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Key of the Codrex - Artakha's Short Story

Key Codrex Artakha

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#1 Offline joev14

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Posted Nov 05 2012 - 06:19 PM

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This is the third of eight short stories I will be writing, it's called Key of the Codrex. It's a short story about Artakha's visit to the Codrex when he places the Axalara, Jetrax, and Rockoh there...and does a few other things. Enjoy!

Key of the Codrex

There was a flash of sudden light and a blur of color. Deep within the core of the universe, a massive structure known as the Codrex stood. For so long it had lay untouched on the inside; until now.A tall figure clad in green and gray adaptive armor blinked his eyes at the sudden darkness. This place, known as the Codrex, when translated meant “Key Lock.” And for a good reason too; its walls were impenetrable, so the only means of entry besides the massive door at the front was teleportation.The figure raised his hand, activating his powers once more. Three huge vehicles that resembled guns with wings attached appeared in the chamber. These vehicles, the Axalara, the Jetrax, and the Rockoh, were the finest pieces of technology ever built. “And I would know,” said the being, “After all, I built them.”The name of the vehicles’ creator was etched into the side of each of them, Artakha.The wearer of the Mask of Creation remembered back to a month ago, when a Toa on his island who wore a Kanohi Prophota, the Mask of Clairvoyance, had brought him news that her mask had sent her a sign.Though the Toa hadn't understood what it meant, Artakha had immediately understood; it had told him two things. The first of these was to construct these vehicles and place them here. The second though, was far more difficult.The Codrex had an entry point at the front, one that could only be accessed by placing a key, known as the keystone, into the lock.The keystone had been entrusted to a member of The Hand of Artakha, an organization that was named after him (though Artakha himself was not a member).Unfortunately, this member was killed by a rogue Makuta, and the keystone was taken. Though it was recovered, the Hand realized that they could not risk the chance of it being captured again, and used before it was time, and so they had entrusted Artakha himself with the keystone.The sign given to him by the wearer of the Prophota had informed him that even in his hands, there was still too much of a risk that it could be stolen again.Artakha stared down at the stone, now split into six pieces. He would scatter them throughout this land, and only those who were destined to enter the Codrex would be able to find all six pieces.He activated his power once more, teleporting himself outside the structure. He stared around, scanning the terrain for good places to hide the shards of the stone.He spotted a small vine growing in the mud a ways off. He teleported to it, and laid one of the stones on the ground next to it. Immediately, the vine shot out and wrapped itself around the stone, letting out quiet whispering screams as it did so.Artakha looked down at the plant, realizing what it was, “Morbuzakh,” he said, “This keystone can only be obtained by someone who is cautious.”He teleported again, this time to a cave that burrowed into one of the few stalagmites that grew up from the ground of this land. He entered the cave and placed it on the ground, and said, “This stone will only be able to be retrieved by one with the perseverance to go onwards.”He teleported once more, this time directly into the waters at the bottom of the swamp. Artakha was immune to the effects of the mutagen in the water, but he could not breathe water. He placed one of the stones in the mud and silently thought, “This stone will only be retrieved by one who is immune to this mutagenic water … or one who is willing to sacrifice their appearance to obtain it.”Artakha swam to the surface of the water, and looked upwards towards the ceiling. He teleported to a ledge and placed all three remaining stones there. He said, “Only friends who can work together will be able to obtain these stones.”Artakha activated his powers once more, teleporting himself out of Karda Nui.All the things he stated would come true. The first stone would be obtained by Gali, whose caution would allow her to get the stone.The second stone would be obtained by Gavla, during her journey back to her village.The third stone would be obtained by Krika, who would dive into the waters to retrieve it.The last three stones would be obtained by Kirop, Solek, and Wekuo, who would work together to get them.Though some of these stones would fall into the hands of those who would try and use them for evil, in the end, good would triumph and be able to get them all.This is the tale of the keystones…
Spoiler

Edited by joev14, Nov 05 2012 - 07:28 PM.

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Joev14, Owner of Infinite Inspiration Incorporated

 .
My Short Stories 
The Last Memories | Birth of the Kal | Key of the Codrex | Web of Karzahni
The Depths Below | Monster | Out of the Darkness | Archive

.

My Epics
The Powers That Be Continuation | The Yesterday Quest Continuation
Secrets of the Star Cont. | End of the Beginning Cont. (VIDEO PODCAST SERIES) | Element of Surprise Cont.

.

audio_narration_project_banner_wide.jpg

Bionicle: ANP aims to create narrated versions of all the Bionicle books, with voice actors for each character, and music taken from various media to enhance the story. PM me if you're interested in auditioning for a role! Check here if you're interested in role casting, and here for the chapters that've already been released!


#2 Offline fishers64

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Posted Nov 19 2012 - 10:51 PM

I really liked the feel you placed into this story - this feel of entering into the unknown. I particularly liked the words Artahka used when he placed the keystones, and you formed this image of the vehicles coming from the ceiling into place on a green-gray being's guidance. Not sure if that what was what you intended, but it was pretty cool. One thing that bothered me was that we didn't get a look into what Artahka was thinking much with this story. Does the prediction from the Mask of Clairvoyance bother him? Does he feel proud of his new creations? You don't say, so it leaves me wondering there.Other than that, this a pretty good story. Keep it up.
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#3 Offline Meta-Mind

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Posted Nov 19 2012 - 11:08 PM

No offense meant, but I would say that this wasn't too well-executed. First, I would recommend including some more detail on the vehicles, and how Artahka created them. Second:

These vehicles, the Axalara, the Jetrax, and the Rockoh, were the finest pieces of technology ever built. “And I would know,” said the being, “After all, I built them.”

