shoots lightning into the Mask Makers' City.)

Gali: They make a storm big enough, it'll destroy the city!

Tahu: Ignoring the fact that a storm isn't really a major concern for a city whose building are all carved from stone, why didn't you start that sentence with "if"?

Director: Pacing.

Tahu: This again? How much time are you honestly saving by --

Director: PACING!

Tahu:

Gali: Look over there!

(On another hill, a group of Quake Beasts begins to levitate boulders.)

Pohatu: Quake Beasts.

Onua: Is that what we're calling them? When did we agree on this? It's really weird that you either invented the name just now or already knew what these things were called.

Pohatu: I just wanted to be cool and get to name something for a change.

Onua: Look, the last time you did that, we got the Kodan Ball and that wouldn't be explained for another 3 years, and then the explanation never made any sense. WHY WOULD YOU NAME YOUR TOA TOOLS AFTER A DEAD GUY WHO WAS ONLY KNOWN BY PEOPLE WHO HAD THEIR MEMORIES ERASED?! IT'S NOT LIKE THE TURAGA EVER KNEW HIM! YOU'D THINK THAT WOULD'VE COME UP AT LEAST ONCE IN THE METRU NUI SAGA, BUT IT DOESN'T. IT MAKES NO SENSE!

Pohatu: Are you not more upset by the fact that the physical Kodan Ball itself makes no sense either? What was I supposed to do? Kick it at people?

Onua: Oh, I only complain about storyline stuff. But you can complain about set design stuff if you want to have a hobby.

Pohatu: Oh good, because I've got quite the rant about lime green joints.

Director: You're both such nerds.

Gali: Go! We'll handle this.

Onua: Come on!

(Onua and Pohatu run towards the Quake Beasts.)

Tahu: Over there! Lava Beasts.

Pohatu: No, wait! I wanted to name those guys too!

Tahu: Oh? What would you have called them?

Pohatu: Uh... Shmlava Beasts?

Tahu:

Kopaka: You might need some ice.

Tahu: Sounds good to me.

(Kopaka and Tahu run towards the Lava Beasts.)

Gali: Onua and Pohatu, me and Lewa, and Kopaka and Tahu all pair up. Wow, real original script there.

Director: Hey, shut up! It's called nostalgia!
 
Gali: But how about some original pairings for a change?  I don't think I've ever spent time with Onua, not once in 12 years of Bionicle!  It's one of those awkward situations where we both have all the same friends, but we never hang out.  Like how in The Force Awakens, Rey and Po have all the same friends and they basically never meet.
 
Director: This sequence is maybe two minutes long and you've spent easily twice that time ruining it.
 
Gali: Sorry.
 
(Pohatu raises boulder from underground to smash into some of the Quake Beasts' boulders.)
 
Pohatu: Of course!  There are more!
 
Onua: Step back.
 
Pohatu: Okay.
 
(Onua raises a wall of earth beneath him and Pohatu falls off it.)
 
Pohatu: Why didn't you wait for me to step back?!  You're a bad friend.
 
(Pohatu glows with yellow elemental energy and reaches out towards the boulders, but gives up.)
 
Pohatu: I can't.  It's too soon.
 
(As he braces for impact, Onua pulls him up onto his wall, out of harm's way.)
 
Onua: Don't worry, I got you.
 
Pohatu: You know we can't do this forever?
 
Onua: The wall will work for a while.  I have to go.
 
Pohatu: Are you serious?!
 
(Onua runs back to the bridge.)
 
Onua: Don't worry, you'll be fine!
 
Pohatu: *heavy sarcasm* Sure, go! I'll take care of this.
 
(Pohatu uses his powers to lift up a boulder and launch it at the Quake Beasts.)
 
Pohatu: Oh, I guess I did take care of it.  Wow, I sure complain a lot...
 
(Meanwhile, Lewa flies around two Lava Beasts.)
 
Lewa: Too slow!
 
(Lewa knocks off their masks and destroys them.)
 
Lewa: Bye now!
 
(He flies into the Lava Beasts and shatters them.)
 
Lewa: Hey wait, since when do Lava Beasts fly?
 
Director: Uh well obviously they use their elemental powers to heat up the air and-- OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE WHO CARES?!  IT'S BIONICLE!  EVERYONE CAN FLY!
 
