Reparation Review

[The Marlfox]

ReparationSo, this is my first epic, and I'm really excited to publish it. I've been creeping around the library for some time now, and I finally got inspired to contribute some of my own work. The Epic's library isn't the busiest place on the Forums, I've noticed, so I don't expect many reviews, but they'd be appreciated, of course Table of Contents

• [*]Chapter 1:

Contemplation and Visitation[*]Chapter 2: Conversation and Transformation[*]Chapter 3: Excavation and Tribulation[*]Chapter 4: Reparation

It's not very long, but I feel like posting it in Short Stories as one post would make it feel rushed. I don't have a set schedule to update, just FYI

Edited May 21, 2012 by Mr. Chiquita

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I enjoyed reading the first chapter of this epic. The concept of Turaga Bana not remembering most of his past is an interesting one. I also like how you told how the Turaga got to where he is now. One little nitpick about the story itself is that I find it a little hard to believe that the Turaga of the city would put Bana on their board. Wouldn't they have been a little suspicious of Bana? Especially since he didn't remember his past? I find that a little weird, but that is just my opinion.Anyway, I did find a couple spelling mistakes. And they are:

The small pyramid of lightstones wobbled dangeroussly as he shifted the stand a bit closer.

Should be 'dangerously.'

His own, to be specific He was not self-obsessed, or narcissistic.

There should be a period between 'specific' and 'He.'Like I said, I enjoyed this chapter of your epic. It will be interesting to see who the visitor is. Edited May 17, 2012 by The Smoke Monster

[The Marlfox]

I enjoyed reading the first chapter of this epic. The concept of Turaga Bana not remembering most of his past is an interesting one. I also like how you told how the Turaga got to where he is now. One little nitpick about the story itself is that I find it a little hard to believe that the Turaga of the city would put Bana on their board. Wouldn't they have been a little suspicious of Bana? Especially since he didn't remember his past? I find that a little weird, but that is just my opinion.Anyway, I did find a couple spelling mistakes. And they are:

The small pyramid of lightstones wobbled dangeroussly as he shifted the stand a bit closer.

Should be 'dangerously.'

His own, to be specific He was not self-obsessed, or narcissistic.

There should be a period between 'specific' and 'He.'Like I said, I enjoyed this chapter of your epic. It will be interesting to see who the visitor is.

heyy thanks, smoke monster! i'll definitely go oin and fix those nitpicks.and yeah, i see what you mean about the other turaga not immediately accepting bana. heh, i guess i didn't think that one all the way through. i'll work on that next time.thanks for taking time to drop a review!

[Aderia]

Hey, Mr. Chiquita (nice name change, btw ) I'm really glad I finally get to return the favor and leave you a review.All I can say right now is to keep up the good work. I'm not sure where you're taking this story, but so far, it's interesting. Turaga into Toa? And maybe Toa into Matoran later? I don't know if you've seen the movie 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button', but it kind of reminds me of that, in a good way, of course.Also, I'd like to echo what The Smoke Monster said, questioning the believability of the other Turaga putting Bana on the committee. But in the second chapter, your dialog was very well put together. It was something I was wondering about your writing, since your first chapter didn't have all that much conversation in it.Like I said, keep up the good work!