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Tahu's Tips To Survival

to of survival

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#1 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted Apr 15 2012 - 09:13 AM

Tahu’s Tips to Survival

--Epic Talk Show Hosted by Yours Truly (Shut up Helryx everyone knows that "Yours truly" is just a kiss-up way of saying "I'm so pretty look at me!!")--

EPISODE 1: Public Humiliation

Tahu: Alright, first of all, let me just say something. I never agreed to do this, but Helryx threatened to kill me if I didn’t. She’s obsessed with safety; she’s literally a freak. Don’t tell her I said that, though.Helryx: Tahu, you’re on the air. I can still hear you.Tahu: Tip #1 – Don’t EVER say something on television that you would NEVER say in front of someone. It can save you from death, literally.Helryx: Alright Tahu, I’m going to kill you now.Tahu: Tip #2 – When someone tells you that they’re going to kill you ahead of time, make sure you tell everyone you know that you’re about to die. Make sure you tell everyone EXACTLY how you felt about them.Gali: Tahu, I’m sorry it had to come to this. How did you feel about me?Tahu: You were my best friend, Gali.Makuta: Look Tahu, you fool, I didn’t get to be the one to kill you, so just tell me now whatever I need to hear.Tahu: I always loved how you added extra whip topping on my lattes.Makuta: Yeah, that was pretty fond of me.Gali: Tahu, you didn’t like MY lattes?Tahu: I never said that… But since you asked, the answer is no. Sorry; maybe next time.Makuta: But, you just told us Helryx was going to kill you; where’s the next time in that?Tahu: There is none. I just needed to make Gali feel better.Gali: How am I supposed to feel better about that?Tahu: You’re not, but I’m on TV so I need to have a good self-image before I die a painful death this day.Makuta: Must you continue to emphasis your death?Tahu: Yes.Skrall: Tahu! Tahu! Was I a mighty servant to thou?Tahu: Stop talking like that it’s weird.Skrall: No.Tahu: Tip #3 – When someone refuses to obey you, you then commence violence. It’s the only possible way you could ever resolve any kind of dispute.Helryx: While Tahu and Skrall literally knock the elemental power out of themselves, I’ll go bring in the guests.Makuta: Please. The last thing people want is for the Tahu murderer to warmly welcome them into an interview about avoiding death.Tahu: It’s not an interview. It’s a reality show.Gali: Shouldn’t you be, like, in pain right now?Tahu: Skrall aren’t that hard to pin.Makuta: That’s because that one is a hologram.Helryx: Hi! Welcome aboard, Lewa! Hi! Welcome, Black Phantom! Hello and welcome to the rest of you whose names I don’t feel like reading.Tahu: She’s a murderer!Helryx: I didn’t kill you yet Tahu.Lewa: Can I watch?Makuta: No…Helryx: I don’t think Lewa was talking to you…Makuta: Don’t forget who you’re talking to.Tahu: Tip #4 – If you feel that tension is building up among others, the best thing to do is to add to it. It will build more anger, thus creating a bond between them.Makuta: I hate you.Helryx: I know.Black Phantom: HAHAHAHAHAAHHHA! I WILL TAKE OVER ZE ENTIRE BIONICLE UNIVERZE HAHAAHHAHAH!!!!!!Helryx: I’m sorry, but who are you?Gali: …Makuta: …Tahu: My mom?Helryx: I do see similarities yes…Black Phantom: YOU WILZ ALL DIE ALONG WIZ YO HEROES!!!!Lewa: What if we don’t have any heroes?Tahu: Tip #5 – If someone is annoying you, inflict pain. One side effect, however, is that it solves absolutely nothing. Use with caution.Gali: How do you use pain?Helryx: Easy. I’ll demonstrate.Makuta: NO.Tahu: NO.Lewa: NO.Black Phantom: YEZZ!!Helryx: 3-1. I’m demonstrating.Makuta: But the majority said no.Helryx: Haven’t you learned by now that I don’t play by the rules?Tahu: I have!Helryx: Don’t forget that I have a coupon to kill you 50% off.Gali: O_oLewa: ( -_-)Makuta: <(-)|^|(-)>Tahu: Sorry, I forgot.Vezon: I didn’t…Makuta: At least I’M a responsible villain.Tahu: I didn’t get my latte this morning…Makuta: That’s because we all knew that you were going to die. Didn’t you read the script?Tahu: What script?Gali: The one that reads: “Helryx’s job: Kill Tahu.”Tahu: Oh, sorry. I must have missed that part. What’s my job?Lewa: “Tahu’s job: Let Helryx beat the sugared donuts and warm milk out of you.”Makuta: I hope my job is as exciting as Tahu’s…Helryx: Even better. “Makuta’s job: Let Helryx boss you around because she is a boss and you are just a mere specimen that belongs to Helryx.”Lewa: Who wrote this script exactly?Gali: I don’t know. But whoever it was is obviously half-retarded.Helryx: How is it so obvious?Gali: I don’t know... I must not have thought about that.Makuta: Clearly…Tahu: Tip #6 – If you’re not happy with the position you got, you beat the sugared donuts and warm milk out of whoever assigned it to you until you get your way. It works EVERY time.Gali: *runs*Helryx: I think you’re over-using the phrase “beat the sugared donuts and warm milk”.Tahu: Warm milk is fun to beat though.Makuta: Well have you ever beat it?Tahu: Nah, I’m too slow. I did catch up with it on the 3-legged race, however.Helryx: Well just so we’re clear…Tahu: Go die.Helryx: That reminds me…Tahu: *runs*Helryx: *chases*Makuta: Well folks, that just about wraps up this episode. Be sure to submit your very own tips and Tahu may consider them for the next episode!Lewa: I thought Tahu was dying today…?Black Phantom: HAHHAAHAHAHHAAHAAVezon: That sentence was grammatically incorrect.Black Phantom: Fool.Makuta: At least turn off the camera before you start commotion.Tahu: Tip #7 – When you’re being chased by your murderer, always run through buildings. That way, at least you can cause chaos well enough to be on the news.Makuta: Turn off the camera!Lewa: No! Throw it out the window!Makuta: We’re not even in a building WITH windows…Lewa: My point exactly…Makuta: I don’t get it.Lewa: You’re stalling.Vezon: Can someone just kill someone already?!Makuta: Bye folks. This is Tahu’s Tips of Survival, based heavily around his upcoming death by Helryx. Now, excuse us. We have to go tame Helryx.

Edited by Tech Warrior, Apr 15 2012 - 10:17 PM.

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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#2 Offline Toa Smoke Monster

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Posted Apr 15 2012 - 02:31 PM

Good job here, Tech Warrior! :) This is a good start for this comedy. I particularly liked tips 1 and 3-5. They made me chuckle when I read them. I'm interested to see how the next chapter plays out.
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Everyone is one choice away from being a bad guy in someone else's story.


#3 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted Apr 15 2012 - 10:14 PM

Thank you Smoke Monster! Believe it or not, there is actually a story here. :PI'm just now realizing that the context may have been a bit vague as to what was going on. The idea is that they're all on a talk show. :P
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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#4 Offline Toa Smoke Monster

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Posted Apr 16 2012 - 12:12 AM

Thank you Smoke Monster! Believe it or not, there is actually a story here. :PI'm just now realizing that the context may have been a bit vague as to what was going on. The idea is that they're all on a talk show. :P

I assumed there was a story taking place here. I'm guessing the next chapter deals with how Tahu survives Helryx trying to kill him. :PAnd this is all taking place on a talk show? That sounds like an interesting concept. I do wonder what the people watching the program were thinking when they saw this. :P

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#5 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted Apr 16 2012 - 01:22 PM

Your guess was close.After this episode, the audience will think twice before getting near Helryx :P: (Or three times, depending on how well Helryx messes with their heads)

EPISODE 2: The Cast

Tahu: Hi. I’m Tahu.Helryx: Wasn’t that obvious from the start?Lewa: Mouthy, much?Helryx: No, just realistic.Makuta: Hi. I’m your worst nightmare.Tahu: Actually, my worst nightmare was when Helryx chased me through buildings with a flamethrower trying to kill me.Gali: That actually happened…Tahu: I must’ve been under her control then.Helryx: No, because I remember you yelling, “PLS PLS PLS HELIX DON’T KILL ME I DESRVE TO LIVE!”Gali: …And?Helryx: If Tahu was under my control then I wouldn’t have let him cry like a little girl like that.Makuta: Don’t forget about all those grammatical errors.Tahu: Shut up.Makuta: No.Tahu: Tip #1 – If your arch enemy refuses to obey you, call Helryx. She’s up for murder any day.Helryx: Don’t you forget that Tahu.Gali: …Lewa: I feel left out.Tahu: You should.Makuta: Dude, you’re going to have to rudely interrupt us if you want to get a word in.Vezon: True dat.Makuta: “Dat” isn’t a word you moron.Tahu: Who are you to be calling anyone a moron?Makuta: I’m your worst nightmare, as stated above.Helryx: Can we get back on topic, please?Makuta: There wasn’t a topic to begin with.Tahu: Tip #2 – If two arch enemies are raising tension, add to it. Make the arch enemies hate you even more. It’s the only way to ever get them to like you.Lewa: I’m going to go get a smoothie.Makuta: No.Vezon: {[triple backflip combo]}Gali: I’m Gali. I am a Toa of Water.Helryx: You ARE blue…Tahu: At least she’s following the script.Makuta: We don’t write scripts…Helryx: Yes, we wing EVERYTHING.Tahu: Does that include your killing spree?Helryx: No, that part was planned.Lewa: I’M LEWA!Tahu: Lewa what the honey milk of Mata Nui?Helryx: ^^My reason for the killing spree.Makuta: Lewa is rudely interrupting us to get his word in.Tahu: How rude of you, Lewa.Gali: Agreed.Makuta: Agreed.Helryx: *kills*Lewa: I give up.Helryx: Good for you.Tahu: Tip #3 – Don’t ever listen to Helryx. She’ll ALWAYS try to put you down, but don’t listen to her. She doesn’t have feelings.Helryx: Without me you wouldn’t have this job…Tahu: …Without you I wouldn’t have a broken arm and a low self-esteem.Makuta: Both of you need to just shut up. Who cares if Helryx is a self-centered thoughtless hag?Tahu: Tip #4 –Helryx: No. You just gave us a tip. It wasn’t all that helpful, but none of them are nowadays. You’re going to have to wait a bit longer before writing another tip.Gali: DITTOLewa: What does that even mean?Makuta: Gali that made no sense whatsoever.Helryx: Would you like to die?Tahu: Helryx asks everyone that. She’s like a creeper.Helryx: It’s not like that; it IS that.Tahu: ^Like I said – a reality show.Helryx: You can’t see me though. I’m actually standing right behind you.Makuta: No you’re not.Helryx: *showoff*Tahu: Tip #4 #2 – Helryx likes-Helryx: Enough about me. Talk about… Makuta.Tahu: Tip #4 #3 – Helryx IS Makuta. Whatever you do, ALWAYS check behind you 24/7. You don’t want Makuta to-Helryx: Why on Earth would you address the tip as #4 #3?! It’s utterly confusing.Makuta: I don’t think it is… He was clearly stating that you are me. To be brutally honest, you ARE evil.Helryx: You’re not helping.Makuta: That was never my purpose.Tahu: You have a purpose?Makuta: Not yet.Helryx: I have a purpose…Gali: We all knew that…Makuta: Not all of us…Tahu: I can only guess what THAT is…Lewa: I just noticed that there are ellipses used in the last few posts…Makuta: You’re so cool and smart.Helryx: No he’s not… Didn’t you see where he said that he “just” noticed it? He obviously wasn’t paying attention.Gali: Can you blame him?Helryx: Yes…Tahu: Tip #5 – Helryx blames anyone who happens to be around at the time. You need to godfather her before she fully understands that it’s nobody’s fault. Take the killing spree for example.Helryx: Get me an egg.Makuta: Why?Helryx: Because I want one.Tahu: Either this is part of Helryx’s next killing spree, or she’s going to use the egg to get revenge on me.Helryx: No I’m just hungry. But FYI, nobody needs to godfather me except my mother.Lewa: Good to know…Makuta: Can I close this episode now?Tahu: No.Helryx: Yes.Tahu: (kid)Helryx: (traitor)Tahu: Hey, at least I’m not a to-be murderer.Makuta: I think we’ve all gotten to know each other. I’m going to close the episode now.Tahu: Tip #6 – Makuta and Helryx never introduce themselves. They’re rude, I agree. The best way to deal with their behavior is to provoke a fight.Helryx: Why is my name AFTER Makuta’s?Tahu: Best for last?Helryx: Yeah, right.Makuta: Thank you for being at yet another episode of Tahu’s Tips to Survival (More like Helryx vs. Tahu Judge Judy). Let’s hope that Tahu and Helryx aren’t so rude next time…Cast of “Tahu’s Tips to Survival”:Makuta (Ringleader)Helryx (Antagonist)Tahu (Rock star)Gali (Rock star’s low-paid assistant)Lewa (Worthless Runt)Vezon (Heaven only knows…)Black Phantom (Some moron who tried to apply but could only speak in I337 so he was kicked out)List created and compiled by your truly, ~ The Amazing Tahu

Edited by Tech Warrior, Apr 16 2012 - 01:54 PM.

