Be honest, and just talk. You do not have to be blunt or abrupt. But just talk it over. If it is one thing that I have learned, you must talk with somebody about whatever it is that you are struggling with. Other wise, things could go crazy and you could get yourself in a deep hole if you don't. One more thing: You do not want to start a dating relationship unless you would truly, I repeat, truly wish to go into a physical relationship eventually (in marriage that is). There's my two cents.

~GBG~

Well, you're older, but I'll offer my thoughts on this

The question is, does one date immediately constitute grounds/obligation for another one?

(I think the general answer is no later in life, but with dating at my age I think the answer is leaning towards the yes unless the two people absolutely did not get along.)

I think its based on what you gather from what her words and actions showed, like "I had a good time" might mean, "Yes, lets do this again" and if she smiles at you when you leave might mean shes thinking about how she'd like it next time, so yeah, based on what you saw and heard might help make a decision.

Here's what's going on through my mind (and I've talked this out with a trusted friend who seems to have a good grip on life and dating/courtship at this age):

Maybe it's not the best idea to go out with Heather, because our relationship would be long distance mostly. Granted, with Omi's thing about really liking her distance wouldn't matter, but I just think that in the long run it isn't the best idea. Can I stop now and not loose a good friend that shares my interests?

I'd suggest go with your gut, if you really really like her, spend as much time before it goes long distance, if you know it won't help, explain, and then stay friends for how ever time life will permit.

So how do I get together with her in the next few days to tell her that, although she's amazing and cute and all the other reasons I asked her out finally in the first place, I think it would be best to remain friends. We'll see each other over the summer at WAMALUG events, and I know she wants to see The Dark Knight, so we can hang out then but I figure it'd be best to get a group together.

See Above

Then I guess we go our separate ways to college not worrying about the distance between us, because by then maybe she'll finally email me so we can keep in touch and then we and all our friends can meet up again over Christmas break or something. If she joins an online Lego community then we'll never really loose each other.

Again, see above

I need to call her soon so she knows I'm thinking of her, and I was going to ask her out again. But I also need to talk to her about this. How do I say "I need to talk" without that phrase saying "I want to end a dating relationship"?

I guess just approach this with a cool attitude, and try not to sound like you want to end, just be like, "Can I talk to you about something, and let me explain it" and work on from there.

*Can't be held liable for any actions taken from advice, unless it the after is good

*Sues for lack of witty quote*

EDIT: I just got your 2000th comment

Be honest, and just talk. You do not have to be blunt or abrupt. But just talk it over. If it is one thing that I have learned, you must talk with somebody about whatever it is that you are struggling with. Other wise, things could go crazy and you could get yourself in a deep hole if you don't. One more thing: You do not want to start a dating relationship unless you would truly, I repeat, truly wish to go into a physical relationship eventually (in marriage that is). There's my two cents.

 

~GBG~

Good points. Thanks.

I know I need to be honest.

I also know dating is for marriage, which is probably another reason I held back all these years, but my emotions got too strong I guess. But does asking someone out immediately lead to that thought? I think the first step is getting to know someone better and having someone to talk to always, enjoy time with, and then see if this is really what you want. I know I really like Heather, we can talk easily to each other, and the times we've spent have been great.

@ TGG, thanks too. I don't know how seriously I can take advice from someone in 8th grade, but I guess that "I need to talk to you about something, let me explain" comes from your experience. I need to figure out just how to say that, and when I can get out to her house. (It's more than a quick bike ride or walk, I'll tell you that.)

Probably the biggest problem now is how do I get to her and tell her I need to get to see her.

-CF

I don't blame you for being skeptical about 8th grade advice

I may be younger than you, and by no means am I a dating expert, but I'll offer what advice I can.

The question is, does one date immediately constitute grounds/obligation for another one?

(I think the general answer is no later in life, but with dating at my age I think the answer is leaning towards the yes unless the two people absolutely did not get along.)

By no means does one date constitute another. I've had enough first dates to know this. But if both people get along, and genuinely enjoy the others company, there's no real reason -not- to have another, save for conflicting shedules and such.

Here's what's going on through my mind (and I've talked this out with a trusted friend who seems to have a good grip on life and dating/courtship at this age):

Maybe it's not the best idea to go out with Heather, because our relationship would be long distance mostly. Granted, with Omi's thing about really liking her distance wouldn't matter, but I just think that in the long run it isn't the best idea. Can I stop now and not loose a good friend that shares my interests?

