Well this was an interesting read. I've seen some things you've posted around the forums (can't think of any examples at the moment) that I didn't agree with and thought maybe weren't the coolest of things to say, and I've also seen you post some pretty good things in certain places as well. I was never really sure what to think, but this entry has shown (me, at least) that you can acknowledge when you've done something wrong and actively take steps to make yourself better. People will still be offended by certain things you said and an apology isn't going to fix everything, but the mere fact that you're trying gets props from me.

I was in a similar boat a few years back and said some things that weren't cool and the only thing that made me better was being called out on it. It's a tough thing to handle and makes you feel terrible but in the end, if you're willing, you can learn from it and eventually become a better person (the people who got angry with me are now good friends of mine). I hope you keep this attitude going - it doesn't matter that you mess up sometimes, what matters is that you acknowledge it and try harder next time.

I grew up in a very similar home environment when it comes to religious philosophies and views on gender, sexual identities, etc. It was a very rough series of moments in my life when I realized I no longer agreed with those views, and am to this day the only person in my immediate family to hold any views left-of-center in almost any manner. I agree that our religious background doesn't say what the vocal shouters have decided it says, and it's actually because of my religious views that I hold such extreme left-ward political and social views. I think this entry is pretty fantastic, and I hope you continue to share your growth as a person in such a way with us in the future. I'm proud of you!

It's always good to reflect and see how your actions could have had unintended consequences and how to improve on them in the future. In the context of the topic you posted that in, what it boils down to is that even though both sides see the others' beliefs as "lies", one set of lies threatens the other side by showing them that there's people who disagree with them even though the groups that hold the beliefs in question can and do coexist, and the other set of lies actively offends and harms the other side and leaves no room for tolerance, and creates a very hostile, unwelcoming environment. It's important to recognize this and try to be aware of what comments go too far; even if you disagree with something, you can express that without unnecessary extra information like "I happen to believe your existence is a lie", which is just cruel.

Also, no matter what we do, if kids are on the net, they will inevitably run into things their parents may not want them to even know exist. On BZPower, if that happens, at least they're in a very open, understanding environment and would be better off than if they started to inquire about or be exposed to those things on nastier sites which could teach them some really bad values. I think instead of trying to shield them from information, be it he truth or not, we should be helping them process it in a healthy fashion. 

My folks were raised as and raised me extremely anti-everyone and very everything-phobic, so I know where you're coming from. It does take a while to be exposed and start to explore other worldviews and while some folks may have taken offense to things you've said all over the forum, I don't think anyone really blames a teenager for having beliefs they're not responsible for-- I know I don't, at least. I ain't fond of the ideas you present but I know you try hard, like Xinlo said, and that you're really polite and thoughtful even when things get heated. I hope everyone appreciates what you were trying to do here and I don't think you should be as hard on yourself as you are in this entry.

While I haven't grown up in a "pro-homophobia" setting, so to speak, I can relate to a lot of this entry. My family is very religious, and so am I. But one value that has always been clear to me is that we are to love everyone, and my parents have done a great job teaching me this very value. I think that the main issue I had before (I, too, posted something hurtful in the past on BZP) was that I really didn't have much of an understanding of social issues when I was younger. Taking all of that information in at once, especially growing up in a religious setting, was really hard at first and very overwhelming, and it caused me to hurt people. I'd say BZPower has given me a better understanding of social issues, and I've discussed them a lot with my parents, who have some very insightful thoughts. If you were to hear the conversations I had with them before compared to the ones I have now, you would be amazed by how much my views have changed over the years. I like to think they have changed for the better.

All in all, I always try to remember that I need to love everyone. I'm still learning, and though I can be stubborn, I'm willing to listen. Similar to fishers, I have no idea what it's like to live the life that many do, and I'm sure it's a lot worse than what I've gone through. I don't know all the details; in fact, there is little that I do know. All I know is that we're all in this together, and it has become my goal ever since the day that I hurt people with my words on BZP to love everyone and to be respectful, even if I, too, am hurt in the process. I don't want people to question my identity, and likewise, I shouldn't expect others to be fine with me questioning theirs. I hope that anyone I ever hurt can forgive me and know that I'm working on it.

Like DeeVee, I'm proud of fishers for making this step, and I, too, am trying to make these same steps.

-Rez

Well, I'm glad you've had an opportunity to learn and grow, and to overcome some of the prejudices of your upbringing. The fact that BZPower has helped with this does not surprise me. I've always considered BZPower an extremely safe place to grow up. The moderators are both vigilant and considerate. They work very hard to prevent hatred and flame wars without stifling discussion.

I'd be kidding myself if I said I was done learning. There are still times when discussions here throw my own ignorance and misconceptions into sharp relief.

The other thing that haunts me here is that I suffer from my own preference and identity abuse.People tell me that my writing will take me years to make me living, that I have to do work I don't like and they do in the interim. Reading is evil because it distracts me from my schoolwork. "Don't lift the big rocks."

