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Interview: Evil Lord Survurlode

Posted by bonesiii , Nov 05 2006 · 321 views

Evil Lord Survurlode


Today the Bones Blog brings you an exclusive interview with none other than Evil Lord Survurlode himself! Since the discovery of this wannabe architect of BZP's doom, I have been attempting to contact him for an interview, but the server kept eating my PMs for some mysterious reason... Anyways, he has agreed to give this interview via his evil Poolantir crystal globe, wired into a telephone system. Still trying to figure out how the pics come through the phone, but I guess it's a power of the Poolantir.

bones: Well, how to begin. Welcome, Mr. Evil Dude--I'm sure BZP's members are eager to hear more about you, considering you want to make their lives as miserable as possible. Know thy enemy *cough* I mean, because you're such an interesting person!

Survurlode: Thank you! I am that!

bones: Why don't you begin by introducing yourself... and don't take that the wrong way--your evil clock minion kinda did...

Survurlode: Don't worry--I'm a big enough guy--both because I can handle the idea of some poor souls having not heard of me... and 'cuz I need to lay off the Twinkies a little.... *ahem* Who am I? Well, my little BZP-lings, have you ever wanted to load a page on BZPower, but instead had to wait a very long time? That is me. Have you ever got a board message with some cheesy joke and some bubble wrap on it? That's me. My mission in life is to end your ability to access BZPower. Obliterate it. Ruin your fun, your life, everything! Here's a photo of me, from last week:



bones: You look very familiar.

Survurlode: Indeed I do. As you know, bones, I am in fact the brother to Sauron, the ancient Lord who once nearly conquered Middle Earth, and made a ton of cash in movie sales. I'm a lot more handsome though. He controlled forces associated with fire--I instead control the sea. Floods shall wreak forth upon the Earth, and all ye who buy stock in inflatable rafts shall prosper! Behold; the instrument of thine doom!



bones: We are all glad you're weaker than Sauron...

Survurlode: HAH! Nonsense, dude! In recent years my successes in thwarting BZPers have strengthened me, and I've begun to redefine my goals, branch out as it were. I just had a meeting with the Chif Evil Clock the other day, and it looks like we're closer than ever before to ruling all of Earth! Clocks have enslaved more people in 2006 to our evil schedules than ever before!

bones: Oh goody. Soooo. Does this evil thing just run in the family or what? Why choose this life? You could have gotten a job at Seaworld or something and retired rich.

Survurlode: That's easy. My name is "Evil Lord Survurlode"--I wouldn't be a very good Evil Lord if I was a good guy, would I?

bones: ... Uh, riiight. Next question. You may recall that the BZPower News Team interviewed you several years ago, but the interview was never posted on the front page. Binky said he tried to put it up, but it just wouldn't go through; it appeared to be some sort of glitch. It was only later that I uncovered a few quotes from it in an old printout--my dog actually ate most of the printout, so I couldn't read the whole thing. You wouldn't happen to know anything about the glitch would you?

Survurlode: Ah yes. Those were the days--I could thwart BZPers left and right and they had no idea who I was or even that I was doing it! Ha ha! Yes, I had the article stopped--how is classified--because unbeknownst to me, Binkmeister had secured some classified quotes without my permission, including my comments at the creation of the Evil Clocks.

bones: I noticed some of the quotes seemed out of place. Neato!

Survurlode: But you, you cursed skeleton, snuck the truth by me. The blogs were a new feature, so my Grem--my... influence... hadn't yet gained control of that system. The word is out now, so I can no longer hide the truth.

bones: Glad to be of service. You can thank Binkmeister for devising the blog system. *snickers* Now, the snippets of the old article that I recovered gave some hints as to your strategy for conquering BZP. Since the jist of it is in the public eye, wanna comment on that strategy?

Survurlode: *grumbles* Oh, I suppooose. Well, you see.........

bones: .... I'm waiting?

Survurlode: Board Message: What do you get when you mix a cellphone with a Bohrok? A Bohrok Kal! Ah-HAHAHAHA!1!

bones: Oh great. Now Board messages can come over the telephone?!?

Survurlode: Board Message: We are the Piraka; Who don't do anything! We just stay at home; And lie around!

bones: I... I guess I refresh by saying something.

Survurlode: Can you hear me now?

bones: Um... Hello again.

Survurlode: Good. Sorry about that, the Grem---I mean, the phone system overloaded there. It's a beeyoootiful thing, idn't it?

bones: You were saying?

Survurlode: Right. Well, it begins with a top-secret algorithm the Gr--I had uploaded to BZPower's server. Binkmeister knows this, but he doesn't know how to stop it. Whenever a BZPower wants to load a page, the ping runs through the algorithm, which artificially inflates the number of refreshes tenfold. You can see the algorithm running here:



The load increases even more when more members are online. So you are faced with the priceless dilemma: stick around, you harm the server load; leave, and you bow to my wishes! Muahahaha!

bones: I notice two parts that seem odd at first glance. This is a board message, which is supposed to make us bored, right?

Survurlode: Right. You're talking about the random cheesy message and the bubble wrap, right?

bones: Yeah. I mean, some of those messages are really funny! Given, it's still annoying when they just keep popping up, but they lessen the annoyance. And speaking of popping, who can turn down bubble wrap?

Survurlode: Well, bones, you've hit the nail right on the head there. Who indeed? See, that's the catch--while I distract you with these funny messages, you're more interested in refreshing the page so you can get more. More refreshes, more multiplied pings, more server load. What's more, everytime a bubble is popped on the bubble wrap, the server load actually multiplies by twenty. Reloading the wrap? Forty. That lady isn't saying she wants more bubble wrap--she wants more server load!

bones: B-but... it's not fair!

