BBC IMPERIAL PALACE, BZ-Metru-

It was announced late Thursday night that a benefit concert will be held in support of Forum Assistant Smeagol4. The contest, known as 'Smeag Aid', will be held to raise funds for Smeagol4's inevitable and extensive therapy.

"I just figure he's been through a lot, even for an FA," Global Moderator and BBC Empress Latufia Piyufi offered as a reason for her curious generosity, "And believe me, if it's in excess of normal FA-madness levels, then it's pretty dang high."

Though a full roster has not been announced yet, it is known that Elton John will be performing and may also pull out some fancy piano tricks just to ease the soul of the tormented FA. It is rumoured that Freddie Mercury, John Bonham, Keith Moon, and the assorted dead members of Lynrd Skynrd (with their respective bands, presumably) will also be appearing, though the necessary catalysts to such events naturally have people wondering. Empress Piyufi, however, seemed unconcerned when asked about how she was going to bring back all those dead people.

"Oh, please. Ressurection's cake. A rivetail here, a rivetail there, and everything's fine," she explained, with a wave of her hand.

When asked for a tentative date for the concert, reporters mysteriously fell dead. The survivors were told that, with regards to any further information, "[Empress Piyufi]'d get back to you on that." The press conference ended abruptly thereafter.

Smeagol4 was unavailable for comment.

-Reuters