And anything having to do with Bionicle or Lego is not allowed, because I'm "too old for it". The last time BZPower was uttered in my house, curse words were used around it. Not funny. That's the reason I have logged in anonymously for years, in case someone from the past remembers my BZPower handle. I don't want them going to the forums, seeing my name active, and running up the stairs to confiscate yonder computer.

while your apology as a whole is nice, and appreciated, i'm really not a fan of how in this little bit you're equating being a member of an oppressed and marginalized group (LGBT+) to having hobbies that your family doesn't like.

 

The other thing that haunts me here is that I suffer from my own preference and identity abuse.People tell me that my writing will take me years to make me living, that I have to do work I don't like and they do in the interim. Reading is evil because it distracts me from my schoolwork. "Don't lift the big rocks."

 

And anything having to do with Bionicle or Lego is not allowed, because I'm "too old for it". The last time BZPower was uttered in my house, curse words were used around it. Not funny. That's the reason I have logged in anonymously for years, in case someone from the past remembers my BZPower handle. I don't want them going to the forums, seeing my name active, and running up the stairs to confiscate yonder computer.

while your apology as a whole is nice, and appreciated, i'm really not a fan of how in this little bit you're equating being a member of an oppressed and marginalized group (LGBT+) to having hobbies that your family doesn't like.

 

I'm not equating it. It's not a fair standard of comparison. I even said so right afterwards. 

But you see, having those preferences has cost me a lot of pain and suffering. How much more so do the LGTBQ+ people suffer. I can tell you for a fact that if I was LGTBQ+, my family would disown me. My family can't even tolerate my innocent preference for BZPower! How much more so are they not going to tolerate...

Exactly. And then that becomes not only just two people, but a lot of people. I can walk away from my petty oppression, but they will never get away as long as there are people of intolerance who treat people badly. 

If I disapprove of, and are correspondingly hurt by, people who believe my preferences are wrong (which is wrong) how can I stand here and say that people who say certain sexual preferences are wrong are right? I must be consistent with myself.

It's why the whole debate stirs up my emotions and gets me riled up. This could be an irrational reason, yes, but my mind reads this reaction as indignation, not pained wrath.

I don't think fishers is trying to equate her own sufferings to anything. I think she's simply stating the difficulties that she's faced in life, and her steps to overcome them. She never said that what she's gone through was harder than what anyone else has gone through; simply that it has been hard. I may be wrong, but that's what I interpreted.

-Rez

EDIT: I guess fishers already explained herself. This can be ignored.

I'm not equating it. It's not a fair standard of comparison. I even said so right afterwards. 

 

But you see, having those preferences has cost me a lot of pain and suffering. How much more so do the LGTBQ+ people suffer. I can tell you for a fact that if I was LGTBQ+, my family would disown me. My family can't even tolerate my innocent preference for BZPower! How much more so are they not going to tolerate...

 

Exactly. And then that becomes not only just two people, but a lot of people. I can walk away from my petty oppression, but they will never get away as long as there are people of intolerance who treat people badly. 

 

If I disapprove of, and are correspondingly hurt by, people who believe my preferences are wrong (which is wrong) how can I stand here and say that people who say certain sexual preferences are wrong are right? I must be consistent with myself.

 

It's why the whole debate stirs up my emotions and gets me riled up. This could be an irrational reason, yes, but my mind reads this reaction as indignation, not pained wrath.

you know what, fair enough. my bad for misinterpreting your intent. thanks for explaining yourself; i appreciate the sentiment, and your acknowledgement of what i and people like me experience.

another thing: i hope you'll begin to act on this realization and be aware of when you may be saying something harmful. i've seen you flip back and forth between harmful and accepting views on a number of issues over the last few months, and it's honestly been kind of confusing. i hope you'll continue to move in the right direction, and be open to guidance from people on the receiving end of oppression.

another thing: i hope you'll begin to act on this realization and be aware of when you may be saying something harmful. i've seen you flip back and forth between harmful and accepting views on a number of issues over the last few months, and it's honestly been kind of confusing. i hope you'll continue to move in the right direction, and be open to guidance from people on the receiving end of oppression.

Unfortunately, that is what happens when my perspective is shaken up. Certain situations retrieve different information from my memory as long as I'm uncertain. Fortunately, this starts ringing the mental alarm bells eventually. I caught a couple of my recent posts contradicting each other, and then they contradicted a blog entry I wrote, all of which contradicted a bunch of stuff that a friend wrote that I agreed with.

That told me that I was believing a few lies and that I was being very inconsistent with myself. That's how I reached this point of evaluation in the first place.

Fortunately, I appear to have smoothed out a lot of these inconsistencies here, so you should see less contradictions. (Hopefully! )

And while I'm open to learning from other people, I don't blindly accept what people say on a subject. That's not going to change. Yes, I was wrong about this. But I still reserve the right to disagree with someone who I think is wrong, and as such I might not always agree with you, Arc, even now. I hope that you can accept that. 

I'm proud of you.

After all that...

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