Eep.

I, um... I have a spare Easter Egg out back... Do you want it? I'll give it to you if you don't kill me.

I don't care for Easter Eggs, or chocolate, or any of your mortal items. I am going to bring BZP down. In just one week, the world as you know it will end.

Happy Apocalypse, Wotsiznaim.

Happy Apocalypse Day to you too, Reich!

Did you hear? The Joker dropped a guy into a pool of razor blades and told him he had thirty seconds to swim for his life.

There is no 'Apocalypse Day'. Don't be a moron. And I am Reichenbach, not 'Reich'. I find that nickname offensive.

Sounds funny. But I don't particularly care. Busy standing over Paradoxophobia's shoulder while he writes Chapter 8 of Dark Mirror: Part I.

Well, there is a Talk Like a Pirate Day.

I know that. I am one of the most intelligent beings ever to exist, Wotsiznaim.

I also know that International Raccoon Day is on the 31st of November.

I'm clever too. Sort of.

April Fool's.

There is no 31st of November.

I said sort of!

Hey, look over there!

*Kicks you in the crotch*

HA! April Fools!

I'm a Toa. It's not going to hurt me if you kick me there.

At least, not much.

You, however, are an organic being. *Kicks Wotz where it hurts. Where it really, really hurts*

...And then you realise that I'm a hologram. For lulz.

Now you have to track me down. But first, escape my death trap. As you can see you are in a room in which the door is attached to a bear trap. If you go near the door, the bear trap will shut, and bad things will happen. The floor is electrified, there is nothing in the room other than you, and there are no windows.

Good luck.

I climb up and over the walls, as you forgot to specify that there was a ceiling.

*Claps slowly and sarcastically three times*

Congratulations. You solved a simple test. Maybe you're intelligent enough to go to school now.

...

In all seriousness, is Vorex/Pirok/Our Paradoxaphobic friend tied up in your basement or just being bullied by you?

I can't say much for him, he's a little tied up at the moment.

However, he will be hanging around during my week-and-a-day of freedom.

Well, good for him.

I bumped into Solia earlier today, and for someone who exists in multiple dimensions, she is not happy with you. I think it's because of that time when you killed her. You know, you two actually have a quite a bit in common. You're a Toa. She's a Toa. You killed her. She- oh, no, wait, I suppose she hasn't killed you yet.

Well.

Food for thought.

You live up to your (current) username, Hurb.

Yup.

Hubert, I am not sure what to be more disturbed by: the fact you broke the rules with an image-only comment, the image itself, or the fact that you could be bothered finding the image in the first place.

Chronicler, I know that you respect me. In one of your own posts, you called me the 'Master of Crime'. Don't lie. Your ego will do you no good.

That was an NPC speaking, Vorex. Not he.

Owned.

And now for something completely different: Beat and Rhythm is officially my favourite RPG on BZP. Mainly because Matoran have Toa-level powers, granting me the ability to make GIANT SNAKES MADE OF ICE. Can't beat that crazy stuff right there.

Oh, please. You call that 'evil'? My plan is far, far bigger. You should read that epic Paradox was writing, it payed more attention to my genius. Or, it will, once he gets to posting the next chapter.

Wotsiznaim, what on Earth does that have to do with any of this?

Cave Johnson here.

You're reading this in my voice, aren't you?

Cave Johnson, we're done here.