BZPower has obtained confidential Bionicle plans from LEGO's heavily fortified marketing department - don't ask how. (Many Bothans died to bring us this information.) Some of the past and future set ideas may or may not actually be brought to market, but we've transcribed these raw, unedited notes so you can see where the Bionicle universe may be headed. SPOILER ALERT. And be warned - some if it is not pretty.
The notes below were transcribed from copies of handwritten notes and first-stage design concepts. We apologize if some of the information is inaccurate, not every word was completely legible.
Marketing: BIONICLE sells mostly to boys. We're missing half the market! Get some "girl" products out ASAP.
R&D: Tough assignment, but we've got a few ideas.
1. "My Little Rahi" - Add some hair, a few brushes and claw buffing nail files, and we think this will appeal to the adolescent female demographic. Colors are pink, fuschia, purple, yellow. Avoid strong reds and greens. Use lots of sparkly bits.
Marketing: Good start. How about tween add-ons, like Rahi claw fingernail extensions and nail polish?
2. "Piraka Tea Party" - Need to strike while this iron's hot. Special set of all six Piraka, only in pastel hues, and the spines transforme into ponytails. Includes oval table and place settings for six. Matoran servants sold separately.
Marketing: What about packaging?
Brand Manager: Cross-sell with Clikits.
Finance: We need tie-ins with other LEGO themes to minimize design and mold cost. What can you do in this respect?
R&D: We've dredged up some other, less popular themes to use as tie-ins. See below.
3. "Bohrok Raiders" - Crystal miners run into sleeping Bohrok, who awake and cause havoc on the far-flung mining planet. Other creatures made of stone get in the middle of the chaos. Hilarity ensues.
Marketing: Weak. Sounds like a bad sitcom.
Brand Manager: Back-burner for now. Keep in back pocket in case other product lines tank.
Marketing: We need to think outside the box. C'mon, where else can we leverage the brand?
Promotions: Have had successful discussions with US car manufacturers about cross-licensing potentials.
4. "Ford Tahu" - 5-passenger sedan with grille molded in the shape of Tahu Nuva's mask. Optional life-size fire swords an extra feature. Real Corinthean leather interior.
Marketing: Who do we sell it to? Target audience doesn't drive.
Promotions: Have you ever listened to a 12-year-old try to get what they want? They'll whine to their parents until their ears bleed, and then Dad will trade in the minivan for one of these.
Marketing: Point taken.
Brand Manager: Agreed.
Marketing: It occurs that we're being greedy with the license. We can sublicense other companies to do some of the gruntwork for us. See below for a design from a Canadian company.
Brand Manager: Ugly prototype. When will the final design be ready?
1. Marketing: That IS the final design. It's called "MEGAToa".
[picture of a couple of Lego bricks built to look standing and have stubby arms] Brand Manager: Oh. Well, slap some lipstick on that pig and let's move some product.
R&D: Our biogenetics department has come up with something cool: do-it-yourself cybergenetic grafting technology. "Become a Toa!" There's still some work to be done on motor control and weapons governing, but we're very close. As soon as we find a non-permanent method of grafting masks onto a face, we're there.
Brand Manager: Sounds a little extreme.
R&D: We've gotta compete with video games and virtual reality somehow.
Brand Manager: What else have ya got?
Marketing: BIONICLE-language books. If we take all the boring stuff, like Hemingway, and translate it into BIONICLE language characters, maybe we'll increase the literacy rate. It's more of a public service than profit product.
Brand Manager: Go for it.
Marketing: Got a prototype for the next villain: "Vahbiyo" are big, vain, and have long flowing manes. Good looking, but stupid.
Brand Manager: Excellent! Love it. What else?
Marketing: Just one more thing, another cross-branding promo. I give you two words: "BIONICLE toothbrush."
Brand Manager: What, are you kidding me? http://www.bzpower.c...ory.php?ID=2689