Survurlode: Evil Lord, remember?

bones: *sigh*

Survurlode: Of course, the other part to pay attention to is the call to the flood of SURVURLODE--yours truly. Every ping draws a bit of my power into the virtual world known as BZPower--rising a flood of water that threatens to engulf the little island you call home. You all have seen it--as your page loads ever-so-slowly... you see nothing but a big blank window of either blue--the water--or white--the churning foam as it rises.

bones: But surely we can break the habit, and choose to ignore the bubble wrap!

Survurlode: Bones, take a look at this image. I call it "Wrap and Roll:"



bones: Ooooooh. But no... Must... resist....

Survurlode: I call this one "Follow the Bubble Brick Road:"



bones: *drools* Wait, no!

Survurlode: But wait, there's more! Order today and get a free set of Ginsu knives to make your bubble popping ten times as fun!!!!



bones: Resist!

Survurlode: This is why I am more powerful than Sauron. Sauron had to try to conquer by force because nobody wants to be burned alive! But my power is more attractive. You see, the bubble wrap idea came directly from my power--as I churn the waves with fury, often the sea makes foam:



One day I saw a little Matoran run up to the foam after surviving a flood of mine, and he began popping the bubbles as his quaint way of getting back at me. But as I watched... his frown turned to a smile, and he couldn't stop! He popped every bubble on that beach, and then begged me to make more!

bones: Wow. I hope I don't end up like that guy... Okay... Why don't we try another subject, hopefully one less... spooky. You're a powerful Evil Lord. A guy like you needs minions. We've already met the Chief Evil Clock and heard about his armies. Are they your only minions? 'Cuz I'm seriously thinking sledgehammers are the way we should go...

Survurlode: Oh, no, my friend, they are not all. I have many minions.

bones: I'm not your friend. So, care to elaborate?

Survurlode: Board Message: Secret Message #78,921: Dimensioneer likes Bionicle.

bones: Um... boy that was clever...

Survurlode: Board Message: One Refresh to thwart them all; One Refresh to overload them. One Refresh to flood them all, and in the bubble wrap bind them.

bones: Whoa. That one is more interesting...

Survurlode: What's in your wallet? I mean... Can you hear me now?

bones: Wrong ad there dude. Hello again.

Survurlode. Bad. I mean... good. Sorry, the G---the phone service again.

bones: I get the distinct impression you wanna avoid the subject of who your other minions are. But you keep mentioning this "Grem something." What does that mean?

Survurlode: Curse you, oh ye of abundant calcium. *sigh* I guess the cat's out of the bag on that too. Well, it's really pretty simple, bones. You see, Sauron had Orcs to serve him, otherwise known as Goblins. Well, I have Gremlins instead. Gremlines are like Bohrok with fangs and ears--I based them off of a stolen schematic of Fohrok from the Brotherhood of Makuta, but I made them biomechanical with the DNA of Orcs. The combination didn't exactly go so well... and they ended up very glitchy. Here's a photo of one of them:



bones: Interesting. You said "glitchy"--what do you mean?

Survurlode: Well, they have a habit of trying to bite everything they see, for one. Sometimes they spark and dance around like Matoran who ran into a Room Rahi and went nuts. They imitate broken records sometimes, so carrying on conversations is rather difficult. They also have intense phobias... but their brains are so mixed up they randomly mix up what they're afraid of and what they aren't.

bones: Sounds... inefficient.

Survurlode: But oh, they have their uses! In their rare moments of sanity, they are coding geniuses, and they designed the server lode algorithm. They can hack computers with their minds... and they even function as my island's telephone connection!

bones: Wow. So... that's how Board Messages come over a phone... Any other minions?

Survurlode: Well, let's see, you've met Tikatahk... so there's--

bones: Who?

Survurlode: What? Oh. Whoops. Um, Tikatahk. It's the Chief Evil Clock's real name, but he hates it--that's why he didn't tell it to you in your interview with him. I have a feeling my alarm clock is going to be very cruel all of a sudden....

bones: Awesome. Go on.

Survurlode: *glares* Well, there are Uruk Kal--supercharged Gremlins that are part Clock--Tikatahk invented them. You've already heard of Hapori Doom, right?

bones: WAIT! Did you mean to say you were behind the server shutdowns when Hapori Dume invaded?

Surverlode: Surprise! Yep--Old Happy was a rogue member of the Brotherhood of Makuta who got stuck in the form of Turaga Dume whilst competing with Makuta for appointment to the Metru Nui job. He was laughed out of the Brotherhood, so I welcomed him with open arms. He's been a loyal slave--ah... friend ever since.

bones: I see. Anyone else?

Survurlode: Well, there was Gollaga for a while, though he escaped centuries ago...

bones: Who?

Survurlode: He's an evil Rahaga. He was able to steal the One Refresh when he escaped my service, and it turned him into a wretched creature that can't stand any kind of food other than cheese puffs.



bones: Cheese Puffs?

Survurlode: I don't understand it also. Anyways, he still performed missions every once in a while for me when I offer him certain... rewards.

bones: More Cheese Puffs?

Survurlode: No, the right to stay alive.

bones: ... Right. That would do it, eh? But! It seems you just made a major slip-up, Mr. Evil Dude. You just said this Gollaga has the One Refresh.

Survurlode: Oh, he lost it long ago, don't worry.

bones: Bah. Still, I think I'll want to try to talk to him sometime.... But why don't we turn to that subject now. The One Refresh. What exactly is it? One of the server busy messages for your phone service had some sort of poem about it... It sounded interesting.

Survurlode: Well, as you probably gathered from the quotes you obtained from the old BZP interview, it was based on Sauron's One Ring. You see, Sauron was an old fogie, and back in his day, they didn't have computers. They just had phones. You called people by making a Ring. So he decided that to call everybody up all at once and thus hold them all under his spell, he would have to craft a One Telephone Ring.

bones: So that how that worked. Sounds different from what I remember... but whatever dude! So you did the same with your One Refresh?

Survurlode: Correct. I forged it in the protodermis depths of a deep sea trench... whose location shall remain a secret... and endowed it with the ability to protect my life force against any attack should I ever need that, just like Sauron. But I devised ways of preventing its destruction, unlike Sauron--his ring was destroyed in the very fires that made it in Mount Doom.

bones: Doomah.

