So I got what was presumably the final issue of the Bionicle comics. Now I won't lie when I say I don't particularly care much about it anymore- 95% of my figures are sealed away in the attic. But I figured I might as well read it just so I can know how things ended to my childhood. I throw grammar and punctuation to the wind in this summary of all that went through my mind as I skimmed- yes, skimmed, I didn't have the brass to make myself thoroughly read it- through the comic.
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"Okay, so Tahu's in Makuta for some reason and- oh God no, it's everyone's favorite plot tool; the Mask of Life. OH and now the mask of Life turned Tahu into a midget for who knows what excuse- oh, he has to? Okay yeah fine explain it with one sentence, that's cool.... Okay now there's some random gold armor involved and Takanuva is shocked that Tahu is a midget yet seems to have no quarrel with being one hi- WAIT did the mask pay him a visit too or something? Gaah whatever, moving o- WHAT THE HECK. A random explosion? How the snot did tha- Oh Makuta did it, right. He has time to somehow pinpoint the exact location of some golden armor that's never appeared in Bionicle lore untilt he last two pages and he's able to snipe it despite being in a giant robot fight with Mata-Nui. Okay. Oh look one piece conveniently appears in front of Gresh WHO'S ALSO A MIDGET. Alright no, I'm not gonna fret over that, I got a feeling there's a lot more of it. Alright the two Gods are fighting now, that's pretty sw- OH NO STOP TALKING! STOP TALKING BOTH OF YOU! YOU MAKE OPTIMUS PRIME'S MONOLOGUES LOOK LIKE SOMETHING OBAMA WOULD WRITEoh wait look random battle and another random [Removed. -Shine] battle taking us away from the battle of the two Gods that I DO want to see and IT'S RAINING ORANGE RAHKSHI and Tahu's magical armor just makes him do some generic 'PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER' blast that killed them all.
Oh and Makuta gets killed by a rock that konked him on the back of the head and they all lived happily ever after.
'NEVER...THE END' Really? Because I'm pretty sure you guys just guillotined the franchise in favor of some crummy licensed Galidor'esque figures.
Either Greg ruined Bionicle, I'm missing a serious amount of backstory, or I was just another one of those kids who didn't need an in-depth plot to make robots cool. Nah Greg just brutally murdered my childhood is all.
Rest in peace, Bionicle, you're in a better place now; the heavily nostalgia-biased memories in my skull.
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