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Chapter 1- Prologue: The Legend Begins (Part 1) (On a sunny, tropical island, in the middle of a sparkling sea, is a man lying on a beach chair. He is wearing nothing but a bathing suit, sunglasses, an ascot, and a beret; next to him are a discarded pair of jodhpurs, a vest, riding boots, and a megaphone. He takes a sip from a coconut with a tiny pink umbrella poking out of it. A noise just beyond the palm trees catches his attention. He puts a hand to his brow to examine the source of the noise.) Director: What on Earth...? (A helicopter flies over the island and a bald man in a white suit slides down a rope ladder, landing next to the Director. The man flicks the Director a business card that reads: President Lego.) Director: Hey pal, this is private property -- President Lego: No time for that! The people need the Director! Director: Don't call me that. I'm not a director anymore. I haven't directed a movie since 2009. President Lego: So what do I call you, then? Just "The"? Director: I... look, what do you want? President Lego: Well, The, we need your help. You see, we're making this Bionicle Netflix series and -- Director: Stop right there, I've already got the inside scoop. Your little Bionicle revival isn't even going to make it to two years. Why should I even waste my time with this sort of thing? President Lego: *grabs the Director by the ascot and pulls him up to his face* BECAUSE IT'S TIME WORTH WASTING! Real life is scary and boring! We can give people the chance to imagine something better! A world where good triumphs over evil, where the strong protect the weak, and where you can do anything you want if you try hard enough! Yeah, we aren't making any more Bionicle after this for a long time, but Bionicle will always be alive as long as there are fans who remember it! Do you think people gave up when they stopped making Avatar or Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings or decent Star Wars movies or any other fantasy series that's over now? A story only dies when people stop telling it. If this reboot taught us anything, it's that Bionicle isn't dead forever. It will be back someday, and we can live the legend all over again. Until then, why not have some fun with it? Director: President Lego: Look, The, the point is, we can give the fans one last adventure in the world of magic rainbow robots. Isn't that worth it, no matter the cost? (The Director stares off into the distance as images of his interactions with the brain-dead cast members of the previous films flash before his eyes.) Director: Alright, I'll do it. On one condition. (Meanwhile, at Harvard University...) Dr. Takua, PhD: Now class, I've got a special guest today. Associate Professor Vakama has come today to talk about the benefits of apple pie compared to -- Vakama: Hold up, is that an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile heading right for us? Gandhi! Why? I thought we were friends!!! (Back on the island...) Director: Great, now that they're dead forever, let's make a movie -- erm... Netflix Original Series! President Lego: Where did you get a nuke?????? Director: Places, people! Quiet on the set! Lights, camera -- President Lego: All those innocent people! You just -- Director: Aaaaaaaaaand ACTION! (Six comets fly through space towards the island of Okoto.) Okoto: Gandhi! Why? I thought we were friends! Narrator: In a distant world's time of need, an ancient prophecy summoned the Toa. Six legendary heroes, each powered by the energy of the island's elephants. (As the Narrator introduces each Toa, they appear on screen.) Narrator: Tahu, Toa of Wire. Kopaka, Toa of Mice. Pohatu, Toa of Phone. Gali, Toa of Slaughter. Onua, Toa of Birthday. Lewa, Toa of the Jungle. Director: Stop, stop. What are you doing? None of those are right! Lewa: Well, actually in this continuity -- Director: Shut up, yours is the most wrong! What kind of Toa powers are those anyway? Onua: *with a mouthful of cake* I don't know, man. These powers are pretty great. Kopaka: Speak for