Dangit... Having one of those sudden feelings of sadness now and I don't know how to get over it... Happy thoughts don't work because, well, they end up in a lot of bloodshed. And it's certainly not good to listen to sad music right now...

Hmm... maybe it's time to write off some issues I'm having... (Warning: This isn't going to be very easy to read...)

I was bullied for a long time and it messed me up good. Got traumatized to such an extent that I even dropped out of college because I couldn't handle the stress. The bullying wasn't only at school, but also on the streets and at my father's house. (My parents are divorced.) I also had a stepsister who had a crush on me, which made everything even more confusing.

In school, none of the teachers did anything against the bullies, despite me running indoors crying a lot of times in those 6 years.

The bullying at my father's home was around the same time I was bullied in school. Everything started to pile up on me and I actually got therapy for it. The therapy worked for only a year or 2 when I was in high school.

When I was in high school, I didn't get bullied. Until the latter part of the third year. Some guys thought it was funny to squeeze the air out of my lungs by pressing me and my chair against my desk. I got so ticked off at one time that I almost hit someone in the head. It's because my arm was a bit too short, or I might have killed him with one hard and precise blow to the head.

After that, I got a real breakdown that went on even after the summer vacation. Sure, I got into another class, but that didn't quell my fear of being bullied again. That was around the year 2002-2003. In the next schoolyear, 2003-2004, I started to feel serious amounts of stress and it got so bad that I wanted to put an end to it (my life) in the 2004 summer vacation.

It was also the time I got introduced into the Asian music by IXI through a pic of Lee Hyori. I listened to her music and the music of Fin.K.L. I liked the music, but I still felt depressed and devastated. And I went on a downloading spree of depressing music. And that's when I found my first BoA song. It was called Don't Give a ['Darn'] and for the first in a long period, I felt happy again; those suicidal feelings were gone. I even got so far to be accepted in college.

Flash forward to 2005: I was doing pretty well in college and then it went wrong. All the stress and negative feelings came back and I stopped going to college. Dropped out eventually. So I went to look for help as soon as possible. And now I have the help and I'm finally getting back on track. I hope, because I'm out of money right now... Can't even go to the rehabilitation sessions this week. But I'll manage to solve that...

The near future: Chances are that I'll be going back to college next schoolyear. Everything shall turn out good.

Something else: I decided to sent that message to BoA anyways. All I need now is a reaction, but I doubt I'll get one.

EDIT: Just updated my Personal Photo.