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Too Bloody English For Your Own Bloody Good


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4 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Kahi

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Posted Nov 16 2011 - 01:25 PM

"Ye are naught but a lowly pirate, sailing on the seas of olden glory."

-Abraham Lincoln

They art but one heretic, exclaimed the Nui Jama, one heretic to one's own pleasure.You make no sense, claimed his compatriot the Mahi, not even in context nor taken out of it does that make any sort of meaning. Aye, that is but true for one, said the Nui Jama, for what makes no sense to you may not but be crowns of ocean kings.The ramblings that you make with your mouth with randomness make me want to rip my eyes apart, said the second, for this is naught but a waste of the hourglass that is time.You remind me, said the first, of the hopelessness of forlorn child who has dropped his ice cream cone into a nuclear power plant.Why, said the second, would said child even be in said plant if it were not one mistake of extreme duration on his supervisior?'tis a true model of what education is treated like these days, replied the first, for when I was but a young Jamaling--Hello and greetings of tremendous gratitude! said the newcomer Takea Shark, may I thus join your merry group? For I will thus enjoy our talkings and conversations that we may have in short notice with the extreme redundancy that is repeating enjoyment in the same sentence!Begone with ye, groaned the second, I have had enough beings with the mental health of cases of nuts for one day.Surely you jest, laughed the third, and even if your werns't I t'would still irritate your wellbeing by joining you regardless of your previous statements.Then why, said the second, did our permission you consider asking for in the first place?For naught but courtesy, replied the third, as I do not want your permission as much as I want you to thus know I asked for it.Mayhap he wants to plant seeds of sorrow within the grey skies that cover our very minds, said the first, such seeds that will thus grow into stalks of horror and torment to be harvested among the brave.I hear sounds resembling spoken language coming out of his mouth, but understanding them is a matter that is separate from the matter that I was previously referring to, cried the third.This is the club that you now can join, moaned the second, for in dealing with this I have now committed myself to disregarding his very existence save for the times in which it is suitable for me to be aware of his presence again.Disbarring that previous comment that may or may not have been directed towards my own personage, said the first, as I was saying, when I was but a young Jamaling--I will pretend to come to a sudden realization while in truth cutting off the long and potentially bore of such a portion of your life's story to ask our newcoming personage here how exactly he manages to breathe without suffocating without the water that so permeates the ocean, interrupted the second.Just as you disregard your comrade's existence, so do I disregard the laws of physics, which while physically impossible is thus ignored by me for I disregard the physically impossible, replied the third.There is a hammering inside of my head that first began when you began to speak and has not ceased even though your mouth has, mumbled the second.It was at this point that everyone thus contracted cancer and died.I say, cried the third, is not that previous sentence one of such an extreme form of plagiarism and already a predictable ending that regret is only half of the feelings that I now have?I just take what small victory I have in knowing that I have thus wasted minutes of some poor souls' life in reading this, said the second.

Edited by Kahi: Lawyer at Leisure, Nov 16 2011 - 02:39 PM.

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#2 Offline Jovan2

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Posted Nov 16 2011 - 02:33 PM

The colored text makes it hard for me to read. Maybe if there was a translation it would be funnier... or was the last four sentences supposed to be the funny thing?... My head's still reeling...
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#3 Offline Taipu1

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Posted Nov 16 2011 - 03:31 PM

Beating the 300 word limit must have been a mere trifle, for the diversity of your dialect is most profound. If only I had such a splendidly diverse dictionary of phrases at my disposal.Now I've finished failing to use a wider vocabulary, I'd like to express my fondest contrafibularities :P to this comedy. Very original, very well done. I get the impression from the ending you won't be doing another one though. I imagine it's difficult though, and probably took you hours to do. Still, I for one would like to see more.
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#4 Offline Kahi

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Posted Nov 19 2011 - 05:18 AM

Beating the 300 word limit must have been a mere trifle, for the diversity of your dialect is most profound. If only I had such a splendidly diverse dictionary of phrases at my disposal.Now I've finished failing to use a wider vocabulary, I'd like to express my fondest contrafibularities :P to this comedy. Very original, very well done. I get the impression from the ending you won't be doing another one though. I imagine it's difficult though, and probably took you hours to do. Still, I for one would like to see more.

Quite honestly, I'm not sure why I even wrote this in the first place. I think I wrote it during my break for lunch at the college out of sheer boredom; it took maybe about fifteen minutes to a half hour while I was eating. That's probably where all the randomness here comes from.If I really get that bored again, I suppose I could write another. There may be something to be made from all this, I don't know.

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#5 Online Onarax

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Posted Nov 19 2011 - 09:30 PM

A rather sesquipedalian story you have here. Luckily, despite the fact that it uses loads of complicated words, I managed to survive through it. Reading Shakespeare's plays give people a +10 to reading skill.Anyway, the only criticism I have about this is the fact that they aren't doing anything of much importance. It reads too much like one of the random conversations I have with my companions. There is absolutely no plot, and yet I still enjoyed it.To summarise my feelings on this, I will merely say: It was awesome.
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