yourself! I just tried to make a bridge using my powers... that did not go well... PETA: Kopaka: Uh... I've gotta go! (In the City of the Mask Makers, Narmoto and a group of young Okotans gather around a campfire.) Narmoto: Much has happened, I know. After so many thousands of years, your families have returned to rebuild the Mask Makers' City. Jungle Okotan: Wait, isn't it "the City of the Mask Makers"? Narmoto: Are you a Protector? Do you have a magic Gatling gun mounted on your shoulder? I didn't think so. I'll call it whatever I darn well please. You know, just because of that, I'm renaming this place the City of Jungletribesucks! You got any more smart remarks?! Jungle Okotan: No, sir... Narmoto: Now where was I? Oh yeah. It must seem strange. You have only known the Region of the Jungle. And you, the regions of Stone and Ice and Water. Jungle Okotan: Actually, it's just called "the Region of Jungle". Narmoto: Well now it's called the Region of Losers! Jungle Okotan: Narmoto: But we are Okotans, and once this was the centre of our world. And now we have returned. Earth Okotan: What are you talking about? Surely Capital City would've been the centre of the world. Narmoto: WELL THE CENTRE OF THE WORLD SURE WASN'T THE REGION OF EARTH, I MEAN THE REGION OF BUTTS. Jungle Okotan: Region of Butts. Earth Okotan: Shut up, Loser Tribe. Narmoto: I'm sure you have questions, but wait. First let me tell you how we came to return to our city. And give you a taste of what may lay ahead. Fire Okotan: I think you mean, "what may lie ahead". Easy mistake to make, they're very similar verbs. You see "to lie" can refer to -- Narmoto: GUESS WHO'S LIVING IN THE REGION OF IDIOTS NOW?! Jungle Okotan: Uh... you? Narmoto: Wait, what? DANG IT! Director: Hold up, we can say "idiots" now? I am so glad I came back to do this. Now shut up, you idiots, and let the man tell his story. Narmoto: Sit. (Everyone sits.) Narmoto: Ha, Simon didn't say! I am so good at this game! Ice Okotan: You know, we could just leave. Narmoto: Okay, fine. I'll tell the story. Sheesh. Once, this was a beautiful city. And I like to think it will be again. But that will depend on more than your parents. Stone Okotan: Will it depend on sufficient tax revenue to fund extensive public works and infrastructure upkeep programs? Narmoto: Um... sure. It will also depend on six heroes from another time and place! Water Okotan: The Avengers? Narmoto: No. Jungle Okotan: The students in Harry Potter's rescue mission to save Sirius Black from the Ministry? Narmoto: No, stop. This isn't a guessing game. Earth Okotan: Team Avatar, including Zuko and Suki? Narmoto: No, it -- Stone Okotan: Twilight Sparkle and her friends? Narmoto: Look, you -- Ice Okotan: The Toa Metru? Narmoto: NO! JUST THE REGULAR TOA!!! And it will depend on if they can harness the elephants that give our planet life. You know them from the regions where you live. Fire, Water, Jungle, Earth, Stone, and Ice. Water Okotan: You forgot Light, Shadow, Psionics, Plasma, Gravity -- Narmoto: Get out. Water Okotan: Narmoto: For you, they are just corners of our island, but to the Toa, they are lifeblood. Ice Okotan: Hold on, blood is canon now? I'm offended by this. Also if we have parents, where do baby Okotans come from? I'm expecting to be offended by this too. Narmoto: I'm ignoring you. But before there was trouble, there was peace. And maybe that's where we should begin. More than a thousand years ago -- Stone Okotan: So like 1001 years ago? Narmoto: I'm ignoring all of you now. More than a thousand years ago, this was a peaceful and vibrant place. Our island's two protectors, Ekimu and his brother, Makuta, harnessed the power of the elephants and forged them into masks. Water Okotan: Weren't there multiple Protectors during this time? I think it's a bit misleading to -- Narmoto: Oh hey, how's life in the Dung Tribe? Ice Okotan: I thought you were ignoring us? Narmoto: Shut up, Ugly Tribe! Ice Okotan: And now I'm offended again. Narmoto: But Makuta grew jealous of his brother and hungry for the power. So -- Fire Okotan: SO HE