All of you are getting yourselves ready to go eat yourselves a nice turkey dinner. "Happy Thanksgiving!" you cry cheerfully to your friends and family. "Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a good night!"

But...did you ever thingkwhat the turkey thinks of Thanksgiving?

You can bet he probably doesn't sit down at a table with his family and get ready to eat a nice, juicy bag of turkey seeds. He's probably not thinking, "Let's all be thankful for this day!" In fact, his first thought is, "Oh no! It's Thanksgiving again!"

And then, while you're all mashing the potatoes (their distraught will be covered next year) and juicing the cranberries and microwaving the butter, poor Mr. Turkey races around hopelessly, looking for somewhere to hide where you'll never, ever find him.

But you catch him, of course you do, and then what? You twist his neck and chop off his head! Oh, indignities! How is he supposed to go through life without a head? And does he enjoy it? No, not one bit.

But it doesn't stop there. Oh, no. Then, you proceed to pull all his feathers out! And he's bare! Not only do you remove his head, but you make him face life without even his feathers, of which he is proud! Oh, cruelties! Oh featherless day! Oh helpless turkey!

And you're still not done. Then, you stuff him with onions, put him on a dish and stick him in the oven! How could you do such a thing? The poor turkey! The poor headless, featherless turkey!

Turkey: It's nice and warm in here...

And then, what do you do? You hypnotize him so he enjoys it! Well, we assume he does. I mean, the poor thing! He doesn't even realize what's going on!

And all the time, you're mercilessly mashing potatoes and melting butter and...

Mom's calling me for dinner now, so I suppose I'll have to finish this later.

Well, fine.

Have a happy Thanksgiving, one and all...but remember the turkey.

Turkey-Eye