Tahu Writes An Epic: The Revealed Second

[nusua]

Onua: I can't believe it, Tahu. Your epic...it's off the charts. Tahu: Really!? How many hits? Onua: 316. Tahu: ...I thought you said it's off the charts. Onua: It IS off the charts. Tahu: Oh... Onua: Don't worry...I still love you. Tahu: Awww. Anyway, time to continue my epic! Even if it's not well responded to, I know that I can improve the output, and therefore, improve the reception! I'm feelin' pumped, are you feelin' pumped, man!? Onua: No. Tahu: TIMMMEEE TOOO WRRRIIIIITTTEEEEEE- It was then that BZP's server crashed. Notice how the author of this comedy, Phillip Lober, uses character modification to increase the irony of an event. Tahu: Well that sucks -Watch your mouth. -B6 Onua: Tahu...I'm sorry. This isn't your fault...it's Obama's. -Stop. -B6 Tahu: Aw, you remembered my conservative views! Thanks buddy - Also, stop portraying me as if I were actually editing this comedy. That's identity theft. -B6...? Onua: Shush, this is getting too controversial. Just write another epic. Tahu: Wow, that's never going to happen... That very night, Tahu wrote another epic. Notice how Phillip Lober expertly crafts proper foreshadowing in Onua's comment. Tahu's reply leading to his next mentioned action increases the irony of the situation once again. A splendid job well done for Phillip Lober. Tahu: Onua, Kopaka, Lewa, come here, quick! Pohatu: wth i dun wanna look at ur epic... Tahu: I didn't invite you. Pohatu: wut..k lol. Lewa, Onua, Kopaka: You better have improved or you shouldn't be bothering us...especially since you are strategically inferior and seem to beg for some kind of mutual bonding with us. We may be valiant brothers, but "friend" is a more determined term. Lewa, Onua, Kopaka: Jinx. Lewa, Onua, Kopaka: Jinx. Lewa, Onua, Kopaka: Jinx. Lewa, Onua, Kopaka: Jinx. Tahu: Welp, here it is. My fantastic continuation!

Chapter 1: Chapter One

He lays there, unwillingly, against his will. Possessing a lack of will, he, without will, lays there. Laying there made him feel without will, as his lack of will made him feel like laying there. His name was Tahu, Toa of Fire. Brother of Sand. Son of Glass. Without him, there would be no heat in the world. "What happened here?" He said. There was no sound in the air but the mechanical output of his movements, created by vibrations which form wavelengths. Everything around him was struck with gray. No life was visible, but a small leaf in his hand. Tahu thought he saw quarks in the leaf at first glance, but realized they were just bacteria. "Who...or what....gave me this leaf?" Tahu asked out loud, as if either plagued with schizophrenia or screenwritten like an anime character. "More importantly" He began. "What is this leaf's purpose? If it gives off unnecessary chemicals such as oxygen, which I do not thrive on, why is it here? Or perhaps I'm put upon this land in order to power this leaf..."

A noticeably dark figure was seen in the distance. The figure got larger as seconds progressed. Finally, the light revealed Gali, who looked out of breath, if she breathes that is. "Tahu...kiss me" Her breath became warmer. Her heart racing, she leaned forward, almost touching Tahu. Tahu then said one of the most romantic things ever spoken. "Did you know there's a species of frog in the Amazon that possesses enough poison to kill one thousand people?"

Gali couldn't take it anymore. She kissed Tahu. IT WAS WILD.

Tahu: So, what'd you guys think?

Lewa, Onua, Kopaka: Jinx. Lewa, Onua, Kopaka: Jinx. Lewa, Onua, Kopaka: Jinx. Lewa, Onua, Kopaka: Jinx. Lewa, Onua, Kopaka: Jin- Tahu: You guys weren't even paying attention!? Pohatu: i wus..dude u gotta lern to indent. ur grammer is herrible. Tahu: Ugh, be quiet!! I HATE criticism! Pohatu: w/e Tahu: Double U slash E to you, too! Lewa: I just-recently read-scanned your chapter-epic. It-epic was-is alright-okay. Tahu: Lewa, you are a walking Thesaurus. Lewa: Thank you-ありがとう Tahu: WOW! Look at the response already!

Will Tahu continue this epic? Will he finally get what he deserves? Find out for me sometime.