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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#6 Offline Toa Smoke Monster

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Posted Apr 17 2012 - 10:14 AM

Another good chapter. I guess Tahu and Helryx are starting to get along since the latter didn't try to kill the other in this time. Though why would she try to take Tahu out with a flamethrower? One would think that she would've used a fire extinguisher to attempt that. :P
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Everyone is one choice away from being a bad guy in someone else's story.


#7 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted Apr 17 2012 - 10:51 AM

Oops... I must've forgotten that Tahu was a Toa of fire while I was writing that. :PAnd thanks! Glad you like it so far.
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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#8 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted Apr 19 2012 - 08:19 PM

EPISODE 3: The Curse

Tahu:Helryx: Why does Tahu always get to start the episodes? My turn.Makuta: Well say something! We have limited screen time today…Helryx: You know, being the ringmaster I’d have expected more from you. A little encouragement would help get this episode moving along.Gali: Who ever said that Makuta was the ringmaster? He’s just a major super villain who caused mass destruction on Mata Nui.Tahu: *facepalm*ANNOUNCER: We have a new guest appearing unto us today! Please welcome Hakann!Helryx: God not another moron.Tahu: Who are you to call anyone a moron?Makuta: I’m feeling a sense of de ja vu.Gali: That’s all in your mind.Makuta: No.Tahu: Tip #1 – “No” is Makuta’s favorite word. He denies everything, shoots down everyone (literally), and flat-out disregards every idea thrown at him. Don’t worry, though; it’s easy to trick him into saying yes. Just do it.Makuta: False.Tahu: False.Makuta: True. Oh gosh darn it.Helryx: Just cuss already…Makuta: No…Tahu: *rim shot*Helryx: NEVAAR!Gali: I think I see Hakann down the hall.Helryx: Is he kill-worthy?Gali: I don’t know?Makuta: I do.Tahu: Good for you.Lewa: I’m going to go get a smoothie!Makuta: I’m feeling a sense of de ja vu.Gali: That’s all in your mind.Tahu: I’m feeling a sense of de ja vu.Helryx: No you aren’t.Tahu: Helryx, just, whatever you do, don’t kill Hakann just yet.Helryx: *sniff* I’ll try to hold it in.Makuta: I won’t. In fact, if I don’t like him, I’ll throw him through that wall over there.Gali: Here he comes…Hakann: Gala Hoi!Helryx: The heck?Hakann: Maka Go Yotski Tiyu Kiki Fostua!Tahu: Kill me now. Seriously, here is an axe. Put me out of my misery.Helryx: Okay… *swings axe*Gali: *takes axe from Helryx* Behave.Helryx: No.Makuta: Correct.Hakann: GAKA GAKA GAKA GAKA!!Lewa: *walks in room* What’d I miss?Helryx: You just missed death by about five and a half seconds.Makuta: Maybe he doesn’t speak English…Hakann: I just put a curse on YOU! *points to Tahu*Gali: …Maybe he does.Makuta: Alright. Where’s the wall?Helryx: Gee, that’s a tough one.Lewa: Well really it is; we are surrounded by curtains.Makuta: No we aren’t? Are you losing your senses?Helryx: He’s just trying to make it harder on you.Lewa: No, Makuta was right. I’m losing my senses.Makuta: *throws Hakann through a wall*Tahu: A curse? Now? Why?!Helryx: Gee, that’s a tough one.Makuta: I’m feeling a sense of de ja vu.Gali: That’s all in your mind.Tahu: I’m feeling a sense of de ja vu.Helryx: No you aren’t.Tahu: Tip #2 – When someone tells you they put a curse on you, most of the time, it’s not true. There is absolutely no way to handle this situation. Seriously; I’m writing this tip under immense pressure.Helryx: The difference is that you’re Tahu, and you provoke people.Tahu: We aren’t people. We’re bio-mechanical beings. Get that through your thick skull, you moron.Helryx: ^^My point exactly.Makuta: You don’t have a point.Gali: TAHU LOOK OUT!Tahu: GAH PLS PLS PLS HELIX DON’T KILL ME I DESRVE TO LIVE!Helryx: Ha. You almost got crushed by a wooden box.ANNOUNCER: Oh, I almost forgot, if you happen to see wooden boxes randomly falling, I assure you that there is absolutely nothing to worry about. We’re just currently experiencing very small major technical problems thus we’ve accidentally booby trapped the entire facility; also a tornado is headed our way. So please, continue on with your normal lives, not that you have any.Tahu: What could they possibly need wooden boxes in the ceiling for?!Helryx: Maybe they’re filled with dangerous snakes that the announcers were going to unleash upon you while you were alone in the dark sleeping while standing up being poisoned.Makuta: Sorry did the announcers say something?Gali: Yeah, just some major technical issues going on. Also there are booby traps around this whole facility, and a tornado headed our way. Not a big deal.*All gasp*All: TORNADO!!11!1!1!Helryx: Mata Nui Tahu you just had to doom us all!Tahu: I’m not the one who went on a massacre.Helryx: YOU were the one cursed.Makuta: No.Lewa: GUYS! Let’s get out of here!Vezon: Right…Makuta: Apologies audience, but we need to wrap up this episode before we all die. If we live, then we’ll continue the show. If we die, then we’ll still continue it. If only Helryx dies, we’ll throw a party live in regret the rest of our lives.Tahu: OUCH! I tripped over an electric wire!Helryx: You’re such a klutz.Tahu: Why would you say that?!Helryx: Gee, that’s a tough one.Makuta: I’m feeling a sense of de ja vu.Gali: That’s all in your mind.Tahu: I’m feeling a sense of de ja vu.Helryx: No you aren’t.Vezon: I’m feeling the strangest form of de ja vu!Gali: That’s all in your mind.Tahu: I’m feeling a sense of de ja vu.Makuta: Get me an egg.Helryx: SHUT UP!!Tahu: Oh no, I didn’t give any tips this episode!Makuta: Would you rather die?Tahu: Tip #3 – If you’re ever in the same situation as me, trying to evacuate a facility through booby traps and run from a tornado, always make sure you carry a cell phone on you, and tell everyone you know you’re about to die. That way, they’ll be prepared for when you do die. And then, when you don’t die, you can surprise them at the front door of the church as they have your funeral. But that’s beyond me now. I haven’t even not died yet!(Epicly dramatic orchestra music plays)

Edited by Tech Warrior, Apr 19 2012 - 08:24 PM.

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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#9 Offline Lewa97

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Posted Apr 23 2012 - 06:30 PM

It makes no sense whatsoever. Which makes it hilarious.
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ACTIVATE AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!!


#10 Offline Toa Smoke Monster

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Posted Apr 24 2012 - 12:18 PM

Hakann was funny in this chapter. Especially when he cursed Tahu. :P I hope to see him in a future chapter.Anyway, I thought this chapter overall was really good. I wonder how everyone is going to survive from the tornado.
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Everyone is one choice away from being a bad guy in someone else's story.


#11 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted Apr 24 2012 - 04:59 PM

Thanks! But what if no one survives? What if everyone dies and that marks the end of this comedy? :PKidding, of course (maybe). Next chapter coming soon!
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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#12 Offline Toa Sonis

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Posted Apr 26 2012 - 08:58 PM

Random, strangely repetitive (I'm starting to feel a sense of de ja vu..), some of Bionicle's most pokable characters, and Vezon...everything a good comedy needs!
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I shall be saying this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by
and that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost, The Road Less Traveled

#13 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted Apr 27 2012 - 08:39 AM

EPISODE 4: Gridlock

Tahu: Come on Makuta! You can make the jump over the lasers!Helryx: Unless of course, you’re too fat.Makuta: Excuse me?Gali: You are excused.Tahu: No he’s not. We’re about to die. You can hold it in with your legs while you make this strenuous jump.Lewa: Can you use your legs?Makuta: Yes…Helryx: Can you see your legs?Makuta: Grr… *runs* *jumps* *epic double back flip* *triple hip swish spin around corkscrew into a triple cartwheel 360 29 54 Jackie five chino!*Lewa: Impressive!Helryx *cough*gaywodTahu: You have my permission to jump into that spiky trap.Helryx: I don’t need your consent on anything. If I want to kill myself, then Mata Nui I’ll kill myself!Tahu: REALLY?!Helryx: It was an expression.Lewa: I like expressiveness!Makuta: *cough* I am a villain.Helryx: Yeah, and I’m a six-sided sphere with a frozen ring of fire disguised as a forcefield.Tahu: Did you steal that ring from my locker? I told nobody to go in there!Helryx: …Which is why I called Nobody to go and get it. Why exactly do you appear so upset?Gali: DUCK!Lewa: Where?!Helryx: *facepalm*Tahu: *double facepalm*Vezon: Jinx.Tahu: Tip #1 – If you ever are forced to be stuck with someone, make sure it’s Vezon. He’s such an cool dude and never speaks!Makuta: That’s a dangerous looking ring right there.Gali: Up the stairs everyone!Helryx: No, really? I thought we had to go through the wall and up the ceiling!Makuta: If you insist… *walks through wall and up ceiling* Tada.Helryx: *show off*Makuta: I’m feeling a sense of de ja-Helryx: Just shut up.Tahu: Wait, so if we want to avoid the tornado then we need to climb to the very top of this facility?Helryx: Correct. The tornado is right over there. *points to tornado as it tears through the building*Gali: So if we climb to the top, we can get higher than the tornado??Helryx: No! That’s where the only exit is in this entire facility.Tahu: I feel like I’m in Aperture Science…Helryx: We are…Tahu: Oh. Wait so in order to get there we’ll need to-ANNOUNCER: Attention! Everyone still in the facility: You have about 59 seconds left to live.Helryx: Yeah just a minute announcer! What were you saying Tahu?Tahu: TORNADO!Makuta: I don’t remember you saying anything about that…Helryx: I do.Makuta: No you don’t.Tahu: Tip #2 – If you’re ever trapped in a building while a tornado is slowly ripping it apart, do nothing. Even if you know you can escape, it won’t change anything, as Helryx will unleash her rage just as you exit into safety.Helryx: Now that isn’t QUITE true.Tahu: Orly?Makuta: *Oh reallyTahu: Moron.Makuta: Illiterate Face.Gali: Run!Helryx: I think I’ll walk.Makuta: Dude are you serious? I think that’s a terrible idea. If we calculate the amount of time it will take for the tornado to get to us and subtract that from the amount of time it will take to walk to the exit, we’ll miss existence by about 0.99999 seconds. ...I’m going to feel so stupid if you were being sarcastic.Helryx: No I’m being dead serious. I’m rather offended that you think my genius-of-an-idea is some sort of sarcastic joke.Lewa: Makuta, feel stupid, because Helryx’s idea of walking was soaked with so much sarcasm that it was almost offensive.Gali: Uh, guys! If you’re done doing therapy, we need to finish the job of barely living!Tahu: Good, good. You’re all making your way up the stairs! We’re all going to live!Helryx: Thank you, Captain Obvious!Tahu: How was that so obvious?Makuta: No…Tahu: Tip #3 – Don’t ever try to show compassion for Helryx or Makuta, because they blush so badly that their remarks come out as offensive.Helryx: Is that so true you nut head?Tahu: Yes.Gali: There’s the door!Lewa: Go everybody go! I need to go get me a smoothie!Tahu: Lewa, there’s no time!Lewa: I’ll make time!Helryx: I’ve always wondered: How do you make time?Makuta: I think it involves usage of buying a Mata Nui set, opening it, and putting it together.Tahu: Makuta’s right. Now LET’S GO!Helryx: Okay okay…*all escape*Tahu: Ah, yes! We have made it out! We’re not going to die today!Helryx: Really? If I remember correctly, the tornado is still coming in this direction…Tahu: Oh, right…Gali: Is everyone here? Let’s see: Tahu, yes, Helryx, Makuta, Vezon, and… Makuta, who is that?Makuta: That’s Hakann. I pulled him out of the wall on our way out.Tahu: Why would you do that?Makuta: He deserves to live.Helryx: Does he?Tahu: Tip #4 – Isn’t it ironic how Helryx likes making discussions about death but never actually commences it in front of you? When that happens, run.Gali: We may be out of that building, but we still aren’t out of reach of that tornado. We need to get to safety!Tahu: Makuta, grab the camera!Makuta: But we’ve been recording this whole time…Helryx: All he said was for you to grab the camera…Makuta: *grabs**all run*Gali: We need to run away from the direction the tornado is headed.Tahu: Let’s go up that mountain over there! I see a bunch of people up there watching the tornado!Helryx: And I’ll quote: “We aren’t people. We’re bio-mechanical beings. Get that through your thick skull, you moron.”Makuta: Oh no!Gali: What is it?Makuta: Our whole facility: ruined!Helryx: Oh my!*all gasp in terror as they watch the tornado rip apart their facility*Tahu: It destroyed everything! How are we supposed to do our shows now?!Helryx: Relax, alright? We’ll just find civilization, rent out a place for a while until we make enough money, and problem solved!Gali: That would be the best solution…Makuta: It’s the only solution…Helryx: Makuta has a point.Tahu: Really?Gali: Can we just go?Helryx: Sure, Gali. Anything for the impatient princess!Gali: I’m not a princess. I’m a queen.Makuta: Yeah, and I’m the king.Gali: o_oHelryx: No, that’s Tahu!Tahu: Enough jokes; let’s get to that mountain.Gali: Wait… Something doesn’t seem right…Tahu: What is it Gali?Gali: I feel like we’re missing something…Makuta: That’s understandable. The fact that our entire facility just blew up doesn’t get to everyone right away.Tahu: Tip #5 – ALWAYS make it look like you’re worried when someone tells you they think they’re missing something. It makes yourself look like a caring bio-mechanical being when really you’re not.Gali: No no no. Something else…Helryx: You and Tahu’s wedding ring!Tahu: *facepalm*Gali: LEWA!Helryx: Who?Makuta: What about him?Gali: He isn’t here!Tahu: Gasp! Wait no, Gali’s right!Helryx: No! My killing-instinct must have made Lewa disappear!Makuta: Yeah right.Helryx: I’m serious.Makuta: I know…Gali: Lewa? LEWA?!Tahu: Lewa! Where are you?Halryx: Lewa honey! Are you alright?Makuta: Are you alive?!Helryx: To be continued…(epic orchestral mus-)Makuta: Hey that’s my line. I’m the only one allowed to end episodes.Tahu: But there is a cast member missing, and wait; you were filming this whole time?!Makuta: Yes.Helryx: You already knew that…Tahu: Tip #6 – Whenever Makuta DOES say yes, don’t respond. You could potentially make him reverse time and say ‘no’ on purpose, even when he can’t.Vezon: To be continued…(epic orchestral music plays… again)

Edited by Tech Warrior, Apr 27 2012 - 11:58 AM.

