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Dancer

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#1 Offline Peach 00

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Posted Jun 18 2012 - 08:11 PM

DISCLAIMER: The song in this story which the dancer also dances to, "Alice", belongs to Avril Lavigne.DEDICATION: I hereby dedicate this story to a friend of mine - she is a very dedicated dancer, and I think of her as a rolemodel, as I am a dancer myself. I wish her good luck in her dancing, and would like to say that she is one of the nicest, most talented dancers I have ever had the fortune to know.

Dancer

She wore a baby doll –esque dress, falling down to her knees. The colors of it were bright orange, white, and a bright pink. It was held up with one, white-colored strap – she wore fuchsia-pink tights, with white dancing shoes. The outfit had a ripped-look to it, but that was the design of it. A small piece of the outfit was around her arm, tied around it and dangling – her hair was slicked back into a bun, dark brown in color. She threw herself into the movement, her feet spread wide, bending herself downward to sweep the floor with her hands. She ran her hands up her left leg, viewing behind her, a somber yet placid expression being her umbrella. She stepped one foot back, throwing herself backwards but maintaining her position. Her arms were extended slightly outward but still downward, not in any particular position.She sauntered with pointed toes to her right, slowly extending her arms out in front of her, crossing them at her wrists and bending her head down into the open diamond-like positioning. As a guitar string was struck in the music, she began to bend backwards until she was completely straight again, but her hands gestured in a defensive mannerism, as if pushing away the world around her. Sweeping her foot back behind her, she lowered her arms once more.She swept them backwards once again until they were over her head, and once they were in this position, she raised her left leg until her foot, pointed, touched her knee. She lowered her arms once again, her left foot motioning towards the floor with the movement. Extending her arms wide until they were both facing one direction, she brushed them once again in the opposite direction this time.In this exact movement, she stood up on pointed feet and spun around at a rapid pace, raising her left leg again to her knee with her arms up above her. She lowered her heels to the ground, arms almost dangling beside her. Her knees bent down as she reached to brush her right hand to the black, slightly scuffed flooring. Standing up once again, she rolled her back and her head to her right and all the way to her left in a head-roll movement.Raising her right arm, she extended it out in front of her, bent slightly with her hand looking as if she was pushing something away, invisible to the eye. She watched it carefully, and then lowered it as she lengthened her left leg in a way, letting it point until it touched the floor. She let her right foot push the left foot out until it looked like a skip, but the right foot stayed tucked underneath the left foot in the miniature jump.

Trapped and out

Spinning around

I’m underground

I fell down

I fell down…

She spun around after this ‘skip’, a second time again, her dressing flowing with the movement. This time her left leg brushed the floor and was tucked away behind her right leg. Spreading her feet out, she performed a movement with her arms: The right arm was pointed up but was bent, while the left arm tucked the hand underneath the right elbow. Her hands were clenched in fists in this movement, lowering the arms as if driving the elbow and hand into an invisible platform in front of her.She drew her right arm back, and then pushed a level of air down with her hands, swishing her right arm in front of her eyes. She raised her right knee, pushing it down with both hands and then spun around to her left, where she then looked like she was bending her knees to touch the ground but didn’t. She spun around once again, crouching for a moment and spinning once again. After this third spin, she crouched down, facing front, and then stood and walked two steps backwards.

I’m freaking out

As to where I am now

Upside down

And I can’t stop me now

I can’t stop me now

Raising her right knee, she ‘pushed’ it down again, repeating this move again but repeating it with the left knee this time. She pressed her right knee again, this time it bent down and touched the scuffed black, mat-like flooring. After this she spread her legs wide, turning them out and bending both knees until the legs were pointing in opposite directions. Turning the left leg towards the right knee’s direction, she stood up performed a ‘fan kick’, or raising her right leg as far up as she could to the right and then the left, lowering it in front of the left leg, but it was still pointing straight as the foot touched the ground.Skipping once again, she reached another part of the stage, spreading her legs wide again and sweeping downward with her hands to touch the flooring, but bending her right leg back and letting the right hand touched the flexed right foot. Quickly strolling to her left, she put her right foot forward, bending her torso backwards with her left arm hanging behind her and her right arm extended in front of her. She stayed frozen when the music stopped for a brief second.Waltzing across all the way to the left with arms sweeping together simultaneously in perfect rhythm with her legs, she did this until she went all the way back around to a back right part of the stage. She spun in mid-run and raised her right arm and right leg in a small jump, and continued the previous movement across the stage.