(Gali destroys another Lava Beast mask as Onua makes another improbable leap across the bridge.)
 
Gali: I wonder where he's going.
 
Lewa: Well I can guarantee he's not running off to read Isaac Newton's Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica to look up the Theory of Gravitation, because HOW IS HE JUMPING SO HIGH IT MAKES NO SENSE!
 
Onua: Guys, I'm actually standing still.  I just use my elemental powers to move the earth lower.
 
Lewa: THAT'S NOT HOW ANY OF THAT WORKS!
 
(Onua climbs the stairs to the Mask Makers' forge.  Terak jumps off his back and they walk off in search of Ekimu.  They find him overlooking a balcony at the top of the forge.)
 
Onua: There's something strange going on.
 
Ekimu: This is Bionicle.  You're going to need to be A LOT more specific than that.
 
Onua:
 
Ekimu: I know.  I've been watching for some time.  If the object is to awaken Makuta...
 
Onua: Then why attack the city?  ... Also why are we still pretending he's asleep when we've already established that he's trapped in another universe and is very much awake.
 
Director: Nostalgia!  It's like Generation 1, only backwards!
 
Onua: Except it isn't.  We had to rescue the good guy who was actually asleep.  Makuta was never asleep.  At no point.  Yet the lore keeps saying he was.  THIS IS A VERY SIMPLE STORY, HOW DO YOU KEEP GETTING THIS WRONG?!
 
Director: IF THIS IS A SIMPLE STORY, WHY DO YOU KEEP ASKING QUESTIONS?!
 
Ekimu: Okay so uh... I'm just going to continue the scene, okay?   *Ahem*  Exactly... yet the city is attacked and you return to protect it.
 
Onua: This is a trick to keep us busy!
 
Ekimu: There is only one way to open the door between our worlds and that is by merging the elements.
 
Onua: But how can Umarak-- ?
 
Ekimu: The Forbidden Mask of Ultimate Power.
 
Onua: But it was destroyed.  Also, seriously?  Thousands of years go by and no one thought of a better name for it?
 
Ekimu: Its pieces were scattered, but it seems my brother has found them.  We must go.
 
Onua: But if we leave, who will protect the city?
 
Ekimu: Well you've been doing such a great job so far, Mr. Runs Off to Talk During a Battle.
 
Onua: Har dee har har.  At least I'm not standing on a balcony watching a battle that I know is a distraction.  Seriously.  What was the point of me coming to find you if you already knew the battle was a trick?  You should've come to me!
 
Director: Look, new scenes are hard to animate.  We already paid for them to draw the Forge so gosh darn, we're going to use it!
 
Onua: Great... So who's protecting the city, then?
 
Ekimu: You don't know?
 
(They turn to Terak who jumps excitedly.)
 
Onua: Of course.
 
Ekimu: That's right.  The time for Unity has passed.  Go now.  I will join you when I know where we are going.
 
Onua: I... wait, what?  That makes no sense.  Where do you want me to go???
 
Ekimu: Just go, I'm doing a thing here.  It'll make sense in the next part.
 
(Onua and Terak leave as Ekimu turns towards the stormy mountains.)
 
Ekimu:  Come!  It is time!
 
(Agil flies to Ekimu and lands beside him.)
 
Ekimu: Yes, you are right.  I have stood on the side-lines too long.
 
Agil: Wow, you sure are reading a lot into me saying literally nothing.
 
(Ekimu walks through an unexplained door, where he transforms into a Toa.  He emerges and Agil lands on his arm.)
 
Ekimu: Go!  Find Umarak!
 
Agil: Okay, I'll just go do that. It's really weird that I've been around this whole time and you didn't use me to find Umarak before.  Even when you knew the battle was a trick, you had to wait for someone to call you out on it before doing anything about it.
 
Ekimu: Look, are you just going to stand there and criticize my methods or are you actually going to do your job?
 
Agil: How about I find Umarak and just sit around until someone asks me about him?  How about that?
 
Ekimu: You've got an awful lot of sass for a magic robot bird, mister!

One of the first 3D games I played.  Gave me hours of entertainment and years of fond memories.  My condolences to his family and well-wishers.

So all told it's about 2000 pages?  That's about 0.57 Harry Potter heptalogies.

Seriously, though.  Incredible job.