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#14 Offline Toa Smoke Monster

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Posted Apr 27 2012 - 11:28 AM

I knew everyone would make it out. :) I wonder what happened to Lewa though. Whatever it is, I bet it involves a smoothie. :PAnyway, I have a couple grammar nitpicks about this latest chapter. And they are:

I’m going to feel so stupid if you were being sarcastic.

You didn't put the name of whoever was saying this sentence in front of this, so no one knows who said it.

Helryx: You and Tahu’s wedding wing!

I've never heard of a wedding 'wing' before. :P I think you meant wedding 'ring.'Anyway, I still enjoyed this chapter.

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#15 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted Apr 27 2012 - 11:52 AM

Oops! Sorry. :P On your first quote, that was still Makuta talking.
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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#16 Offline Toa Sonis

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Posted May 15 2012 - 09:24 PM

Makuta: That’s understandable. The fact that our entire facility just blew up doesn’t get to everyone right away.

Best quote! Second is:

Helryx: No! My killing-instinct must have made Lewa disappear!

When do we get the next chapter?

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I shall be saying this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by
and that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost, The Road Less Traveled

#17 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted May 16 2012 - 08:33 PM

Been quite busy lately... Here is the next chapter:

EPISODE 5: Civilization

Helryx: Makuta!Tahu: Makuta, why can’t you learn not to ruin the camera right as we escape a tornado?Gali: Is the camera even on? Are we filming yet?Tahu: I don’t think so.Helryx: Nah. We’re too stupid to do that!Tahu: Oh, Lewa! Make sure you DON’T come out until I say “Look! I think I see Lewa falling from the sky!”Makuta: Uh, Tahu.Lewa: Got it.Gali: And everyone, make sure you all look surprised or the audience will know it’s fake!Makuta: Tahu!Tahu: Also, convince the audience that Lewa is dead!Helryx: No, because then what’s the point of him falling up through the ground?Gali: No the sky.Tahu: Good point… Convince them that Lewa is nowhere to be found!Gali: Better…Makuta: TAHU!1!1!111!11!!Tahu: WHAT??!!Makuta: You do realize that we’ve been filming the whole time?*all freeze*Tahu: Tip #1 – Makuta is important. ALWAYS listen to what he has to say!Helryx: (hypocrite)Makuta: (Helryxes)Helryx: ?Tahu: Ah fine! Lewa go ahead and come out. The audience knows that it is fake…Lewa: HI AUDIENCE!! DID I MENTION THAT I LIKE SMOOTHIES??Helryx: Calm down! Okay, audience, we’re filming you live as we walk up to civilization after our facility has been dramatically destroyed by a giant tornado. We are excited to say what we will find up ahead!Tahu: No Helryx it’s “see”. “See” what we will find up ahead.Helryx: Do you like to publicly humiliate me?Tahu: Yes.Helryx: Alright.*all walk up the hill to civiliza-Helryx: Who makes these narrations anyway?Tech Warrior: I do.Tahu: Well you’re not doing it right!Helryx: Yeah! We want details!Tech Warrior (In a loud epic tone with lightning and mist all around): It was a dark and stormy night! The cast slowly trembled across the very depths of the shaking ground, all asking themselves about how they would make it through the rest of their short lives! The tornado was fierce, grasping the air with all its might, as it came down through the foggy night sky, gazing upon the sunset just as the cast was wrapping up another episode. It ripped through the air; it shook the ground! All the cast could do was watch in dismay just as they met their demise. But then, a solution popped up! The cast quickly but steadily whipped their feet and used their wits to travel the very challenges that upheld them in the depths of the giant facility. There were lasers, and wires, and giant wooden boxes of snakes galore! What happened was-Helryx: SHUT UP!!Tahu: Tip #2 – Helryx’s doesn’t think about anything she says. She doesn’t care if it offends you or not. Travel with care.Lewa: Look, up ahead!Gali: Wow! Look at all those biomechanical beings!Makuta: No.Helryx: I have never been around so many beings before! I’ve always been stuck with you lunatics!Makuta: We ARE lunatics.Helryx: I said that…Tech Warrior (In an even more epic and dark and loud tone with lights and lightning and mist and thunder everywhere with shaking cameras and fire): Just as the cast gracefully but forcefully marched unto the very grounds of this ancient civilization, they expressed themselves in a measly unmannerly manner that handed the message that they were indeed surprised! As they took a step forward, lifting their foot in a very slow but progressive manner indeed – gently pressing their feet against the ground to understand the uncomfortably comfortable living situation surrounded by a blissful and peaceful atmosphere which sent a warm feeling through the cast – they then made a very important announcement!Helryx: SHUT UP!!Tahu: Tip #3 – Never say something accidentally.*all watch and try to understand the way of living around these parts*Helryx: Ah yes – normal narrations again!Mata Nui: Yes. Yes! YES! I heard you, you ignorant scum!Stronius: I didn’t say anything you freaking… freaking… freaking… freaking… freaking…Mata Nui: …Stronius: …freaking… freaking…Kiina: Aftermath 2?Stronius: YES! That! You’re a freaking Aftermath 2!Kiina: Not what I meant!Stronius: THIS IS SPARTAAAA!!!!Mata Nui: No it’s not!!Stronius: YEESES ITT ISSZZZZ GAAHAHHHAHAAH!!!!Brutaka: Both you need to shut the dungeon up!Mata Nui: Right on it!Kiina: I’ll help! It IS a pretty heavy dungeon door…Pridak: I’m stupid.Ehlek: Has anyone seen my morning pills?Avak: Ahh! Who ate my cheeseburger??!!Gresh: *facepalm* I hate you all I hate you all I hate you all I hate you all. *facepalm*Gadunka: DITTOKardas: I am a mutant dragon!Skirmix: I hate you.Kahgarak: DITTOVakama: DITTOSidorak: Jinx!Vakama: You ignorant chum.Jawblade: CHUM!!Black Phantom: HHAAAAHAHHAHAHAHHAA!!!!!!!Nex: Sir, did you order the fish deep fried or freeze-dried?Icarax: I ordered a smoothie you dufis!Roodaka: I want more jewelry!!!!!!Mazeka: Ma’am, did you forget about your hourly subscription?Roodaka: No…Atakus: Alright, who may I kill?Fero: Where can you die?Takanuva: EVERYONE!*all face Takanuva*Takanuva: Where are all of your manners? Put all of your issues aside; we have guests!Helryx: *cough* Ahem *clears throat* *chokes* *coughs again* *spits*Tahu: What Helryx is inappropriately trying to say is that we are glad to have found this… amazing civilization!Avak: Amazing? Ha! In your dreams! This place is a total nightmare!Kalmah: Don’t interrupt. It’s rude.Makuta: But we were done talking…Kalmah: NO YOU WEREN’T!Sidorak: Kalmah, don’t yell. It’s rude.Helryx: But…Tahu: Shut up.Icarax: I love this red dude already!Pridak: Racist…Roodaka: Who are you to call anyone racist?Makuta: I’m feeling a sense of…Helryx: Just. Don’t. Speak.Makuta: I was going to say I had a feeling of love and accomplishment and that I love all of you to the bottom of my soul and heart that I don’t have. But whatever…Tahu: Tip #4 – Makuta is a manipulator and a liar. Don’t listen to him.Makuta: But you said in the beginning that I was important and that you should always listen to me…Tahu: *facepalm*Takanuva: Anyways, how have you all stumbled upon this village?Lewa: Our facility got wrecked, and now we’re homeless.Mata Nui: Well then welcome aboard! We are glad to have more to add to our mass of rude and inexplicable biomechanical morons!Helryx: Should we take that as a compliment or an insult?Kiina: Depends on how you look at it…Helryx: I don’t see anything…Stronius: *facepalm*Tahu: As a note, Helryx here is a murderer, so beware.Atakus: That’s okay. All of us are.Icarax: As a note I am NOT one of them.Makuta: Yeah…Takanuva: Come with us, guests. We have a shelter in the valley just for you!Gali: Wait; you knew we were coming?Takanuva: Not exactly; but we ARE creepers. Kirop here was following you out of the facility.Lewa: Oh my!Makuta: You have yourself a good group of misfits at your hands.Takanuva: Haha no; they’re at my feet! They worship me to death.Tahu: I’ll say!Takanuva: Really?Tahu: No.Takanuva: Here it is!*all gasp in awe*Tahu: Tip #5 – When someone offers you food, take it.Takanuva: I never offered you food…Makuta: *cough* Meanie…Tahu: It was an expression.Helryx: You’re one to talk.Tahu: That is correct. I AM one to talk. Or maybe I’m two…Takanuva: Is that a camera?Makuta: Yeah we’re filming this live. Hundreds of thousands now know and heard everything that just happened.Takanuva: Ah! Turn that off!Makuta: Fine.

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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#18 Offline Toa Smoke Monster

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Posted May 19 2012 - 12:10 AM

It's good to know that Lewa is alive. :)Anyway, I've never seen so many different Bionicle and Hero Factory characters all show up in a single chapter of a comedy before. This will make for a very interesting next chapter.
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#19 Offline Toa Sonis

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Posted May 19 2012 - 09:59 AM

Makuta: Yeah we’re filming this live. Hundreds of thousands now know and heard everything that just happened.

Takanuva finally on TV with more than just a strange echoy voice! He obviously tries to keep a low profile, but I guess this time he failed... ^_^

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I shall be saying this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by
and that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost, The Road Less Traveled

#20 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted May 24 2012 - 12:20 AM

Lol. Takanuva is basically the ringleader of the village, and he doesn't like the public too much. :PNext chapter coming soon!
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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#21 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted Jun 03 2012 - 10:13 AM

Short chapter this time!

EPISODE 6: Separated

Makuta: Well, I was able to talk Takanuva into letting us film our adventures here, so here we are again.Takanuva: You didn’t talk me into it. I just agreed after you explained to me that it wasn’t actually on the air.Makuta: Correct.Helryx: Yes, because we are NOT on the air.Tahu: Did you get that? WE’RE NOT ON THE AIR.Gali: Yes we are…Helryx: *facepalm*Makuta: *facepalm*Lewa: *slaps*Tahu: *runs*Helryx: *kills*Takanuva: Sorry did you all say something?Makuta: Nope. Not a thing.Helryx: Yeah, NOT a thing.Tahu: Did you get that? NOT A THING!Takanuva: I GOT IT!!Tahu: Okay.Takanuva: Makuta, who is that on your back?Makuta: Oh, him? That’s Hakann; he, uh, got hit by a sandblaster.Takanuva: Is that so? Well bring him in here. Maybe we can fix him up.Tahu: Uh…. No need for that!Helryx: Yeah, he put a curse on Tahu!Takanuva: A curse? By golly, that’s ridiculous!Avak: Everyone look! An army of purple winged geese are heading this way!Maxilos: EVERYONE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!Stronius: I STOLE YO MAMA’S GROCERIES!!!!Ehlek: You sicken me.Takanuva: Oh my gosh of Mata Nui! You ARE cursed! We need to get these people to safety NOW!Mata Nui: I will fight the geese!Kiina: I’ll help!Onua: Me too!Mata Nui: Who are you?Takanuva: Oh no!Gali: What is it?Takanuva: Look! A storm cloud! We’ve NEVER gotten one that big and dark!Tahu: I hate you all I hate you all I hate you all I hate you all.Helryx: Don’t even say it, Makuta…Takanuva: I’m sorry, Tahu. But if more bad things keep happening, we’re going to need to let you go.Tahu: WHY??Helryx: Gee, that’s a tough one.Makuta: Can I say it now, Helryx?Helryx: No.Takanuva: I think the Hero Factory has a station that can help you work off that curse.Tahu: Hero Factory? Oh, you mean that group of intellectual morons?Makuta: That statement did not make any sense.Helryx: That wasn’t a statement… He was asking.Nex: I’ll have you know that we aren’t intellectual morons.Furno: Yeah! We’re dumb morons!Nex: What Furno said. We are dumb at being morons.Tahu: *facepalm* Do I have to go? PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS NOOOOOMakuta: How much more dramatic and ridiculous is this episode going to get?Avak: Everyone look! A portal opened up in the sky and monsters and aliens are crawling out of it and killing everyone and stealing our stuff and eating everything and burning the city!Takanuva: Yes, Tahu. Yes.Nex: Let’s go Tahu!Gali: NOOOOOHelryx: YEEESSSSMakuta: No AND yes.Lewa: What’d I miss?Vezon: You missed everything that you don’t remember seeing.Takanuva: Take this camera, too. Even with it not being on the air, I don’t feel comfortable being filmed…Gali: Why?Takanuva: I just don’t!Makuta: Whatever.Takanuva: I’ll take Hakann with me into the infirmary.