Survurlode: Whatever. You can see an image of my One Refresh here, along with that poem you heard, which is the lyrical manifestation of the very spell that bound its power:



bones: Hm... glowing blue pedestal. Will have to remember to keep my eye out for that...

Survurlode: Don't hold your breath. It's hidden in the hardest place to find in all of existence.

bones: In all of it? I guess you're really worried about it. I wonder if there's a Frodo/Bilbo parallel here? Do you mean by that that even you don't know where it is? That maybe it's in the hands of a tiny creature out there, maybe a Voyatoran, who's just waiting for a Toa to tell him about a quest to destroy it?

Survurlode: Board Message: Secret Message #5,400,738: bonesiii likes cheese puffs. He must be as evil as Gollaga!!! Muahahahaha!

bones: ..... I get the feeling there's something fishy about these messages...

Survurlode: Board Message: Thank you for calling Survurlode Industries Inc. Your input is valuable to us. Please hold. Thank you for calling Survurlode Industries Inc....

bones: Um... Can you hear me now?

Survurlode: Board Message: A computer virus. Five dollars ninety-nine cents. Overloaded RAM. Seventy dollars. A glitchy browser. One hundred dollars. A server bogged by cheesy server messages and bubble wrap addicts. Priceless.

bones: Hello?

Survurlode: Board Message: Pop Bubble Wrap!

bones: No! Resist!

Survurlode: Board Message: Bubbles! Bubbles! Bubbles!

bones: Resist!

Survurlode: Page Cannot Be Displayed.

bones: ... Well, folks, I guess that's all for this interview. I was hoping to figure out the mystery of the Poolantir, but I guess it'll have to wait. Thanks for listening, and here's hoping the next interview provides more clues about how to defeat this wacko!

Survurlode: I heard that!

  • 0



This has to be the funniest thing on BZPower I have ever seen! The very ironic thing about it is that when I was done reading it, I got a Board Message! It's crazy! He really does exist! ohmy.gif This is so funny!

~TTGB
    • 0
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second worst username ever
Nov 06 2006 11:30 AM
You should of mentioned your minions =P
    • 0
This would explain why I keep seeing a guy who looks like Sauron trying to take over the blogs... I guess it was Evil Lord Survurlode all this time.

*Prepares for combat*

Kohaku
    • 0
XD There was some really clever stuff there. I had to laugh biggrin.gif.

And you hinted for more to come... can't wait happy.gif!

With all those mysteries and characters, it seems like you're building up a whole new universe of your own.
    • 0
Man, for a being complete geek (j/k), you really can make me laugh! tongue.gif Awesomely funny interview, it's even better then the one with Evil Clock! Loved all the bubble wrap jokes, especially the one with the Gizokou (sp) 2000 knives. Man, that really made me laugh..... laugh.gif
    • 0
You should make a comedy out of that....."Ask Evil Lord Survurlode".
Also, be sure to put some spoiler tags when he's talking about destroying BZPower, alright? I doubt anybody would want to spoil the fun, I mean, the --uh, never mind.
    • 0
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EmpressYumiwa
Feb 04 2007 11:45 PM
Perhaps you should let me be the logician, and you can be the comedian in my stead. That was hilarious!

JEDI
    • 0
I'm tempted to make a MOC of him for my PBZPBN.

-Aero-
    • 0
kaukau.gifI might as well get this out of the way: I hope I don't get a busy sever while posting this. Anyway, I never knew you had such a sence of humor Bonesiii. It would take me a week of writing and editing and all that kind of stuff to come up with something that funny. One more thing, you need to practice resisting bubble wrap, because it looked like you had trouble resisting it. tongue.gif
    • 0
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Lloyd: the White Wolf
Feb 22 2007 05:00 PM
The one he didn't mention was the internet collary to Nazgul. I bumped into one once, holding up a Board Message. It took a full forty minutes to get rid of him. tongue.gif

w.gif
    • 0
So, bones, did you ever try giving him server messages when he's trying to make server messages?
    • 0
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Field Marshal Rakmon
Apr 02 2009 07:26 PM
do you like cheese puffs?
    • 0
CHEESE PUFFS IS DA PERFECTIONS! DA PERFECTIONS MANIFEST! GIMME DA CHEESE PUFFS!

*ahem* Er, yarr. smile.gif
    • 0

Welcome To The Bones Blog

You must understand this: that in creation, there is destruction. In destruction, there is rebirth. There is no such thing as void; all things are in flux.
--Nuju

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Skeletal Industries Teleportal

Important Entries:


Evil Lord Survurlode:
Interviews:
Chief Evil Clock -- Exclusive!
Evil Lord Survurlode
The Chief Gremlin, Minion of Survurlode
Gollaga, Enemy of Survurlode
Orca Goblahk, Ex-Minion Of Survurlode
Lawyerahk Bob, of the Dreaded Real Life Attack Wing


Powerpoint Art Guides:
Vector Art In Powerpoint: Quality, Inexpensive, Easy
Coolifying With Powerpoint Vector Art

Ions of Opine:
Character Death
Walmart is Not Evil
Stop the "Everybody Hates" Nonsense
Join Petiton for Ban Bad Grammer Toady!
BZP's "Some-won Dyed!1!1!" Culture

Chronicles of Bio:
What Most Fans Want
Focus Groups
Easy Makuta Powers Guide
2008 Is Not The End
Science Fantasy = Bionicle
Good and Evil: Points of View?
Ruthless Elegance: A Visual Guide To Cool
A Magical Forest Called Bionicle
Why Kopeke as Chronicler?

Wall of History:
History of Technicism Vs. Bioniclism
History of Set Gimmicks in Bionicle
History of Violence in Bionicle

Logic is the Key:
Criticizing Me

Dissecting Nostalgia
Friends Can Disagree
Taste Discrimination Fallacy, Taste Equality
Am I Against Free Speech?