People actually liked the G2 launchers?  I was not a fan.  I mean, sure, they worked.  But have you ever tried finding a single stud that you've blasted half way across the room?  Literally impossible.  At least when my squids misfired, my Zamor fell out, and my Rhotuka blasted away, I could still find them afterwards.

That being said, I didn't really like the added burden of the ripcord for the Rhotuka.  Like, I understand the importance from a functional aspect, but they really just got in the way.

And why not just call them Zamor instead of Midak?  Such an unnecessary complication.

Sorry, this awakened some latent projectile-related rage within me.

Let me try to access my 13 year old brain here.

Basically there were spirits in Bionicle, plus it kind of embodied the sort of persona I wanted to have online.  There one minute, gone the next.  Kind of a watcher from the shadows as I had been lurking on BZPower for a few months prior to joining.  And yet despite this desire for anonymity, I chose to make my name in all capital letters to help it stand out.  To be seen, yet unseen.  Very poetic in hindsight...

And yet impossible to use on any other website.  Pro tip, kids.  If you're building an online persona, avoid real words.

Now, why would they remove the bit about Lhii, then? Maybe just to cut down on the amount of jargon they were dumping on players, or something like that. Considering it stuck around in the lexicon, I'm assuming it wasn't a Maori term.

I always assumed the Lhii stuff got removed because the story team wanted to make the villagers a bit more robotic, thus it didn't make sense to have Jaller be part of a clan as I guess that would insinuate biological reproduction.

For the life of me I cannot determine where the description of him being all yellow with a Pakari comes from originally.

Chapter 9- Episode 3: Destroyer's Game (Part 1)

(Umarak, now in his Destroyer form, approaches a small fire.  As he waves his clawed hand over it, the spirit of Makuta emerges.  Umarak bows before him.)
 
Umarak: Master.

Makuta: No, you doof.  The Masters were last year.  This year is all about the Uniters!
 
Umarak: I was talking to you.
 
Makuta: Oh, well uh... You wear my mask.  Excellent!
 
Umarak: Hold on, you mean I could've just taken this thing off?!
 
Makuta: Uh... no?  So anyway... The endgame has begun, but first you must raise an army of shadows!
 
Umarak: Explain to me how this is different than the spider army and the skeleton army.
 
Makuta: This time they'll be able to regenerate every time they're killed!
 
Umarak: Well why didn't you start with that?
 
Makuta: Because I didn't think of it before.
 
Umarak: I will lead them.  We will rain destruction on Okoto!
 
Makuta: You will not lead them!  You must open the portal to the Shadow Realm.
 
Umarak: Wait, wait, wait.  Now I have to play Yu-Gi-Oh against the Toa?
 
Makuta: That name's just a coincidence.
 
Umarak: But why even call it that?  Why not "The Realm of Shadows" or at least something not so iconic from another franchise?  Did the writers even do a Google search on any of this?
 
Makuta: You will release me!
 
Umarak: But I do not have the power!  Have you tried asking He-Man or possibly the band Snap! from the 90s?
 
Makuta: Pieces of my forbidden mask lie strewn across the island.  They are the keys that will open the portal between our worlds.  Because finding McGuffin masks is definitely not completely overused at this point.  I think you will find it is the most original part of this entire show.
 
Umarak: I can feel them.  I will find your mask.
 
Makuta: Good, but first you must raise the shadow horde.
 
Umarak: So, okay hold on.  Your master plan was to get me to steal a mythical creature, so I could find a mask, so I would put on the mask, so I would find the pieces to a different mask, so I would free you from another reality?  Why not just get me to find the pieces of the mask?
 
Makuta: Um, duh.  Because then you'd have just put on the mask and you would've been sent here too.
 
Umarak: So wait, the whole point of your Mask of Control was to control my mind to stop me from doing that?  Why were you even wearing it to begin with?
 
Makuta: Um duh, it allows me to control the mind of the person who wears it.
 
Umarak: So this mask's power let you control your own mind?
 
Makuta: Um, duh.  I defy you to name one mask power more useful than that.
 
Umarak: I've gotta say, man.  This is by far one of the more ridiculous plotlines of the franchise.
 
Tuyet: Hey friends!  Wanna hear the story about how I'm actually not dead?
 
Umarak and Makuta: No.
 