CAST A SPELL ON MATA NUI WHO FELL INTO A DEEP SLUMBER! Narmoto: No. Not that. So unbeknownst to his brother, Ekimu, the jealous Makuta broke a sacred law, and jaywalked... to his mask forge where he created a mask that combined the power of all the elephants. He called it the Mask of Ultimate Power. Makuta: And yet, it's still not as dumb as the Mask of Possibilities. Narmoto: But as the power of the mask surged through Makuta, he became dark and evil. Knowing he had to act quickly, Ekimu took the sacred hammer and knocked the mask from the face of his brother. (As Narmoto narrates, these events appear on screen.) Ekimu: STOP, MAKUTA! Makuta: What? Oh no, please don't say it. Ekimu: HAMMER TIME! Makuta: Stupid 90s kids... Narmoto: Ekimu saved Okoto, but the cost was great. Like at least ten whole dollars! Both Ekimu and Makuta were plunged into endless sleep. (The Ancient Protectors are closing Ekimu away in his tomb.) Ekimu: Wait, didn't you hear the narration? I'm asleep, not dead! I'm gonna need food! And air! Wait, why are there no air holes in this! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?!?!?!? Mamuk: Aw, he looks so peaceful. I wonder what he's dreaming about? Ekimu: I'M GOING TO KILL YOUR DESCENDANTS!!!!! Narmoto: Our ancestors lay Ekimu to rest -- Fire Okotan: See, that's how you use the verb correctly. Narmoto: Stop. The masks, too powerful to be trusted to mortals, were hidden away forever... in the world's most obvious temples. And after Ekimu was sealed into a secret tomb -- once again, put in like the most conspicuous location on the island -- the City of Jungletribesucks was abandoned. Although Makuta lay buried deep beneath our island, his spirit remained powerful. He summoned dark forces to find his Mask and awaken him. Stone Okotan: All while he was asleep? That's... that's not how sleep works. Are you just making this up? Merlin P. Mann: Aha, but, it's a magical sleep, you see. Stone Okotan: Oh really? And what do you know about magic? Merlin P. Mann: Well... Narmoto: If Makuta's minions managed to awaken him, our island would be plunged into darkness. So we, the Protectors, gathered and performed an ancient rite. (In the Temple of Time...) Kivoda: This isn't working. Korgot: Obviously not. You can't summon a whole bunch of Toa in one turn. That's against the rules! Izotor: What if we travelled across the island, fighting Rahi and collecting Toa Stones -- Kivoda: Look, let's just order them off of the Lego Store like everybody else. We'll probably even get free shipping. Izotor: Fiiiiiiine. Narmoto: Their legend was carved into the walls of our temples, and their names were kept alive in our rituals. These were the Toa. And it would be up to them to save Okoto. Director: Okay, seriously, why was everyone talking about elephants earlier? ---- Okay, I think we'll wrap things up there. I've done the math and in the previous movies, a chapter would run about 4-6 minutes. This so far is about 5 minutes in, so I think that's a pretty good place to stop. Basically, I'll try to post a new chapter every week or so, breaking down the episodes into 2-3 parts each depending on how things flow. See also: The Newest MoL Spoof The First LoMN Spoof The Greatest WoS Spoof The Awesomest TLR Spoof
The year is 2009. Three and a half years have passed since the end of The Greatest WoS Spoof and much has changed. At the end of the last comedy, I had promised to spoof Lewa11's fan-made film BIONICLE: Quest of the Toa, a project I was heavily involved with. As we all know, that was definitely released and it was definitely the most amazing thing to exist. Meanwhile, in reality, I had also promised to work on a comic series. As it turned out, not long after I finished The Greatest WoS Spoof, my tech class started teaching Adobe Flash. Well, I decided to fiddle around with it at home and the rest is history. For a while, it seemed like that was the end of my time in the Comedies Forum. It's not easy to write a good comedy without a structured plot provided for you, such as the script of the movie, and there were other creative projects I wanted to pursue. Then The Legend Reborn was released. I had something else to write a comedy about! I even made a trailer for it. So did I still have the comedic touch after all those years? That will be for you to decide. Here we go, one last time. -SPIRIT Chapter 1- My Beginning (The scene opens onto the picturesque, tropical island of Mata Nui.) Turaga Vakama: Gathered friends, listen again to -- Director: OH COME ON! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! YOU AREN'T EVEN IN THIS MOVIE! Vakama: But... I always start the movies. Director: Not any more, you don't. LEGO finally listened to me for once and fired all you morons! Vakama: But how will I feed my family? Director: Fine, you can stay here as a gopher. Vakama: A gopher? Hey, does that mean if I do all those ridiculous tasks from the LEGO Backlot game, I'll eventually be promoted to director? Director: No, it means that you "go fer" whatever I tell you and also it means that you have to -- Vakama: Ah, just like the good old days... Alright, carry on. (So, as I was saying, the scene opens onto the picturesque, tropical island of Mata Nui. A palm tree sways in the breeze... wait, didn't the Bohrok already clear the island? Why is there still a tree here?) Random Tahnok: *Quickly incinerates tree* What tree? (Right... anyway, the camera begins to zoom out to an aerial view of the island.) Mata Nui: It is said that all endings are merely beginnings waiting to be born. Vakama: Said by whom? Mata Nui: Me. I said it. Just now. Vakama: You win this round... Mata Nui: Right... My beginning was much the same. (Light begins glowing under the surface of the island. The island breaks up and the giant robotic body of Mata Nui emerges from the ocean.) Mata Nui: *Looks around the endless ocean of Aqua Magna* Aw, jeez. I wet the bed again. Vakama and the Director: Mata Nui: Once, I was a towering giant, ruler of my own universe, fearless, beholden to none, protector of my people. So yeah, drink your milk, kids. Oh, and speaking of "fearless", you really need to go to iTunes and check out Taylor Swift's Album Fearless. Seriously, that is some good country music. Director: (The camera zooms to inside Mata Nui's body, where several Matoran are operating machinery in a cylindrical structure with a beam of golden energy running through it.) Blue Tanma: I say, isn't it a spiffing day to not be trapped in strange, transparent red cylinders? Yellow Tanma: I'll say. In fact, I think that the only thing that could ruin this perfect day is that. Heck, the entire universe could be taken over by the Makuta and I'd still be having a good day. Blue Tanma: I’m with you on that. Hey, what do these buttons do anyway? Yellow Tanma: I think if you press them, it gives Mata Nui gas. Blue Tanma: Seriously? I totally have to try that! *He does so and a huge explosion can be heard in the distance.* That's just classic. Yellow Tanma: Oh wait, my bad, that actually causes a massive volcano to erupt that kills everyone in a 10 mio radius. Blue Tanma: Okay, if anyone asks, that happened on its own. Mata Nui: Until I was betrayed. (The light from Mata Nui's eyes and the golden beam of energy go out, to be replaced by red, representing Teridax's takeover of the robotic body.) Mata Nui: All that I had been, all that I had known was stolen from me by an ever-present evil. My power stripped away, my people enslaved... (The various working Matoran are all trapped, many inside strange, transparent red cylinders.) Yellow Tanma: Mata Nui: I was left powerless to save them. And yet, a part of me survived: my spirit. Makuta: Whoa, slow down there. Survived? I chose to fire you out of my body just to mess with everyone. Why do you have to lie to everyone like that? (The Ignika shoots out of Makuta's body and flies off into space.) Mata Nui: Captured and preserved inside a mask worn by a Toa warrior -- Makuta: Okay, let me just stop you again. Matoro wore that thing for like two seconds, so did that other guy on Jovan's team. To say that it was worn by a Toa is a pretty big stretch. What's with all the lying? I took over the world and even I don't lie as much as you have in the past minute! Mata Nui: Yeah, okay there, "brother". Makuta: You win this round... Mata Nui: Its name echoed my rebirth: the Mask of Life. Ignika: Or Phil... That's my real name, by the way. Mata Nui: Wait, why not Ignika? Ignika: Don't ask me! Everyone just calls me that! It's a pretty stupid name if you ask me. You know, it even says "My name is Phil" inside me, if you just put me on your face you can see it as plain as day. Vakama: Really? *He rushes to try on the mask, but the Director blocks him.