Complaint Topic Archive
Can Opinions Be Wrong?
Why I Do What I Do
BZP Debate Terms Guide

Log of B:
Track Blog Toolbar Code


Blog Contests:
1: Pet Peeve Contest -- Help Fight Survurlode!
Pet Peeve Winners & Reward art!
2: Powerpoint Faces
.ppt Faces Winners!
3: 2nd Chances MOCs: Beasts! (BPC#1)
Beasts MOC winners
4: Monstery Mystery Powerpoint Art (BPC#2)
Unseen (Ch. 1 of slow-reveal of Monster Mystery winner)
5: Blue MOCs 2nd Chances (BPC#3)
Blue Results
6: Bohrok Kool (BPC#4)
7: Multiverse Guide Art (EMC#3.5)
EM Guide Art Results

.ppt Faces Top 3

These are the top three winning entries of the Powerpoint Faces art contest on the Bones Blog.

1st Place by Ary


2nd Place by Rangan Mercenus™


3rd Place by Thormen


The other winning entries are listed here, along with bio info about the artwork.

Skull Of Approval



Use of this image is valid only when posted by bonesiii. High quality content is requisite. The blog entry itself wins the award. If you win multiple times, you are permitted to say so whereever you display the award.

Pet Peeve Gallery

The following Pet Peeves were identified by BZPower members in a contest for use in an allergenic weapon to be used against Evil Lord Survurlode. These photos taken by me when the Peeves were in captivity. Peeve names link to full bios.

Grand Prize: Flame
By Wysp

Adult form (click thumbnail):


2nd Place: The Misinformed
By Electric Turahk


3rd Place: Ignorance
By Kopaka's Apprentice


4th Place: Corrector
By xccj


5th Place: Double Posters
By EmperorWhenua


6th Place: CAPS Locker
By Toa of Dancing


7th Place: Miwo
By Lluvio


8th Place: Endtag Argh
By Kakaru


9th Place: Blushroom
By Darkspine Neya


10th Place: TB-RPG Overlord
By Nero


11th Place: Polloflower
By The Infection


12th Place: Emoticanus
By Kohena: Great Warrior of Pie


13th Place: Toktomee
By Wyattu


14th Place: Typcgraphical Gnomelette
By Arpy


15th Place: Shortenator
By Axinian the Chronicler


16th Place: Pica'huge
By ~Kativa~


Peeves by me:

Bionicles:


Plural Apostrophe's:


Alwayzon Turnsignal:


Neveron Turnsignal:


Chalkboard Scratcher:


DoomAH:


Stolen Thunder:

Evil Lord Survurlode Says...



"Brave Knight Binkmeister thought he could banish me with new software. Ha! Lord Survurlode is immortal--I survived because I retained a connection with the One Refresh To Rule Them All. Sauron tried to survive in the telephone system with his One Ring--but that dastardly Frodo tossed it into Mount Dume. Sauron was lost. But the Refresh still exists, oh yes, and as long as it does, I live also, to bring my floods to the BZP forums!"

--Evil Lord Survurlode,
in a BZP interview


"Killeth them with kindness. That's what my mother taught me. So I figured, instead of trying to fight Brave Knight Binkmeister's attempt to overthrow me... I would instead give him the one thing he loves most. Bubble Wrap. Not only him, but all of his followers. BZP members once knew me as their common enemy. But now... am I just a kind old man who has free Bubble Wrap?"

--Evil Lord Survurlode


"Why in the world am I calling him Brave Knight Binkmeister?! That term sounds... nice. It makes him sound like a hero! NO!!! He's my enemy! No, no, henceforth he shalt be known as 'Cowardly Scum Binkmeister'!"

--Evil Lord Survurlode


"Yes, my new minion, you now see the dastardly plans BZP members have--they seek to avoid my floods by getting on in the morning or the late evening, or worse, the nighttime. Sauron might have been a sleepless creature of the night, but personally I can't stand coffee. But not to worry! You, my friend, will go out and enslave the members. You will sit enthroned on their shelves, hung from their walls like a cursed mark, and wrapped around their wrists like handcuffs. Even they shalt know the constraints of time! Behold, the Evil Clock!"

--Evil Lord Survurlode


"What is that you sayeth, Evil Clock? BZPower is now five long years old? So what? I am thousands upon thousands of years old! I am, in fact, as old as the ocean that I command with my floods! I am even older than clocks like you! What's that? Yeah, yeah, but I just don't feel like AARP is for me..."

--Evil Lord Survurlode


"What do you mean, I'm not speaking in proper Old English? I am Lord Survurlode. If I say this is Old English, it iseth!"

--Evil Lord Survurlode


"What doth mine eyes spyeth? I see-eth a member attempting to posteth! No! I shalt not alloweth it! Rise, ye Floodes! Riseth! ...What? No, I ameth noteth tryingeth hardereth to speaketh Oldeth Englisheth! Ye Silly Clocke!"

--Evil Lord Survurlode


"No, I am NOT an April Fool's Joke! Just because my power increases tenfold on that day doesn't mean my existence depends on it."

--Evil Lord Survurlode


"Frodo? Why would I be scared of him? He sailed off to the West--it means he died, yo! Besides, the One Refresh cannot be melted in some volcano. It would take a... No, wait... Sorry, that information is classified. Muahahahaha!"

--Evil Lord Suvurlode


"The term 'Yo' can be Old English! Yeesh!"

--Evil Lord Survurlode


"See, my problem is that I am far older than Old English. To me it's that newfangled slang those Anglo-Saxon types speak. You'll forgive me if I get it confused with the five million different versions that came out since then. Yes, you will. Or else."

--Evil Lord Survurlode


"..."

--Evil Lord Survurlode's
Kopeke Impression


"What do you mean, it's really 'Mount Doomah?!'"