Have you only been on one date? If so, that's a bit trickier. You'd best get it over with as quickly as possible though. The sooner she has to face it, and be mad about it (if she will be) the sooner she can get over it, and you can reconcile your friendship, if possible.

So how do I get together with her in the next few days to tell her that, although she's amazing and cute and all the other reasons I asked her out finally in the first place, I think it would be best to remain friends. We'll see each other over the summer at WAMALUG events, and I know she wants to see The Dark Knight, so we can hang out then but I figure it'd be best to get a group together.

 

Then I guess we go our separate ways to college not worrying about the distance between us, because by then maybe she'll finally email me so we can keep in touch and then we and all our friends can meet up again over Christmas break or something. If she joins an online Lego community then we'll never really loose each other.

Don't ask her on another date to tell her that. Pull her quietly aside at the nearest possible moment, and tell her. Be sure to mention that she's amazing and cute and all that. Several times. But if you ask her on a date, you risk her reaction being a positive one. If it isn't, not only are you embarressed in public, but chances are, you'll have to drive her home. So like I said, don't make a big show of it, just ask her if you could talk to her in private at the nearest possible convenience, and tell her.

]I need to call her soon so she knows I'm thinking of her, and I was going to ask her out again. But I also need to talk to her about this. How do I say "I need to talk" without that phrase saying "I want to end a dating relationship"?

 

-CF

First of all, there is no "I". It's "we".

Second of all, don't ask her out, for the reason's I outlined above. Granted, I don't know her or the type of girl she is, but females by nature are volatile and unpredictable, so don't risk anything. The best thing to do would be to get your group together, and pull her aside near the end of your adventures. If you must, drive to her house and talk to her there. Whatever you do, don't do the whole thing over the phone. That'd just be bad.

No quote of the day. Sue me

You should be served with papers sometime tomorrow.

I hope any of this helps, and good luck to ya mate.

I may be younger than you, and by no means am I a dating expert, but I'll offer what advice I can.

 

 

The question is, does one date immediately constitute grounds/obligation for another one?

(I think the general answer is no later in life, but with dating at my age I think the answer is leaning towards the yes unless the two people absolutely did not get along.)

By no means does one date constitute another. I've had enough first dates to know this. But if both people get along, and genuinely enjoy the others company, there's no real reason -not- to have another, save for conflicting shedules and such.

 

Here's what's going on through my mind (and I've talked this out with a trusted friend who seems to have a good grip on life and dating/courtship at this age):

Maybe it's not the best idea to go out with Heather, because our relationship would be long distance mostly. Granted, with Omi's thing about really liking her distance wouldn't matter, but I just think that in the long run it isn't the best idea. Can I stop now and not loose a good friend that shares my interests?

Have you only been on one date? If so, that's a bit trickier. You'd best get it over with as quickly as possible though. The sooner she has to face it, and be mad about it (if she will be) the sooner she can get over it, and you can reconcile your friendship, if possible.

 

So how do I get together with her in the next few days to tell her that, although she's amazing and cute and all the other reasons I asked her out finally in the first place, I think it would be best to remain friends. We'll see each other over the summer at WAMALUG events, and I know she wants to see The Dark Knight, so we can hang out then but I figure it'd be best to get a group together.

 

Then I guess we go our separate ways to college not worrying about the distance between us, because by then maybe she'll finally email me so we can keep in touch and then we and all our friends can meet up again over Christmas break or something. If she joins an online Lego community then we'll never really loose each other.

Don't ask her on another date to tell her that. Pull her quietly aside at the nearest possible moment, and tell her. Be sure to mention that she's amazing and cute and all that. Several times. But if you ask her on a date, you risk her reaction being a positive one. If it isn't, not only are you embarressed in public, but chances are, you'll have to drive her home. So like I said, don't make a big show of it, just ask her if you could talk to her in private at the nearest possible convenience, and tell her.

 

]I need to call her soon so she knows I'm thinking of her, and I was going to ask her out again. But I also need to talk to her about this. How do I say "I need to talk" without that phrase saying "I want to end a dating relationship"?

 

-CF

First of all, there is no "I". It's "we".

