Something stupid and jerkish on my part.

If I had meant to share it fully, I would have typed it out in the entry. I'm not comfortable enough to say.

~Nikira

Have you tried to apologize/talk to him/her? It might help ease the pain for both of you.

I'm sure this is a hard time, you can pull through it, you're strong.

I myself cannot speak to this person for almost a week, but I have sent an apology letter via e-mail, as I know it will be read.

I just hope that the person understands. I wasn't trying to act this way. In fact, if I hadn't been told, I would've never known that my actions were wrong and, more importantly, hurtful.

~Nikira

Good luck with that.

Join the bandwagon. This whole week I've been extremely depressed. Right now I'm waiting for a call from someone I think I might have upset somehow. You know, not knowing whether or not someone is mad at you can be just as painful as knowing exactly what you've done to make them mad. If not moreso. Especially when the person is your best friend.

I lost my girlfriend last year over something I did too. And I didn't know it either.

It sucks, because you wish you could of just known. I feel terrible for you.

I want to send you something tomorrow. Not my trade, but just something else.

Join the bandwagon. This whole week I've been extremely depressed. Right now I'm waiting for a call from someone I think I might have upset somehow. You know, not knowing whether or not someone is mad at you can be just as painful as knowing exactly what you've done to make them mad. If not moreso. Especially when the person is your best friend.

In my case, it's both.

I've had a talk with my mother about it (she's awesome that way), so the painfulness has lifted a bit.

I lost my girlfriend last year over something I did too. And I didn't know it either.

It sucks, because you wish you could of just known. I feel terrible for you.

I want to send you something tomorrow. Not my trade, but just something else.

I've lost good friends for unknown reasons as well. Including one boyfriend (but that was for other reasons - we were both crazily neive, and I found out he was so not who I thought he was, personality and emotionally.)

This, however, is an adult, and I know what I did, and I'm just afraid that this adult will forever have this... image of me now, cause of what happened.

That's what I'm afraid of, I guess... is that this person will hate me. That this person thinks I'm a mean person.

And I don't want to be a mean person.

~Nikira

And I don't want to be a mean person.

You always have a choice as to what kind of person you are. If you don't want to be a mean person, then don't be. I realize how hard that can be to understand, when someone you care about doesn't see you as a good person. And you probably won't see it for a while, even if you make up with this person (and, trust me, if the person really cares about you, they'll forgive you). Just remember: things will look up. It may take a long time, years, even (not knowing what you did, I can't say for sure). But you will recover from this, some day.

Also, don't assume the person hates you until you get the chance to talk to them. No matter what you did, it's going to be hard, but you need to confront them. The person will never know you're sorry until you tell them, to their face, that you are. An E-mail may be a good start, but to face the person, and to have the courage to convey to them your feelings, is the only way to get complete forgiveness.

Just be sure you never become that way again.

But seriously, don't get depressed over it. It feels bad when you pain someone you care for, I know, we all know, because we have all, and will all do it. The only thing you can do is accept that, attempt reconciliation, emotional, physical, spiritual, whatever, and hope that forgiveness runs its course.

And if you let it, it will.

Just talk with the person and see what happened, so then you can have it clarified with some explanation and then followed with an apology.

Works everytime.

-Omi

Niki, don't get all crazy and think you're a crazy person. You're far from it, this was probably one of those off-character things... we all know you wouldn't do such a thing on a regular basis. Once you get past this, and I hope it's soon, just keep on being the same ol' Niki we all love.

Just talk with the person and see what happened, so then you can have it clarified with some explanation and then followed with an apology.

 

Works everytime.

 

-Omi

That's what I plan to do, when I get the chance.

~Nikira

*nod*

Yep. I've been that way too.

Don't worry. I'm sure someone out there sees your heart, and not just your actions. I know. I've been there.

"Froward tounge may faithful heart conceal." -- Gandalf the White, The Two Towers

I made the one person I had looked up to my entire life say they never wanted to see me again.

It was a misunderstanding then too, mostly on my part. They may have forgiven me, but there is not a relationship anymore.

This may not be too encouraging, but it's life, and even if it did contribute to my overall persona now, you just have to get over it and hope for better days.

I made the one person I had looked up to my entire life say they never wanted to see me again.

 

It was a misunderstanding then too, mostly on my part. They may have forgiven me, but there is not a relationship anymore.

I'm just glad that I have such good friends that know both myself and this other person. They've helped me to understand what exactly has happened, so I know what I did wrong and what the other person misunderstood. It's helped to prevent what could've happened... like what happened to you, which I myself would never wish on anyone, cause it's a horrible feeling.

I have had a major talk with both my parents, one of the adults I talked to yesterday, and had myself a good sob over it, so I'm feeling better than I was. I haven't gotten a response back on that e-mail I sent, though.

I just need to go and apologize face-to-face - something I cannot do until tomorrow, if I can catch this person before they leave church. That, being the biggest burden on me, needs to be done. Then, after making sure that I now think before I act when I'm around others, I believe I will be back to normal.

~Nikira

Well, as much as I am an expert on talking to other people, (sarcasm, SARCASM!) All I can do at this time is relate. Yeah, it really sucks to hurt someone important to you, and even worse, not knowing about it and having others point it out to you. That's a road I would much rather not pass again... *shakes head and regains concentration* As rude as this may sound, being depressed alone will not help. And by the looks of it, you are taking a step... jump... bus ride in the right direction by talking to your adult friend. Just make sure you catch that person after church.

Oh, and... Stop being depressing... That's my job.

...

Good luck.

Oh, and... Stop being depressing... That's my job.

Aye aye, cap'n.

~Nikira

I've lost every friend I had. Here is a list of every friend I've evr had who I've lost.

######=insane mother

#######=insane mother

####=insane stepmother

#######=insane grandmother

Well your depression couldn't even compare to mine. Everyone I know dislikes me in some way and I don't even know what I did to make them feel that way.

Now, is this person a guy or a girl and how old is this person?

If I had been comfortable sharing, I would've posted that.

Besides, the issue has been dealt with.

~Nikira

Now, is this person a guy or a girl and how old is this person?

 

If I had been comfortable sharing, I would've posted that.

 

Besides, the issue has been dealt with.

 

~Nikira