Another G1 Mystery Solved

Entry posted by Trijhak June 22, 2016

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In the 2003 film "BIONICLE: MASK OF LIGHT", a work that would later be overshadowed by "BIONICLE 2: LEGENDS OF METRU NUI"; "BIONICLE 3: WEB OF SHADOWS", and "BIONICLE 4: TO BE ANNOUNCED", the main plot revolves around the titular MASK OF LIGHT and the efforts of the characters TAKUA and JALLER to find the TOA it belongs to. The mystery is not finding the Toa it belongs to (that is answered in the movie, which was DISAPPOINTING), but rather, where it was before the characters TAKUA and JALLER found it.

Prior to being discovered inside a TOTEM THING ominously position on the far side of flowing lava, it was not known where the MASK OF LIGHT was or why it was there, because as wise as the TURAGA are, they surely wouldn't put in a place that could have ended up with SOMEONE DYING, because that is IRRESPONSIBLE, and the TURAGA and JALLER lecture TAKUA on his IRRESPONSIBILITY multiple times throughout the film. Furthermore, it was completely unguarded, which would let the antagonist, MAKUTA; also known as Teridax, Terrible Pterodactyls, and on one occasion Maximum Operation System Version Unknown Would you like To Upgrade to MaxilOS 10 for Free Today or Tonight; easily recover the MASK OF LIGHT, which is what he wants to do because LIGHT is the antithesis of SHADOW or something. Thus, the TURAGA cannot have placed the MASK OF LIGHT on the TOTEM THING. The question: who placed it there?

Thus I present to you: in all of GENERATION ONE BIONICLE, but not GENERATION TWO BIONICLE or HERONICLE FACTORONICLE, there are only three beings that could have placed the MASK OF LIGHT in the TOTEM THING. We will go through them now. The first candidate is VEZON. VEZON is an 'insane' skakdi clone of VEZOK who is surprisingly lucid for an insane person with surprisingly coherent thoughts, and eventually had an OLMAK, MASK OF DIMENSIONAL GATES fused to their face, not to be confused with our neighbour OL' MAC. However, for answers, we must look to the past: in the past, answers were found using homonyms and homophones. And what is OLMAK? A homophone of OL' MAC'. OL' MAC, for reference, is a SCOUNDREL who STOLE MY CREATIVITY. Thus it is not a stretch to assume that, at some point, VEZON was fused with OL' MAC via the power of plot convenience, as was wont to happen with VEZON in GENERATION ONE BIONICLE. After such an event, it is likely VEZON inherited the SCOUNDRELNESS of OL' MAC, OL' MAC being a quarter of VEZON now. Thus, it can be inferred that VEZON stole the MASK OF LIGHT and placed it in the TOTEM THING. But there's a problem: there is no TIME TRAVEL, as VEZON came about after this.

So we move on to candidate two: TREN KROM. TREN KROM is an unknowable giant thing that is a thing that does stuff out of plot convenience, made from the same PNA (Plotribonucleic Acid) as VEZON, and was able to switch bodies with LEWA, the GENERATION ONE BIONICLE edition due to its shared properties with VEZON. It is also important to note the existence of the TREN KROM PENINSULA, which is named after TREN KROM, which was once CLASSIFIED INFORMATION. From this we can surmise that the TREN KROM PENINSULA is secretly part of TREN KROM, and when discovered, spoke to the sky that it was TREN KROM, and from that we can surmise further than TREN KROM switched bodies with someone like LEWA or POHATU, stole the MASK OF LIGHT, and placed it in a TOTEM THING. However, one must note that TREN KROM was occupied developing its web browser, TROOGLE KROME (available on the SpherusNet now!) for most of its life.

Now we introduce you all to candidate three: UMARAK THE HUNTER. UMARAK is a shadow hunter from the rich jungles of OKOTO, and enjoys torturing legendary creatures with these weird-looking traps, but more importantly, seeks a MASK. Now, you may be yelling at me, telling me that UMARAK THE HUNTER is a GENERATION TWO BIONICLE character. However, I'd like to take a moment to give you undeniable proof of Umarak being a GENERATION ONE BIONICLE character too: if you pause the comic BIONICLE IGNITION HEROES CHRONICLES 4: TALES OF THE HORDIKA at exactly 109:53:61, you will see a bunch of blurry horns on the edge of the ILLUSTRATION in the GAME. Furthermore, all those deaths you experienced in BIONICLE: THE GAME because you thought you messed up? No, that was UMARAK hiding the SHADOWS, because UMARAK is a SHADOW HUNTER. As mentioned before, UMARAK is looking for MASKS, specifically, the MASK OF CONTROL. It is possible, that in his multi-generational search, he came across the MASK OF LIGHT, and placed it in a unique TOTEM SHADOW TRAP, then went off to look for the MASK OF CONTROL instead.

However, you may be thinking, 'None of these are good enough! None of these make sense'! So I say, why do they have to make sense... on their own? What if it was a TEAM EFFORT? GENERATION ONE BIONICLE, after all, was all about UNITY, and who says VILLAINOUS PEOPLES can't use UNITY? That VEZON-OL'MAC, TREN KROM, and UMARAK teamed up in an effort to retrieve the MASK OF LIGHT and place it somewhere else in a heist movie? What if someone was to make that movie, profiting off of real events? What if they left it there because, disappointingly, it was a glorified torch left on a porch that you could wear on your face to protect yourselves from being bashed by a mace?

Thus, we learn why the MASK OF LIGHT was WHERE IT WAS.

The next mystery? When the movie PLOT CONVENIENCE VERSUS UMARAK: YAWN OF DARKNESS releases.

Definitely not sponsored by the upcoming movie PLOT CONVENIENCE VERSUS UMARAK: YAWN OF DARKNESS.