--Evil Lord Survurlode


"You are getting veeery sleepy. You need more Bubble Wrap. That's right, little member. Wallow in bubble wrap forever. Say it with me now. 'Must. Have. More.'"

--Evil Lord Survurlode


"Brave Knight--I mean, Cowardly Sponge Binkmeister has attempted to attacketh me once again! But lo, I am-- What? Sponge? Is that what I said? I meant Scum. Brave Scum Binkmeister-- What now? Oh, be quiet, minion."

--Evil Lord Survurlode


"No, I am not a girl!"

--Evil Lord Survurlode,
on his power over water


"Muahahahahahahahaha*cough* *hack* *gurgle* ..... *ahem* Must remember to watch the evil laugh when the floodwaters get that high..."

--Evil Lord Survurlode


"Oh, that's an easy question. See, Sauron's One Telephone Ring looked like a metal ring, right? Well, the One Refresh looks like a ring made out of those green arrows... like on that refresh button up there. Wait... why am I telling you this?!"

--Evil Lord Survurlode,
in a BZP interview


"No, I do not get rusty! This is Stainless Steel! What? Yes, yes! They had stainless steel thousands of years ago. Yeesh."

--Evil Lord Survurlode

Gallery Of Explosions

Because explosions are the answer.





























Profundities

"While it's all well and good for someone to turn the other cheek in daily life, in times of great hardship another thought comes to mind instead; namely that one cannot turn a blind eye to the actions of evil and still call himself good."
---Nako



"This is a discussion forum for a reason; it's a place where opinions can be discussed and debated civilly, not where one person can claim their opinion as fact and all others as "just opinions." Every person should, however, support their opinions with facts and evidence of all kinds."




"'The challenge of being a Biological chronicler is understanding why Lego are using another method to sell better. It gets boring using the same ones all the time. Variety is the spice of selling, after all.'
— A Biological chronicler"



"I could convince a thousand people that the moon is made of cheese... and yet it would remain as rocky as ever."



"This is simple, people! If it hurts to hit yourself with a hammer, then don't do it!"



"A famous drummer sits down to do a drum solo, but he has to keep his solo up for five minutes. Does he do all his amazing stuff first? no! If he did that, he would loose all attention because the end would be so boring. If he were smart, he would start out with something simple, and then add to its complexity as he goes along, so that more people would be into it.

The point is, writing either a drum solo, or is like a mountain, the bigger the base, the higher it can get, and the more amazing it is. Think about it, when building a mountain of dirt or sand, you need to slowly create your huge base, then as you build towards the peak things get faster and easier to pile on. The High points are where the story is fast paced and we are reaching the climax--what we just left on the last mountain of story we had (the MU story arch), and now Greg is building a new story mountain for us."

Gallery Of Galaxies

~through the macroscope~































Sigisms

QUOTE
92% of people have moved on from Gregorian chants. If you are part of the 8% that still listens to real music, copy and paste this into your sig.


QUOTE
Least Favorite Edit Of Your Least Favorite Post On Your Most Favorite Day Of The Month?


QUOTE
Secret Info: The Red Star is Tahu's mobile space mansion, complete with servants.


QUOTE
Join the petiton for ban bad grammer toady!


QUOTE
9009 Ways To Say "I Heart Spam"


QUOTE
92% of all teenagers claim they're in the 8% that hasn't moved on to rap.
If you are part of the 0% that still uses real math, copy and paste this into your sig.


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What Is Your Alter-Ego's Imaginary Friend's Least Favorite Pet Collar?

Certificates Of Approval

Various award imagery and suchnot:






(Above from Makaru; resized to fit.)










(Resized to fit.)


















The above earned twice.




















Certificates Of Approval

Part 2









Needs sized down



Needs sized down













/---------------!.!----------------\
/This blog has been approved by \
/--------------Saiph--------------\
/----------------------------------\
/-For demonstrating outstanding-\
/~~~~RHYME and REASON~~~~\
\----------------!.!-----------------/











_bonesquotes_i

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Logic is the key.


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I am insane. I know that I am insane. In fact, I know that I am so insane, that I am incapable of realizing that I am insane. Therefore, I know that I am not insane.


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Forgetting things since.... umm....


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Creativity should not be confused with nuclear weapons.


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I heart logic.


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Only dead things do not change. Much.


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Pay attention now. Repeat after me. "Bones. Can. Be. Wrong."


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The problem is, "Tradition for tradition's sake" is like flying blind in an airplane. It's like saying as you approach a mountain "But we've always flown in this direction before... why would we change direction? It isn't the tradition!"


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Remember that -- clever absurdity, designed to harmonize with certain tastes, is the key to originality.


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Ironicles.


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People are like snowflakes. No two are the same.


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Yes, the Toa will win somehow. But let me give you a challenge. Write a story. In which the good guys win, or the bad guys win, doesn't matter. But write it with only introducing the challenges that the winner must overcome, and avoid showing how the winner wins. Just set up the problem, then skip to the end:

"In the end, this character wins, somehow."

Now, do you think this is a successful format for a story, that anybody would really want to read? [...] Readers demand that you as writer have thought through the "how" of the story.


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Where is this idea coming from?


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Makutarahk


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[L]et's not mince words here -- all LEGO products are toys. It's a toy company, in the toy business. There's nothing wrong with that.


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[A] wise Daoist once said that a name is merely a label. If a person calls me a "nerd", then that is their label for me. If a person calls me a "human", that is a label. If they call me "bonesiii", that is a label. I would simply reply that, if "nerd" is the term they wish to apply to me, like "human", then so be it -- I would thus be proud of that label, because I am proud of who I am.


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I'm not telepathic.


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I don't know if this is just the way I'm wired, but I don't really think like "hey, wanna be my friend?" I just be myself, treat others with respect and friendliness, and those who would make good friends just sorta show up. And I really don't think like "well, you're not my friend, you are, you aren't" etc. Anybody can be my friend.


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*revives topic, only to kill it seconds later*


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My two pieces of eight.