* Director: Ordinarily I'd jump at a chance to have you tricked into sacrificing yourself to the ravenous hunger of a psychotic doomsday device, but I need you alive since you're the only person I've been able to find who's willing to be my gopher. Takua: Could I do it? Director: WHY ME?!?! Takua: So when I "go fer" things, does that include pie? Director: Takua: I'll take that as a "yes". *Walks off* (Meanwhile, Mata Nui, trapped inside the Ignika, floats through outer space.) Captain Picard: Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Ignika -- Ignika: Phil! Picard: -- Its continuing mission: to explore strange, new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly -- Mata Nui: Hey, man. I finally got a big movie break after being on Star Trek. Don't ruin this for me. Picard: Ooo, a movie based on something out of a comic book. Really impressive. Mata Nui: Um... X-Men? Picard: You win this round... (The Ignika crash-lands onto the desert planet of Bara Magna, creating a massive crater.) Takua: Massive like your mom! Director: And you wonder why no one likes you...
It's November 2005, and BZPower is in its heyday. 15 year old SPIRIT finishes off his trifecta of comedies with a vastly improved writing style. The jokes are original, the narrator gets a personality (which, admittedly, does go a little Douglas Adams at points), and there are even custom emoticons! Obviously, it's not perfect, but it's definitely an improvement from where things began. So sit back and relax, 'cause here we go again. -SPIRIT Chapter 1- Toa Resume Quest (The movie begins with a large close up of Makuta's red Protodermis cage.) Roodaka: Makuta... Director: What have you done?!?! The movie just started and you've messed it up already! Vakama always gets to say "Gathered friends, blah, blah, blah" first! ... GAH! I'm getting some coffee. (The Director pulls a mug out of his director's beret and walks over to the conveniently placed coffeemaker sticking out of the Great Barrier. Roodaka proceeds to scratch a piece of Protodermis off of Makuta's cage, which screeches at such a high frequency that the Director's mug shatters, drenching him in scalding hot coffee. A shard of the cage breaks off and lands conveniently on the ground where Turaga Vakama is telling the story with dramatic music in the background.) Turaga Vakama: Gathered friends, blah blah, blah. Director: Vakama: Listen again to our legend of the Bionicle... or if you would prefer, listen to this great elevator music. (Vakama switches the dramatic background music to elevator music.) Vakama: In the time before time, six mighty Toa (mightiest of which was me) vanquished the Makuta, encasing him in Protodermis held tight by the force of their combined elemental powers and a whole bunch of duct tape. Before becoming senile old men- Nokama: Vakama: What? ... The Toa united in a dutiful pledge to rescue the Matoran who were imprisoned by the Makuta. And so they returned to their once glorious home with every intention of enacting a great rescue, but Makuta had not left the sleeping Matoran unprotected. Their resting place was guarded by a ruthless king, a horde of poisoners (if that is a real word)- Director: Half the words in Bionicle aren't real! Takua: Actually, precisely 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375% are made up, and that number is also pie. Funny how that works out, isn't it? (When the Director suddenly realizes that Takua has returned to torment him for the entire movie again, he promptly gets up and puts his mouth under the coffeemaker.) Vakama: ... And a malevolent queen... who was actually just a viceroy, but since political correctness seems to be frowned upon, I won't say anything... ... And now the noble Toa (noblest of which was me) must face a web of shadows... stupid us for not hiring janitors... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Title Scene) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (The Toa Metru are riding in the Lhikan II in rather dark and stormy weather. Fortunately for them, it was particularly dark and stormy weather so they couldn't see the sea monster that was in pursuit of them. Had they, they would have most likely peed their pants (if they were able to and if they wore pants, that is) and they would have screamed like girls-) Nokama: (What? ... Anyway, a tidal wave knocks everyone out of the boat and rudely interrupts Matau's game of poker, which shows what a great pilot he was... not. As the Toa bob around in the waves, Vakama tries to grab onto the camera for support, however, in doing so, he accidentally drowns the cameraman, Bob. No one was actually sorry about this because Bob had notoriously bad breath. The Toa regain consciousness in a pile of junk on the shore of Metru Nui. Onewa is the first to emerge from it.) Onewa: Well that stunk... Whenua puked 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375 times... I wonder if there's any significance to that. (But before Takua can point out that it's his favourite number, the Director distracts him by splashing him in the face with a mug of burning hot coffee.) Nuju: It would appear there was an error in our transport. Pilot error. (Told you so.) Matau: Hey! Vakama was cheating! He had six cards... all aces! Nokama: No need to be critical Matau, regardless of how gracefully, we made it here. Matau: Whatever... hey, could somebody dig me out? (Whenua digs him out and while there is still dust in the air, he swipes Matau's wallet without him knowing.) Matau: Hey! Give my wallet back, Whenua! (Never mind...) Toa Vakama: Are we going to stand around all night or are we going to rescue the Matoran? Onewa: Actually, we were going to sit around all night. Vakama: Onewa: In massage chairs. Vakama: Okay! Director: Onewa: Floating massage chairs. Director: Fine... (The Toa float off into the main city, but at that moment, the hover chairs decided that it would be an excellent idea for them to spontaneously combust. The Toa escape the wreckage and look around.) Matau: What's with all the webs? Not exactly encouraging my Toa-hero SPIRIT. (At that point, a bunch of Rahi stampede by. One of them flies right over the Toa's heads, all of whom duck except for Whenua, and so the Rahi accidentally flies up his nose. Inside Whenua's head, it finds a large vacant space where it decides to curl up and nest. However, it soon commits suicide out of loneliness and exits via his left ear.) Nokama: What was that? Director: Matau: Well, there goes the old neighbourhood... and Mr. Rogers too. Nokama: Everyone else: Nokama: Whenua: The Archives must have been breached. Onewa: What did you have in there? Whenua: Everything... most of it dangerous. Vakama: Did you have a Kane Ra? Whenua: Yes. Vakama: Did you have a Hoi? Whenua: Yes. Vakama: Did you have a zbwqfp29? Whenua: Yes Vakama: HA! Got you! That doesn't even exist! Whenua: So? We still had one. Vakama: Whenua: The Onu-Metru Archive housed a specimen of every kind of Rahi ever discovered... even some that haven't been discovered, some that are yet to be discovered, some that we discovered but forgot about, some that- Director: Whenua: Well, at least it used to... Vakama: And the webs? Whenua: The janitor union's on strike, but it was mostly the Visorak- Nuju: Aha! They work for the union, I knew it all along... Whenua: Right... Anyway, they're nasty creatures. Onewa: Coming from you, that's not good. Whenua: Hey! Onewa: What? I only called you a nasty creature. Whenua: Oh, good. Nokama: But what does it change? Vakama: Nothing. We go to