Edited by Larry Fine, Jun 18 2012 - 02:30 PM.
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Posted Jul 09 2012 - 01:40 AM
Edited by Ballom, Jul 09 2012 - 01:40 AM.
Posted Jul 12 2012 - 05:14 PM
I'm quite surprised that no one's replied to this yet, as I greatly enjoyed the epic thus far. In particular, Norik's inner monologue is fantastic; his emotions and general thoughts come across very fluidly. The elegiac descriptions of the dead Toa team were also striking for how poetic they seemed, which was fitting given the context.
Also, the vision Norik has in which he sees himself as the murderer of the Toa was very intriguing. I initially thought he himself had done the deeds, but from the direction things are taking, with the destruction of Koto-Nui without mention of Norik traveling there recently, it appears rather unlikely now. I do look forward to the adventures of Norik and his companion in attempting to solve the mystery, however.
Anyway, I was originally going to have a longer post, but I'm running out of time here, unfortunately. Suffice to say it was a very good read. You have a great vocabulary and control of language, clearly, and the epic reflects that. I'll definitely be following the rest of this story.
Posted Aug 07 2012 - 10:00 AM
“call me wanderer for now” The Matoran said with finality.
“Let me take care of that” Bomonga said quickly, and just as quickly he simply vanished into the air, his Huna taking effect, all that could be heard were his hurried footsteps as he left the area.
“Brothers, this is a closely guarded secret of Gaho-Nui”
the national is a good band and this sig is a placeholder
if you nahhmean
Posted Aug 16 2012 - 03:48 PM
Posted Oct 04 2012 - 05:45 PM
Edited by Toa Kopaka TJByrum, Oct 04 2012 - 05:46 PM.
Posted Nov 29 2012 - 03:40 AM
Posted Dec 07 2012 - 02:58 AM
Wow Janus, I read Chapter 1 and I enjoyed it deeply.
And that means a lot coming from me, as I usually NEVER read fanfic... but this.. this was deep and emotional. A Toa returning home to find his comrades slain and his people slaughtered and his city destroyed.
This is very good Janus, I look forward to reading more.
EDIT: And from what I remember reading... the Toa of Earth was a girl? I thought only males could be Toa of Earth...? Oh well, still good job.
I'm really glad to hear that, especially because I feel that Chapter 1 was a bit of a rough start. Nowhere near as powerful as the later chapters--but I'm glad you enjoyed it!
You are correct that in canon storyline only males can be Toa of Earth, but I kind of don't like canon. I think that's silly and so I play with whatever universe I want--as you'll see the more you read.
So I read all the chapters you have written like, over 2 years ago? I wish I had written my thoughts down then. But I enjoyed this story so much. The emotion is gorgeous and every scene is so beautifully written. It gripped at my feelings. I love the characters, and I love how you're not afraid to give them everything they need to be solid and real. Not overall good or overall bad. But just people trying to cope with their situations and doing what they feel is necessary. I still have really vivid images in my head of the different islands you described. It was a very exciting read, and the fact that I remember it so well tells me that it definitely caught my attention at the time. Which you know can be difficult to do.
Then of course you had to tear my heart out with the last bit you had written, and I've been hanging on for a conclusion ever since. I hope that after you finish posting all your chapters, maybe you'll start writing again? Or at least tell me what happens.
Yeah, I think was like two years ago or something. Surprising that I still never finished this story in all that time.
I'm really glad that you you love the characters, though, because to me they're what really make this story. As much as I love the plot that I've got planned for this, and the concepts I throw around--if the characters are poor then nobody's going to care about the plot or concepts. As for heart-tearing--yeah, that's basically where I stopped writing. But I did do a little more writing on one of my bus trips to see you--so maybe I'll do more sometime again and actually finish this. I know exactly where it's going.
Thanks for the review <3
Edited by Janus, Dec 07 2012 - 03:01 AM.
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