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Well, after an extremely long hiatus and a new forum, BZPower is finally back! And between the forums being down for nearly a year and my extremely sporadic updating schedule before that, it feels like I haven't written a BIONICLE comedy chapter in forever. So what better way to celebrate my (and everyone else's) return to BZP than with a remake of my first comedy, The Nuva Inn? This is going to be a REMAKE, not a verbatim cut and paste of the original. Yes, I'm going to keep the same general plots for the chapters, the same running jokes, and the same script format, since prose just wouldn't work very well with the style of humor found in TNI. If you want to read the few chapters saved from the original classic, just go here! Once I've caught up to wherever I was originally (which might take a while,) then I'll write new chapters, and most of the later chapters might just end up being cut and paste from the original. It's mostly the earlier chapters that are long overdue for a rewrite anyway, and to be honest, reading those first chapters again actually is a bit embarrassing. (UPDATE: As a result of the repeated hackings, dataclysms, and general loss of all archived material, any chapters after the end of the "Pieism" saga/Ask Matau! crossover will no longer be directly based on the original's chapters, with the exception of one or two toward the end of the original's run that I still have saved on my computer. I'll try my best to recall certain plots and jokes that I remember, and any assistance in remembering old TNI chapters is also appreciated). So, without further ado... The Nuva Inn A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Chapter 1: The Beginning...Again? Narrator: *game show voice* Welcome to...THE NUVA INN! Onua: What is this, a game show? Narrator: Oh, sorry, I worked as a game show announcer at my last job. Anyway, we join the Toa Nuva standing around in an open field. Onua: That's too cliche! Narrator: Well, too bad! Onua: ...Wait a second, this seems awfully familiar... Gali: Come to think of it, I vaguely remember doing all of this before. I have some fuzzy memories of running a hotel, a bunch of Guest Stars, a pie-obsessed Matoran, and me repeatedly fusing with a Glatorian. Tahu: Hey, how come you get to remember all of that stuff? I don't remember anything, just a vague sense of deja vu like Onua. Gali: I have psychic powers. Tahu: REALLY? Gali: Of course! How else do you explain that mental connection Takua and I had during the end of the MNOG? Onua: She has a point. Tahu: But if we already built a hotel, then why are we standing here in a field doing nothing? Gali: Let me think...what were we doing before this happened...oh, of course! We time traveled! Tahu: WHAT. Gali: No, seriously! Nuparu made a time machine and we traveled back in time to one of the first chapters. Something must have gone wrong and got us stuck back here, plus erased all of our memories. Onua: Except yours. Gali: Not anymore. I just forgot everything. Onua: Wow, how convenient. Narrator: Can we just get on with the story already? We join the Toa Nuva in an empty field earlier today. *A large number of monkeys wearing construction hats are building something* Monkey 1: Monkey noises! Monkey 2: Monkey noises! Monkey 3: Monkey noises! Lewa: You're not supposed to speaksay "Monkey Noises," you're supposed to talkmake actual monkey noises! Monkey 1: But we don't know what kind of noises monkeys make! Onua: Narrator, this isn't early enough! Narrator: Hmmph! Fine! *In the aforementioned empty field...* Pohatu: I'm bored. Lewa: Me too. Tahu: Hey, I've got an idea! Let's run a hotel! Everyone but Tahu: Tahu: What? It would be fun! Gali: This has got to be the most cliche beginning ever. *Pohatu raises his hand* Tahu: I'm not a teacher, you don't have to raise your hand. What is it, Pohatu? Pohatu: How can we run a hotel that doesn't exist yet? Tahu: What are you talking about? Our hotel does too exist! Pohatu: No it doesn't. Hotels don't just appear, you know. *A hotel falls out of the sky and crushes Pohatu* Gali: Oh, the irony. Lewa: *points to sign outside hotel door* Hey, seelook! It showsays "THE HOTEL NEXT DOOR." Gali: Next door? Next door to what? Kopaka: Our hotel? Tahu: Ha, I was right! See, Pohatu? ...Pohatu? Pohatu: Oog... Tahu: Never mind. Come on, follow me and let's go! Lewa: Hey, how come youTahu get to be the headleader? Tahu: "YouTahu?" That sounds like an awesome idea for the name of a video-sharing website. Anyway, the red guys are always the leader because it's in the script. *Everyone pulls out their scripts for "THE NUVA INN"* Lewa: *tosses script* Loseforget this! I, Lewame, will herenow be the headleader! Just like Zaktan, the brightgreen guys will rule! Tahu: You can't do that! And Zaktan doesn't count because he's a Piraka. Zaktan: *appears* Hey, you got a problem with me being a Piraka, punk? *grabs Tahu and shoves him in a trash can before leaving* Pohatu: That was weird. Gali: No kidding. Oh well, regardless of random trash-can-obsessed Piraka, where are we going to find our hotel? Lewa, any ideas? Lewa: We buildconstruct one! Onua: But where will we get construction workers? Lewa: As headleader, I have an awesomecool smartidea! *Lewa makes a whistle call like in Mask of Light* Everyone but Lewa: ... Kopaka: Hey, that's my line! Gali: Nothing happened. Oh well, let's party! *A disco ball descends from the sky and party lights and music starts playing while Gali dances around* Everyone: *Suddenly, 1,000 monkeys wearing construction hats run up to the Toa and assemble behind Lewa* Lewa: Told you it would succeedwork! Now, monkeys, startbegin building our hotel! *Later that day...