 

Second of all, don't ask her out, for the reason's I outlined above. Granted, I don't know her or the type of girl she is, but females by nature are volatile and unpredictable, so don't risk anything. The best thing to do would be to get your group together, and pull her aside near the end of your adventures. If you must, drive to her house and talk to her there. Whatever you do, don't do the whole thing over the phone. That'd just be bad.

 

No quote of the day. Sue me

You should be served with papers sometime tomorrow.

 

 

I hope any of this helps, and good luck to ya mate.

Thanks for the advice, Dorek. I looked it up on Mapquest, and I can probably use my [cruddy] car to drive to the nearest Starbucks near her house (less than a mile away, these things are everywhere! And I know she loves Starbucks) and she can meet me there (hopefully). I can escape my house anytime on Monday because I'll be home alone, and I believe the car can handle a 30+ minute drive like that. And I won a Starbucks gift card at a party we were both at, so she'll know where it's coming from, plus I have no other way to use it because I never go there.

I still need help phrasing the "I/We (?) need to talk."

-CF

PS, to answer another question of yours, Dorek, I've never had a girlfriend. Too much to explain, probably because it's a bunch of info and information dump, but I've gotten through life pretty fine so far.

I didn't mean with other girls overall, I was just kind of refferring to with her >_>.

It's fine, there's nothing wrong with that. Until this year (I'm only a year younger than you, I think), I had never had a girlfriend.

As to what you were going to do, I would normally say going one on one just to tell her that would be a bad idea, but due to the proximity of where you live and such, it seems fine.

As for your phrasing... it depends on what you are going to do. If you're sure she'll have free time, I'd say drive over to her house and ask her to come with you in person, but if you aren't sure that'll work, calling would seem to be the only thing to do.

If you feel that a relationship wouldn't work because of distance, then you should be straightforward with Heather and telling her that. Try to be understanding of the issue that a relationship may not work now, but maybe somewhere down the road there can still be something. It is understandable that lives do occasionally become an obstacle in relationships, and college is surely one of them.

Cuz otherwise, it is pointless to drag someone on in a relationship if one of you guys don't feel it is right.

And since you are fresh in college, I think you should focus on school and life before having a girlfriend. Once you get things in gear, give Heather a call or something.

-Omi

As others have said, just be as straightforward as possible.

But as to how you should ask to talk with her, I would say something along the lines of "Hey, can we meet up at a Starbucks sometime to talk?" or something along those lines. It seems to me that you do have "feelings" for her but you don't want to have a relationship because of distance, correct? That is a perfectly good reason not to get involved, so be sure to explain that to her.

But don't just make it about you, ask her how she feels about y'alls situation.

I know that you're a bit skepticall about taking dating advice from a soon-to-be 9th grader, but just hear me out.

I'm with what "Bushwoolies" said.

If you say "We need to talk" a bit more casually; for example: "Can we hang out and talk some time." that should make it a bit more lighthearted. Also, meet with her as soon as you can like Dorek said, otherwise she might get false hopes and fears.

Also by no meens at all, will you have this convesation over the phone. If fire rains down from the sky and lightning thunders around you, still do not do this.

I'm pretty sure you know this, but you can never be too sure.

Good luck mate.

Good points. Thanks.

I know I need to be honest.

I also know dating is for marriage, which is probably another reason I held back all these years, but my emotions got too strong I guess. But does asking someone out immediately lead to that thought? I think the first step is getting to know someone better and having someone to talk to always, enjoy time with, and then see if this is really what you want. I know I really like Heather, we can talk easily to each other, and the times we've spent have been great.

 

 

@ TGG, thanks too. I don't know how seriously I can take advice from someone in 8th grade, but I guess that "I need to talk to you about something, let me explain" comes from your experience. I need to figure out just how to say that, and when I can get out to her house. (It's more than a quick bike ride or walk, I'll tell you that.)

 

Probably the biggest problem now is how do I get to her and tell her I need to get to see her.

 

-CF

First off, you do not "test date", where you go out with someone else for fun or to just try it out, as an experience. I would also say that you would only want to date someone who you know, know well, and have known for a while. There is absolutely nothing to keep you from being close friends, but as to a dating relationship, you have to be dead serious. This is why I plan on having only one "girl friend" in my life, and that is my future wife. I want to know for sure that she is the best for me (and I the best for her).