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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#22 Offline Toa Smoke Monster

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Posted Jun 06 2012 - 09:20 AM

Wow, that is one bad curse. I wonder how the group will get rid of it.The HF part also made me laugh. :PAnyway, keep up the good work. I look forward to the next chapter.
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#23 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted Jun 11 2012 - 11:52 AM

Now things start to get interesting. http://www.bzpower.c...tyle_emoticons/default/cool.png

EPISODE 7: The Hero Factory

Nex: Well Tahu, here we are!Tahu: Will you cut it out with that fake British accent? It’s not very convincing.Nex: Umm, this accent isn’t fake…Tahu: …Furno: *facepalm*Stormer: Well Tahu, you’d better get to the training so that we can get you trained to fight!Tahu: Are you freaking kidding me?Stormer: No, I am not. As per Hero Factory rules, no hero can go on any mission without being properly trained.Tahu: First of all, I’m not a hero. I’m a Toa. And secondly, what makes you think that we’re going to encounter a silly little mission during my recovery period?Stormer: We get hundreds of missions per day.Tahu: Are you really that bad at protecting the universe?Furno: No sir!Tahu: Well…Stormer: As a note, I am the leader of the Factory, and what I say goes. Understand?Tahu: As a note, I am the protector of the Bionicle universe, and I have elemental power.Stormer: Weren’t you the one cursed?Tahu: I am a Toa.Stormer: You’re a toy.Tahu: No, YOU’RE a toy.Nex: You’re both toys!Stormer: Shut up Nex or you’re fired.Nex: You don’t even pay me sir.Stormer: Exactly. You’ll be fired for not being paid.Tahu: *facepalm*Fire Lord: Oh good *facepalm*Stormer: What is it Fire Lord?Tahu: “Fire Lord”? That’s the best villain name you could come up with? Heck, Matoran spirits have come up with better names.Stormer: Oh yeah? Like what?!Tahu: Tahu.Nex: That name sounds awfully familiar…Furno: Doesn’t it?Breez: *walks in room* Hey Nex have you seen my… Whoa.Stormer: What is it Breez? We’re busy here!Breez: So Nex, who’s your friend?Nex: Uh uh. No. I thought we kind of had something going on.Breez: You thought.Nex: That’s what I just said.Furno: Tahu here is under a curse and we’re trying to get rid of it.Breez: Really? Because from what it looks like, you’re trying to get Fire Lord to give Tahu a Taw Kwon Do lesson, and in which case you might as well curse the rest of the Earth.Stormer: We’re not on Earth…Nex: Yeeeaaahh. That’s a whole different universe! Freaks…Breez: Oh for heaven’s sake! Here! *gives Tahu a gets-rid-of-a-curse-that-annoys-everyone-you-love-and-hate-alike shot*Tahu: OOOOOWWWWW!!!Breez: Wuss.Furno: Just sit in this room for about an hour. The painkiller should wear off. If it doesn’t, then just sit there longer. And if it still doesn’t, just sit there until it does. And if it still doesn’t, just sit there until you don’t feel the effects of it anymore. And if it still doesn’t…Breez: SHUT UP!Tahu: Tip #1 – Learn to cope with people you don’t like. It will make you look like the better person even around people you hardly know.Stormer: Alright heroes. Get out. Let Tahu learn to cope with himself for a little while. And take that camera out of here too.Tahu: But I still have to give more tips for this episode!Nex: Dude, you’re going to be in here for quite a while.Tahu: ENOUGH WITH THE FAKE ACCENT!Breez: That accent isn’t fake…*all leave room except Tahu and close the door*Furno: Sir, now what?Stormer: Relax. The poison will get to his system eventually.Nex: And what happens then?Stormer: Then he’ll fall into a deep sleep, and he won’t wake up. Only then will we be able to use him to finish off the plan.Breez: That makes sense, then, I guess.Furno: Wait, I thought we were supposed to get rid of the curse…Stormer: Have you been paying attention at all?! The poison WILL get rid of the curse, as he’ll FALL INTO A DEEP SLEEP. What part of that didn’t you understand?Breez: I think Furno here is just trying to get on your nerves, sir.Stormer: Whatever. Furno, take this camera here and record footage of Black Phantom fighting Surge so that the Recon Team is convinced. Then, we’ll be able to capture enough heroes to make them give us the information we need.Furno: On it!Stormer: Breez, you make sure that Tahu falls asleep. He can’t know about any of this.Breez: Yes sir!Stormer: And Nex… You can be the president of the waiting room across the hall.Nex: Curses!Stormer: Not yet…________________________________________________________Tech Warrior: What the “heroes” didn’t know was that the camera was live and recording, so hundreds of thousands have just heard everything that just happened.________________________________________________________Jaller: Oh my! Hewkii, did you hear about what just happened on TV?Hewkii: Sorry, I’m baking. I don’t have time to be a couch potato.Jaller: I don’t know if this was part of the show or not, but the HERO FACTORY had just devised an evil scheme to take over the entire universe.Hewkii: Yeah, like THEY’LL ever be able to do THAT! They’re too grouchy and self-centered.Jaller: *cough* didn’t you apply there one summer?Hewkii: It’s never summer down here…Jaller: You’re missing the point.Hewkii: What is that point?Jaller: I think we should head to the village where everyone else is staying and warn them!Hewkii: Uuuuuggggghhhhh…___________________________________________________Furno: Let me see here… How do I work this thing? Ah! It looks like it’s been recording the whole time!Black Phantom: Then turn the darn thing off and charge it. The battery’s probably way run-down. You’re such a freaking cool dude.Furno: No, I’m a dumb cool dude!Surge: Yeah! He’s dumb at being a cool dude!Black Phantom: *sigh* *facepalm*Furno: I can’t find the ‘OFF’ button!Black Phantom: Oh come on! Give me that! See? Right here! Here it is!Furno: Yeah yeah I see it!Phantom Black: LEARN TO USE YOUR FREAKING EYES NEXT TIME!Onruf: LEARN TO NOT SPELL YOUR NAME BACKWARDS NEXT TIME!Black Phantom: LOOK WHO’S TALKING ONRUF!Furno: Oh will you just stop stalling just to get more words into this episode and just turn off the freaking camera?Black Phantom: Sure.

Edited by Tech Warrior, Jun 11 2012 - 11:58 AM.

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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#24 Offline Toa Sonis

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Posted Jun 11 2012 - 05:55 PM

Jaller: I don’t know if this was part of the show or not, but the HERO FACTORY had just devised an evil scheme to take over the entire universe.Hewkii: Yeah, like THEY’LL ever be able to do THAT! They’re too grouchy and self-centered.

Heh heh heh...too true. :P Using Tahu to take over the world is certainly an interesting idea--of course, I get the feeling that he'll probably botch the whole scheme.

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I shall be saying this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by
and that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost, The Road Less Traveled

#25 Offline Toa Smoke Monster

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Posted Jun 12 2012 - 01:14 PM

Tahu: First of all, I’m not a hero. I’m a Toa. And secondly, what makes you think that we’re going to encounter a silly little mission during my recovery period?

I guess Tahu forgot that the word 'Toa' means hero. :PAnd speaking of Tahu, it's good to hear new tips from him. He hasn't done that in a while.I wonder how the HF will be stopped. Keep up the good work!

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Everyone is one choice away from being a bad guy in someone else's story.


#26 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted Jun 15 2012 - 11:17 PM

Back at the village...

EPISODE 8: Dinner in the Village

Gali: Did you get it? Are we rolling?Helryx: Like dogs? Sure.Gali: What?Helryx: Never mind.Makuta: Camera is all hooked up, dolts.Helryx: Excuse me?Makuta: Dolts.Gali: What’s with the attitude?Makuta: I don’t really like that big white thing.Gali: Takanuva? He’s pretty fine if you ask me.Helryx: But nobody asked you…Lewa: Word.Kalmah: Excuse me; have you seen an Alaskan bulldog and a pack of gum anywhere?Gali: Right over there. *points to Alaskan bulldog and a pack of Trident chewing gum*Kalmah: Ah thanks!Makuta: The guy creeps me out.Helryx: Why? Because he’s good and you’re evil?Makuta: Yes! That!Gali: So? Work out your differences over dinner tonight.Makuta: WE’RE HAVING DINNER WITH HIM?Helryx: No. We’re having dinner with him AND his entire board of executive staff.Makuta: *faints*Helryx: *kills*Gali: *punishes*Mata Nui: If I may, would you all be interested in our ice-skating dance later this afternoon before dinner?Makuta: No.Helryx: Yes.Mata Nui: *gasp* Oh no! I have yet to decide whether to appraise the ‘yes’ or the ‘no’, if I may even be worthy enough to make such a decision! The conflict between such answers gives me aching and pain! I do not know whether to accept Makuta’s ‘no’ or Helryx’s ‘yes’! I am a failure at all things. I am a failure at life. I am a failure as the ruler of the universe. *cries and runs away*Helryx: So… 5:00?Gali: I would assume that he doesn’t know whether to accept Makuta’s ‘no’ or your ‘yes’.Helryx: Yes he does. He’s just playing hard to get.Makuta: That’s ridiculous. No brother of mine does such!Helryx: He is no brother of yours.Vezon: My life is as twisted as a straight line.Gali: Makuta, pull it together, and go compose yourself! We are having dinner tonight with them, and you’ll have to learn how to cope with it. As a matter of fact, we’re going to RECORD the whole thing, too!Makuta: *cries and pouts in corner*Helryx: I’m sorry; isn’t he the super villain of the entire Bionicle universe? I’m utterly confused.Lewa: You aren’t the only one.Helryx: Yes I am…Gali: Ugh…*AT DINNER**all eat silently for about 5 minutes*Takanuva: So!Mata Nui: So?Makuta: Eww! This food tastes terrible!Gali: Makuta!Makuta: Gali!Takanuva: What?Helryx: Makuta!Mata Nui: Helryx…Lewa: Lewa!Everyone: …Takanuva: I prepared that dish myself…Makuta: I’d like to know who cooked it. I don’t care who prepared it.Helryx: This is going to be a long night.Stronius: QUICK! GIVE HIM SOME SCHAWARMA!Nokama: I think you’ve been watching too much Avengers.Stronius: What?Helryx: Avengers was a good movie though…Gali: Captain America was so freaking…Takanuva: Ahem.Helryx: I felt like the developers were making fun of us.Gelu: How so Helryx?Helryx: What was up with that Iron Man person? I mean c’mon. A humanoid thing inside another robot suit? Who does that?Mata Nui: Actually, I think that humanoid was a real life form.Takadox: We’re real life forms too!Helryx: No, Takadox. No.Pridak: They could’ve at least given credit to Bionicle in the credits for inspiration. I mean it’s obvious where they got the Iron Man inspiration from.Takanuva: Oh really? Who’s that?Pridak: The Iron Man set character in the ULTRA BUILD series! Duh!Mata Nui: I didn’t even think of that!Helryx: It’s as if they plagiarized!Makuta: How do you plagiarize a character?Vastus: Look at what they did with Loki! They stole him from Thor’s universe!Makuta: No, because remember? The Tesseract teleported him to Earth.Helryx: Yeah but Thor didn’t agree to that remember?Makuta: No.Kalmah: And what about those alien robot things near the end? Such hatred.Takanuva: You mean Loki’s army?Avak: No. He means the big robot things near the end.Kalmah: Don’t spoil it!Avak: Sorry…Takanuva: Reminds me of, well, me.Gali: How so?Takanuva: They’re big and powerful.Helryx: *laughs*Mata Nui: But what about when they shot that gun?Makuta: Which one?Mata Nui: The 7,836th one.Helryx: That gun was actually a decoy. As it turns out, that was really Tahu’s mask.Makuta: It looked no similar.Helryx: The power of shape-shifting!Lewa: Tahu can’t do that!Takanuva: Not while he’s cursed he can’t…Helryx: Tahu couldn’t shape shift even if he was an extra-terrestrial god from the boundaries of the universes beyond that which the quasar physically proves; that which possesses the power to shape shift.Mata Nui: That would be me…Helryx: ######.Mata Nui: See? Now I’m Makuta.*all laugh*Makuta: Hey! Don’t make fun of me you mean mean yellow thing!Mata Nui: *cries*Gali: *runs*Helryx: *kills*Makuta: Can we stop that?!Helryx: No.Gali: What are they doing with Tahu anyway?Takanuva: Oh, you know; medical stuff and some surgery stuff and then some science-y stuff and stuff.Helryx: So you don’t know what they’re doing over there?Takanuva: Not a clue.Helryx: Yes! Tahu can die the fun way!Makuta: There’s a fun way?Gali: …Stronius: Ugh just punch the little red twerp in the face with a bull horn shaped like a bull’s horn and then slam him into the ground a few times and then shoot him with some marshmallows or something. Learn how to kill right.Helryx: I’m the only one who knows how to do anything right.Reidak: You’re saying that with a god in the room.Helryx: I know… Your point?Makuta: All right that’s it. *stands up* I’m leaving.Avak: To do what, cry?Makuta: ######…Avak: You’re going to ######? That’s never been announced publicly before…Helryx: Has it?Makuta: No, I meant… *facepalm* *sighs* *leaves*Kalmah: What’s his problem?Helryx: He’s got a medical condition which makes him want to constantly drink excessive fluids; it has no indefinite cure but scientists are predicting that by the year 5609 there will be a pill to reduce all pains from everything so yeah. Also he has dyslexia and ADHD; Bionicle-itis might also be present but we’re not sure yet…Kalmah: No, I meant… *facepalm* *sighs* *leaves*Kiina: What’s Bionicle-itis?Helryx: It’s a rare condition that’s currently only been found in one being that means that you’re not actually a Bionicle.Avak: Only been found in one Bionicle? WHO IS IT?Helryx: *facepalm* *sighs* *leaves*Gali: Dinner is served?Takanuva: It’s been served…Stronius: ALL RIGHT YOU KNOW WHAT SCREW YOU ALL I’M OUTTA HERE!Gali: I’m with Stronius here.*everyone leaves*Takanuva: You’re… excused? *gets up* Wait, what’s that? Is that a camera? I wonder why it’s hidden up there… I wonder what those bio-mechanical beings are filming our dinner for… The screen says ‘LIVE’. Well, yeah. It’s obvious that the thing is alive and working. Oh well; better turn this off before the battery dies!