(Umarak is filled with green energy.  Meanwhile, in the Region of Fire, a group of Shadow Traps are transformed into Lava Beasts.  Not too far away, the Toa and the Creatures are walking through the jungle when they see lightning off in the distance.)
 
Gali: What is that?
 
Onua: I think that... is Umarak, or whatever he's become.
 
Tahu: All the more reason to find him.
 
Lewa: Or it's just a regular storm.  Also really weird that you'd assume that Umarak would control lightning or transform.  Is there something you know that we don't?
 
Onua: I'll tell you what I know.  I finally get my own episode about me, after playing second fiddle to the rest of you.
 
Tahu: More like fifth fiddle.
 
Onua:

Pohatu:
 
(Across the island, more Shadow Traps are transformed into Storm Beasts and Quake Beasts.  Tahu climbs up a nearby cliff to scout ahead.)
 
Tahu: Quick!  Come on!
 
(Lewa sees the wreckage caused by the Beasts and chases after them with Uxar.)
 
Lewa: No!
 
(Follow by a weirdly placed wipe transition, Lewa and Uxar land by the burned ruins of a village.)
 
Lewa: Thanks.
 
Uxar: This whole sequence was really awkward.  What was the point of that wipe transition?
 
Director: You had to fly a long distance to get there?
 
Uxar: We didn't, though.  You can clearly see the other Toa in the background walking over here.
 
Director: Look, if you don't like it, you can make your own Bionicle movie.  OH WAIT YOU'RE JUST A DUMB BUG AND BIONICLE IS OVER!
 
Uxar: Your words hurt on many levels.
 
(Jungle Okotans run through the wreckage of their village.)
 
Lewa: Look at this place!
 
Uxar: ... isn't it neat?
 
Lewa: Too soon.
 
(The other Toa and Creatures catch up to Lewa.)
 
Lewa: These villagers did nothing.
 
Kopaka: Well maybe if they had done something, they could've prevented this.
 
Lewa: Why would Umarak do this?!  Also, shut up, Kopaka.  At least when my village gets destroyed it shows up on camera!
 
Kopaka: When did my village get destroyed?
 
Lewa: By the Rahkshi in Mask of Light.  All that appears of Ko-Koro is a few broken rocks to imply that the Rahkshi destroyed it!
 
Kopaka: ... your comebacks are very convoluted.
 
Lewa: Not as convoluted as the time Makuta Chirox --
 
Kopaka: Wow, I immediately do not care.
 
Onua: This was done by an army --
 
Tahu: An army made of lava!
 
(Tahu stoops down to examine a lava-filled footprint.)
 
Onua: Or it was someone with light-up shoes with the lights set too bright..... that's a thing, right?
 
Gali: Umarak doesn't have this kind of power.
 
Pohatu: It's the mask.  The mask I lost!
 
Kopaka: Now that you mention it, yeah, the mask you lost.
 
Onua: Hold up, Umarak has the Mask of Light-Up Shoes?
 
Gali: I would absolutely watch a movie call The Mask of Light-Up Shoes!
 
Tahu: Pohatu was protecting Ketar!  He did the right thing.
 
Kopaka: He unleashed an army!
 
Lewa: Whatever did this, it's up to us to stop them.
 
Pohatu: I think I know where they went.
 
(Pohatu points to a building off in the distance.)
 
Tahu: The Mask Makers' City.
 
Pohatu: Okay, so are we just not doing "the City of the Mask Makers" any more?  Is this another "Glatorian" vs. "Glatorians" thing?
 
Director: This is a place the writers couldn't even come up with an original name for.  Are you really that bothered by this?

Pohatu: Fair enough.
 
(In the Mask Makers' City, or whatever we're calling it now, a Water Okotan spots the Toa running into the city.)
 
Water Okotan: Hey, look over there!
 
Earth Okotan: I'm already looking in that direction.  Plus we've been watching the Toa run towards us for the past five minutes.  You're easily the worst lookout I've ever met.
 
Water Okotan: I just wanted to be in the movie.
 
(The Okotan cheer as the Toa run into the city.  The Toa and their Creatures race up the steps to Ekimu's Forge.)
 
Tahu: Ekimu!  Ekimu!
 
Jaller: Takua!  Takua!
 
Tahu: ...
 