The term "girl friend" doesn't really make sense to me. I have quite a few friends that are girls, but not in a romantic relationship. These days, if someone sees you with another girl, they think that your are dating or "in love" or whatever. Being home-schooled, I have not had a lot of exposure to the whole dating thing, but my parents have worked very hard for me to get a good grasp of marriage and a relationship with another girl. To be perfectly honest, I never have had a "girl friend" as you might call it.

So you want to know how to say "I need to talk to you about something, let me explain"?

Say it this way: "I need to talk to you about something, let me explain"

Be honest, and don't beat around the bush.

I must also ask you this: how many girls do you think you shall meet between now and when you graduate from collage? The answer: a lot. Heather is not the last girl that you shall ever see, and you do not want to make a hasty descision for marriage. Period. A bad choice here can truly ruin your life.

Now, of course you can still be friends, and it is altogether possible that you can pick this up when you are older. It's not the end of your relationship, or the world.

I know that I am younger than you, but my parents have taught me well, and I think that I am more mature than others of my age. (I am not trying to brag or be self-conceited, my dad thinks this). Anyway, I hope that this helps!

~GBG~

Good points. Thanks.

I know I need to be honest.

I also know dating is for marriage, which is probably another reason I held back all these years, but my emotions got too strong I guess. But does asking someone out immediately lead to that thought? I think the first step is getting to know someone better and having someone to talk to always, enjoy time with, and then see if this is really what you want. I know I really like Heather, we can talk easily to each other, and the times we've spent have been great.

 

 

@ TGG, thanks too. I don't know how seriously I can take advice from someone in 8th grade, but I guess that "I need to talk to you about something, let me explain" comes from your experience. I need to figure out just how to say that, and when I can get out to her house. (It's more than a quick bike ride or walk, I'll tell you that.)

 

Probably the biggest problem now is how do I get to her and tell her I need to get to see her.

 

-CF

 

First off, you do not "test date", where you go out with someone else for fun or to just try it out, as an experience. I would also say that you would only want to date someone who you know, know well, and have known for a while. There is absolutely nothing to keep you from being close friends, but as to a dating relationship, you have to be dead serious. This is why I plan on having only one "girl friend" in my life, and that is my future wife. I want to know for sure that she is the best for me (and I the best for her).

 

The term "girl friend" doesn't really make sense to me. I have quite a few friends that are girls, but not in a romantic relationship. These days, if someone sees you with another girl, they think that your are dating or "in love" or whatever. Being home-schooled, I have not had a lot of exposure to the whole dating thing, but my parents have worked very hard for me to get a good grasp of marriage and a relationship with another girl. To be perfectly honest, I never have had a "girl friend" as you might call it.

 

So you want to know how to say "I need to talk to you about something, let me explain"?

Say it this way: "I need to talk to you about something, let me explain"

 

Be honest, and don't beat around the bush.

 

I must also ask you this: how many girls do you think you shall meet between now and when you graduate from collage? The answer: a lot. Heather is not the last girl that you shall ever see, and you do not want to make a hasty decision for marriage. Period. A bad choice here can truly ruin your life.

 

Now, of course you can still be friends, and it is altogether possible that you can pick this up when you are older. It's not the end of your relationship, or the world.

 

I know that I am younger than you, but my parents have taught me well, and I think that I am more mature than others of my age. (I am not trying to brag or be self-conceited, my dad thinks this). Anyway, I hope that this helps!

 

~GBG~

Hmm...maybe I shouldn't have said "marriage;" not that that isn't the whole idea, but at such a short start....

You said, "First off, you do not "test date", where you go out with someone else for fun or to just try it out, as an experience."

So I hope you didn't get the wrong idea and think I wasn't serious about this. I really was/am serious about Heather, then something clicked that college is really going to separate us.

And I totally know what you mean about people seeing two people of the opposite sex together. But then I realize I don't care about those people and I'm having a good time with my friend no matter what the situation.

I keep rereading your post to respond to this one, and it seems like you read that marriage thing really deeply. I hope you didn't get the wrong idea about me....

And I know I'll meet tons of other girls. And they'll all be different.

I think I'll close this now, as I've gotten lots of help from everybody (thanks!) and I know what I'll be doing in the near future. It should go well, Heather is a practical person and will hear me out, and I doubt either of us wants to stop our friendship.

(I may even delete this and a few other entries if Heather ever checks out BZP, for safety's sake.)

-CF