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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#27 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted Jun 26 2012 - 04:11 PM

I didn't even realize how many days it's been since the last update. :P My aplogies; now I know what to do in my free time.

EPISODE 9: “Insert Title Here”

Furno: Hey check this out! You can NAME these videos to be published on a screen name!Stormer: Don’t be silly, Furno. You can only do that with a live video recorder.Furno: Is that so? Well, aren’t we lucky then!Nex: *watches Breez vigorously for about 5 minutes*Breez: Stop staring at me you creep.Nex: *cries*Stormer: Ugh… Nex, you need to grow up and man up! We’re heroes!Stringer: *laughs*Stormer: What are you laughing about, Hero Stringer?Stringer: You know man; just, well, we’re the bad guys this time.Stormer: *facepalm*Nex: So Breez, here’s what I was thinking…Breez: Uh uh. No. If you even think about asking me out, don’t. If you even try to make a move, so help me I will twist your arm into a pretzel, and in which case you’d best better call the medical department ahead of time. *walks away*Nex: She is so in love with me. *gets up*Breez: *twists Nex’s arm into a pretzel*Nex: AIGHUGH! Why?!Breez: I told you that if you make a move, I’d twist your arm into a pretzel. I literally meant make a move.Nex: So… 5:00?Breez: *leaves*Stringer: Nex, chill out man! You’re like one of those love-driven freaks who can’t even stay in touch with reality.Nex: What? *falls*Stormer: *whispers behind breath* I should’ve left Nex back at the waiting room.Furno: Yeah… You’re such a bad leader.Stormer: Get out.Furno: Okay… *jumps out window*Stormer: *closes window and locks it*Fire Lord: *turns on the Hero Factory force field thing-a-ma-jigger*Breez: Shouldn’t we be focusing on Tahu’s death sentencing?Stormer: Who ever said Tahu was dying?Breez: *facepalm*Stormer: You all make me feel like I’m such a loser.Breez: Yeah… We do.Stringer: Face it boss. You’re such a loser.Stormer: *cries and runs away*Nex: What a wimp!Breez: *facepalm*Surge: *turns off camera*_______________________________________________Tahu: Tip #1 – If you ever get locked in a room by heroes, you should always scream and yell for help. Even while they’re trying to help you, it makes it seem like you need to be somewhere better suited for hospitality purposes.Tahu: Tip #2 – If you’re locked in a room with nothing besides a few medicine bottles and poisons and such, make tips! When you have nothing else to do, it’s the only way to do anything productive.Tahu: Tip #3 –Breez: *opens door*Tahu: *plays dead*Breez: *whispers* Boss! I think it worked!Stormer: SHUT UP BREEZ YOU COULD POTENTIALLY WAKE HIM UP!!!Breez: *triple facepalm*Furno: …But you only have two hands…Breez: Or do I?Nex: That’s my girl! You go baby!Breez: *double triple facepalm*Stormer: Move! Let me look at him.*all watch*Stormer: Mhm. MHM! Ah, yes. Mm… Okay, mhm. Hmm… Alright.Furno: Status update please? You look so ridiculous on camera right now.Stormer: Yeah, he’s dead alright.Breez: How can you tell?Stormer: I nudged him and he didn’t try to stop me.Furno: *facepalm*Breez: That’s not how you tell if he’s dead or not! Here, let me show you! *walks over*Nex: Yeah, baby! Go Breez!! =DBreez: *sighs* *punches Tahu in face*Tahu: *grabs Breez’s arm before it reached his face*Nex: Ah c’mon! She won’t even let ME do that!Tahu: *jumps up* You all think I’m this stupid? What do I look like, your puppet?Furno:Tahu: Don’t answer that. *runs and shoves Furno and Nex out of the way*Stormer: He’s getting away! Get him! Also, by any chance, Surge, are you getting this on camera?Surge: Yessiree!Furno: I believe the proper spelling is Yes-ir-eeNex: No, because ‘sir’ and ‘yes’ are two words, so there has to be two s’s.Breez: Nex, you can’t convince me that you have good English. Please, stop trying, or go die in a hole.Stormer: That’s a ridiculously overused phrase.Stringer: *walks up and tramples* Hey y’all. I think I saw that red thing y’alls were talkin’ ‘bout hijacking the fuel station yo.Stormer: THE FUEL STATION?! Ah, who are we kidding, I’m such a loser and failure!Nex: True…Breez: Again, not helping your case, even while I agree.Furno: *facepalm* HELLO! We’re going to let Tahu win?Nex: No.Stormer: Yes.*all load up with heavy duty weapons and chase Tahu*Tahu: Tip #3 – If you’re ever being chased by your real murderers who mask themselves as heroes, destroy everything in your way. The goal is to anger the murderers further to show them who they’re messing with! …Or, you might as well get killed.Stormer: I’ll take the departing station. Breez, you get the underground tunnels. Furno, take the high-deck.Nex: What about me, boss? Should I go… say, the underground tunnels maybe?Stormer: The waiting room, now.Nex: But he’s not going to be in there!Stormer: JUST GO!Nex: *cries and runs away to waiting room*Breez: What a cry baby!Furno: IKR?Stormer: Tahu, you fool! Don’t even think about trying to get away!Breez: We’ve got our eyes on you!Furno: Oh, Tahu, a warning about Breez; she’s kill-crazy!Breez: Don’t you forget that, Furno.Furno: …Tahu: Reminds me of Helryx…Stringer: Dude you like, got a dollar or somet’in?Surge: Are you high?Stringer: Nawwww man; *laughs uncontrollably*Surge: *runs*Stringer: *chases with plasma gun firing uncontrollably**IN WAITING ROOM*Nex: *in waiting room*Tahu: ‘Sup.Nex: Oh, hey Tahu.Tahu: You look down. What’s the matter?Nex: I don’t think Breez likes me…Tahu: She finds you very distasteful and inexplicable.Nex: Yeah, thank you! Point is, I think Stringer is right. I AM a love-driven freak!Tahu: Dude, don’t listen to Stringer. The guy’s high, okay?Nex: I know…?Tahu: …Nex: I just don’t know what she finds in a guy.Tahu: She likes red-ness. *cough*Nex: Would you just shut up?Tahu: I’m serious! Look at how she acts around Furno!_______________________________________________Furno: Breez, here! Take this sandblaster!Breez: No you dolt! Get your own partner! You’ve got to be the weakest imbecile I’ve ever met! And trust me, I’ve met plenty. Just look at Nex!_______________________________________________Tahu: She’s a mean cheetah.Nex: Yeah, but that’s what I admire in her!Tahu: Tip #4 – Whenever Tahu gives you good advice (which is always, btw), don’t EVER question it! I know best, period.Nex: But…Tahu: Don’t.Nex: But like…Tahu: Da!Nex: BREEZ TOLD ME THAT SHE SMELLS LIKE ROTTEN FISH EGGS!Tahu: I, uh…Nex: Did I say that out loud…?Tahu: I think so…Stormer: Look! There he is – in the waiting room!*all crowd into the waiting room and hold their weapons up*Tahu: *holds hands up* Now hold on. Nex and I were just having a nice little chat, and I find it quite rude for you to interrupt us like that!Breez: What was the chat about?Nex: It was about how rotten fish eggs smell rather good.Breez: …Tahu: That. Now, uh, where was I? Oh yeah… *triple backflip**all shoot at Tahu*Tech Warrior: An epic battle indeed begins! While Nex is nonchalantly observing Breez’s fighting moves and overall physique, the rest of the “heroes” fight back at Tahu but continue to lose, even while they are all loaded and Tahu has no weapons on him. That just goes to show how bad of fighters the Hero Factory hero-masked villains are! *chuckles* Wait, am I allowed to be biased?Tech Warrior’s manager (who happens to be a billionaire, FYI): I’m paying you to narrate the story exactly as shown! If they’re bad, then say that! Society can probably tell anyway…Tech Warrior: *in a loud, dark tone with dark clouds surrounding and low dramatic orchestral music and thunder and lightning and mist and fire all around* It was indeed an epic battle! Tahu performs a series of air stunts, dodging the many bullets and lasers that engulf him around! He flips backwards, landing on his hands! Wow! He finishes off the flip kicking Stormer right in the face, knocking him to the ground! Tahu begins to break dance, trampling everyone else in the room, all except Nex, who is hiding in the corner… He then throws all of their weapons through the glass wall, breaking it, and runs out and away, escaping the wrath of a couple of 9-nine-year-olds!Breez: Now hang on. I’ll have you know that just because we’re nine, doesn’t mean that we act like it!Furno: Yeah! We act like we’re five! There’s a big difference!Breez: What Furno said.Nex: *cries*Tech Warrior: *cough* Tahu’s getting away.Furno: Oh, right, yes.Stringer: *laughs uncontrollably and falls to the floor*Surge: Oh dear! That was like death! I managed to punch Stringer in the face before he did any further damage…Stormer: What?! What all did he do?Surge: Well, he kind of chased me throughout the entire Hero Factory, so all the facilities are destroyed and the files are scattered everywhere; also, I think I saw Black Phantom hijacking Mr. Makuro’s laboratory research as well.Stormer: WHAT?Surge: Yeah, and *electricity goes out*. Never mind then.*all facepalm and talk under their breath*Stormer: You know what? You can turn the camera off now. I think we have enough evidence for the Recon team. Maybe they’ll think that the villains came in and destroyed the factory.Surge: But sir, we ARE the villains.Stormer: …That’s what I just said; your point?Surge: …Tahu: *while running* Tip #5 – Always end the episode when it gets out of hand… Wait, I’m the only that can end episodes…

Edited by Tech Warrior, Jun 26 2012 - 04:17 PM.

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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#28 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted Aug 09 2012 - 05:05 PM

My apologies; I've been on a bit of a hiatus lately, preparing for some music-related stuff, and a marathon. But no worries, even while my updates may not be the fastest, they will come. I've put too much heart and thought into this story to let it die out, so that isn't an option.With that, here is episode 10!