the Coliseum, we rescue the Matoran, we make a quick stop at McDonald's, we leave. Whenua: Or get pulverized. Nuju: It is a possibility... Vakama Sarcastically: Yeah? And so's the possibility of me winning the lottery. (Vakama, feeling very pleased with himself, thinking that he has fooled SPIRIT, looks around hopefully, trying to see if his reverse psychology worked. It did not.) Vakama: ... We've faced the Makuta and won. I really doubt a few crusty relics are going to give us much trouble. Agreed? Other Toa: No. Vakama: Great! Follow me! (Vakama's reverse reverse psychology fails him and he and the other Toa are all hit by a bunch of Oohnorak Rhotuka.) Vakama: Can't... move... or stop... talking like... Captain... Kirk... (All the Toa fall over and land in a big pile.) Vakama: Is everyone alright? Matau: No, I had a bunch of rusty nails in my pocket and they've gone right into my leg. You're a complete moron Vakama. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberry. Nokama: Ew... rusty nails... Bickering won't get us out of this, Matau. Matau: No, but think-talking before charging straight into a trap might have. Vakama: I took one step. ONE STEP! I hardly see how that's charging... Matau: Vakama: If you have something to say Matau, say it! Matau: Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus... okay that's all. (A Visorak scuttles near by.) Onewa: What was that? Director: Not you too! (Suddenly, a horde of Visorak rears up and screeches.) Matau: Let me guess, Visorak? Director: Whenua: Or in their tongue, "the stealers of life". Onewa: Do they even have tongues, all I see are teeth! SPIRIT: Hey! I was going to say that! Stupid movie writers, making the movies funny now... Nokama: Vakama, what do we do? Vakama: Well, I think- (You liar!) Vakama: That we should- Matau: Does this plan involve pie-food again? Vakama: Yup. Matau: Forget it then. Takua: Did somebody say pie? Director:
The one that started it all... If you're the kind of person who doesn't read topic titles, this is a spoof of BIONICLE: Mask of Light (2003), originally written in 2004. Aside from some minor edits for the sake of formatting, grammar, and sanity (like seriously, why did I explain like half the jokes at the start of each chapter?! Did I not realize people had the Internet and could look up what they didn't understand?!), this is all raw and unedited from my 14 year old brain. Why did I think I could be sued for following the dialogue too closely? Why did I straight up change random parts of the movie? Why did I reuse several jokes to death and back again? And what was with all that pie stuff? These are but many of the questions you may be asking as you read. The rest of it's pretty good, though. Trust me. -SPIRIT Chapter 1- Lava Surfing Vakama: Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Gathered friends, listen to our legend of the Bionicle. Bionicle Fans: Yahoo! Vakama: Ahem! In the time before time the Gr- Hey, wait a second! How can there be a time before time??? (GregF whispers in his ear) Vakama: Oh!.... Can I tell them what happens in the Metru Nui storyline? Director: Stop wasting time! Vakama: Sorry! Some people... Anyway, the Great SPIRIT descended from the heavens carrying we, the Matoran to this para- actually we were Tohunga at the time, but that means something special in Maori and there was this big lawsuit and we needed to change our name and no one like my idea of the Pie-Eaters so we became Matoran. Director: What are you doing?!?! Keep it up and I'll replace you with Nokama. Vakama: Hey! You're not fighting fair! Director: Vakama: Where was I?......Oh, yeah. To this paradise. We were separate and without purpose (life was really boring, BZPower hadn't been invented yet). Director: Vakama: So the Great Spirit showed us the three virtues: Unity, Duty, and Destiny. (Go duty!!!) Director: Vakama: We thanked him by naming our island home after the Great Spirit himself: Makuta- I mean Mata Nui. But our happiness was not to last. Mata Nui's brother, the Makuta was jealous of these honors and betrayed him, he