I’ll get by

I’ll survive

When the world’s crashing down

When I fall and hit the ground

I will turn myself around

Don’t you try and stop me

I won’t cry…

She leaped across the stage, arms extended in front of her with one leg raised high behind her – the next leap involved her heads together but elbows pointed outward, her right knee bent in the leap and the left leg pointing backwards. She slowed herself down to let her foot sweep around her as if drawing an invisible circle with her pointed toe. She stopped it once completing this circle, and bowed her head downward from right to left.When coming up from this bow, she performed another fan kick with her right leg, stepping her left forward then back after this. She performed a leap backwards, with her right foot supporting her while the left leg kicked back. Skipping once again until she faced forward again, she kicked the right leg forward, her arms extended behind her. Stopping herself, she waited for a moment, and then performed a pirouette, her hands clasped together above her head while the left leg was bent behind her.After this, she flexed her right foot, letting it hover above the floor to her side while she spun with just the heel of her left foot. Stepping backwards to steps, she jerked herself forward slightly, extending the left leg to her left side. Spinning once again, she performed another ‘skip’, and let her left leg kick high in front of her while she viewed the ground behind her, head bowed. When the left foot touched the ground, she bent down, kicking both legs back and supporting herself with her hands.Her body swiveled around until she was looking up at the spotlights above her, standing up as she pushed herself upward with her hands. Sauntering to a center point on the stage, she slowed her pace down until she reached a satisfactory point where she could stop and prepare herself for the next move.

I found myself

In Wonderland

I get back on my feet

Is this real?

Is this pretend?

I’ll take a stand

Until the end

She dropped herself immediately into a right split, one arm up and the other one touching the floor as she retracted her legs until they were together, underneath the weight of her torso as she bowed her head down until her nose touched the flooring. She lifted her head up, wiping her nose as if trying to wipe away invisible tears. Her head bowed slightly and she lifted it with her hand, putting it under her chin to raise it higher.She extended her left leg to face her side, bending the knee until the top part of her foot was curled up flat while the other leg was supported by the knee and bottom part of her leg. She lowered it and swept the legs around until they pointed outward, straight as she let one leg cross over the other. The dancer then raised them high – still sitting on the floor – and let them cross over until they faced her side instead. She bent her right leg until the foot was pointing behind her, while the left leg she kicked upward. She crossed them once again, bending down to touch her head to her knees and then leaning backwards until she rolled. Halfway into the roll she extending both legs outward, keeping from losing balance by pushing her hands against the floor. She flattened herself against the black dance floor, although not letting herself touch it. She still balanced herself with her hands – eventually she pulled her legs in until they were underneath her body once again.Maintaining balance, she touched her hands to the floor, and curled her toes up until they were flat against the floor. Slowly she began to stand, her feet still curled while supporting her weight. She stood tall, doing the move with such precision that it looked effortless, not difficult. Her left arm was extended above her, the right arm looking as if it were trying to reach towards an object in the air.

I’ll get by

I’ll survive

When the world’s crashing down

When I fall and hit the ground

I will turn myself around

Don’t you try to stop me

I won’t cry

Performing the ‘skips’ across the stage once again, she raised her right leg after the first skip, and then the left after the second. She performed a pirouette, quickly raising her arms to her left after it, only to lower them to the floor, bending down to reach for the ground. She let her right arm push forward and retract back, and the dancer repeated this move another time while keeping the left arm stationary. She stood on pointed feet, jumping in midair while her feet were still pointed, and landed on them flat. The right foot immediately went up to her knee, and she took a step or two backwards after lowering it to prepare herself for the next move.She performed a small spin after the previous move, lowering herself to the ground until her back was against the black mat flooring, her knees bent in front of her. She raised both feet and turned herself around about 90 degrees until both legs were pointing straight up in the air – crossing them twice until each leg had crossed over the other, she stood up quickly, turning herself around 180 degrees to face front. She stepped forward and then backwards and forward again, ready for the next set of fast dance moves.Spinning, she raised the right leg until it was slightly bent, swiveling herself around until it was facing in front of her instead of behind her. She spun around another 180 degrees, her left leg this time bent behind her. She stood in one place for a moment, hopping and extending her right leg out behind her with her hands clasped together in front of her. She prepared herself for the final part of the dance, ‘skipping’ to the left back corner of the stage.