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Ha ha! Voriki myth still isn't dead? It's been so long since the constant flow of these topics stopped I guess I thought Voriki had finally kicked the bucket. Well, I hate to put another nail in the old guy's coffin, but...

Topic closed.

I Heart Logic

_bonesquotes_ii

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Ahhhhh, the sweet smell of complaint topics in July!


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I think Evil Lord Survurlode is out to get me.


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Bionicle doesn't revolve around ANY one fan. Not even you.


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Bionicle does NOT age with its fans.


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If something absolutely has to be done for the greater good, it is by definition NOT evil.


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Think, guys, think! You have brains! Use them!


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Logic is not some meaningless buzzword you can throw around like pie, at least not as long as I, an actual logician, am here.


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Common myth. The answer is: "Yes, if you are an ancient Greek."


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Last I checked, most of us aren't ancient Greeks. tongue.gif Some of us are ancient Geeks, but...


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Besides, show me a brown rock, and I'll use your logic on you. "That's not a rock, it's hardened lava."


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The best symbol of stone would be gray. But it would probably sell almost as bad as brown -- LEGO needed a "flashy" color, more like what Ta, Ga, and Le Toa have.


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Do not insult cheese.


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Omi's right.


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Forty-two.

(Four eight fifteen sixteen twenty-three... *ahem*)


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Logic! Why don't they teach logic in these schools?


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Can you imagine MNOG ending with the Turaga and Matoran executing Ahkmou?


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So here's the question: If LEGO working harder by listening to fans is "lazy", then wouldn't they be "lazy" if they listened to you -- a fan?


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You don't need to hate to say it.


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Four extra letters. "Bionicle sets." How hard is that?

Actually, three extra letters since the s just moves.


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If they are "Bionicles", then you are "History".


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BZPers are often the exception, not the rule.

::celestial_drink::

_bonesquotes_iii

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Of course it's cruel -- did you think bad guys were Mother Teresa?


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It isn't like I hide it, but it also isn't like I go up to random students at college at say "Hey, I like Bionicle, isn't that something?!"


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One man's junk is another man's treasure.


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I had the same theory in ages past, and Greg personally disproved it.


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The thing can destroy time, man. You guard those kinda things.


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Brevity is the soul.


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Which I suppose is a fancy way of saying, "I have no idea."


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I attack my own theories. I'm weird like that.


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If only books could be updated like web pages.


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Bionicle was supposedly a betrayal of everything LEGO stands for, its pieces far too clunky, a horrible turn away from the more "intelligent" Technic and a total stabbing in the back of the good old brick, an insult to AFOLS, evidence of a mythical trend away from the construction toy, far too violent, etc.


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It's really pretty simple:

Gadunka is one of the "coolest" sets ever. Most inventive, most unusual, most striking. Thus, he is horrible.


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Of course they're weird. All Bionicle names are supposed to be weird. Show me the Bionicle name that is "normal".


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You just completely contradicted yourself. If Mata Nui was working out great, then wouldn't Metru Nui have made less money?



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If that's greedy, then you are greedy for driving in a car to get somewhere far away fast, for wearing shoes so you can walk at a reasonable pace without cutting your feet, using silverware to better eat your food, using a telephone to avoid having to make a trip and speak, using a computer to type a forum post when you could walk personally to everybody's house and speak what you just said over and over and over again.... At least 2000 times to account for all the possible active BZP members, and preferably about five million times -- and you'd have to go door to door throughout the whole world to even figure out which people were Bionicle fans anyways before you started confusing monks in Tibet with strange words like "Kongu" and "Cordak". All within your own lifetime, regardless of whatever else you had wanted to do in your life.

And forget speech. You have to scratch out the message with your fingernails in stone. Then maybe you wouldn't be greedy. Maybe.



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Nobody would surprise me, so it's probably Makuta. But I went with Hydraxon, because he's a weapons master and it would make sense, no?


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Why didn't I think of that earlier?


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I don't just ask rhetorical questions -- I answer them.


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I knew you'd say that.


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You're a body with a head. So what?


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A simple conversion is not a business plan to actually get two radically different markets to behave as if they were the same.


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Um, hello? Are my posts invisible?


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Universe go poof.

We All Live In An

_bonesquotes_iiii

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I hate typing Roman numerals above three.


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I always find these topics funny -- everybody goes in circles, pointing to the exact same aspect of the set and going "See that? So it's obvious it's horrible! How can you not see that?", and then someone else saying, "See that? It's obvious it's awesome! How can you not see that?"


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Obviously, not everybody sees I to I.


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They have their uses -- like if you're making a MOC that's supposed to be a light green faceless humanoid.


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I hate it when I can't tell if someone's joking.


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Yes, that's an excuse to be lazy.


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Hold on just a second. I think you have things backwards. Mata Nui was not paradise -- it was a place of horror and war for a thousand years!


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Lol.


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I'm a logician. I can tell you that your argument does not merely sound illogical. It is.


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Yeah, that'd be bad. Next question?


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We'd still have wooden ducks, no plastic bricks, and definately no LEGO if change was prevented. Really, we wouldn't even have that.


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It is unfortunate that it's this way (at least for us). But it is. We might as well come to grips with it.


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And I walk away in peace.


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You have no idea how many times I've read this style of opening to this kind of topic, man. I must admit I am very very tired of it.

*deeeeep breath*

*shakes head madly*

Okay, I'm good.


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My memory doesn't go back that far.


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If I didn't agree with something, I'd try to find out the reasons for it before doing anything else, which is something I think some people forget to do and instead they dig themselves a hole for no reason.


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Lol, I think you missed the point -- BR isn't going to think your forum deserves approval if he has to be told it exists.


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I'm a coolomaniac.


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But I like spam!
Wait...


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This is not a country. This is a website. Countries are led by governments. Websites are owned by owners. Countries are places you physically exist in, and may have difficulty leaving. Websites are places YOU choose to go. Countries are places you may be born in, or grow up in, etc.

