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Frosty the Snowman: An Objective Analysis

Posted by Sumiki , in Writing, Rants, Not Essays!, Life Dec 31 2012 · 363 views

The New Year might be well on its way, but that doesn't mean that I'll let any more Christmas songs off the hook. So it's time for another objective analysis. This time, I'm taking on Frosty the Snowman.
 
Let's get to work.
 
Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul,
With a corncob pipe and button nose
And two eyes made out of coal.
 
Right off the bat we can identify a few disturbing implications. Frosty is a soul, which means that Frosty is disembodied. A soul without a body is commonly referred to as a ghost. We're not even out of the first stanza and we've already figured out Frosty is a ghost - this has potential
 
But wait ... a ghost with physical features doesn't make too much sense. Clearly, there's more to this Frosty business than meets the eye. After all, he is always referred to as a snowman. Maybe the next few lines will provide some clues.
 
Frosty the Snowman is a fairytale, they say.
He was made of snow but the children know
That he came to life one day.
 
Perhaps Frosty is a soul which reanimates snowmen. But ... how come only the chil​dren know him? Why not any adults? Does Frosty never reveal himself to them? Maybe Frosty wants something from the kids, and stalks them.
 
More like Frosty the Slenderman, am I right?
 
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In any case, let's continue with the lyrics.
 
There must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found,
For when they placed it on his head, he began to dance around!
 
Clearly the silk hat is imbued with a certain amount of magic - black magic. There are no hard and fast rules about souls possessing objects, but we can infer that Frosty can only inhabit a snowman body if said body has a corncob pipe, a button nose, two coal eyes, and has a silk hat placed on its head last. These are the only conditions wherein Frosty can inhabit a snowman body.
 
Frosty the Snowman was alive as he could be,
And the children say he could laugh and play
Just the same as you and me.
 
Again with the children. Only the children say that he could laugh and play, so this is hearsay. The children can say anything. This is different from the children knowing that he came to life, as stated in the earlier stanza. We can't know for certain that Frosty can laugh and play. It's possible that Frosty is using this to cover up something. But what would a snowman do with a bunch of children?
 
Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump
Look at Frosty go.
Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump
Over the hills of snow.
 
There's not much here to go on, but Frosty is going somewhere over snow. Can he only travel over snow? And he must be going fast enough to be worthy of pointing out. Why is he running? Are the kids' parents chasing him, or are the cops on his tail?
 
Frosty the Snowman knew the sun was hot that day,
So he said "Let's run, and we have have some fun
Now before I melt away."
 
Well, the sun's hot, no kidding. It's hot all the time, to the tune of 10 million degrees. Frosty's scientific knowledge is simplistic.
 
Down to the village with a broomstick in his hand,
Running here and there all around the square saying
"Catch me if you can!"

 
So Frosty is not just a creepy ghost who thinks he's a snowman, but is also a witch to boot? After all, no respectable snowman would ever be caught near a broomstick. To catch him, the children will most likely have to run recklessly, putting them in harm's way. Is this what Frosty wants?
 
He led them down the streets of town right to the traffic cop.
And he only paused a moment when he heard him holler "Stop!"

 
Frosty the Felon, then, is it? And what's he doing leading kids through streets? They could get run over! 
 
For Frosty the Snowman had to hurry on his way,
But he waved goodbye saying, "Don't you cry,
I'll be back again some day."

 
Yeah, back again ... from jail. Endangering children is no joke.

 
But hold on ... we appear to have a contradiction. Up until that point, it is implied that only children know of Frosty and that Frosty's existence is a secret to adults. But the traffic cop must be an adult. This is the first time that an adult knows of Frosty. Does the cop have special powers? Is he the only one who can see Frosty? Has Frosty lost his power to stay hidden from adults? Unfortunately, that's where the song ends, and I can infer no more without descending into speculation.
 
 
Thus, like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, this song, when paired with simple deductions, reveals highly disturbing things about the Christmas season. I submit to you that Frosty the Snowman is a creepy supernatural figure that enthralls children and leads them down busy streets to their doom.
 
NEXT TIME: SUMIKI IS CHASED BY FROSTY AFTER HE ABDUCTS HIS HAT.


