Calling all operatives of the Collective Alliance for the North American Domination Aspiration (C.A.N.A.D.A).

Everything continues to go according to our designs and those living in the United States suspect nothing. The operatives placed within BZPower (particularly our operative who has been promoted to administrator) are continuing their functions as usual and we are working to embed ourselves deeper into the website. Now proceeding to initiate plan Sigma Tiger-Shrimp 24.

What was that all about, you ask? Well, well, let me give you a brief history lesson.

Ever since the war of 1812 ended in 1815, a secret cold war has been brewing in Canada against the United States. Their larger population and warmer climate meant that a military defeat would be out of the question, so a more subtle conquest was undertaken. Over nearly two hundred years, we worked in secret to slowly bring about our plans. Secret operatives, government conspiracies... it won't be long until your country belongs to us and no one suspects a thing.

If this is true, though, why would I be telling you? Well, it's simple. I present the idea to you publicly that Canada is plotting against the States, but do it in a fashion that makes it appear as though I'm either joking or insane so that you'd think that such a thing is completely outlandish. Then I'll explain the possibility of this to you and you won't know what to think.

Allow me to further the illusion by listing some of our key operatives and the contributions they have made to the cause.

Joe Shuster: Artist and co-creator of Superman. He popularized comic book superheroes and turned millions of Americans into nerds. Why, without him, there would be no BIONICLE comics and therefore less of you would have come to this website. Also made you believe that superpowered aliens from Krypton were fictional. By increasing the nerd population, he turned millions away from sports and social interactions, reducing the number of people able to get married and have children, let alone defend themselves from an attack.

Dr. James Naismith: The inventor of basketball. He created what would become a multi-billion dollar industry, syphoning off your money to certain sectors of the economy for our purposes.

Jim Carrey: Made thousands of Americans look like morons when they tried to imitate the characters he plays in movies. Also, little known fact: there were no special effects used in Bruce Almighty, that was all him...

Alexander Graham Bell: Inventor of the telephone. Sure, the device has changed over the years, but your don't think that the original inventor of the phone wouldn't have built in some undetectable way for us to record your calls?

Willard S. Boyle: Co-inventor of a key component to all digital cameras. Made photography accessible to the masses and made it possible for any American to upload their pictures, giving us access to a plethora of visual data.

Colin Mochrie: Popularized improv on Whose Line is it Anyway and in turn gave rise to many terrible amateur drama productions, turning American youth away from getting degrees in subjects that actually had paying jobs behind them and instead deciding to major in drama and theatre.

Avril Lavigne: Popularized/revived the goth/punk look. I think this one speaks for itself...

William Shatner: The famous star of the first Star Trek, he increased the nerd population.

Hayden Christensen: Gave a subpar performance in the new Star Wars movies, for some ruining their childhood and for others continuing to increase the population of nerds.

James Cameron: Made the most successful movies of all time, not only syphoning off more of your money, but also popularizing 3D so that EVERYTHING is in 3D now, all for the goal of making you sick and dizzy while watching movies, and making you believe that Unobtainium is difficult to obtain and that you have to go to another planet and kill millions to get it. We've got tonnes of it.

David Suzuki: Fooled you all into thinking that we aren't committing acts of ecological terrorism against you by heating up the planet and that instead its your fault for buying SUVs.

Justin Beiber: Hypnotized your young girls and enraged just about everyone else. He is one of our top operatives.

Retirees: Many retirees in Canada move to Florida, so they can easily export oranges without being noticed. The use of these oranges? To prevent our extensive navy of iceberg-shaped ships from scurvy... they're also delicious.

The majority of the population: Ever wonder why most Canadians live along the US border? Simple. The notion that Canada has a limited military is a myth. Those living along the border are the military. They sit on what will soon become the battle lines while your population is spread about the country and concentrated on the coasts. At a moment's notice, they will be ready to invade, while you will not.

Well, those are only a few of the operatives working for our cause and I'm sure any Canadians could name many more. And so, fellow Canadians, let us hope that this "false" revelation of our plans succeeds in further throwing the Americans off our scent. Let us continue to communicate using our slightly different system of spelling to pass along secret information, and the best of luck to all your ventures, eh?