Well, its another century of blogging. I've got to make this timea 'round better than the last one, so I can't be accused of "Jumping the Takea." So...

... as of the last marching band trip, I am the only person I know who can take fifteen minutes to explain my shoe size. It went something like this:

"Well, you have to take into account that we're talking about the shoe size my shoe company uses. I mean, what size I wear might not be accurate to your size, since yours might be inaccurately measured or done on a different scale of measurement. And shoe sizes might not be the same over in other countries or continents, or even planetary. Yes, you have to think hypothetically we are not alone in the universe, and that other life forms have different measurements which might even render ours inaccurate, and their feet are probably shapped different. (Oh, by the way, we have solid proof there is life out in space, since there are astronauts in the ISS right now, and I mean the International Space Station, not In-School Suspension.) Alien feet could be rendered larger, smaller, or different shapped of course, and since there is no possible way for us to have chosen at random the exact same measurements, we can infer that universal shoe size has yet to be established, which it must be after we establish communication with the shoe bearing life forms. And, we can also infer that the beings might not wear shoes at all, or might not have feet as we know it. Thus, their shoe size is zero, since it does not exist. Most people can't grasp the concept that zero doesn't exist, but in infact does. Complete comprehension of the concept of 'nothingness' symbolizes a great mind at work, which explains why I didn't figure it out first. Don't you just hate it when that happens? You think something up, and before you can publish it, you realize someone's already thought of it? For example, when I was in fifth grade, I discovered a concept that if you add all the digits of a number, and they total 3, 6, or 9, then it is divisible by nine. Two years later, I discover I was too late to call it my own, and never stood a chance. Likewise, in sixth grade I made up the character "Octo-Polly" and, much to my displeasure, some magazine three years later published the "Octo-Parrot." The worst part is I have no way to prove I thought of these first. I do have a comic book I made about Octo-Polly, but no one can say for sure that I wrote that three years ago. Thus, I have learned to publish everything that comes to mind, like flavored toast (YOU MUST VOUCH FOR ME I MADE IT UP ON OCTOBER 3RD, 2006!!) because someone will eventually think of it later. Which brings us back to my shoes. How does that bring me back to my shoes? I simply thought of the idea that a universal shoe size should be issued, and someone else will eventually think of that too. And then we won't have to give men and women different shoe sizes. And, we can make them all of the most efficient materials we can find, other than things they are now. If I'm correct, my shoes are made of a type of rubber, leather, and shoelaces. Rubber comes from trees, leather comes from cows, and shoelaces come from the sky every April 24th. So we can stop killing trees, cows, and the sky and make more efficient materials, and make them all to the same measuremental scale, so we don't have to change shoe sizes. Speaking of which, I haven't named my shoe size yet, and instead have wasted your time with usage of big words, which supposedly fools you into thinking I am smarter than I really am, and have a large shoe size. Which I do, have a large shoe size. But why have I not gotten to the darn point and told you already? Because I am attempting to waste more time than you think I would, and finnaly end the conversation with my shoe size, which I will not tell you yet, since it is size twelve and a half.

Don't believe me? Wait 'til I redux the science entry!

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