I’ll get by

I’ll survive

When the world’s crashing down

When I fall and hit the ground

I will turn myself around

Don’t you try to stop me

I won’t cry…

She repeated two leaps that she had performed earlier in the dance, until she controlled her momentum and stopped herself at a point on stage. Sweeping her left leg around, foot pointed, she performed a full 360 degree spin with the left leg extended. She did a basic head roll, except leaning forward with it to make a fuller effect. As her head came up, she presented a fan kick – stepping backwards, she repeated two backwards leaps that were presented before. Performing yet another pirouette with the back leg slightly bent behind her and arms raised, she stopped after the full spin, right foot flexed as she spun with the heel of her left foot. After this, she curved her right arm above her into an ovular shape, while her left arm was twisted with the palm facing upward. Sweeping her right arm into a full circle, she extended it in a diagonal direction while her left leg kicked upward, straight with her foot pointed, her head bent to her right and almost touching the shoulder. She repeated this same set of movements but this time in the opposite direction. At the end of this, she bent her left knee slightly, and then lowered it to the ground.She jerked herself forward, head tilted to her right as she extended her arms out in front of her. Raising herself, she curved her left arm above her, right leg bent behind her. She repeated this but without the arm gesture, and instead simply bent each leg in front of her. Her face became somber and expressing sadness, as she stepped to face to her right. She then faced outward, mouth slightly opened as if begging, about to cry. Sad, she spread her arms wide, brows furrowed as she slowly began to lower herself to the ground.Left leg sideways in front and right leg sideways behind her, she sat herself down in this position, her hands touching the floor right in front of her as she looked as if she was sulking, pushing her head almost to the ground while in the act of looking like she was crying. Her nose touched the ground, bowing her head as the music began to die away. She then let her arms become straight as she raised herself, looking upward slightly, and began to stand. Slowly, pointing her feet and letting the toe touch and then the heel with each step, she gracefully exited the stage, her head bowed as she left. The answer to the dance was a loud round of applause from her audience, a round of applause that echoed throughout the auditorium, dying and fading slowly a minute or two after the performance. She had deserved every second of applause.

~:~

Not a big fan of the song myself, but I thought the sound of it fit with the dance I had planned to describe in the story. I realize this probably has several errors in it, including the repetition of words, but I was mainly focusing on the actual image of the dance I wished to create in the imagination of the reader. Call it overly-descriptive, but that is the whole point: I tried to give as much detail to the reader as possible, to imagine it so clearly in their minds they imagined they were there, watching it performed on stage.I would appreciate any comments on this story. Thank you for reading.

Edited by Peach 00, Jun 28 2012 - 12:03 PM.

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On the day the wall came down / They threw the locks onto the ground
And with glasses high / We raised a cry / For freedom had arrived
 
On the day the wall came down / The ship of fools had finally run aground
Promises lit up the night / Like paper doves in flight
 
I dreamed you had left my side / No warmth, not even pride remained
And even though you needed me / It was clear that I could not do a thing for you
 
Now life devalues day by day / As friends and neighbors turn away
And there's a change that even with regret / Cannot be undone
 
Now frontiers shift like desert sands / While nations wash their bloodied hands
Of loyalty, of history / In shades of grey
 
I woke to the sound of drums / The music played, the morning sun streamed in
I turned and I looked at you / And all but the bitter residues slipped away
 
slipped away...
 




#2 Offline Fairy Knight

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Posted Jun 20 2012 - 12:31 PM

It's very descriptive indeed, and I think that's what I enjoyed most about it - the atmosphere the detailed descriptions created was harmonic, and more important, the story IMO really gets across how much dancing means to you. (Yes, you, the writer of this). I'm not sure whether that's only because of the descriptions, but one way or another, it's beautiful.Although it displays a level of observation that is a bit much for an inexperienced watcher. It's more like seeing the dance through the eyes of someone who is either a dancer themselves or who knows a lot about it. That's not really meant as criticism, just an observation of mine. ^^I really enjoyed reading it. :)
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#3 Offline Peach 00

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Posted Jun 28 2012 - 12:07 PM

