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The Mata Nui Family Stories

Comedy Mata Nui Family Stories

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9 replies to this topic

#1 Offline The Phantom Terror

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Posted Apr 08 2013 - 11:20 AM

This is my first comedy, enjoy!

 

The Toa Nuva had always been enemies. No, Takua, not enemies as Good is with Evil, more along the lines of sibling rivalries. These are their stories of countless house-battles on who gets to turn on the TV first and why they need to go to bed on time.

 

The List of Characters:

 

[color=#ff0000;]Tahu, the fiery older brother[/color]

 

[color=#0000ff;]Gali, the over-reactive second-oldest[/color]

 

[color=#008000;]Lewa, the fun-loving 9-year old[/color]

 

Onua, the geology nut

 

[color=#8b4513;]Pohatu, the speedy one[/color]

 

[color=#696969;]Kopaka, the No-nonsense, all work, no play guy[/color]

 

The [color=#ff0000;]T[/color][color=#0000ff;]u[/color][color=#008000;]r[/color][color=#8b4513;]a[/color][color=#696969;]g[/color][color=#000000;]a[/color], the grandparents

 

[color=#daa520;]Mata Nui[/color] and his wife, [color=#800000;]Makuta[/color], the tyranical and softie parents

 

And [color=#ffa500;]YOU[/color]! The occasional Guest Star who gets thrown into the middle of all their fights.

 

Wait, me? Who’s me? Oh, you mean ME, as in the narrator. Nothing really happens to me except the occasional---

 

[color=#0000ff;]Watch out! Lewa is using his dirty clothes as a mace![/color]

 

[color=#008000;]HEHEHE!!![/color]

 

OUCH! Bad Lewa! Well, we’d better get this over with before someone gets :alert: seriously injured :alert: . ROLE FILMS!

 

PM Me if you want to guest star!


Edited by Phantom Terror, Apr 08 2013 - 11:21 AM.

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#2 Offline Doorman

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Posted Apr 08 2013 - 11:28 AM

er....there's nothing much here. an introduction of characters and then Lewa using a mace out of dirty clothes.


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2qt8uwy.jpg

 

Here's a webcomic you might want to check out.

Like a cross between X-men and ghostbusters.

Except everyone is 12.

 

I played Baldur's Gate: Enhanced Edition. PM me if you do as well!


#3 Offline The Phantom Terror

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Posted Apr 08 2013 - 12:10 PM

er....there's nothing much here.

 

Yet. I'm a little busy right now, so I'll be working off and on for this project. This main post will serve as sort of an overview for the time being.


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#4 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 08 2013 - 12:52 PM

Just so you know, there's the 300 word minimum rule, meaning each chapter must be OVER 300 words, excluding character lists, emoticons and author comments. This comedy isn't 300 words and runs the risk of being closed.A tip from a writer of CCCs (colour-coded comedies), when you are starting out, TAKE YOUR TIME. It is easy to get confused and accidentlly have Pohatu saying Pahrak-Kal's line, for example.[color=#FFFFFF;]Why is there no report button on the mobile site?[/color]
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#5 Offline The Phantom Terror

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Posted Apr 08 2013 - 01:06 PM

Okay, thank you everyone. I'll update it later today Tomorrow. By at least 10:00 PM.


Edited by Phantom Terror, Apr 08 2013 - 08:28 PM.

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#6 Offline The Phantom Terror

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Posted Apr 09 2013 - 10:39 AM

Number One: Babysitting

 

Makuta: I’m going to Wal Mart, we need more protodermis.

Mata Nui: I just got some yesterday.

 

Makuta: I don’t care! You didn’t get enough.

 

Lewa: Can I come with you?

 

Makuta: No

 

Mata Nui: Sure

 

Makuta: Why?

 

Mata Nui: Because Lewa needs to learn to manage his money.

 

Makuta: Okay, but it won’t be fun.

 

Lewa: Fun! Fun! Fun!

 

*Knock Knock Knock*

 

Mata Nui: Hello, who are you?

 

GS: I’m Sandstorm, I was told I was needed here.

 

Mata Nui: By who?

 

Sandstorm: The guy up *Points upward* there.

 

Mata Nui: The narrator?

 

ME: Yes, the narrator. It’s in the script: Makuta takes Lewa to Wal Mart, and you’re supposed to take a long nap. Oh wait, that’s

 

part of next week’s story. Whatever. Just make a few changes… Blah blah blah… There! You have a business trip to go on, and

Sandstorm’s the babysitter.

 

Mata Nui: What!?! The office needs me? On a Sunday?

 

ME: Yeah, sorry man.

 

Sandstorm: Okay, have fun. Bye! Okay, what’s everyone’s name?

 

Tahu: My name’s Tahu

 

Gali: No fair! You always go first. Anyways, I’m Gali

 

Onua: *Reading from book* Rocks are comprised of many minerals… Oh, my names Onua.

 

Pohatu *Runs by* I’m Pohatu! Bye!

 

Sandstorm: Who’s he?

 

Kopaka: My name’s Kopaka.

 

Sandstorm: Alright. Who likes football?

 

Tahu: Me!

 

Sandstorm: Who’s me?

 

ME: I’m me! He’s Tahu!

 

Sandstorm: Oh… Now I get it.

 

*Meanwhile at Wal Mart*

 

Makuta: Okay Lewa, you have $50 for the arcade. Don’t spend it all in one place.

 

Lewa: Fun! Fun! Fun!

 

Makuta: Now to get as far away from here as possible.

 

*Back at home*

 

TV: Metalicus ducks left, and it’s a touch down!!! Looks like the Alpha team is going to the finals.

 

ME: I the narrator approve of this crossover.

 

Kopaka: Hey Sandstorm, everyone’s demanding that they eat. Shouldn’t you get us something?

 

Sandstorm: Yeah yeah yeah, just 2 more games okay.

 

Kopaka: Fine. Just to let you know, Gali’s room is on fire.

 

Sandstorm: YES!!! ANOTHER TOUCH DOWN!

 

*10 football games, 2 Dominos pizza orders, and a fire truck later*

 

Mata Nui: What happened here?

 

Sandstorm: Uhh, the Rahkshi team lost their only chance at the finals.

 

Mata Nui: What! The house is in ruins, and you’re concerned about football?

 

Makuta: Wal Mart can’t ban me from their stores! I ban myself.

 

Mata Nui: What happened, where’s Lewa?

 

Makuta: Lewa had an overdose of videogames. He’s staying at Urgent Care for the night.

 

Mata Nui: LEWA!!! *Runs to the car.*

 

Sandstorm: At least the TV survived!

 

Makuta: Yeah, I think you’re fired.


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#7 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 09 2013 - 10:49 AM

That was... Very random...

 

And I see you ditched the colour coding already...


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#8 Offline The Phantom Terror

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Posted Apr 09 2013 - 10:57 AM

For now. I'll edit it tomorrow. It's more important that I get the story up than color coding is right now.


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#9 Offline Phovos

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Posted Apr 10 2013 - 03:36 AM

Eh, you don't have to use colour at all if you don't want to or are too lazy. My ability to churn out chapters rather quickly makes BBCode a non-issue.


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#10 Offline Aquaria

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Posted May 06 2013 - 01:05 PM

I love this, "Gali's Room Is On Fire" got me worried though, is she okay? Anywho, nice story!


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Read my comic, AoA, Adventures of Aquaria, the story of A.





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