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I always knew Frosty was a cult figure. Everyone doubted me, but now I'm right. Now if I get all those friends back I lost.
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Rahkshi Guurahk
Jun 02 2013 12:52 PM
Look back at the snowmen!!!!!
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He's the lord of all strangeness. - Ignika: Nerd of Life

How awesome is Sumiki on a scale of 1 to 10? - Waffles
42. - Black Six

[He's] the king of wierd, the prince of practicality, the duke of durr! - Daiker

Sumiki is magic. - Cholie

Sumiki says, "Do I creeeeeeep you out?" Yes, he does. - Waffles

Sumiki is a nub. He's cool, but he's still a nub. - Ran Yakumo


"What is a Sumiki?" You may ask. But the answer to that is still unknown, even to the Sumiki itself. - Daiker


LISTEN TO SUMIKI - Cholie


Sumiki is best snickerdoodle. - Takuma Nuva


BZPower = Sumiki + McSmeag + B6. And Hahli Husky. - Vorex


What's a Sumi? Does it taste good? - Janus


I would have thought Sumiki wanted to reincarnate as a farm animal. - Kraggh


EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH - Kakaru


Sumiki: the horse_ebooks of bzp - VampireBohrok


Everything relates to Sumiki. No really, everything. - Daiker


He's in worse mental condition than I thought. - Obsessionist


I'm just wondering why I'm looking at some cat dancing ... I suppose the answer would simply be "Sumiki." - Brickeens


I was like a beast, screaming through the mind of Sumiki at the speed of sound. I.. I wasn't strong enough to stop myself. What I saw was the end of infinity, through which one can see the beginning of time, and I will never be the same. - Portalfig


I imagine the 13th Doctor will be rather like Sumiki, at the rate we're going. - rahkshi guurahk


I was quite sure Sumiki had another set of arms stashed somewhere. - Bfahome


Note to future self: don’t try to predict Sumiki, he’s unpredictable. - Voltex


Let's be honest, I would totally have picked my main man Sumiki to lead my goose-stepping night killers anyway. We tight like that, yo. - Xaeraz


10/10, would Sumiki again. - Bfahome

     

Sumiki
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Every week, I post a new "Tuesday Tablescrap", a small MOC not worthy of a topic, but something to post and inspire me to build more.

10/25/11 - Duplo Flower
11/1/11 - Slender Man and Masky
11/8/11 - Bizarre Black Spaceship
11/15/11 - 2001 Monolith

11/22/11 - My Little Slizer 50
11/29/11 - Punching Bag
12/6/11 - Thunder and Escorts
12/13/11 - Three Concepts
12/20/11 - Kaxium Alternate
12/27/11 - None (Christmas Break)

1/3/12 - Daiker
1/10/12 - None
1/17/12 - Volant
1/24/12 - Nidman's Chute Shoop Shop
1/31/12 - None (Brickshelf down)
2/7/12 - None
2/14/12 - Atomic Lime
2/21/12 - Spearhead
2/28/12 - Glatorian Kahi
3/6/12 - Seeker
3/13/12 - Skyscraper
3/20/12 - Microphone
3/27/12 - Toa Vultraz
4/3/12 - Flammenwerferjüngeres
4/10/12 - Umbrella
4/17/12 - Lime Beetle
4/24/12 - Special - Flame Sculpture
5/1/12 - None (BZPower down)
5/8/12 - Purple Ninja
5/15/12 - The Original Sumiki
5/22/12 - 7/24/12 - None
7/31/12 - Tahu
8/7/12 - None (BrickFair)
8/14/12 - Special - Chess Set
8/21/12 - Heavily Armored Wasp
8/28/12 - Spaceship Drill
9/4/12 - Scuba Vehicle
9/11/12 - Orange Guy
9/18/12 - Strange Flying Thing
9/25/12 - Goblet
10/2/12 - None
10/9/12 - Aim .............................. Down
10/16/12 - Gold Bot
10/23/12 - Teal Mech
10/30/12 - Special - Teal Mech (#2)
11/6/12 - Bits and Pieces
11/13/12 - Two Spaceships
11/20/12 - TARDIS Interior
11/27/12 - Christmas Creep
12/4/12 - Toaraga
12/11/12 - Fireplace
12/18/12 - Abstract Duckling
12/25/12 - None (Christmas)
1/1/13 - Black Bot
1/8/13 - 1/22/13 - None
1/29/13 - Handheld Rhotuka Launcher
2/5/13 - 8/6/13 - None
8/13/13 - The Hinklebot
8/20/12 - Special - Post-Apocalyptic Piyufi

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Formerly known as the Bring Back Teal Club, the Unused Colors Society is a club that serves to promote colors that are little-used or discontinued, such as teal, old purple, or metallic blue.

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Waffles

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If you learn one thing in life, learn this:

You should never, ever question why demons would possess a soda.

just a heads up - Cthulhu would probably eradicate mankind before bringing back Bionicle
 
so yeah, all I'm saying is, please think twice about this okay

nothing gets democracy flowing like erratic capitalizatION

[the NSA] couldn't say no when I offered them an ostrich farm in exchange

Sumiki -- nice try but we all know Toa Mata Nui stuffs its bra

 


 


 


You have a great understanding of history, but don't forget, war, murder and other poor decisions are also huge characteristics.

Also a long line of really great hats.

Shhh, I'm trying to focus on the negative to justify my dislike of history.

have we mentioned hats

To be fair, I am the one responsible for the invention of Mafia in the 1320s by seventeen bored italians locked in a mine shaft.
 
It's a long story.

 

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