Yes.

Since a few months now I have been on a kind of rollercoaster. Since last summer actually I had my ups and downs.

Much of it can be attributed to bad timing on fates side.

I guess that is why I feel the way I feel now.

I am about to propably make one of the biggest steps of my life. Things have changed and will changed. A lot of things, including myself.

13 years now, my life has been like a river that flows through a channel. Everything runs smooth, nothing unexpected comes up.

13 years now, I essentially get up at 7, go to school at 8, come back around 2 in the afternoon, do my choires and go to bed at 11.

13 years of routine are about to end.

And they decided to end with a bang:

Breaking up for the first time, graduating from school, changing myself deeply, after which I will be picking up a rifle to become a soldier for nine months.

Essentially I preserved my childhood until now, to keep the amount of bad stuff life throws at me low. Yes. I never had to deal with relatives who were in need of me taking care of them. I don't have siblings that annoyed me into becoming more responsible. I do have the money to buy most the stuff I like without saving on it a long time or thinking it over three times. I don't really know what it means to study day in and out because I am aparrently smart enough to pass with good grades.

But that doesn't make me any less of an adult.

And why? Because even though I never experienced such things up close, I wasn't ignorant enough to believe I could make it through without growing up.

And I am fed up with others telling me I don't know about it.

So to all those out there, who think I annoy you at times, that I snap at for no reason, that I ignore, that I behave weird to or that I just don't leave alone because I seek comfort, I apollogize.

I'm just scared.