Music stimulus.

^ To those of you unfortunate enough to not know what that song is, that is "Carry On My Wayward Son" by KANSAS.

This song has been kind of my theme lately for a number of reasons. One, this song was done by KANSAS, which is totally the name of my state. Two, the bass player went to my Junior High, so it's kind of the school's rock theme. And three, Life's taken a few interesting turns.

For a longated period of my life, I faced a lot of confusion. 8th Grade doesn't seem at an eye's glance to be a conflicting period, and I'm probably going to laugh at my evaluation of it in coming years, but confusion and conflict are still confusing and conflicting.

I've gone through a somewhat self-conscious period of my life. I was always constantly evaluating how I was acting and always ridiculing myself for different reasons. Trying too hard to be funny or killing conversation too often or simply not portraying a good attitude. I always found some kind of flaw with myself. I'm not sure what brought it on, just a click in my brain.

Granted, we all feel this way at times, whether we realize it or not. We're always just a little concerned whether we pushed a subject too hard or if we weren't social enough or whatever. I think a problem that a lot of us face is that we know people who have great, bright personalities and we always find ourselves comparing ourselves to that. That just brings us down.

There's always room for improvement, of course, but sometimes we just set the bar too high. Sprinters can't compare themselves to long-distance runners and high jumpers can't compare themselves to pole vaulters.

Another thing that stressed on me was my pathetic attempt at a relationship. I honestly don't know what I was thinking when I began it, and I'm glad that it's over. I finally got my head past the fact that 8th Grade relationships are usually just to say that you've had a relationship, and usually just spawn into awkwardness by the end. Of course, they don't all work out this way, but most of them do.

I sure didn't help my end either. I was remarkably shy during the whole experience, a characteristic I never knew I really had. I've heard a lot of talk from friends talking about having a relationship, one of the worst critics being my best friend. To my satisfaction, he got into his own relationship, so to speak, and he suffers the same problems (although his efforts still dwarf my own).

I'm not going to say that Junior High relationships are bad. I've only had one. What do I know? I will say, though, that they certainly are harder. Especially when your only transportation is via your parents. There's no reason for it to not be a healthy experience, but the odds of it growing into anything really vital? Slim, I'm afraid. Which is why I'm holding back till I think I'm actually ready.

Needless to say, I learned much through the three-fourths of the semester that this lasted. I'm happy to say that it didn't end as awkwardly as some Junior High relationships do. We're still good friends and have both gotten over the experience with no hard feelings.

I learned something else too, and that was about how to be a friend. Through my whole experience, the harsh criticism and mockery of my own friends was really something that only stressed me more. I advise all of you, if you ever have a friend going through a rocky relationship or a pathetic excuse for one, keep your criticism friendly and considerate, and don't make fun of them. It can be tough.

However, that bit of overplayed drama (hey, it's the 8th Grade) wasn't my only concern. I've been suffering something I had only heard about for a semester. Kiddos, there's a nasty little thing called an ingrown toenail. Don't know what that is? Neither did I. Here's the lowdown:

Your nails go at a gradual rate and they keep growing unless clipped. That said, if anything should get in the way of that, like a bandage or skin, some remarkable things are going to happen. When your skin gets in the way of your toenail, it's usually just brushed aside. That...or it grows into that skin. Disgusting? Yes. Painful? Yes. Unreal? No.

I discovered this occurence at the beginning of the semester. I thought nothing of it. These things usually on go on one side, and if it grows long enough, you can get somewhat used to it. Then there's the case where it grows on both sides. Yup. Double-sided.

Here's the fun part. Whenever you press on something or make contact with your skin, it pushes the skin back. There are nerves in that skin that send flares of pain to the brain. That means kick a soccerball, ouch. Trip the wrong way, ouch. Have someone step on your foot, REALLY ouch.

This problem has been causing me a lot of stress. I didn't truly realize what I had till a month or so ago when I spied an article in an open Reader's Digest. On further research, I realized fully what was going on. Still, I was ashamed of it for some reason. You usually don't think of your feet, much less your toes, as a vital part of your body, but when your big toe is in pain, your whole body is in pain.

For those of you suffering from this problem, here's some comfort and advice:

• Fact: Ingrown toenails are a common foot problem in teens.
• They are not irreversible.
• However, if you let them go for too long without telling anyway, you may become infected and in need of surgery.
• The best thing you can do is see a doctor. It doesn't help to try and do it yourself. Believe me, I've tried and it's nothing but pain. No matter how much progress you think you're making, it's not going to change.
• Ingrown toenails are commonly caused by some sort of trauma to the foot, wearing too tight of socks/shoes, or simply clipping your nails unevenly. Very rarely is it a disease or oddity of any sort.
• It's not going to get any better if you wait. It only gets worse!

I didn't know any of these things until I was informed. I finally realized that I needed to see a doctor and will be seeing one very soon. Treatment beyond that has yet to be set. I definitely feel reassured, though, knowing that my pain can be corrected soon.

There's been so much going on beyond this, but these are the repercussions that commonly go back into my thinking when I consider that conflicted time. I'm happy to say that the period appears to have passed through some real emotional digging and thinking and with a little help from others.

Initially, this song is really inspiring for me, mainly because of the second line of the chorus. "There'll be peace when you are done." That has such a big effect on me now.

Life is hard. Coming out of this point in my life, I'm just a little bit wiser. That's just how life works, I guess.

Kudos to those of you who didn't lose interest by the worthy-of-an-eye-roll section about relationship and the gah-that's-disgusting portion.

Thoughtfully,

Dr. Bionicle