BZPower is a place YOU sign an agreement in order to join. Blame cannot be placed on us when a member violates that agreement. And if a member chooses not to like that agreement anymore, they are free to leave at will. If a member violates the agreement they made with us, we are justified in punishing the member as agreed.


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I'm a logician -- I think in terms of what makes sense all the time. I don't just agree -- I know why I agree, and I think my reasons are pretty sound.


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If I'm breaking a rule, it's because I gave myself permission to allow myself an exception, thus I am not technically breaking it.


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[A]lthough Evil Lord Survurlode does seem to be making a bit of a comeback, just like Sauron, so we might have an epic war that will spawn a novel and three giant books of a trilogy soon... but yeah...


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I object to the wording of this question.


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Huzzah?

I'm A Doctor, Not A Great Being

_bonesquotes #whatever

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Ever had one of those moments where you think you just passed into an alternate timeline? This is one. ()_o


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Rants are based on pompous egos and desire to pick a fight. Not intelligence.


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The Monster on LOST is Makuta.


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Cynics are some of the most naive people on the planet. They hear someone claim things are bad, and they accept it without question.


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I'm a realist with an imagination.


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I blame Survurlode.


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You see a flamer, your response should not be to just flame him back -- you lower yourself to his level if you do.


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Let's open that can of worms, as unpleasant as it might be. [...] *I'm not afraid of you, worms!*


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"Transformation" can be as simple as a bomb rearranging a building into a debris field.


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Far better to be proven wrong than to be wrong without knowing it.


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I remember when I was a kid, and I was just playing around, I didn't know this stuff, so I said gas prices were five dollars at my play gas station.

My dad laughed, said gas would never be that expensive.


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Toa carrying rifles... as they ride their space shuttles into... Klingon territory...


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Kazi [ha]s Rahkshi staffs. (Oooh, Kazi=evil??)


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Take an election between two candidates. Obviously, both candidates will get votes. However, one will get more votes, and one will get less. You would be, in this example, voting for the one with less votes (Mr. Olderfanson). You see why the fact that you, one person, did vote for that guy, doesn't prove that he won the election? [...] "Mr. Newerfanson" won the election.


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o_O


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In general, I do enjoy debates--but I don't enjoy being flamed, no. Nor do I enjoy wasting time when I have tons of PMs I need to reply to and top secret reference projects to work on and all that responding to things that could have been cleared up with more thought before posting, heh. Debates can still get tedious when it seems (please note "seems"!) that a few people refuse to approach them with an open mind.


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<_<
>_>
<_>


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I didn't even spell "the" right.


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Lol. I never said I'm always right! Yeesh, what do I have to do to convince you guys I don't think that? Purposefully take wrong positions or something?


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Guess what? I could draw before I learned to write, but does that mean I should get all huffy and insulted at the fact that not everybody shares my particular talent? This is just absurd, isn't it? Did you honestly think that everybody has the same talents and gains proficiency at the same time?



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When someone much older than you was a kid, LEGO was wooden toys. [fogie teeth voice]"These newfangled plastic things are insulting! As if there isn't money to be made in good old fashioned woodblock toys!"[/fogie teeth voice]


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Can we sing kumbaya yet? Sing it! Koooooooo----oom---bah-----yaaaaaaaaahhhhhh.

Or something... Sing it! You don't even have to agree with me! Just sing it anyways, maaan!

Sing!


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Your mistake is that you are thinking in terms of a simplistic "formula" of strength, and thinking that can be used to predict everything. It can't--every situation is different, and sometimes a weak Matoran might catch a glimpse of a passing Rahkshi while a powerful "Toa Ultimaultrasuper" might get blasted to bits when the same Rahkshi actually attacks. You need to be realistic--think in terms of the situation. Stories are based on that--they are a "game of seconds and inches" where dangers both big and small can occur to both powerful and weak people, and how you perform depends on your brains and the time you have to prepare more than your actual power level.


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Why did the entirely robotic Bohrok need teeth? Someone explain how that is okay but teeth in Piraka isn't?


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Phew. Now, to post, and see if I maxed the text limit out.

Yabo! Hahaha!

_bonesquotes #whatever.2

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Thanks X. Thanks D. Thanks X and D. XD


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I lazy.


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You can make any innovation look bad if you point to the non-innovative ways (the old "normal" ways) and claim they must be followed blindly.


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But what I don't get about it is -- why the apparent desire to kill characters off for no reason? In real life you meet tons of people who you will never meet again, and they're not dead. Is that to you a problem? I don't get it -- you'd go insane if you tried to stay in touch with every random old lady that said hi when you were walking the dog...


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Yes, my post in this topic is product placement. So sue me.


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In addition, high gravity affects spacetime on a fundamental level, slowing time down and bending the spatial brane. Not to be confused with the spacious brain.


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It would create a field of electrogravimetry that would pull all nearby matter in and then make it explode. The explosion cloud would take the form of an anchovy.


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There's only a slim chance that we exist.


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I love taking myself out of context.


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I think it's admirable to be careful not to offend people where it makes sense. But at some point, you have to be willing to stand up for yourself and be confident enough that if someone comes at you with an unreasonable accusation, you don't take it.


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I think aliens invaded already and have fooled us into thinking they are mere animals who "meow".


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Good stories aren't puppet shows. They are tales of life, with realistic characters -- people -- living out their lives, with really minimal "guiding" by the author.


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Oh goody, a complainer to blast to oblivion.


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To begin with, I disagree strongly with pretending it is "killing off", rather than a serious story being told, with serious themes and life in the story. Characters aren't "killed off". They die.

I find this term somewhat offensive, because it implies the writer kills the character like a TV show host telling a contestant to leave. This is not a game show. It is the events of the storyline that kill the character. That term is merely a psychological shield to avoid the emotion of the moment in the story. IMO, that's a kind of immaturity.


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Um.