Thanks, Taka! =D Indeed, dancing does mean a lot to me, despite the short amount of time I've actually done it - the reason why I wrote this. I really wanted to get that feeling into the words of the story, and it's good to know that message got across.Thanks again for the comments, Taka, I'm happy you enjoyed it. =)
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On the day the wall came down / They threw the locks onto the ground
And with glasses high / We raised a cry / For freedom had arrived
 
On the day the wall came down / The ship of fools had finally run aground
Promises lit up the night / Like paper doves in flight
 
I dreamed you had left my side / No warmth, not even pride remained
And even though you needed me / It was clear that I could not do a thing for you
 
Now life devalues day by day / As friends and neighbors turn away
And there's a change that even with regret / Cannot be undone
 
Now frontiers shift like desert sands / While nations wash their bloodied hands
Of loyalty, of history / In shades of grey
 
I woke to the sound of drums / The music played, the morning sun streamed in
I turned and I looked at you / And all but the bitter residues slipped away
 
slipped away...
 




#4 Offline Grant-Sud

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Posted Jun 28 2012 - 01:24 PM

Reading through this story I am once again amazed at the descriptions you presented here. You can very easily see this dancer and what she does. It gives a new appreciation for it, and though it's not being visually seen, writing about every step she has to preform makes you realize how tough a job it really is, despite them making it look easy.So great job. Descriptions do go on for a little bit, and so for a moment or two I had to reread sentences to understand what kind of move she preformed. But despite that the story was good enough for me to want to go back and know exactly what she did. Soooo good, and can't wait for your next story, as always. =D
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#5 Offline Nuile the Paracosmic Tulpa

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Posted Jan 23 2013 - 09:10 PM

[color=rgb(0,128,0);]That was amazing. Your descriptions were amazingly vivid. I could clearly see every move that she made, and the stage with all its lights was apparent in my mind. If I had known the song I probably would have heard the music; maybe I'll read it again just so I can listen to the song at the same time. The lyrics were very pretty, and added a level of story to what was otherwise an evocative description of a dance.At one point I began to think, "this is getting quite long"; but it was only for a moment, and it died away as the dance continued. I was as entranced as anyone would have been by this beautiful dancing.One thing I couldn't see was the dancer herself. I would have liked to know a little bit about her appearance. Her outfit was captured, but she herself was not, and I would have liked an image of the titular character.I will admit that there were a few times your descriptions became difficult to follow--such as the "fan kick"--when I had to read the sentence over again to understand. But that was a rarity, and that's quite an accomplishment. I've rarely seen descriptions so fine. Sometimes I admit my mind will try to rush descriptions and absorb them rather than enjoy them; but yours entranced me, and coaxed me to read them slowly, to savor them.I only have a few nitpicks, mostly on the grounds of grammar, spelling and style.[/color] 

She wore a baby doll –esque dress, falling down to her knees.

 

[color=rgb(0,128,0);]There's a space before the hyphen.[/color]

 

It was held up with one, white-colored strap –

 

[color=rgb(0,128,0);]That comma is unnecessary.[/color] 

 

The outfit had a ripped-look to it, but that was the design of it.

 

[color=rgb(0,128,0);]That hyphen was very out of place. As an adjective I could understand ripped-looking, but ripped is the adjective, look the noun it's describing, and there was no call for a hyphen.[/color] 

 

She pressed her right knee again, this time it bent down and touched the scuffed black, mat-like flooring . . .

 

[color=rgb(0,128,0);]I feel like there should be something to either fix the flow of this sentence--an and after the comma, for instance--or otherwise separate it into two.[/color] 

 

Turning the left leg towards the right knee’s direction, she stood up performed a ‘fan kick’, . . .

 

 

[color=rgb(0,128,0);]I commend the use of knee to avoid a repetition of leg here. But there's something missing between up and performed--an and. Lastly, that comma belongs inside the apostrophes, which should actually be quotation marks.[/color] 

 

. . . the next leap involved her heads together but elbows pointed outward . . .

 

 

[color=rgb(0,128,0);]Hands, I think.[/color] 

 

the other leg was supported by the knee and bottom part of her leg.

 

 

[color=rgb(0,128,0);]Shin would be cleaner. [/color]

 

[color=rgb(0,128,0);]Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith :smilemirunu:[/color]


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