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Santa isn't real

Posted by Jean Valjean , in Humor May 19 2018 · 183 views

humor comedy America
:kaukau: It's okay to break this news to kids. However, telling people that America isn't #1? Completely off limits. You're never too old to stop believing this.

England has suave accents? America has suaver accents.

France has a nuclear carrier? America has more nuclear carriers.

Germany has good cars? America has better cars.

Denmark has the world's happiest population? America has a happier population. Plus we're free.

Russia is really big? America has Texas.

The Soviet Union put man in space? America put man on the moon, and probably will get to Mars before anyone even catches up.

Italy has romance? America has the Hallmark Channel.

Italy also has opera? America has the Phantom of the Opera.

Italy also has really good food? America took Italian food and improved it.

Japan has anime? America has Pixar.

China has the world's largest army? America has a Hulk.

Mexico has spare time? America has Back to the Future.

India has Bollywood? America has Hollywood.

The Bahamas have tourism? America has Disney World.

Puerto Rico has good weather? America literally owns Puerto Rico.

Switzerland is neutral? America basically runs the world and can afford to not be neutral.

Brazil loves football? America loves football so much that it's a completely different sport to us.

Jamaica has Usain Bolt? America has Michael Phelps, Carl Lewis, Al Oerter, Simone Biles, Katie Ledecky, Mark Spitz, Florence Griffith Joyner, Shaun White, Ian Thorpe, Michael Jordan, Muhammad Ali, and Jesse Owens.

Sweden has the most popular Youtuber? America invented Youtube.

Australia has kangaroos? America makes it legal for people to actually keep them as pets.

Canada hates Quebec? America hates California, but nowhere near as much.

New Zealand is the set for Middle Earth? America is the set for Pandora.

Vatican City has the Pope? America has dope.

Ireland has luck? America doesn't need luck.

Norway has fjords? America has Fords.

North Korea has the world's largest stadium? America can feed athletes to play in stadiums.

South Korea has K-Pop? America has the Backstreet Boys.

South Africa has Nelson Mandela? America has Barack Obama.

Saudi Arabia has oil? America possibly more oil, and definitely more soil.

Egypt has pyramids? America has pyramid schemes.

Belgium has waffles? America has IHOP.

Iceland has the song "We Are #1?" America is the reason why that song is in English.

Greece has gods? I repeat, America has a Hulk.

Israel is the homeland of God's Chosen People? America actually has a much larger population of God's Chosen People.

The Netherlands has Audrey Hepburn? Credit where it's due.




24601



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I can DESTROY your blog post with ONE QUOTE from a wise Aussie:

 

"And yes, Santa Claus exists and he would use an axe." 

    • 1

america has so much stuff that a lot of tourists in america are american

    • 1

Me

Username: Jean Valjean
Real name: People literally don't have names in my family
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Heritage: Half Dutch, Quarter Hungarian, Eighth Swedish, Sixteenth German and Irish
Physical description: Looks like the eleventh Doctor
Favorite food: Chicken, turkey, and beef.
Least favorite food: Vegetables of any kind
Favorite band: Queen
Favorite singer: Billy Joel
Favorite song: American Pie
Favorite movie: Schindler's List
Favorite TV show: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Favorite play: Les Miserables
Favorite color: Silver
Second favorite color: Brown
Favorite board game: Risk
Favorite athlete: Michael Phelps
Lucky Number: 53
Past-times: Writing, reading, drawing
Political Caucus: Iowa Republicans
Religion: Christian
Language: Iowegian

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