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You can't always get what you want "now now now". Your logic makes no sense -- if you want to know what's in the books, that means you support the books' existence. Yet you apparently want spoilers to go up the day it's out, so in the countries where it is bought, people could just read the spoilers and not buy the book, risking its sales going down and the books ending, and thus no more spoilers for you to read!


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Truth = Truth. And nothing else.


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I had spammed ten thousand times.


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A good comedy is a development, like a story, not a punchline. You start with a situation, and it goes in unexpected, funny ways, which leads into other twists, to a conclusion that often can be more serious than funny, avoiding random cliches and developing enough logic that it doesn't feel like you slapped random nonsense down. Comedies Forum has this bad rap of having a lot of Unfunny Stuff -- I think it's the temptation to write short punchlines drawing on typical one-liner cliches that causes this. The 300 word rule is a good basic start to avoiding that problem.


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Dude. My voting precint is a "23". ph34r.gif


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And what people are saying about randomosity is true -- I hope that it's not surprising that as a logician, I understand how to be funny (though I won't try in this post ). Logic isn't for Spock who refuses to smile -- you actually need logic in your comedy to make it funny. In my experience, a balance of logic and random nonsense helps -- even logic OF the random nonsense.


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I highly recommendate it.


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Another mistake a lot of people make is thinking a comedy must be 100% funny -- reality is that that tends to just overwhelm the reader and come off more as spam. If you look at my Survurlode interviews, for example, there is always at least one serious theme that the whole work revolves around. The serious aspects support the humorous, and vice versa.


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*strongly approves of the use of the term "bionical"*


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Well, my observation has always been the opposite -- more established official facts inspires MORE fan imagination -- at least with imaginative official facts. It was really only once the "gappists" starting complaining, in my observation as a 2003+ member here, about "tons of official facts" that I saw the fanfiction community here really explode with creativity.

Think about it -- imagination feuls imagination. Less imagination doesn't -- it starves imagination.

Search My Blog

_bonesquotes #whatever.3

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How much wood would a woodwood wood if a woodwood would would wood?


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But my point related to that isn't that I literally think it should be FULLY sun-sized. I'm just saying, there's a whole range, from a little larger than Earth, to a LOT larger, to a TONTONZILLION larger, and it's all possible if the story team just feels like it.


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*imagines massive asteriod pulling out a pirate's telescope lol*


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GD is NOT for storyline-only discussion. That discussion belongs in S&T.


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S&T policies are designed for good reasons, tried, tested, and they work.


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Sure I'm sure -- it's Bionicle. Anything's possible.


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I never understand these claims -- how do you know what "proportionate" is for that character? He's a fictional character, made out of plastic LEGO parts.

So why get annoyed at it? When you look at a giraffe, do you get annoyed? It makes no sense to me to do so.

Besides, you're setting yourself up for it. Nobody ever told you these characters were supposed to be exactly human.

If you look at an ape, would you say it's done wrong, just because it resembles a human?


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I plan not to, but I guess if the site shut down I'd kinda have to, wouldn't I?


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...they usually give their jokes when they have the upper hand at the moment, though, or when they've just run into a frustrating difficulty that's not immediately dangerous, which are realistic IMO. When they're in immediate danger, I am not aware that they pause to crack jokes.


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I strongly disagree -- everybody capitalizes their name. It's cliche.

(I do not capitalize because 1) I hate being cliche, and 2) it is symbolic of humility.)


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I knew you'd say that.


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Seriously though, obviously the focus groups like silver, guys -- there's no mystery, those of you portraying it as odd that LEGO keeps using the color. This is how personal taste works -- it differs, and you're gonna find yourself in the minority sometimes. Best get used to it -- that's life.


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*lets self dp*


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I'm not a soldier, but I know that keeping your sense of humor alive even in dangerous or serious situations can be a huge boon to keeping your sanity.

He who forgets how to laugh forgets how to live.


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I heart silver. My favorite metallic. If I had my way, gold would be considered lesser than silver.


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The red eye thing is the closest thing you have to evidence, but I could argue that Berix is the traitor for spending time away from the villages, or Ackar is the traitor because his name sounds like Admiral Ackbar and there was a traitor in Star Wars called Darth Vader.


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Ultimately it comes down to this for me -- YOU choose to dissapointed or miserable.

If you expected the universe to be perfect, that was your choice, and really not very sensible of you.


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If I as a writer were to try to appeal to the attitude you express in your post, I would feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells. Everytime I had a cool idea how to use a character, or more importantly logic told me the character naturally would be involved in something, I would have to worry about whether I shouldn't do it as it might offend someone.

That's a miserable way to write, and I wouldn't wish that on the story team, myself, or anyone.


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But one thing. Everyone expects something when they do something.


Very true. For example, when I posted the above post, I expected somebody to reward me with this point, giving me an excuse to discuss it in a separate post so as to give it better focus.


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Therefore, the more "things to expect" from a "donation or whatever the heck you want to call it", the more likely we get mooooolaaaaaaaa. Therefore good.

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I don't see what the anology has to do with this. "Chevys" (or "Chevies") makes sense. Like "Keets" or Morby or my personal favorite for Makuta -- Terry Mack. "Biological Chronicles" referring to beings makes no sense. And as I typed this, a Chevy ad came on TV. They called it "Chevy." Seriously, exact same time.


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Oh my, you're completely irrelevant metaphor makes you look sooo intelligent.


This is obviously getting out of hand, so I guess I have to close it. Also, you failed to answer my question. When a moderator asks you a question, answer it. Capisce? wink.gif

Please do not attack people like that. That is flaming, or at best trolling, both of which are not allowed.


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What does a premier member buy?

1) YOUR right to be on here for free.

2) Their right to be on here.

3) PM perks, like poll-making, blogs, etc.

4) Proto.

No matter how you slice it, sending in that money is NOT just buying proto. Even if proto is all they want, they're still buying YOUR right to be on here for free. Yall should be grateful.

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