EPISODE 10: Furthering the Mystery

*AT THE VILLAGE*Jaller: Gali! Helryx! Makuta!Helryx: Do we know you?Hewkii: As a matter of fact, no!Makuta: What do you want, strange-looking Toa? And make it fast, because I don’t think I can hold it in much longer…Jaller: Hold what in?Hewkii: Look, the television broadcast on which this reality show is on showed the Hero Factory scheming to take over the universe, and they’re using Tahu to do it!Gali: Yeah, like THEY’LL ever be able to do THAT! They’re too grouchy and self-centered.Hewkii: That’s what I said!Makuta: This reality show is much more of a reality show than I thought!Jaller: …Hewkii: Look, we don’t have all the details, but we think that we should warn the village about this.Lewa: I think Tahu may be in danger!Helryx: Thank you, Captain Obvious!Lewa: How was that so obvious?Makuta: LOL Episode 4 déjà vu.Helryx: You memorize the episodes?Jaller: Who does that?Vezon: I do.Makuta: I learn my lines quickly.Helryx: We don’t write scripts…Gali: Yes, we wing EVERYTHING.Lewa: LOL Episode 2 déjà vu.Helryx: Oh would you…Lewa: Would I what?Helryx: Ugh! *storms off*Jaller: What’s her problem?Makuta: Uhhh… She’s got a medical condition which makes her want to constantly drink excessive fluids; it has no indefinite cure but scientists are predicting that by the year 5609 there will be a pill to reduce all pains from everything so yeah. Also she has dyslexia and ADHD; Bionicle-itis is also present for sure. I 100% know this one.Hewkii: Now where have we heard that before?Jaller: I think my mom told me that once…Hewkii: The heck?Makuta: Over there *points to heck*Hewkii: That’s disturbing…Jaller: IKR?Gali: Hello? Did anyone hear what Hewkii just said?Helryx: Yeah…Makuta: She said “That’s disturbing.”Gali: *facepalm*Helryx: Who cares about Tahu?Vezon: I do!Makuta: No you don’t…Helryx: Neither do you!Makuta: Touché.Helryx: This doesn’t make any sense. Why would the Hero Factory be interested in doing anything with Tahu? He’s boring!Jaller: I’m sorry, but don’t you do a talk show with him?Helryx: That’s different. You see…Hewkii: Why?Helryx: If you’d shut up and listen, I’d tell you why.Hewkii: But I am shut up and listening.Makuta: Would you two quit fooling around and talk like mature and responsible adults?Helryx: I’m sorry, but I’m not entirely sure how to do that.Hewkii: It’s easy. First, you…Makuta: Shut up. Now, listen to me. Don’t tell the village anything. Ask yourselves this: Do we want to worry an entire village about something we’re not even clear about?Helryx: Yes, actually.Jaller: *facepalm*Hewkii: *double facepalm*Makuta: *triple facepalm*Helryx: Oh Lord…Makuta: Oh Lord what?Helryx: *facepalm*Makuta: Just shut up and let’s get moving.*AT THE GATES OF THE HERO FACTORY*Helryx: Here’s the plan. First, I’ll climb up this pipe, maneuver my way through the small crevices within the air conditioning system, then I’ll make a precise cut through that part over there, scaffold my way across the thin catwalk, and land safely inside!Makuta: …Or we could just use the front door.Helryx: You just don’t get it do you?Makuta: I think so, actually. It seems to me that you’d make a lot more noise doing all that rather than opening a door.Gali: Well, Helryx can be right in some cases. Perhaps there is a camera or something at the front gate.Makuta: Only one way to find out… *opens door and walks in*Gali: Makuta!Makuta: Relax, I’m fine.Helryx: For now…*all wait*Helryx: Oh c’mon! Where’s the part where someone all of a sudden sees Makuta?Makuta: They’re too scared of me. I mean, look at how big I am!Vezon: I am bigger than that.Makuta: *sighs*Helryx: You need to get a freaking life.Makuta: Technically speaking, I do own a life.Helryx: You take everything literally don’t you?Makuta: Technically speaking, I can’t literally take everything since I already own everything, but whatever.Hewkii: I thought that was Mata Nui… ?Makuta: No. He thinks that he does. But really it all belongs to me, period.Helryx: Ugh!Makuta: *walks further into the Hero Factory* I see something!Halryx: What is it?Makuta: Nothing.Helryx: *triple facepalm*Makuta: *sees someone coming*HF Guard: Hey, you!Makuta: ‘Sup dog?!Helryx: I just don’t understand him.HF Guard: Stand down, now! Or face fatal consequences.Makuta: When you say ‘stand down’, do you mean like a kneeling position or should I squat?HF Guard: Just stand there and let me shoot you.Makuta: Will do!HF Guard: *shoots*Makuta: *looks around*HF Guard: *shoots again*Makuta: …HF Guard: What’s going on here?Makuta: Idea! Perhaps you don’t know how to use that gun of yours.HF Guard: Hmm, you’re not from around here, are you?Makuta: As a matter of fact, I am the ruler of the universe.HF Guard: That can’t be true. Because as you can see…Makuta: *takes HF Guard and slams him into wall 20 times… in a row*Makuta: Now, everyone, hurry in! Let’s hide in that room over there! But be sure not to drop that camera!Helryx: I’ll try. *drops camera* Oops.Gali: Would you…Helryx: Would I what?Gali: Ugh! *storms off*Helryx: I hope she realizes that she’s storming off in the direction we’re going.Lewa: She does.Jaller: IDK about that!Hewkii: Why so?Lewa: Otherwise, she’d have stormed off in that direction. *points to tornado*Jaller: Gotcha!Makuta: Good, good. Now, let’s stay here for a while and observe. Then, when we get more information, we should know where Tahu is!Helryx: Yeah, we can do all that in the next episode.Makuta: You’re right.

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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#29 Offline man774

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Posted Aug 09 2012 - 09:54 PM

" Don’t forget that I have a coupon to kill you 50% off."this series is freakin' hilarious.
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what is more dangerous? bulk with a pakari? or justin bieber's singing?

Dirk Pitt could beat Chuck Norris. Dirk Pitt is the Chuck Norris of the 70's.

 


#30 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted Aug 09 2012 - 10:18 PM

Thank you man774! It's nice to know you like it. :) There's more to come!
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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#31 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted Aug 11 2012 - 10:49 PM

Don't ever expect an update this fast again. :P

EPISODE 11: Change of Plans

*IN THE WAITING ROOM*Hewkii: I think I see someone!*HF Guard walks by and then leaves*Makuta: Good eye Hewkii! *sighs*Hewkii: Thank you!Helryx: Ever heard of the word ‘sarcasm’?Hewkii: “Sarcasm” - 1: a cutting or contemptuous remark, 2: ironic criticism or reproachGali: *facepalm*Helryx: Plagiarism!Jaller: Yeah, from the Webster’s dictionary! So it’s okay.Makuta: If I say ‘Helryx’, is that considered plagiarism? No. So then why should repeating a definition be considered plagiarizing?Helryx: Ugh! *storms out* *storms back in*Makuta: That’s what I thought.Gali: I was thinking the same thing!Jaller: …Hewkii: Clearly Jaller was not.Gali: How was that so clear?Helryx: Has anybody else noticed that we’ve been encountering quite a bit of déjà vu lately?Makuta: Only a moron would notice that…Jaller: But sir, didn’t you claim to have déjà vu from episode 4?Makuta: …Jaller: ANSWER ME!Makuta: No!Jaller: Fair enough…Helryx: That wasn’t fair at all. Jaller deserves to be killed for that!Hewkii: Why?Makuta: He didn’t fully embrace my answer. It was instead an emotionless ‘fair enough’ with no careful thought whatsoever. Just for that, I’ll have to throw you into the fiery furnace.Jaller: Where’s that at?!Makuta: Oh, it’s about 300 miles from here. Don’t worry; I’ll throw you in it after we save Tahu.Helryx: THAT’S what we’re doing?!Gali: What did you think we were doing?Helryx: Infiltrating…Makuta: …Jaller: Wait a minute, Makuta, did you forget that I’m a Toa of fire?Makuta: No…?Helryx: What relevance did that have to anything?Jaller: A fiery furnace won’t do anything to me.Hewkii: It sure will! It’ll make you 300 times more powerful!Makuta: Did I mention that it comes with a nice cold glass of water?Jaller: As a matter of fact, no!Hewkii: I feel like you’ve said that before…Helryx: Something weird is going on here…Makuta: What’s that, Helryx?Gali: Too much déjà vu, I think.Helryx: No, not that. I just now remembered that I forgot to put out that forest fire in my backyard.Makuta: …You’re kidding, right?Helryx: As a matter of fact, no!Lewa: Ugh…Gali: I’m sure you’ll pay for that when we get back.Makuta: It’s no big deal, really. Forest fires happen all the time at my place.Helryx: …You’re kidding, right?Makuta: As a matter of fact, no!Hewkii: Guys, over here! I found a control center!Makuta: How in the name of Makuta did you find that?Helryx: It probably had to do with your constant bickering.Makuta: *cough* isn’t THAT ironic?Jaller: As a matter of fact, no!Helryx: WOULD YOU STOP SAYING THAT?!Makuta: As a matter of fact, no!Helryx: Why I ought to-Makuta: *slaps*Helryx: That was a womanly slap. THIS is a manly slap. *slaps*Makuta: *cough* But you’re female.Helryx: What, so I can’t be tough?Jaller: *whispering to Makuta* She is kind of hot if you ask me…Makuta: Nobody asked you! *punches into wall*Helryx: What’s your freaking problem?!Makuta: I told you I don’t have one. Now, accept the answer or die!Helryx: *stands up* Whoa whoa. Back up. Are you THREATENING me?Makuta: As a matter of fact-Helryx: Go ahead! Finish it!Makuta: You know what?!Helryx: What?!Makuta: I’ve had to sit in that room back at the facility and listen to your constant bickering. All you do is bark out orders, and you don’t respect other people’s feelings OR opinions. Well I’m sick of it. You think I want to sit around here and be constantly mocked about my appearance? You think I want to be yelled at constantly about how bad of a job I do? Do you honestly think that I always want to be the bad guy?!Jaller: Not to intrude, but you’ve kinda made that clear to all of us…Vezon: *kind ofHelryx: What? Now you’re asking me about being the bad guy?! This is not about you, remember that. If you don’t want to be the bad guy, then why do you constantly portray it that way? Why do you constantly inflict pain on everyone else? Why can’t you just be like Mata Nui?Makuta: STOP COMPARING ME TO MATA NUI! He has NEVER done anything for me, and all he does is tell everyone else around him that I’m at fault for everything bad that happens around here.Hewkii: Well, you ARE the devil…Lewa: Read my mind!Hewkii: IKR?Helryx: This has nothing to do with Mata Nui! If you don’t want to be looked at as the bad guy, then stop being like one! Why haven’t you ever at least TRIED to be like Mata Nui then?Makuta: BECAUSE MAYBE I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE MATA NUI!*brief silence*Lewa: Tech Warrior, this really isn’t the time to intrude with your stupid narrations.Tech Warrior: Yes, it is.Lewa: …Helryx: Why though?! He is your brother, right?*silence*Helryx: …Right?Makuta: He’s not my brother! *brief pause* At least, he doesn’t deserve to be… *walks out*Helryx: WHERE are you going?!Makuta: Away from here. I’ve had enough of this!Helryx: But what about Tahu?Makuta: Save him yourself! You should know how anyway!!*brief silence*Hewkii: That was lovely.Gali: No it wasn’t…Hewkii: Ever heard of the word ‘sarcasm’?Gali: “Sarcasm” - 1: a cutting or contemptuous remark, 2: ironic criticism or reproachHelryx: Enough with that!! There’s too much to think about right now.Hewkii: Well we’ll need to think fast, since we’ve still got Tahu somewhere in there…Jaller: Can’t we do that on a different episode? *whines*Helryx: Makuta just needs time to calm down. He’ll be back…Jaller: How do you know?Helryx: I just do.Hewkii: Right, since YOU know everything!Helryx: Hewkii, just, don’t do that.Jaller: Uhh, Helryx.Helryx: What?Jaller: Behind you!Helryx: Huh? *turns around to a bunch of HF Guards with blasters*Gali: Oh come on!Helryx: We’ve already lost two; perhaps this is our destiny!Jaller: I don’t know about that…HF Guard: Stand down now! You are under immediate arrest!Lewa: When you say ‘stand down’, do you mean like…HF Guard: Shut up.Lewa: Right…Helryx: Please don’t arrest us. Just kill us, please.HF Guard: I’m afraid we won’t do that yet.Hewkii: This isn’t very good.Helryx: Really? I had no idea as I was paying too much attention to the BLASTERS AND GUARDS! HELLO!Lewa: Here we go…

Edited by Tech Warrior, Aug 11 2012 - 10:53 PM.

