Frosty the Snowman: An Objective Analysis
Let's get to work.
Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul,
With a corncob pipe and button nose
And two eyes made out of coal.
Right off the bat we can identify a few disturbing implications. Frosty is a soul, which means that Frosty is disembodied. A soul without a body is commonly referred to as a ghost. We're not even out of the first stanza and we've already figured out Frosty is a ghost - this has potential
But wait ... a ghost with physical features doesn't make too much sense. Clearly, there's more to this Frosty business than meets the eye. After all, he is always referred to as a snowman. Maybe the next few lines will provide some clues.
Frosty the Snowman is a fairytale, they say.
He was made of snow but the children know
That he came to life one day.
Perhaps Frosty is a soul which reanimates snowmen. But ... how come only the children know him? Why not any adults? Does Frosty never reveal himself to them? Maybe Frosty wants something from the kids, and stalks them.
More like Frosty the Slenderman, am I right?
In any case, let's continue with the lyrics.
There must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found,
For when they placed it on his head, he began to dance around!
Clearly the silk hat is imbued with a certain amount of magic - black magic. There are no hard and fast rules about souls possessing objects, but we can infer that Frosty can only inhabit a snowman body if said body has a corncob pipe, a button nose, two coal eyes, and has a silk hat placed on its head last. These are the only conditions wherein Frosty can inhabit a snowman body.
Frosty the Snowman was alive as he could be,
And the children say he could laugh and play
Just the same as you and me.
Again with the children. Only the children say that he could laugh and play, so this is hearsay. The children can say anything. This is different from the children knowing that he came to life, as stated in the earlier stanza. We can't know for certain that Frosty can laugh and play. It's possible that Frosty is using this to cover up something. But what would a snowman do with a bunch of children?
Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump
Look at Frosty go.
Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump
Over the hills of snow.
There's not much here to go on, but Frosty is going somewhere over snow. Can he only travel over snow? And he must be going fast enough to be worthy of pointing out. Why is he running? Are the kids' parents chasing him, or are the cops on his tail?
Frosty the Snowman knew the sun was hot that day,
So he said "Let's run, and we have have some fun
Now before I melt away."
Well, the sun's hot, no kidding. It's hot all the time, to the tune of 10 million degrees. Frosty's scientific knowledge is simplistic.
Down to the village with a broomstick in his hand,
Running here and there all around the square saying
"Catch me if you can!"
So Frosty is not just a creepy ghost who thinks he's a snowman, but is also a witch to boot? After all, no respectable snowman would ever be caught near a broomstick. To catch him, the children will most likely have to run recklessly, putting them in harm's way. Is this what Frosty wants?
He led them down the streets of town right to the traffic cop.
And he only paused a moment when he heard him holler "Stop!"
Frosty the Felon, then, is it? And what's he doing leading kids through streets? They could get run over!
For Frosty the Snowman had to hurry on his way,
But he waved goodbye saying, "Don't you cry,
I'll be back again some day."
Yeah, back again ... from jail. Endangering children is no joke.
But hold on ... we appear to have a contradiction. Up until that point, it is implied that only children know of Frosty and that Frosty's existence is a secret to adults. But the traffic cop must be an adult. This is the first time that an adult knows of Frosty. Does the cop have special powers? Is he the only one who can see Frosty? Has Frosty lost his power to stay hidden from adults? Unfortunately, that's where the song ends, and I can infer no more without descending into speculation.
Thus, like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, this song, when paired with simple deductions, reveals highly disturbing things about the Christmas season. I submit to you that Frosty the Snowman is a creepy supernatural figure that enthralls children and leads them down busy streets to their doom.
NEXT TIME: SUMIKI IS CHASED BY FROSTY AFTER HE ABDUCTS HIS HAT.