Jaller: The script called for a red guy with an aureate Hau mask calling for a future Toa of Light in a fiery stone fortress?  What did you expect?
 
Director: ...............
 
(The Toa gaze at the light coming from a staircase at the back of the forge.)
 
Pohatu: What's up there?
 
Ekimu: What remains of an ancient shrine.  This was a holy place once, in a happier time.
 
Gali: Now it's more of a holey place!   ... That joke was a stretch.  I feel bad about that.
 
Ekimu: So you do not have my brother's mask.
 
Pohatu: I had it in my hand, but...
 
Ekimu: Don't worry.  The Elemental Creatures must come first.
 
Kopaka: I mean, hundreds are injured and without homes, to say nothing of the people who probably died fighting a LITERAL ARMY OF LAVA, but at least this one scorpion is safe.
 
(Tahu turns to Ekimu.)
 
Tahu: You know what happened?
 
Ekimu: I do.
 
Gali: Then you know Umarak has raised an army.
 
Ekimu: But why attack the city when Makuta remains trapped?

Kopaka: Does it matter?
 
Tahu: Ekimu, your vague psychic powers are zero percent helpful.
 
(A horn sounds in the distance, signalling a coming attack.)
 
Tahu: Come on!  ... wow, saying "come on" every now and then is like all I bring to the table in this show.  Gen 2 is the worst!
 
Pohatu: I actually get to do interesting stuff.  Gen 2 is the best!
 
Onua: Guys, you keep upstaging me in my own episode!  All the Gens are bad.
 
(The Toa climb up the city walls to watch the Okotans' catapult shatter a group of Storm Beasts.)
 
Kopaka: This may be easier than we thought.
 
Lewa: Hah!  It's never easy!
 
Kopaka: Come on!  One stone took out five of those things!
 
(The Storm Beasts re-form and attack the Okotans at the wall.)
 
Gali: Wanna bet?
 
Pohatu: Well, that's a nice trick.
 
Lewa: Well great job, Kopaka.  Why don't you leave the wise-cracking to me instead of opening your big mouth and jinxing us?
 
Kopaka: Told to shut up by Lewa?  What have I become?
 
Onua: Who cares?  We got some tricks of our own.  Terak!
 
(Onua unites with Terak.)
 
Onua: See you down there!
 
(Onua makes a few implausible jumps into the midst of the Beasts.  Rather than just taking out the bridge like a normal person would do, he gives the Lava Beasts time to make... lava bridges?  Really?)
 
Lava Beast: I defy you to name one material better for building bridges out of than lava.
 
(Onua stands his ground as the Beasts close in on him.)
 
Tahu: They're coming this way.  Ikir!
 
(The Toa all unite with their Creatures.)
 
Melum: Hey, why didn't the other Toa say their Creatures' names?  I want to be special.
 
Kopaka: You got sold in a promotional dual pack with me for no adequately explained reason.  What more do you want?
 
Tahu: Wait, you got the promo set this year?  Gen 2 really is the worst!
 
Kopaka: Calm down.  The Marketing Department did me a solid after the 2008 set designers didn't let me drive the Jetrax T6.
 
Antroz: Hey now, don't be jealous because everyone wanted the most timeless Bionicle character of all: me, Makuta Antroz.
 
Kopaka: Shut up, you.  Your name means "pallid bat".
 
Antroz: At least my name didn't threaten a lawsuit!
 
(As Kopaka and the guy who isn't even in this Generation of Bionicle continue their petty argument, the Toa leap into action.  Onua shatters a group of Quake Beasts while Gali attacks a group of Storm Beasts, who instantly reform and blast Gali.)
 
Pohatu: No you don't!
 
(He attacks the Beasts, but his Crystal Flail passes right through them.)
 
Pohatu: What the?
 
(Gali recovers and blasts the Storm Beasts with a mighty wave that crashes into Pohatu as well.)
 
Gali: Sorry!
 
Pohatu: Forget it.  We've got bigger problems.
 
Gali: Such as?
 
Pohatu: Such as my weapon--
 
Lego: Toa tool!  We're violence-free, remember?
 
Pohatu: Such as my weapon being called the Crystal Flail!
 
Umarak: Hey, it's better than "Bone Hunting Bow Shooter".

Children building Lego?  What will they think of next?