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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#32 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted Oct 15 2012 - 05:37 PM

You should be used to my timing by now. :P

EPISODE 12: Behind Bars

*closes gates in the villain storage unit*Hewkii: HOW did this happen?!Lewa: Well, first we were taken by guards, threatened, harassed, put to death, etc. and eventually hypnotized; so, yeah.Hewkii: *facepalm*Helryx: Well, it’s not like we’ll be in here forever.Gali: Well, yeah. I mean, eventually we’ll die, and go somewhere else for the rest of eternity…Helryx: Ugh, not what I meant.Lewa: What like, seriously?Helryx: Think about it guys. HOW did all of this happen? I mean, look at everything that’s happened to us within the past few days. Our entire facility blew up, we found a village, lost Tahu to the HF who happened to be a villainous betrayal mugging company, then we lost Makuta… What is up?Gali: Perhaps this is just a way to make the story more intense.Helryx: Right, because there’s such an easy way to fix this!Hewkii: Um, no, there’s not…Helryx: Ever heard of the word ‘sarcasm’?Jaller: …Hewkii: Yes.*sound of banging*Lewa: Holy ######.Hewkii: IKR?*more sounds of banging; all villains/captives looking around*Helryx: Oh dear; what is that sound?Lewa: Something tells me that we won’t be in here for much longer…Helryx: Is that so?Gali: Interesting…____________________________*BACK AT STORMER’S LAIR*Stormer: The plan itself is not going so well, sir. Tahu is somewhere in this building, since we have the safe shield up. He can’t go anywhere. But I have a feeling there’s something else odd that’s going on here…***: I am your eyes, Stormer. I can see all that happens within the Hero Factory. That said, I can tell you that Tahu is indeed hiding, but I know not where.Stormer: You just said you were all eyes and ears.***: Stop correcting me, minion.Stormer: Why the heck won’t you reveal your identity anyway?***: If I were to do that, then the entire plan would fail. My identity is the most crucial part of the plan, so it must remain secret.Stormer: Well screw that; get me some coffee.***: You have not coffee, but instead some good ol’ Hi-C.Stormer: Ugh…***: Stop stalling. Finish the plan, Stormer.Stormer: But I can’t! I don’t know the next step now that we’ve lost Tahu.***: Perform the X-Operation I told you about yesterday.Stormer: Uh uh, no. That’s for emergencies only. Since we know that Tahu is hidden somewhere in the building, there’s no need to do something as a drastic as the X-O. Besides, the fact is we know he’s here somewhere…***: You must also factor in the fact that Tahu could potentially be doing some spying, hacking, or whatever else within the HF HQ without our knowledge. You’re truly a dumb moron.Stormer: Yeah, I AM pretty dumb at being a moron.***: *facepalm* Oh wait, you can’t see me.Stormer: …What?***: Never mind. We need to talk about the plan and finish the task at hand. It’s the only way we will ever open up that blackhole…______________________________*BACK AT THE VILLAIN STORAGE UNIT**continued sound of banging*Lewa: I think I see something!Helryx: What is it, Lewa?!Gali: Oh this is going to be good!Lewa: I see STARS!Halryx: *facepalm*Vezon: Screw you.Gali: You had us all hyped for… nothing.Hewkii: Uh… It may not be nothing…Lewa: *passes out**continued banging*Helryx: Well kiss my mamma! It’s Tahu!Lewa: I’ve not seen your mother… I don’t really want to either.Helryx: Yeah, most people tell me that…Gali: >_<Lewa: Yo Tahu! DaWg!Helryx: SHHH! Do you want to get us all killed?!Lewa: We were all going to die anyway! *is pushed by Helryx*Tech Warrior:Helryx: Oh not now!Tech Warrior: Well, fine! Come up with your own narrations then!Helryx: It wasn’t long until Tahu had inevitably hacked into the source unit of the sacred masks of eternity. Helryx and Lewa continued to argue under the gates of iron, while Hewkii and Jaller watched while drinking tea. We’re not quite sure as to what kind of tea it was – it could either be Green or Sweet (I’m allergic to both either way, so IDC).Gali: Oh shut up.Helryx: That’s rude!Hewkii: Touché.Helryx: Oh shut up!Lewa: *while banging on the bars* GUARDS! PLEASE! Kill us! I can’t take anymore of this madness! Put me out of my misery!Helryx: But, we’re just getting into our misery…Gali: Well state the obvious, why don’t you?!Helryx: I was bored.Tahu: Clearly…Helryx: IKR? Like, this one time… Wait a minute… TAHU!Tahu: Like it would kill you to put on some reading glasses every once in a while!Helryx: It would, actually...Gali: Oh shut up.Lewa: Just get us out of here, now.Tahu: Don’t tell me what to do, #####.Lewa: Break a leg!Tahu: Rupture your spleen!Lewa: *cough* you watch WAY too much television!Tahu: At least I’m not green in the face because of it.*silence*Tahu: *opens gate* Now get out. All of you – leave. Go to that room over there.Helryx: Don’t tell me what to…Tahu: GO!____________________________*BACK AT STORMER’S LAIR*Stormer: Wait… sir! I see them!***: Well what are you waiting for? Kill them!Stormer: What do you think I’m trying to ATM?***: Sip your tea – green tea, to be exact.Stormer: Yeah, like, ever notice how manufacturers focus too much on the decorations of the cup? Like, I can’t even get it up to my face. It looks like Medusa…

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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#33 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted Oct 23 2012 - 06:14 AM

Well, currently I'm waiting on a review from the CCC. But in the meantime, here's the thirteenth chapter. You should be afraid - very afraid.

EPISODE 13: Green Tea With a Hint of Sour

Tahu: Y’all need to get moving! The guards are after us!Helryx: Oh calm down! It’s not like they’re strong enough to kill us or anything of the sort…Tahu: Wait, something’s not right here…Gali: What’s that, Tahu?Tahu: Where the heck is Makuta?Helryx: He’s in the lilac field, counting the bunny rabbits.Gali: Sounds like him alright…Tahu: I’m serious!Helryx: Oh are you now? Well, to answer your question lightly, he’s in the lilac field, counting bunny rabbits, as stated above.Tahu: Gah! Forget it then…Helryx: And that, Gali, is how you win an argument.Gali: …By sarcasm?Halryx: No, but by reverse psychology! See, when I told Tahu that Makuta was in the lilac field, that gave Tahu the impression that Makuta was, in fact, NOT in the lilac field, which then prompted me to remind Tahu again that Makuta WAS, in fact, in the lilac field, which then screwed up Tahu’s brain since he had experienced extreme déjà vu and psychosis, which led him to believe that what I said was correct, that Makuta was, in fact, in the lilac field, which then made Tahu silent due to the fact that he knows that I’m right. Got that?Gali: …Helryx: See? You know I’m right, so you can’t say anything.Tahu: No, Helryx. When I go silent, it’s not because I know you’re right; but it’s because what you said was filled with so much ignorance that there was no point in even talking with you further.Helryx: It’s weird because a lot of people tell me that…Tahu: Maybe you should open them big ol’ ears of yours!Helryx: I don’t have ears…Gali: Bunny rabbits do.Hewkii: Most bunny rabbits though cannot understand biomechanical being-ish speech, and are therefore incomprehensive to such.Helryx: Oh stop trying to sound intelligent. It just makes you sound dumber…Tahu: *thinks of about a million ways to misinterpret Helryx’s statement and then think of a witty comeback and throw it back at her*Helryx: Oh stop trying to sound dumber. It just makes you sound more intelligent. Wait…Tahu: And that, Gali, is how you win a silent argument.Helryx: *thinks of about a billion ways to misinterpret Tahu’s statement and then think of a witty comeback and throw it back at him*Tahu: Oh stop trying to sound better than me. It only makes you sound lower than me, suffice to say.Helryx: *thinks of about a trillion ways to misinterpret Tahu’s statement-Jaller: Both of you need to just shut up!Tahu: *thinks of about a quadrillion ways to-Helryx: Go kill yourself, now.Tahu: Get out of my house!Helryx: *thinks of about a quintillion-Gali: Both of you knock it off and have some tea!Tahu: *thinks of about a sextillion-Helryx: *septillion-Tahu: *OCTILLION-Helryx: *NONILLION-Tahu: *FREAKING DECILLION-Helryx: GOOGOL! !!!Lewa: …What the ###### just happened here?Gali: Well, ever thought about silent arguments?Tahu: *cough, googolplex-Helryx: Eat my fish.Tahu: You’ve bumped the number up to googolplex to the power of ten to the power of ten to the power of ten to the power of 3.14159265-Helryx: Oh for Pete’s sake…Tahu: Who’s Pete?Gali: My uncle’s grand-daughter’s sister’s daughter’s husband’s brother’s friend’s mother-in-law’s half-sister’s son’s nephew’s step-father’s pet aardvark.Tahu: Everybody, silent! Do you see that?Helryx: Is that a zit?Tahu: *facepalm* What? No! That, over there…Helryx: Oh, the big door that’s armed and looks like something we should stay far away from…Tahu: Yes, that! I think we should go in.Helryx: I think we should throw you in and see what happens, record our observations, and then form a conclusion.Jaller: I kind of concur with Helryx here.Tahu: Oh shut up.*all walk toward the door*Helryx: Go ahead! Open it.Tahu: *inches closer, trembling uncontrollably*Helryx: Let’s see what you got, big man!Vezon: I am bigger than you.Tahu: Technically speaking, size depends on the inner soul, not the outer physical size…Helryx: No it doesn’t. Shut up, and open the freaking door, now.Tahu: *opens the door* Oh. What a fail…Helryx: You fail.Tahu: Gerbils fail.Helryx: Failing wins.Tahu: Winning fails.Helryx: Never win.Tahu: Always fail.Helryx: Everyone wins… Wait…Tahu: And that, everyone, is how you… get Helryx do something productive.Helryx: What the ###### just happened here?Tahu: You got lost in your own ignorance.Helryx: …Tahu: See? You can’t even speak.Helryx: Well, technically speaking, I can, but I make the conscious decision not to, as I don’t want to offend anyone.Gali: Yeah right…Hewkii: Agreed.Jaller: Agreed.Helryx: Oh shut up you intellectual moronic twits!Gali: Point taken.Hewkii: I think we need to focus on what’s at hand here.Helryx: Point taken.Tahu: This, my friends (and arch), is a room.Gali: *facepalm*Lewa: What else could it be?Helryx: Oh, you’d be surprised…Lewa: Would I?Tahu: Hmm… This looks like… Ah!Helryx: Oh spit it out already!Tahu: *spits*Jaller: What… color is that?Helryx: Looks like a lavender-like mahogany, mixed with some cerulean and fuchsia, with just a hint of chartreuse!Gali: Looks white to me…Tahu: *sighs* *facepalm* *etc.* Grow up.Helryx: *grows up*Tahu: O_OGali: Look at this board over here!Tahu: That, Gali, looks like their plan…Lewa: Is that a freaking black hole?Helryx: No, moron. It’s a picture of a black hole.Tahu: This must be what they need me for… They can’t open it themselves, so they need a source of elemental power to do it!Helryx: Yeah, but you’re cursed, remember?Tahu: They just say that to convince me. I’m not convinced btw. It’s there, but I just don’t believe that it is.Helryx: That was inexplicably paradoxical.Tahu: …No?Helryx: I’m lying.Lewa: *coughs*Gali: Well, clearly Tahu has had schizophrenia once before.Helryx: Ugh… Have some tea!

Edited by Tech Warrior, Oct 23 2012 - 06:16 AM.

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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#34 Offline fishers64

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Posted Oct 25 2012 - 12:17 AM

CCC Review: While I’ll admit to not liking this comedy, exactly, I have to admit that you are pretty skilled. Chapter 1:

Tahu: Skrall aren’t that hard to pin.Makuta: That’s because that one is a hologram.

Holograms can’t be pinned. :) But this made me chuckle; the illogical joke fits with the grim and sarcastic atmosphere.I’m noticing that Helryx is trying to kill Tahu…but she actually doesn’t. This fact drags down your comedy considerably in terms of plot here. If Helryx doesn’t kill Tahu, there has to be a reason for it. Is Tahu fighting back? Is something else preventing her from doing it? The plot really slows and bogs down as a result of this. It might have been slightly better to have Helryx and Tahu trading blows during this first round of dialogue, and Tahu actually facing real threats to his survival instead of easily pinnable Skrall (holograms?). That would punctuate his tips and make them even funnier.Chapter 2:And you could have done that…except for the fact that the Helryx/Tahu action scene you shoved off-screen:

Tahu: Actually, my worst nightmare was when Helryx chased me through buildings with a flamethrower trying to kill me.

And yet, this is a really good joke. What are flames to a being of fire? :P

Tahu: Tip #1 – If your arch enemy refuses to obey you, call Helryx. She’s up for murder any day.

[nitpick]That would be Tip #8…[/nitpick]

Makuta: Lewa is rudely interrupting us to get his word in.

Also very good quote there.So far you seem to be doing very well with the jokes, but the plot is lagging badly. You’ve taken two chapters to introduce the cast and get to the point. That should take two lines. The only thing I’ve seen so far is that Helryx wants to kill Tahu, but nothing has really happened on it except for Tahu being chased by Helryx with a flamethrower, and that wasn’t emphasized enough. Chapter 3:

Tahu: Kill me now. Seriously, here is an axe. Put me out of my misery.Helryx: Okay… *swings axe*Gali: *takes axe from Helryx* Behave.

A capstone on a turn for the better. Chapter 4:By this point, the plot has picked up some. One thing that might have helped you was to slightly foreshadow the booby-trapped building thing...that might have been even better. :)Chapter 5: I like how you did the facility escape...it reminds me of the Destruction of the Mata Nui Robot and Migration to Spherus Magna. Not sure if that was what you were going for there, but it worked.I read ahead slightly, and it appears that your plot structure improves as the comedy goes on. But you got off to a rocky start here on this one. In the future, should you decide to write another comedy, try to get to the point quickly. It’s nice to have humorous dialogue, and you’ve done a good job with that here, but tying it into the plot of the story better will do better (but I notice you have done that with the latter chapters, so not a big deal).The other thing I suggest is to keep writing, because your writing is improving with each new chapter. :)Given all that, and based on the five chapters I read, I’m going to give you an 8/10 for now. This comedy is good, and while it could use a little work, the author appears to be doing that work. Keep it up! :)

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#35 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted Oct 25 2012 - 05:57 AM

CCC Review:While I’ll admit to not liking this comedy, exactly, I have to admit that you are pretty skilled.Chapter 1:

Tahu: Skrall aren’t that hard to pin.Makuta: That’s because that one is a hologram.