* Monkey 1: Monkey noises! Monkey 2: Monkey noises! Monkey 3: Monkey noises! Lewa: You're not supposed to speaksay "Monkey Noises," you're supposed to talkmake actual monkey noises! Monkey 1: But we don't know what kind of noises monkeys make! Lewa: I think it's an "ooh ooh aah aah" kind of soundnoise. Monkey1: Oh, okay, thanks. Ooh ooh aah aah! *Even later...* Lewa: Movepush that giganticblock over herethere! Monkey #572, watchcheck that falling beam! I mean...never mind. Being headleader is tougher than I believedthought. I don't knowthink I can do thisthat. Onua: There's a leader opening? Then I, Onua, inspired by Garan, shall take command! *Garan appears and blasts Onua with a pulse bolt* Onua: Ouch. Never mind. Pohatu: That's weird. How come whenever we mention someone's name, they appear? *A random Matoran appears* Pohatu: Who are you? RM: I'm someone's name! Pohatu: Huh? RM: My name is "Someone's Name!" Pohatu: *sighs* I rest my case. *Someone's Name disappears* Kopaka: ... *Awkward silence* Lewa: So...what now? The hotel isn't even halfpart donefinished! *Takanuva suddenly falls out of the sky and lands on Pohatu* Takanuva: I am Takanuva, Toa of Light! Gali: Wow, how did you survive that fall? You fell hundreds of feet, you could have been killed! Takanuva: Could have been, but I'm not. Kopaka: You're being repetitive. Takanuva: No. Kopaka: Yes you are--you said the exact same things in Mask of Light! Takanuva: No. Kopaka: Yes you are! Takanuva: No. Kopaka: Is that all you can say? Takanuva: No. Kopaka: Then what else can you say? Takanuva: No. Kopaka: I meant besides "no." Takanuva: No. Kopaka: No, something else! Takanuva: No. Kopaka: Shut up. Takanuva: No. Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! Gali: *groans* That was annoying. Good thing Takanuva's just here randomly for one scene, or that might end up becoming a running joke that lasts for the next hundred or so chapters... Takanuva: Okay, that's enough tormenting Kopaka. Lewa, what are you doing? Lewa: We're building a hotel. Takanuva: Let me help! *blasts construction with light, creating a gleaming, 9,321-story tower instantly* Lewa: Impressive! You're hired! Gali: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!! Kopaka: Hey, that's my line! Lewa: Shushquiet! Now that our towerhotel is donefinished, let's walkgo inside! Follow me! Gali: Wait! *Everyone stops, crashing into Lewa* Lewa: What now? Gali: What should we call it? We can't have a hotel without a name! Kopaka: But it does have a name! It's "..." Gali: That isn't a name. That's just silence. Kopaka: ... is my favorite word! Gali: WE KNOW. We need a real name. Onua: A name? I know, how about "Bob?" Lewa: That's stupiddumb. Not that kind of name! Tahu: I have an idea! How about "The Nuva Inn?" Lewa: Excellentgood name, Tahu! Tahu: Does this mean I can be the leader again? Lewa: Sorry, no. Tahu: Gali: Tahu, where did you come up with that name? Great idea! Tahu: I read the title of the comedy. *points to topic title hovering in the sky* Gali: But why is that the title of the comedy? Tahu: Because it's the name of the hotel, obviously! Gali: But then why is it the name of the hotel? Tahu: Because it's in the title! Gali: But then--how--what-- *groans* Lewa: Enough talkchat, let's set up a postsign! Takanuva? Takanuva: Sure thing! *a giant glowing neon sign appears reading "THE NUVA INN"* Lewa: That was everquick. Let's go inside! *Suddenly, they hear a loud rumble from behind them* Tahu: What's that? I'm scared! MOMMY!! *runs to Gali* Gali: Get off! I'm not your mom! BIONICLE characters don't even have mothers! *The Toa turn around to see a horde of monkeys running toward them* Lewa: Uh-oh! They must be evermad because they lost their workjobs! *The monkeys leave everyone alone but Takanuva* Takanuva: Hey! Get off! I was only trying to--OWWWW! All Toa Nuva: Kopaka: cool dude. Serves him right. Lewa: Why did you just callname him "cool?" Kopaka: I didn't. BZP's word filter won't let me say the word I wanted to say, even though it appears lots of times in the actual BIONICLE novels and story serials. Gali: Who cares, let's party! *Disco ball and party lights and music appear and she starts dancing* THE end Onua: Hey Narrator! How come just "the" is capitalized and not "end?" Narrator: Never question the narrator! Onua: Why not? *A banana flies in from out of nowhere and smacks him in the mask* Onua: Hey! Narrator: Ha ha ha! *All the monkeys from earlier in the chapter start hitting Onua with bananas* Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 1,473 words. Lewa0111 Nuva
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