Posted Oct 24 2011 - 02:29 PM
Ask ignika 5-Acme productsIgnika is sitting on his sofa. The doorbell rings. Presenter: Well, here we have another cliché.The door opens. Metus(In agori form once again.):Good day my dear sir, beautiful morning isn’t it, well I have some grand products that will make it even better: Canned bread, inflatable dartboards, fake rhinestones, a weird thing, We've got: cough drops, cricket bats, iron lungs, knicknackswooden legs, wedding rings, we sell everythingslug killers, killer slugs, road drills, ear plugstime bombs, tombstones, merchant banks and garden gnomestoothpaste, defoliants, general deodorantsstrychnine, gasoline, benzene, polythene...fruit machines, magazines, baked beans, submarineshandcuffs, face creams, pep pills and private dreamssynthetic fibres, tranquilizers, inorganic fertilizerscanned beer, barbed wire, dividends at five points higherMars bars, fast cars, two old rusty barslife insurance, cigarettes, package tours and Sabre jets...An the new supersonic fractional orbital bombardment systemThat annihilates everything that movesWithin a range of 7.528 light years... Ignika: How come you aren’t a snake like before? Metus: I went to acme superstore, where else can you get transformation reversal spray? Ignika: Where did that spring up from? Metus: It’s founder is a secret but I am currently a salesman for the company. Ignika: Well, please go away, I have enough white elephants as it is. Metus: Are you sure? Toa Ignika is wearing a bleak expression that could be compared to a brick wall. Podu randomly walks down the street behind metus. Podu:Hi! Great Toa Nui: Look Metus, you are keeping the comedy from progressing. Metus: How about no. Great Toa Nui points at his mask. Great Toa Nui: Look at this, this is the Kanohi Mimica, the mask of power replication.Metus: And?... Great Toa Nui: I was just watching the ending of Ghostbusters. Please leave. Metus: No. Great Toa Nui: You asked for it…(mask glows.) The titanic Stay puft marshmellow man lumbers through the streets, creating a trail of destruction as it’s gigantic shadow moves over metus. Vezon: I wish I could do that, Tokyo would be mine any day! Great Toa Nui: If you pay a few thousand dollars I could give him to you. I don’t need him anymore. Vezon: Deal. Metus makes a dash for it but Is captured in a gigantic light, puffy, sweet hand.Great Toa Nui: okay, he’s all yours. Metus: (pleading) Please don’t leave ME stuck in THIS belonging to HIM!Great Toa Nui: Don’t ask me, Mr stay puft belongs to Vezon. Metus: Help!Mr Stay puft swallows Metus whole.Vezon and Mr stay puft walk into the sunset.Narrator: The en….Great Toa Nui: Hold it!, Hold it!, we haven’t achieved the quota yet!Charger runs through the road shouting “Attack!” over and over, if you looked closely you could see that the shadowed one was pushing against him but charger is so strong that he is pushig him forward everywhere he goes.Charger: Attack attack attack!The Shadowed One: Don’t ask me how I got into this mess…A piece of plaster from the forth wall falls from above and hit’s Great Toa nui’s head. Great Toa Nui: Who did that? The shadowed one:Me The real Great Toa Nui through the hole in the forth wall: Me. Great Toa Nui’s author avatar on the story’s side of the forth wall: Patch that up quick, this is already too complicated! Using his author powers the real Great Toa Nui patches up the wall, sealing himself from his creations once again including his beloved Author avatar whom he likes so much that he often centers the plot around him. Here I am talking about myself in a bzpower comedy whilst listening to Ghostbusters… I think I broke the forth wall once to many. Great Toa nui: Get on with it already! Oh, great now I’m argueing with myself. Great Toa Nui: I think we have a mental problem. I hope not.Great toa nui: give us some plot please! Ok, how about we go into a parody about the end of Ghostbusters… Before Great Toa Nui’s author avatar can complain he is in front of a looming skyscraper with lightning bolts at it’s top. Toa Ignika: I thought this was supposed to be about ME! Great Toa Nui: Don’t worry, you still get to answer questions near the end.Ignika: still not fair. Who is going to be Gozer? Makuta Teridax: I bore you for I am nothing… It is nothing from which you came and it is into nothing you will go!Matoran on ground panic and run around.A car parks in a space just at the foot of the skyscraper.A random matoran starts shouting.Podu: Ghostbusters!Ignika: Why is the ‘random’ matoran always podu?Great Toa Nui mercifully ignores that comment.The Toa Nuva step out of the ghotbusters car.Podu: Ghostbusters! The Toa Nuva acend the tower to the opening gates. They reach the steps as the makuta begins to decend… In blue armour.Onua: Blue armour? I thought the makuta was a man! Tahu: He is when he want’s to be! Teridax: Be you Great Beings? Tahu: No. Teridax shoots lightning from his fingers at the toa nuva, almost pushing them off the edge but not quite.The toa nuva shoot their guns at Teridax but he dodges.They shoot again and it hits… and does nothing.Teridax: I am sick of this parody. I quit.Darn.Teridax turns his armour black and uses his mask to teleport away so I now have a villain to use for later on.Ignika: Don’t tell me this was just an elaborate plan to bring old Teridax back to life while keeping in continuity from the outdated base cannon you use?No comment.Oh… WHEN are the forums going to be re-opened! I miss them so and I have nowhere to post my comedies, in fact I have started a comic version of Ask ignika!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After the forums re-openedThe matoran are slaving for teridax who has an army of rahkshi who are of all the 49 powers a rakshi can have.Great Toa Nui: How come none of you rebelled against Teridax? Podu: How could we, our only author decided that he would wait until the forums opened(Even after that he was a little late) but please save us! Great Toa Nui: I shall.He attempts to attack Teridax but is almost killed and only gets away by using the Mimica to copy Teridax’s teleportation power.Podu: How could YOU lose?Great Toa Nui: He is not of this continuity, this is a real charictor from an untouched CANON alternate reality, we will have to beat him by disproving his canonity. Podu: If he is from the canon, should he not act like Teridax of the prime reality inside canon, eg: defenders should arise and he should slink into the shadows. Great Toa Nui: Great Idea Ad thus the auxiliary toa were born! The Great Beings knew that something like this was going to happen while the forums were down so they created 700 new toa to clean the mess up, a hundred of each element. Teridax( as 700 new toa canisters fall from the sky): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Great Toa Nui:Yes. Teridax teleport’s away using his mask. Great Toa Nui: Darn, well at least we have a stock bad guy now. Toa Ignika: This comedy is supposed to be about me and I have not showed up once in this entire episode Great Toa Nui: Well sorry, i don’t have any questions for you. Ignika: Sigh. Great Toa Nui: Let's face it, my comedy has becoma great heap of themes piled one after another. People, i require you to think of some questions for next time.
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