Holograms can’t be pinned. :) But this made me chuckle; the illogical joke fits with the grim and sarcastic atmosphere.I’m noticing that Helryx is trying to kill Tahu…but she actually doesn’t. This fact drags down your comedy considerably in terms of plot here. If Helryx doesn’t kill Tahu, there has to be a reason for it. Is Tahu fighting back? Is something else preventing her from doing it? The plot really slows and bogs down as a result of this. It might have been slightly better to have Helryx and Tahu trading blows during this first round of dialogue, and Tahu actually facing real threats to his survival instead of easily pinnable Skrall (holograms?). That would punctuate his tips and make them even funnier.Chapter 2:And you could have done that…except for the fact that the Helryx/Tahu action scene you shoved off-screen:

Tahu: Actually, my worst nightmare was when Helryx chased me through buildings with a flamethrower trying to kill me.

And yet, this is a really good joke. What are flames to a being of fire? :P

Tahu: Tip #1 – If your arch enemy refuses to obey you, call Helryx. She’s up for murder any day.

[nitpick]That would be Tip #8…[/nitpick]

Makuta: Lewa is rudely interrupting us to get his word in.

Also very good quote there.So far you seem to be doing very well with the jokes, but the plot is lagging badly. You’ve taken two chapters to introduce the cast and get to the point. That should take two lines. The only thing I’ve seen so far is that Helryx wants to kill Tahu, but nothing has really happened on it except for Tahu being chased by Helryx with a flamethrower, and that wasn’t emphasized enough.Chapter 3:

Tahu: Kill me now. Seriously, here is an axe. Put me out of my misery.Helryx: Okay… *swings axe*Gali: *takes axe from Helryx* Behave.

A capstone on a turn for the better.Chapter 4:By this point, the plot has picked up some. One thing that might have helped you was to slightly foreshadow the booby-trapped building thing...that might have been even better. :)Chapter 5: I like how you did the facility escape...it reminds me of the Destruction of the Mata Nui Robot and Migration to Spherus Magna. Not sure if that was what you were going for there, but it worked.I read ahead slightly, and it appears that your plot structure improves as the comedy goes on. But you got off to a rocky start here on this one. In the future, should you decide to write another comedy, try to get to the point quickly. It’s nice to have humorous dialogue, and you’ve done a good job with that here, but tying it into the plot of the story better will do better (but I notice you have done that with the latter chapters, so not a big deal).The other thing I suggest is to keep writing, because your writing is improving with each new chapter. :)Given all that, and based on the five chapters I read, I’m going to give you an 8/10 for now. This comedy is good, and while it could use a little work, the author appears to be doing that work. Keep it up! :)

Thank you for the review! Points taken with consideration. :) Hmm... Perhaps the plot is the bigger error of the comedy, because you see, Helryx killing Tahu is not actually the plot; it's only thrown in there for humorous purposes. But yes, the actual plot becomes more revealed as time goes on. I'll try to get down to the point next time. :PThanks again! And there's more to come!~ TW

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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#36 Offline Tech Warrior

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Posted May 19 2013 - 09:22 AM

For those of you who have been following this story, I deeply apologize. :P Ugh, I only wish that I didn't fade away from this so suddenly. But, consider this a new start, since I plan on updating from here. It won't be once a day, as you may expect; it will probably be like once a week or something - maybe even more, depending on what happens. But hey, summer is here, so I plan on having free time. That's the plan, anyway...

 

It's been a while since I last updated, so catch up on the previous chapters to understand where the story is at right now. With that, enjoy!

 

EPISODE 14: Good Riddance

 

Tahu: Somebody’s going to die today; I can feel it…

 

Hewkii: Excuse me for asking, but how can you feel if someone is going to die or not?

 

Tahu: You’re excused.

 

Helryx: *facepalm*

 

*everyone hears sound of footsteps*

 

Helryx: Everyone, hide.

 

Tahu: Don’t pee yourself…

 

Lewa: …

 

Tahu: See? You know I’m right.

 

Helryx: Right about what exactly?

 

Tahu: Peeing.

 

Gali: The awkwardness of this entire scenario makes it that much easier to relate to.

 

Tahu: The stupidity of that statement makes you much easier to pick out from everyone else.

 

Helryx: The ridiculousness of your face and the words that evolve from it show just how much you don’t like puppies.

 

Tahu: The rudeness of your rudeness identifies the propaganda of society’s weaknesses.

 

Helryx: The rudeness of your rudeness’s rudeness analyzes how porcupines drive tarantulas within intelligent life forms to promote healthy living for the universe here and beyond, that which physically resembles a seafood shop in Monte Carlo that’s almost bankrupt.

 

Gali: It amazes me how distracted you get.

 

Tahu: Who are you talking to?

 

Gali: All of you.

 

*continues to hear sound of footsteps, but closer*

 

Helryx: Ya’ll need to hide, now!

 

*music gets louder*

 

(and louder)

 

(and louder)

 

(and louder)

 

Helryx: Shut up!

 

Gali: Nobody was speaking…

 

Vezon: How do you know?

 

Tahu: She’s cursed.

 

Lewa: Bionicle-it-is, perhaps?

 

Hewkii: Now where have I heard that before?

 

Helryx: I remember my mom mentioning it to me once before, but IDK what kind of drugs she was on at the time.

 

Tahu: …Excuse me?

 

Gali: You’re excused.

 

Tahu: First of all, Gali, I do what I want. Secondly, I was asking. Thirdly, I don’t appreciate your sarcasm. And fourthly, I’m hungry.

 

Lewa: Make yourself a sandwich, perhaps?

 

Tahu: That’s Gali’s job.

 

Gali: Excuse me? Look red head, keep in mind that I have the technical power to kill you…

 

Tahu: The same could be said for you.

 

Helryx: 2v1

 

Tahu: …

 

Lewa: Peeps, come tell me if this flashing red light means anything.

 

Helryx: Let’s ask YOU if you think it means anything, moron…

 

Lewa: Does it mean that it’s time to dance?

 

Jaller: …The heck?

 

Tahu: *does the tango*

 

Hewkii: Dude that’s not tango. Let me show you tango. *dances with Lewa*

 

Lewa: Dang girl, you the swag master!

 

Helryx: Oh save it.

 

Lewa: Save what?

 

Gali: Just shut up.

 

Lewa: Shut what up?

 

Helryx: Can I kill him?

 

Tahu: I don’t know. CAN you?

 

Helryx: Ugh!

 

Gali: Can you waltz?

 

Tahu: I can. *does the waltz* *bumps into a giant red button*

 

Helryx: My question is: How do you bump into something doing the waltz?

 

Lewa: Oh come on. It can’t be that bad.

 

Gali: It’s a giant red button and now an alarm has gone off! Do you not understand the concept behind giant red buttons?

 

Lewa: Red is the color of love!

 

Helryx: It’s also the color of death.

 

Tahu: *cough* What does that make me?

 

Lewa: Love!

 

Helryx: Death.

 

Jaller: I’m with you Tahu. I understand what it’s like to be the solution and the problem.

 

Tahu: No, you don’t…

 

*hears the sound of rushing HF guards*

 

Gali: Look at what you did.

 

Hewkii: Who?

 

Helryx: You…

 

Hewkii: What did I do? If anything, Tahu is the one who bumped the giant red button!

 

Lewa: The button of love!

 

Helryx: The button of death.

 

Tahu: It will only be a mystery for a given number of moments.

 

Hewkii: We’re all going to die!

 

Vezon: It’s probably for the better…

 

Helryx: See? Even Vezon agrees with me… That just doesn’t happen in an everyday situation.

 

Tahu: I wouldn’t classify that as agreement. I would say it’s more like twisting your words into sarcasm.

 

Gali: It wasn’t sarcasm though.

 

Jaller: That highly depends on your definition of sarcasm.

 

Helryx: My definition of sarcasm is the same as my mother’s.

 

Lewa: I can’t say that I’m surprised…

 

Helryx: Hey shut up, granny smith apple.

 

Lewa: You shut up, ugly blueberry.

 

Gali: Both of you shut up, pile of rotten fruits.

 

Helryx: Why is it always fruit? Have you ever considered something less inviting?

 

Jaller: No…

 

HF Guard: Stop right there!

 

Helryx: Can you kill us now?

 

HF Guard: That is the plan, yes.

 

Helryx: Cool bro.

 

Tahu: What? You INSIST on dying??

 

Helryx: Hey, we were destined to die anyway.

 

Tahu: Not me; I want to die with dignity.

 

Helryx: Tahu, let’s be honest. You lost your dignity a long time ago.

 

Tahu: Now that isn’t so true.

 

Gali: I’m with Tahu.

 

Hewkii: I’m with Helryx.

 

Lewa: Is that because your name starts with ‘H’?

 

Hewkii: Quite frankly… Yes…

 

Tahu: HF guards, prepare to die.

 

Helryx: I thought that’s what we were doing!

 

Tahu: Well yeah, but now I’m telling them to do it…

 

Gali: They have blasters and guns.

 

Tahu: Yeah? Well, we have wits.


Edited by Tech Warrior, May 19 2013 - 09:28 AM.

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I AM A TOA OF SOUND. I CAN IDENTIFY DRUM N BASS BY THE VIBRATION OF THE GROUND. I CAN HEAR MAKUTA ROAR FROM MILES AWAY. I AM JUST THAT FREAKING AWESOME.

#37 Offline Fabulous Sunshine

Fabulous Sunshine
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Posted Jun 01 2013 - 09:10 AM

Yo. Comedies Critics Club here with your review.Please try not to be offended if I point out too many flaws.Mechanics of Writing 

Helryx: *facepalm*Makuta: *facepalm*Lewa: *slaps*Tahu: *runs*Helryx: *kills*

This barely tells me anything. All I know is that the characters are doing generic actions. Do description. At all. You need more description.

 

[color=rgb(40,40,40);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS NOOOOO[/color]

Using 'pls' is really unprofessional. Using it so many times is also rather illogical.

 

[color=rgb(40,40,40);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]Tech Warrior: What the “heroes” didn’t know was that the camera was live and recording, so hundreds of thousands have just heard everything that just happened.[/color]

[color=rgb(40,40,40);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]

[color=rgb(40,40,40);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]Furno: Oh will you just stop stalling just to get more words into this episode and just turn off the freaking camera?[/color]

Using 'just' twice seems redundant.[/color]

 

Helryx: No. We're having dinner with him AND his entire board of executive staff.

Just Board of Executives.

 

[color=rgb(40,40,40);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]The conflict between such answers gives me aching and pain![/color]

I ... don't understand.

 

[color=rgb(40,40,40);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]Tahu: Tip #4 – Whenever Tahu gives you good advice (which is always, btw), don’t EVER question it! I know best, period.[/color]

[color=rgb(40,40,40);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]quote][/color][color=rgb(40,40,40);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]Makuta: LOL Episode 4 déjà vu.[/quote][/color]

Chatspeak doesn't work well in a narrative.

 

[color=rgb(40,40,40);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]*music gets louder*[/color]

 

(and louder)

 

(and louder)

 

(and louder)

Completely unnecessary bit here.

 

Anyway, your spelling and grammar is decent, but you need to stop using strange structures for your work. Add a bit more description for things, and try not to be redundant. Also, don't use chatspeak. It's annoying and does not work well in a narrative. Otherwise, you're fine.

 

70%.

 

Plot and Characterisation

 

Your plot is incredibly weak. All we actually know is that Tahu has been kidnapped by Hero Factory? What were their motives for the kidnapping? How does kidnapping Tahu even contribute to their plan? What made Alpha 1 turn to evil and actually attempt this plan? You may not need to tell us everything all at once, but you've given us barely any information to work with here.

 

The characterisation is weak too; the characters feel like one-dimensional caricatures. Tahu seems to be your generic prick with a superiority complex; Helryx has anger issues; Nex is a moron who is attracted to Breez ... we see nothing else beyond a basic personality. It's difficult for an audience to sympathise with the characters if they feel like cardboard cut-outs. Give us some depth - characterisation is key to the narrative.

 

40%.

 

Humour

 

Having read through most of your comedy, I have not found any of your jokes amusing. You're working off randomness, padding the story with generic occurrences and bland humour to try and entertain the audience. This is not working. Really, the only remarkable joke, or at least I assume it was a joke, was Mata Nui's rant of despair. It was slightly more interesting than the rest of your attempts, especially when they feel so dry.

 

For example, the references to the Avengers can comments on how it was 'plagiarizing' BIONICLE? They aren't that amusing. Creating natural, well-flowing humour requires you to do more than just joke around about other works or unimportant details such as cooking. 'Seinfeldian' conversations may seem funny on the television screen, but when converted to text, they aren't that amusing. You need to find some way to better integrate your humour - I recommend reading some comedic works for assistance.

 

Also, the repeated use of the one verb actions? They don't really do much either to help with the humour.

 

20%.

 

Overview

 

Your story is rather lacking in characterisation and humour. You need to find a way to improve your writing skills and integrate more humour into the comedy, as well as fleshing out your characters more, whether by adding extra traits or exploring deeper into their canonical personalities. The plot is slightly better, but you don't provide us with much to work on when trying to interpret the plot.

 

What currently matters is for you to try and engage your audience. The story isn't very interesting at the moment; the characters are flat and humour is weak. But if you work harder, you will be able to capture the attention of the readers.

 

That is what matters.

 

Overall score: 43.3%

 

Now with that, it's past midnight, and I need to sleep.


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