Jump to content

  • Log in with Facebook Log in with Twitter Log In with Google      Sign In   
  • Create Account

Welcome to BZPower!

Hi there, while we hope you enjoy browsing through the site, there's a lot more you can do if you register. Some perks of joining include:
  • Create your own topics, participate in existing discussions, and vote in polls
  • Show off your creations, stories, art, music, and movies
  • Enter contests to win free LEGO sets and other prizes
  • Participate in raffles to win LEGO prizes
  • Organize with other members to attend or send your MOCs to LEGO fan events all over the world
  • Much, much more!
Enjoy your visit!


The Origin Of Kirop- Review Topic

  • Please log in to reply
2 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Toa Chuck

Toa Chuck
  • Members
  • Stalwart Defender

  • 19-February 09
  • 436 posts

Posted Jan 30 2012 - 09:40 PM

The Origin Of KiropReview my epic here.
  • 0

Makuta, Master of Shadows

Chuck's Very Dead Comic Series

:smilehafu: This is my signature. Exciting, huh?  :ruru:

#2 Offline Devorath

  • Members
  • Toa

  • 20-October 11
  • 182 posts

Posted Feb 02 2012 - 12:38 PM

WOW. I love the way this story is formed. You actually want to get your collection of Makuta and Matoran and act it out. Great Job

Edited by SillyCordak, Feb 02 2012 - 12:40 PM.

  • 0




#3 Offline Aderia

  • Premier Member
  • Premier Outstanding BZP Citizens
  • Stone Champion Nuva

  • 29-May 10
  • 1,566 posts
  •   Outstanding BZPower Citizen

Posted Nov 10 2012 - 03:47 PM

Hello Chuck =) I have a charity review for your epic here today.I'm gonna start with the little nitpicks, the grammar or spelling errors that are an easy fix. I've condensed them here for you, since I decided that I hate quote blocks hating me.Points I want you to take away from the nitpicks are 1)Capitalize proper nouns, like Karda Nui, Mata Nui, etc. 2)When you begin a new paragraph, indent. Since it's not very easy to indent using BZP's text formatting, I like to put a space between paragraphs, and something like "***" between scene changes. [example] 3)Dialog punctuation, see below for details.

"I concur," she said.

"I concur." She spoke fiercely and then ran away.

"I concur," she said, running away.

Before running away, she said, "I concur."

Before running away, she spoke a final time. "I concur."

That's part of a review that I received a while back, and I often refer back to it, because I couldn't give the advice any better myself.Another big thing, literally and metaphorically, is the text size you used in your story. It's a bit superficial of me to comment on this, sure, but such a large font struck me as unnecessary. It doesn't really contribute to the story or serve for dramatic effect. In all honestly, it makes the story look as though you know it's too short and are trying to make it look longer. There's nothing wrong with the default font setting.Since you've only posted one chapter of your epic thus far, there's not much else I can say at this point. Hope to see you around the library some more.~Aderia

Edited by Eponine, Nov 18 2012 - 11:33 PM.

  • 0



0 user(s) are browsing this forum

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users