put Mata Nui into a deep slumber. The Makuta was free to unleash his shadows, and unleash them, he did. Hee! Hee! I sound like Yoda.............Ah! The Shadows! I can't see!!! Director: You just blinked! Vakama: I can see again!......Hey are we still filming? Director: That's it! You're fired! Vakama: --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- BIONICLE Mask of Light (Title Scene) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Now in Ta-Koro) Jaller: Takua! He's got more rock in his head than a Po-Matorun... I mean Po-Matoran, it's a good thing I'm not reading the DVD subtitles. Po-Matoran: Hey! Jaller: Oops!..... Takua! (He sees Takua's Kolhii stick on the wall) (Jaller sets off for the lava caves) Takua! Takua! Takua: Did you hear something? Pewku: Nope. Takua: Oh...... I didn't know you could talk!!! Pewku: I can't. Takua Pewku: What do you expect? It's a movie, anything can happen! Takua: Okay .......I prefer you didn't talk, it freaks me out . Pewku: Sure, no problem. (She starts whistling the MoL tune in the background). Takua: Pewku: Takua: Look at that! (Points at the totem) That's why they call me the Chronicler. Jaller: Who's they? Takua: I dunno...... Aren't you supposed to be here a few seconds later? Jaller: Yeah, but there wasn't any traffic today. Director: So what? Wait for your cue! Jaller: Fine! Takua: (Looking at the totem) Oooo... Pretty. I bet no one ever recorded this before. Jaller: Duh! You're the only Chronicler! Takua: Right... Director: Takua and Jaller: (There is a five minute pause) Director: Whose line is it?!?! Jaller: It's your script. Takua: Burn!.....(He bursts out laughing) Jaller and Director: Takua: Get it? Burn, lava, Ta-Koro? (There's an awkward silence) Takua: I'll shut up now. Jaller: Takua! Takua: That's my name, don't wear it out! Jaller: What are you doing here all alone? Takua: Pewku's here. Pewku: He's got a point. Takua: Pewku: Jaller: We're supposed to be at the Kolhii match. Takua: But Ga-Koro is going to win! Jaller: How do you know? Takua: Why else would they make a MNOLG about someone other than me? Jaller: You've got a point....... , but if we don't, Turaga Vakama will try to replace us... Takua: (He gets a mental image of Vakama playing Kolhii and shudders)......Hang on a sec...Must-go-to-pretty-light. Jaller: You're hopping across lava to look at a rock with light that comes out of nowhere on it? Takua: Yep. Jaller: Why not take the bridge? Takua: It's a bit late now! Jaller: Do you know what Turaga Vakama would say? Takua doing a perfect imitation of Vakama: Trust in the Mask, let it be your guide. Jaller: I asked what he would say, not what he will say. Takua: Pretty light. Jaller: (Takua trips and hits the stone which falls into the lava) Jaller: You Kolhii head! Takua: Oopsie! (Mol pops out of the lava) Takua: Pretty. Jaller: Have you considered therapy? Takua Sarcastically: Ha. Ha. Ha. Takua: Never seen this language before. Jaller: Let's go! Takua: Okie, Dokie! (Takua jumps onto the lavaboard and throws the Mask to Jaller. It hits him in the face and he falls down. A big lava wave hits Takua who falls into the lava and sinks) Director: Holy Kanohi! Jaller: Don't worry, he was just a stunt double. Stunt Double: Help me! It burns! Director: Quit your whining! (Stunt Double swims to shore and hops out of the lava all burnt and crisp) Stunt Double: I forgot about my lava-proof suit. Director: Where's Tahu?!?! Tahu Nuva: Sorry, I was just saving Mata Nui, it can wait. (The Stunt Double hops onto the lavaboard and is picked up by Tahu Nuva) Tahu Nuva: Chronicler! Sightseeing again? Let's get a closer look at those falls! (Tahu jumps off the falls and does his lava surfing thing) Tahu Nuva: So, Takua, this view close enough? Takua Sarcastically: No I want to be closer. Tahu Nuva Believingly: Really? Takua: No! (Whispering:) Kolhii Head...... (Yelling:) Incoming! (A gabajillion Bohrok come out of no where and start charging) Tahu Nuva: Don't worry (He uses his Hau Nuva and the charging Bohrok all bounce off) Takua: Cool! (Tahu Nuva climbs up the wall)