So It Ends
February 20, 2009
Worst Day of my Life
Worst Day of my Life
But it's time to face the truth
I will never be with you...
I will never be with you...
So the final part of the song rings true.
I asked her what she had meant when she had said just friends, and whether it was a hint or a cover, and she said that it was both. That was the end, right there.
After that, it was really just "put the past away" and forget the whole crush thing. And, though it's not really goodbye, when she had to leave, I knew that sealed it. It ended it. All I can do is respect her opinion. I don't want to weigh her down, worrying about me, or get her sympathy or pity. No.
I won't stop liking her for a long time, I bet...I can't. I love her. I can just stay friends and maybe, one day, she'll think of me as more than just a friend.
Me. What's wrong with me? I have self esteem issues. I hate myself because I curse. I'm a pervert. I disgust myself.
But I'm smart. I'm nice. I'm kind. I think I'm funny. I'm not bad looking, but some of the comments I get from people make me think twice.
So maybe I deserve this. Nothing in life has ever been easy for me. Maybe it's all a test, God's will, maybe there's a reason that I have to go through this.
As it stands, I'm crying right now. I feel something short of depressed. But I know that if you all hadn't supported me with this, how I'm feeling right now would have been a thousand times worse. So thanks, all of you.
Maybe...one day...
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