This is rather jarring, as Artahka appears to gain a magic "listens-to-the-narrator" power all of a sudden.Third, there's another plothole here: Artahka didn't create the Morbuzakh, Teridax did - and it's implied that that particular plant was merely mutated by the swamp water.Another thing: this story as a whole makes little-to-no-sense. The Energy Storms were active from the moment Mata Nui awoke until the time of the Great Cataclysm, and only after the Cataclysm was Karda Nui a swamp. So unless you're implying that Artahka created the three vehicles just after the Cataclysm (which opens up its own set of canon contradictions), there definitely need to be some changes there for the story to make sense.

Edited by Meta-Mind, Nov 19 2012 - 11:09 PM.

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#4 Offline fishers64

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Posted Nov 19 2012 - 11:22 PM

Respectfully, I don't think the author of this story was trying to follow offical canon. Is that the case, joev14? Or did I miss something?
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#5 Offline joev14

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Posted Nov 19 2012 - 11:37 PM

No offense meant, but I would say that this wasn't too well-executed. First, I would recommend including some more detail on the vehicles, and how Artahka created them. Second:

These vehicles, the Axalara, the Jetrax, and the Rockoh, were the finest pieces of technology ever built. “And I would know,” said the being, “After all, I built them.”

This is rather jarring, as Artahka appears to gain a magic "listens-to-the-narrator" power all of a sudden.Third, there's another plothole here: Artahka didn't create the Morbuzakh, Teridax did - and it's implied that that particular plant was merely mutated by the swamp water.

When did I ever say that Artakha created the Morbuzakh? It was there before Artakha arrived.

Another thing: this story as a whole makes little-to-no-sense. The Energy Storms were active from the moment Mata Nui awoke until the time of the Great Cataclysm, and only after the Cataclysm was Karda Nui a swamp. So unless you're implying that Artahka created the three vehicles just after the Cataclysm (which opens up its own set of canon contradictions), there definitely need to be some changes there for the story to make sense.

There is no specific time listed here, so whenever it did happen, this is where this short story takes place. I don't give any indication of what time period it's in.This story is supposed to be aligned with the canon.

Edited by joev14, Nov 19 2012 - 11:41 PM.

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Joev14, Owner of Infinite Inspiration Incorporated

 .
My Short Stories 
The Last Memories | Birth of the Kal | Key of the Codrex | Web of Karzahni
The Depths Below | Monster | Out of the Darkness | Archive

.

My Epics
The Powers That Be Continuation | The Yesterday Quest Continuation
Secrets of the Star Cont. | End of the Beginning Cont. (VIDEO PODCAST SERIES) | Element of Surprise Cont.

.

audio_narration_project_banner_wide.jpg

Bionicle: ANP aims to create narrated versions of all the Bionicle books, with voice actors for each character, and music taken from various media to enhance the story. PM me if you're interested in auditioning for a role! Check here if you're interested in role casting, and here for the chapters that've already been released!


#6 Offline Meta-Mind

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Posted Nov 22 2012 - 11:20 AM

When did I ever say that Artakha created the Morbuzakh? It was there before Artakha arrived.

That wouldn't work either. The Morbuzakh was created by Teridax several years before the Great Cataclysm.

There is no specific time listed here, so whenever it did happen, this is where this short story takes place. I don't give any indication of what time period it's in.

You do indicate what time period it's in. The fact that you include the Karda Nui swamp implies that it takes place after the Great Cataclysm, for that is when that swamp first formed. However, the Codrex was created long before this, meaning that presumably the Keystones and vehicles were as well.

This story is supposed to be aligned with the canon.

Okay. Well then, as I see it, you have two options: either edit this story a bit to better fit canon, or simply say that it is not necessarily supposed to match up with canon. If it's the former you choose, then fine. If it's the latter, then we can just consider this story on its own merits - by which it's actually a pretty good story, to be honest.

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BZPRPG TIME, where you could have one post talk about dinner, and the next about lunch.

Time is beyond relative here.

There's no reason not to put lasers in the palms of planet-sized robots. In fact, if I had my own planet-sized robot, palm lasers would be one of my first upgrades. It's good for self-defense if you're attacked by something big.

BZPRPG Profiles

#7 Offline Codin the Fe-Matoran

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Posted Nov 25 2012 - 03:39 PM

I'm not sure that Meta Mind knows exactly what he is talking about. He brings up some significant points, but they're a lot easier to fix than he makes them seem.I'd say just take a second look at the events in Karda Nui. Your story can fit in with the canon if you just tweak it a bit.
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#8 Offline Meta-Mind

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Posted Nov 27 2012 - 08:08 AM

I'm not sure that Meta Mind knows exactly what he is talking about. He brings up some significant points, but they're a lot easier to fix than he makes them seem.

On the other hand, I am sure that I know what I'm talking about. If I had ever stated that the inconsistencies would be difficult to fix... well, that would illustrate what you're saying here. The problem with your post is that you assume I was implying that these would be hard to fix. Not all short stories have to be canon-aligned, however, so that is a second option here if Joev wishes to take it instead of editing his story.I would say to look over BS01's article on Karda Nui (particularly the History section), then decide from there what you want to do with this.

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BZPRPG TIME, where you could have one post talk about dinner, and the next about lunch.

Time is beyond relative here.

There's no reason not to put lasers in the palms of planet-sized robots. In fact, if I had my own planet-sized robot, palm lasers would be one of my first upgrades. It's good for self-defense if you're attacked by something big.

BZPRPG Profiles




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